Zoe (history_repeats) wrote in nevermore_logs, @ 2014-05-31 12:24:00 |
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Entry tags: | greed, zoe hansen |
WHO: Greed & Zoe
WHEN: Friday
WHERE: Zoe and Jonah's apartment
WHAT: Fights and making up
WARNING: Alcohol abuse
Greed had given Zoe (and himself) a few days off from one another. They needed to fan out their anger or they would end up at each other's throats. Neither of them were capable of thinking straight since this situation had turned their relationship into a black hole. All their energy was sucking out off each other, and without that energy it was a vampire on their nerves.
In Greed's mind he had pushed her away purposefully for a little while. He wasn't so angry that he couldn't recognize that, but he was a mess in even thinking of letting her walk out his door. He told himself out was under his own pretenses, therefore she didn't get to take the credit.
It was going to be hard pressed for either of them to apologize because they both saw this from their own perspective, but not meeting in the middle. He was actually relieved to see Jonah. As much as he despised being used in some Virtue's natural web, it kept him from blowing a gasket (and quite possibly get laid). He stood in the living room, Jonah eyeing him from over his newspaper, Samson head down in his master's lap. Jonah couldn't even get out of his mouth whether or not Zoe would see him before Greed just barreled back to her room.
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Zoe hadn't called or texted Greed since their fight. Yes, she missed him, but she was still mad, and she was trying to process Theseus leaving and their stupid fight. It was all just such a mess. She sat in her room wearing a grey sailing tank, not even realizing the significance, with a pair of shorts. She was reading a book on her bed when she heard something slam into her bedroom door (which was locked using a handy dandy lock that Greed had installed himself). Her head jerked up and she leaned to the side to look at it, "Jonah?"
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Greed was so used to just being able to come in when he wanted, he'd forgotten that he'd put a lock on the door----and that she might want to keep him out not Jonah. Samson barked as Greed slammed face first into the door, hopping up off Jonah's lap top go investigate. "Zoe let me in." Greed demanded as he was sniffed up and down with another threatening bark from Samson.
Greed shouldn't have to say his name, she should know his voice. He rubbed his nose which had been the first part of him to collide into the door.
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She was startled to hear Greed's voice... she hadn't been expecting him. And on the other hand, she had expected him long before now. It just irritated her more, their fight coming back in her mind. She wanted to open that door and just put her arms around him but she also wanted to put her hands around his neck. And it felt kinda good to know that hard slam was the door hitting his fat face. She knew who it was but still called out, "Who is it...?"
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He jerked at the handle knowing full well she probably hadn't even gotten up to unlock it. When it jiggled in his hands he groaned, leaning his forehead on the door with a grimace. He'd just punched his nose again. "You know who it---" he growled.
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She put her book down but her butt was still on her mattress as she said, "I'm sorry, I don't know anyone named grrrrr." and she mimicked his growl. Okay, so she was still upset with him.
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"Zoe stop, now open up!" He barked. He wasn't sure which was really there to see her, but she was getting both Sin and boy no matter what she wanted.
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"Why should I?" she crossed her arms over her chest and leaned her back against the headboard of her bed and glared at the door as if she could burn holes through it and set Greed on fire.
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"Because I will cut this door down with an ax if you don't!" He jiggled the door handle again, this time sounding like the demon hound coming through the wall he jerked at it with such force.
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She frowned and finally got up off the bed, she moved closer to the door and sighed, "What the hell do you want, Greed?" she wasn't unlocking the door, certainly not with him acting like a rampaging bull. She didn't know why he had this urgent need to see her and be a jerk to her face.
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She had started with the sass, he was only giving her the same. They were still bristled, two hens pecking at every word. She wanted an answer, he wasn't giving it to her. She didn't deserve one yet.
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HE had started it with being a jerk, always thinking that she'd just bend to his whims. She was not available right now damnit. Because she didn't want to be. She put her ear to the door when he didn't respond and then leaned back, "Oh well then! Guess you're gonna need that ax." cause he wasn't getting in without an answer. He didn't deserve to.
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"It's gonna be a big fucking ax!" Greed flopped against the door scooting down until his ass hit the floor, the bag in his hand sitting between his legs as Samson rooted his nose inside. Greed was quick to pop the pup's nose, a squeal coming from the dog as he scampered back to Jonah.
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Her voice through the door to show she was still near it, "Great, you'll need it!" cause she wasn't opening up for anything.
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"I have seasoned fries too!" He popped one in his mouth hoping she got a whiff AND was hungry. After skipping lunch he sure was.
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She did want fries but held steadfasst, "They wonlt last forever and when you get hungry you can get the hell out. Sooner preferably."
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The more she refused the more he refused to leave at any time until that door was open. "Are you talking to him now?" Since they weren't talking, obviously she was voicing her opinion to everyone else.He was talking about Derek.
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She stopped and looked confused, "Talking to who? Jonah?"
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"No not Jonah. Fucking Derek. It's always fucking Derek. I saw you at lunch today, don't deny it." This wasn't exactly where their fight had started, but it was where it was going to today.
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Her mouth dropped open and she smacked the wood of the door on her side, clearly showing how close she was, "You're spying on me??" she wasn't denyng it.
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"I was out for lunch!" So what if he was spying on her, she hadn't talked to him in days. "What's that matter when you're passing out your phone number to your ex-boyfriends?"
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"So that's why you're here! Because now you're jealous over me." she made a frustrated noise, she'd been hoping he came to apologize. But of course, that would never happen. "And not that it's any of your business but I didn't give him my phone number!" the idea was ridiculous. She had talked to Derek, but briefly, and definetely did not give her number.
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"Then how else would he be standing there talking to you and flash your number at me like he'd won the lottery?" It had been her number, he'd even dialed it. He'd hung up after two rings, but it was definitely her number. "So you can talk to your Virtue and your ex but not me?"
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She was so mad, she wanted to kick him but the door was closed. "I don't know, Greed, okay? I didn't give him my number. And I talked to him and I talk to Jonah because unlike YOU, they actually talk to ME." she was not going to let him put the blame on her. Calling her and hanging up did not count as calling her, he hadn't talked to her in days either.
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"How'd he get your number?!!" He slammed his head against the door. "He doesn't get that right to talk to you." Yes he was being selfish, trading one jealousy for the next, but damnit he was not giving her up. He didn't like the insecurity that Derek gave him.
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She jumped when the door got hit and shouted back, "I don't know! And I'm really offended that you'd think I'd give it to him!" she slapped the door with her hand, "You don't get to determine if he gets to talk to me or not when you aren't talking to me yourself, that's not how it works!" and she knew he knew it. She was now even more upset to know he was here because of his stupid jealousies and not because he wanted to make up. She was having a difficult time without him, she had dark circles under her eyes, she had trouble sleeping and the only thing that was helping was sipping alcohol in her room alone for hours before she'd pass right out.
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It was just another branch from the root of their problem. More proof to Greed that this was who she had a problem with, and it was the Sin that was so jealous---wildly jealous. They both needed to breathe, he'd pushed and pushed and pushed, but now she was pushing back and it was having a horrible effect.
He growled again in frustration when that door remained closed. He want getting in that site with force, he needed to broach this more calmly. At least until he was on the other side. He was quiet for a time, letting his accusations die for now. She was unusually defensive and not just because of him.
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When he went quiet, Zoe wondered if he left, it twisted something in her and she sat on the ground on the other side of the door and put her back against it as she leaned forward and hugged her knees. She was such a mess and tears spilled down her cheeks as she started crying, completely overwhlemed. She'd been drowning for days and she thought Greed was going to throw her a life saver but instead he was holding her head under water.
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Greed could hear those gross sobs on the other side, as muffled as they were. She knew he hated hearing that, it was another punch in his already deflated ego. "Let me in" he asked more softly.
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She shook her head even though he couldn't see, "No." her voice was watery and she couldn't hide the fact she was crying, "I didn't give him my number, I'm not talking to him, I'm not going to see him." she took a breath and choked on another sob, "So you got what you came for now go away..." but there was no force to her voice.
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"I came with the fries too." Derek had not been his only reason, but it had been the push he needed so not too put too much space where neither of them really wanted it.
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"You don't share.." she said in a dull voice and sniffled as she wiped her nose with her hand, "Please go away, okay? I can't deal with...." she put a hand to her eyes as fresh tears came, deal with what? Him? Life? Anything? All of the above?
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When she didn't finish her sentence he was worried. She was overreacting wasn't she? "Zoe?" He asked her again to open up, there was something hiding in her voice he didn't like. He put his hands on the door knob carefully this time, not trying to tear it down in the process, just hoping she caved.
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She felt like she was going to scream. Her hands sliding into her hair and clenching at the strands. And at one time, if he'd been the boyfriend she was in love with, he would've told her to go right ahead and scream. But he wasn't. He was.. thinking of his stupid sister who was off fucking her grandfather and when she'd get bored, she'd go after Greed and it'd be a choice. And apparently it was such an easy choice to make. To not choose her. He was jealous already of Lust... and he was pushing Zoe away, she could feel it. When he asked her to open up again, she shook her head, "Just leave me alone. You know how to do that." she didn't even bother to wipe at her tears, they wouldn't stop coming.
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He attempted to open the site a final time with little success. Plan B, which wasn't the ax. The fries he left in the kitchen counter as he exited the apartment to make that seven story climb up the fire escape.Jonah just shook his head because he'd stopped asking what was going on anymore.
The window thank God was open. Wiggling through that crack was always a challenge. Once inside though he could see the mess she was. He could smell it too when he got in his feet, tripping over the bottle by her bed. His precious was unraveling fast. He'd expected a few days to help.
Greed went over to the lump on the floor, dragging her feet our from under her so she was forced to look up, and not burying her face into her knees.
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Zoe was so lost in her little world she didn't even hear him at the window and jumped a mile when she felt him touch her feet. She kicked at him and toppled over on her side, "I said leave me alone!" she put her hands on the floor and didn't look at him.
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"Sorry, wrong boyfriend." Greed or not he didn't approve if seeing his things crawling down into the floor like a slug. He'd destroy her off he didn't put space where he needed it. However, he was noticing maybe he needed to interject when she needed it our he'd have this on his hands every time. He pulled her closer to him so that her prison was his arms.
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"I am not a toy!!" she shouted at him and struggled to get away but when his arms went around her he'd feel she was physically weak. Her shout wasn't just for him, it was for Theseus even if he couldn't hear it. She wasn't a doll for them to pick up when they felt like it.
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He held her tight, whispering in her ear that he should have come sooner than this. He'd waited too long. He was reminded of how he'd done this to her before. Now, it was a struggle because Theseus had walked away and he was going to kill him for it.
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She couldn't even hit him because he was squishing her and eventually she even gave up struggling. But she still cried, she was doing what he'd predicted she would with Theseus leaving but had underestimated how far she'd go to avoid it. She was upset with Greed for a lot of reasons, she was mad he wasn't there when she needed him. But all she said was, "Don't touch me if you're still thinking of her." and she squirmed. If he had any jealousies over Lust left in his system, she rather he stay away. Lust had managed to steal Zoe's entire world in one night.
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Greed responded with squeezing her even tighter, his arms being the strength she didn't have. When he gave into Lust in any fashion he lost Zoe and he hated that feeling. Both he and Theseus had proved that the men in her life were just bobbing her around in the middle of the ocean without letting her up for air.
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Zoe had always been the sensitive child and being with Greed had made her less fragile but no less sensitive. "I mean it!" she got out amid sniffled, his shirt having wet spots from all her crying and snot, "I rather you stay away for 100 years if she's on your mind but if you touch me while she is I will never forgive you.." it was her last warning to him to be honest. Yes, it'd hurt if he let her go which meant he was still swimming in Lust's pool but she would never be able to wash the sick feeling away of him touching her in any way if he wasn't there with her entirely.
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Lust was not on his mind, the only thing he was jealous over was Zoe and her elusive ex that seemed to try and make a stake when Greed had already claimed the prize. "I'm thinking about you." About what was it going to take to make her smile again.
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She melted in his arms a little, very much like a floppy doll, needing to feel him and his strength, "Yeah... cause Derek was thinking abut me." she knew Greed came over only because his jealousy was switched back to her otherwise who knew how long he'd have stayed away.
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"It was a boost in the right direction." He needed something to jar him from Lust mode to focus on what was most important to him. The Sin needed the right signal.
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She didn't like to hear it even if it was true. She murmured into his shirt, "So in the future when you leave me, I should get engaged to him to get you back?" she'd meant it sarcastically but you know saying it out loud didn't make it sound like such a bad idea. He might be there and holding her now but her mind was stuck on 'the choice' and how Theseus left her now and it was Greed's turn next.
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"Maybe but I might strangle him." Derek was Greed's sore spot. It was his version of Lust to her. It had once been Gabe, then Jonah, now it was just a thorn in his side. It seemed like nothing kept this asshole down. He held her a little longer before bringing up the obvious. "So, when did you start drinking more than a few dinnertime sips?" This could turn into a real problem. Especially if she made anything more than him a vice.
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"Good.. because if you leave me, I'll marry him." she wasn't even really joking but she probably wouldn't. She just hated the thought of Greed leaving her. Especially for Lust. She just wanted Greed to understand her hurt for the future. She stiffened when he brought up the alcohol, her voice rigid, "I need it to sleep."
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"So that doesn't mean you slug down a half a bottle of booze." He pulled her from his grip to wipe her tears away. He'd been stupid he knew that, but this was bad. He didn't like the destruction she could do to herself, and he supposed he held the blame because that's what he did to people. It was what all Sins did. "You're not me or Glutt, you can't handle that shit." He softly fingered a stand if hair that was plastered to her cheek. He pulled it from her face, wiping the tears that still steamed down.
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Her eyes were absolutely red and it was from more than crying, she moved her head from side to side like a child when he attempted to get tears and hair out of her face, "I'm not a little kid, I know what I can handle!" she snapped at him. But even while she said it, tears continued to fall, "You don't get to leave me for days and then come back and pretend you give a crap, I can take care of myself." it went back to something she'd said before, that she had to learn to rely on herself because when she needed him, sometimes he just wasn't there.
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"Can you? Because it looks like you're doing a bang up job of it." He continue to preen her so she didn't look a disheveled nightmare. "If you're gonna have a vice, it's not gonna be that."
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She smacked at his hand but missed completely, her hand going harmlessly through the air and landing back in her lap, "It'll be whatever I want." she said like a stubborn little kid. "It helps me sleep." she said again more firmly. "I need it so I can get rest and work or I'll get fired." adding in a mumble, "And it's not like I could live with you if that happened."
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"And if you keep showing up to work like this or hungover you're not going to keep anything. You have a way to sleep and it's right here." He pointed at himself. "And sorry, alcoholic Zoe is not on my list unless I'm with you." He'd learned the hard lesson of that at the con.
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When he pointed to himself, she shoved at his chest as hard as she could, "You weren't here!" she raised her voice again before the surge of anger left as quickly as it came and she shook her head, "And you won't be here again." 'the choice' that was looming over their heads, it was far in the future but Theseus leaving had dragged it in front of her eyes right now.
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She had an addictive personality, the more Greed unfolded it the more destructive it became when something she wanted was threatened. She wasn't just some random girl he'd found, he wondered now if they'd found each other based on more common ground. They were drawn to one another. More reason for Greed not to lose it. "I am now." Whatever weight that held.
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"Who cares. It's only temporary." she pushed at him again and tried to get away from him, wanting to become untangled from his embrace and just be alone. She felt like shit without him, she felt like worse shit with him.
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"Why don't you stop putting all your blame on me? I'm not the only one that has wronged you in the last few days." She was misleading some blame that belonged to Theseus. He could visualize it now, she had built it up all that energy to their somewhere. He slipped out too early and came back too late.
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When Greed hadn't been there to take her destructiveness, it turned inward with the alcohol. And now as he tried to escape it, she wouldn't let him. "But you're the only one whose here." and fresh tears came to her eyes. How was she supposed to get mad at Theseus when he wasn't here and wasn't coming back so she could yell at him? She looked upset, "You're just trying to avoid our future." she accused him but she was trying to avoid her present.
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"What about the future? I don't think about the future. I think about right now!" He didn't need to dwell on the past or present. Rarely did it raise questions fir him. He didn't think like a human with the expectancy that he'd not done enough or too little with his life. Greed's life was infinite.
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She was taken aback but still upset. So it wasn't really he was trying to avoid the choice question... he just avoided the future altogether. She put her hands on his shoulders and looked at him, "I think about the future. A lot." she wanted him to see what she did, "I don't have forever... and I want the most of what time I'll be given. And you are my home. You are my family. And that's it. You keep shrugging it off like its no big deal but I will have nothing left if you go. And I can't stop thinking about it and you don't have any answers because you won't think about it..." probably because it wasn't 'fun'.
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"What do I need to think about?" He was in the dark here, she needed to tell him what because he couldn't see this from her perspective. He had his moments where he felt as if he was suffocating. He wasn't the poster boy for goodness, but he liked getting to play the hero. She was a mess, she was dragging up a million things to slam him with, just adding baggage to their relationship.
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She sighed and gave him a look, she didn't know how to make him understand. She realized that maybe she was asking too much of him. It was like getting mad at him for not knowing how to disect a frog even tho he never went to grade school. And by focusing on him, part of her crazy started to drain. "Do you.. ever think about us?" she was trying to see this from his point of view. Maybe he was giving her what she wanted and she just didn't know it.
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Finally he could see that some of her intensity was starting to ebb. Now he could try and make sense of what was going on. "What about us?" he thought a lot about them...and sex...and more sex...and sometimes her squishy face and brown eyes. Greed saw her as he did everything----in the present. These big issues that bogged down the human brain did nothing to him. He worried when things got rocky that he was going to lose the one person who had a piece of him. When she started to lash out like a lion in his face. He didn't like that side of her, it was not Zoe.
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She looked frustrated and patted his shoulders, squeezing them since he still refused to let her go, "Do you think about us. Do you.. am I.. are we ever on your mind?" the tears had stopped and she wasn't fighting him but this was clearly important to her.
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It wasn't clicking in his head that she meant something deep and meaningful. Not yet anyways. It was still too heavy a thing for him to grasp when his mind was a roller coaster of small intimate things that were happening day to day. "Like what? Where we're sleeping for the night, what's for dinner or if I'm going to get laid that day?" He just wasn't quite wrapping his head around that this was far more emotional for her than that.
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She didn't look like she particularly was pleased with that answer and she tried to dig deeper but gently, "Okay, those are things that deal with us... anything else? Anything at all? Even if its small." Greed was very into details and she was trying to see if maybe that's where his emotions were.
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She had that deep look in her eyes, like she was searching for something. His eyes followed hers until her gentle nudging finally turned on the light. He had to look at what she wasn't saying to find what she was really saying. "I worry that one day you're going to destroy yourself before I do if I don't give you space." It was why he had pushed her away to begin with, though it had been for more selfish reasons at the time. He was seeing that it was necessary if he was going to keep her around as long as he could. "I think you often try to put me in a box no matter how much you try not to. When you put walls around me you forget that there's more of me with you when I'm not here than you give me credit for."
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She softened a little as he talked and she looked a little ashamed when he finished. Her hands slid from his shoulders to around his neck and she hugged him, "Those sound like some future thoughts...." and it was clear from her tone of voice that she had no idea what to do with them. She might have helped him get here but he was going to have to help her make sense of it all.
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"More like you need to be with the me now and stop worrying about when I won't. I'm not a fortune teller. I can't promise you the things you want to hear, I can just tell you what I know now." She might be calmer now, but she was still a train wreck. There was a rock roped around her feet trying to drag her down, but he wasn't going to leave her to completely drown. She had to know that.
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She thought about it.. it was kinda like when her parents died. It had made her so careful, always planning, always making sure. But at the same time, wouldn't the lesson also be that you never know when your time is up? She put her head on his shoulder, "What do you know now?"
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"That you're crazy, but so am I. I think I trusted you with a part of me I don't trust with anyone else." He meant the fact that he gave her his heart, as much as a Sin was capable. He unlocked the crazy, she unlocked the human. "I think you should remember that when you get jealous." Lust was forever in his life, a part of it, but Zoe had a part Lust never would.
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She played with the bracelet on her wrist, other people thought it was bondage-y but she liked to think it was a physical representation of what Greed was saying. He kept his heart with her, and that was always with her even when he wasn't. "I never used to get jealous like this..." her voice sounded unsure and scared. The levels of insanity that this jealousy brought on recently was more than she'd ever felt before and she didn't understand it entirely.
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"You never used to have a backbone either. I think you're getting a taste of me when what you want is threatened." When he was spurned by wild jealousy he was just as crazy, that little bit of envy hiding in both of them. A lot of what Greed was leaked out into her, it was part of what made her this crazy girl, and yet there was still a little part of that naturally.
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She curled into his chest and frowned, "So... you make me literally crazy?" she wouldn't dumping the reason for her insanity on him. He did make her so nuts, sometimes she didn't know whether to kiss him or kill him.
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"Maybe..." he said that with concern, like that lightbulb was still going off inside his head. "That's why I think sometimes I've got to force you for space." He needed space when he needed it, but maybe she needed it more when she had too much going on at once. She couldn't handle his brand of crazy when she was falling apart herself.
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She leaned her head back to look up at him, worry and hurt mixed in her eyes, "You.. want us to be apart?" normally he wanted to see her all the time, he even slept squishing her in a giant bed because he didn't like her not close by.
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"I don't really but I lose you in a worse way if I don't." Greed was weighing his options. A Zoe he couldn't squeeze and hold at all if she was ripping apart at the seams.
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She still looked worried and poked him lightly in the chest, "You are suggesting we take time apart..." she couldn't believe it. She didn't seem happy with the idea but could reluctantly see the need for it, "Um... what're we talkin about here? Like a month apart...?" she didn't really know this worked.
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"Fuck no. That's crazy." He wasn't mental. A month was too long. "Just a couple days every now and then. Maybe a weekend every month or something." Just to give them both the breathing room or they would blow up like this again.
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She was glad that he didn't want to be apart too long even if part of her still felt a bit dejected. She wiggled her toes and asked thoughtfully, "Can it... sometimes be like three weekdays instead of Saturday and Sunday? You work so much.. Saturday is kinda the only time we have to hang out during the day." since Sunday he normally did his church stuff and she was not an avid goer.
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He quirked a little smile to see her bartering days. He'd turned her into a slick little salesman. "I think I can manage that." If it helped her get back some piece of normalcy and him play the superhero, he'd not feel it was so much a sacrifice as it was a necessity. Besides, he liked getting to play the hero with her.
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She nodded, still feeling unsure but between him working and her working, maybe it'd be nice to have a little breather. Maybe they'd miss and appreciate each other more. "So... it's a deal." she said and looked at him, there was only one way they sealed a deal.
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"Yeah, its a deal." Whatever uncertainties she had he'd squash with his certainty. "You know that's big don't you? Me giving up days?" He leaned in for that seal of approval. A kiss on her lips locked that deal down permanently.
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She touched his cheek when he kissed her, her kiss a bit salty but very sweet, she'd missed him. She nodded when it broke, "That's huge. I don't know how I feel about you being the rational adult in this relationship." she ran a thumb over his bottom lip, "When do we start...?" she didn't know if he was spending the night or not and technically they'd already been apart for a few days for this month.
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"I don't know how I really feel about it myself, so don't rub it in." She basically forced him to be an adult when she went off the deep end. "Well, I was under the impression the last few days was the break." He didn't want anymore now.
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When he asked her to not rub it in, it pulled a small brief smile from her. Greed being a grown up was scary and wonderful. She was glad to hear they had their break for this month, "You drive me really crazy..." she started and looked at him saying sincerely, "But I really missed you." she hoped knowing they'd be taking a break would make it easier to deal with it.
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"I know you did..." Her eyes glistened in the light, still red from all her tears. The one thing he liked was that there was a smile breaking through the madness. When she smiled she glowed. With a soft stroke of his thumb against her cheek, he finished that answer in another kiss.
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Her arm went around him and she snuggled into him as he kissed her, when it broke she eyed him, "You didn't miss me?" but she could feel it in his kiss that he did, she just wanted to tease him and make him be mushy since he made her be an adult.
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"I thought the answer I gave was sufficient. Are you saying it wasn't satisfactory?" He teased her lips with his tongue. "What do you think?" He'd numb them now with a second kiss that could silence her fir a few moments.
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She shook her head, "Not satisfactory at all." she turned her head to angle it for a kiss and was teased instead but when she opened her mouth to reply, he finally gave her a real answer. He spent the evening and the night, and they got to make love like they hadn't in days, almost a week. But atmidnight, Zoe was awake, her mind was going overtime still like it did every night and she tried to lean over and root around under the bed without waking Greed.
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She thought she was being discreet, but he heard the bed squeak as she shuffled around. He rolled over, slapping his arm across her waist. He might be pretending to be asleep, but he was quite awake. After what he'd found the day before, she was silly to think he wasnt being perceptive.
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She jumped with a tiny squeak of surprise when his arm was like a tree trunk falling on her. She went still, waiting to see if he'd wake up... almost a full minute went by before she very quietly tried again, moving slowly and trying to wriggle out from under his arm to reach under the bed. He'd tripped over one empty whiskey bottle... he hadn't found the half full bottle that was already under the bed.
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He was wildly offended that she would need anything over him to sleep at night, especially after wearing her out. He hugged her closer trying to keep that bottle out of reach.
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He had worn her out... and she slept for a solid hour or two but her mind was too loud and she didn't want to bother him. If she could have just one sip... she sighed when he pulled her away from the edge and closer to him. Her hand still stretched out but her fingers barely went past the mattress. Damn him and his hugeness.
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He drew her in with her back pressed into his chest, his other arm curling around her. "What were you after?" He whispered into her ear.
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He was a very clever venus love trap and she was entirely caught. Her arms settled over his imprisoning ones and she sighed, "I... can't sleep. I thought maybe just.. a small..." she trailed off, she knew that he knew she was talking about the alcohol. A part of her kinda hoped he'd let her have some. Just a sip.
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"You can sleep, I'm here. I'm not giving you up to alcohol. Tried it once and you nearly flat-lined on me." He'd been defensive since then, policing her. If he was there it was different, but seeing how dependent she'd become already, he wasn't having it.
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She squirmed in his arms, "I can't... my head's too loud." she was restless, it was her natural instinct to want to avoid and run and booze was such a good way of just numbing it all, "I won't flatline.. I just need a sip. To relax. To quiet my head. Please?"
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This was where a person's need became gluttonous. One sip became two, then six, then the entire bottle. As long as they told themselves lies of why they needed it, they could fool themselves. Greed knew all about haggling, he wasn't losing another one to their own crazy, she was his. No other Sin. "No," he said firmly.
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She made a frustrated noise and struggled uselessly in his muscle prison before giving in for the moment, "Ugh." she stared straight ahead and then said, "What if I give you a blowjob?" she was just curious to see how far he'd be willing to not let her drink.
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"You want to give me a blowjob for a sip?" That wasn't a bad deal for him, but the end result would be a drunk girlfriend. That wasn't the way he felt like spending the next few hours. He held her tight not letting her budge an inch. "What's going on in your head that won't let you sleep?" He'd ask the questions the whisky wouldn't.
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She nodded unsurely but then he decided not to go for it and she sighed and finaly gave up and just lay in his embrace. She was quiet after he asked her the million dollar question. "Nothing.. just.. I was wondering if maybe it was something I did. I mess up with you even when I don't want to and try not to... maybe I messed up with him and didn't know it."
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He snuggled his nose into her hair, clasping one of her hands with his own. "I think Theseus is a coward who has always been looking for a way out. He runs from his life, the same way you try to." He was just more successful at it.
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She closed her eyes and squeezed his hand, feeling more safe and relaxed than she had in days. "Yeah but.. life is scary and hard and he ran from me so am I scary and hard? Was he trying to find a way out from me?" it was a lot of questions running through her mind. It weighed heavily that his happened after she called him and hinted at wanting to have dinner. Had it been too much?
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"A man on the run doesn't like to be tied down." He let her play with his hand, but eventually he just caressed her hand with his fingers sliding up and down between hers. "I think he's running from the responsibility of racing you as a family. Lust gave the push to remember he likes his freedom."
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Zoe listened and was lost in thought. She had a sickening feeling in her stomach and asked quietly, "Was it my fault?" she was asking instead of saying as if that might take the burn off a bit. "Did I push too hard?"
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His fingers slid up and down again, stopping to rub the tips of her fingers. "It wasn't you." Greed could promise her that. For men like Theseus freedom trumped everything. Greed could recognise that, as he was seeking his own sense of freedom.
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She trusted him but part of her couldn't believe him. Part of her just wanted to kick Theseus. She knew Theseus and Greed were different but at the same time.. they had a few things in common so it did worry her that Theseus left so easily. "Do I... do I make you feel tied down?" she asked in an even quieter voice. She tried not to but sometimes when she got scared she held on tightly.
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"I seek freedom myself but not from you." From Lust. Greed wanted to be on his own without having Lust to baby him and make him her pet. "I don't like when you try to put me in a box and get vicious." It was not the Zoe he wanted. It was too much like Lust.
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She was relieved when he said he didn't want freedom from her but she turned in his arms and looked anxious and worried, her bambi eyes looking at him in the dark with just the moonlight in the room, "I don't mean to.. I'm sorry. I don't even realize when I'm doing it... what box do I put you in?" because she kinda knew but at the same time..
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"A human one. When you try to contain me and expect me to react like you would. I don't want you to be like her..." it was the whole reason she was more important to him than anyone right now. It was why the Sin and the boy wanted her.
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She lowered her lashes knowing full well she was guilty of that, "Sometimes I forget." she looked back at him and kissed him quickly on the lips, "Sometimes we feel normal and then don't and most of the time I can handle it but sometimes I slip..." but it warmed her more than the alcohol ever could when he said he didn't want her to be like Lust. She wiggled around till she was perfectly fitted against him comfortably, and even though she never liked talking about Lust, she asked, "She puts you in a box?"
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He held her close, reminding her that he didn't want to let go. They were hitting new territory. "She tears me down and makes me her pet. I'm just something for her to control. I don't want to be controlled."
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She snuggled into him, done with trying to stay away, "Why does she want to control you..?" to Zoe's innocent mind that sounded like an horrific thing. She was very much about free will, about choice. Because if a person didn't choose you or choose their actions.. then it had no meaning.
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"The core of what we are is to take over. In Lust's mind she made me, and in my mind I made myself." It was only recently he'd put that together, because for so long Greed thought he needed Lust to be what he was, but in truth he just needed himself.
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She listened intently and tried to piece it with what she knew already from other things he'd told her, "How come... she thinks she made you but you don't think you made her? You don't try to control her? I mean, you always said she was a mirror but you guys seem really really different..."
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In some ways Greed was just a teenage boy breaking free from his mother's overbearing grip. "She taught me everything I know. Glutt and I stuck to her for years like children." He was finally seeing that now. "I've always wanted to be on my own, it's why l disappear, but she conditioned me to come back. When does a child want to control their parent? I always needed her to fix my messes. It wasn't about trying to make her do what I wanted, it was all about manipulation."
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"Not everything.." she corrected quietly and brushed her lips over his. His compassion (for her), his heart, his humor, these were things she knew for certain he didn't learn from Lust. "I guess.. it sounds like she already did what you wanted, cleaned up after you so you were free to mess up as much as you liked without consequences. You know, I knew this girl in school who had a mom like that, the mom would practically encourage her to get into trouble just so she could rescue her. I think it made the mom feel needed."
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"And what happened to that girl?" Zoe needed to understand Greed had never been here before. He'd been on his own butt not quite like this. In the back off his mind he knew when things got fucked up he went to Lust. Here he had made a lot of messes that he had tried to clean up himself without her wheeling him back to be just the little boy she had under her wing.
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She furrowed a brow and shifted her position a little, "Last time I heard about her... she was getting divorced. She had a great job that her mom got for her, and all her relationships she would bicker with the guys constantly and if she got really mad would just stay with her mom. She thinks that there's something wrong with the entire world." she looked at him, "And she is not happy. Not really." which Zoe liked to think they were, despite their problems. There was a difference between being happy with stuff and being happy with life.
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"Lust doesn't make me happy." That was the truth of it. "We fight, we're vicious, it's a game of push and pull." Lust brought out the seven year old psycho in Greed. They tangled with hate, sex, but not love. Not the kind Zoe could give him. Greed no matter how nasty had never had what Zoe gave him.
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She traced a finger along the inside of his bicep as if it helped her think and asked, "Did she ever...?" he had said before that Lust had been all he had, all he knew... was there a time that he had been happy with her?
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"No. It's false and only temporary." Zoe was temporary too, but what she gave he knew was real. "It's all about mind games with Lust. Nothing is real."
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"So she never made you happy, she brings out your vicious side, is mean, it's not real, everything is a mind game... but you go ballistic if you can't have her?" she wasn't saying it but Lust... didn't sound like an appealing person to be with. But Greed still got very jealous over something she would think he'd be glad to be rid of.
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"She caters to a different side of me. The dangerous side." Greed couldn't be good all the time, no matter what side Zoe could see.
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She cuddled him, "So she gets a side but I get the whole package?" she was partly teasing but that's how she was choosing to look at it.
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"She gets the side she desires the most. You something real..." She got the good and the bad and despite how much she could hate them, it wasn't fake.
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"Why else would I want anything but the real you, the good, the bad, the ugly and handsome." she kissed his nose. "You know what I was thinking? You keep saying that she taught you everything you know.. maybe, do you think.. that she's taught you everything she knows? And now you have nothing left to learn from her?" he was learning a whole new world with Zoe, from small things like arts and crafts to bigger things like not using whammies to get what you want.
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Greed looked a little stunned. He'd never thought of it in that way. He'd been around for centuries. How was it that one little human girl could open his eyes to new things? Lust had taught him everything, she'd kept him in the dark to keep him close.
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She raised her brows, her eyes getting bigger as he didn't say anything. It worried her, "Chance..?" she asked softly to see if he was still in there. Did she say something wrong? She didn't know if he was angry or his brain short circuited.
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"Never thought of it that way." He honed in on a freckle on her shoulder, reaching out to trace it with his finger. She'd opened a world of possibilities.
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She nuzzled him with her nose, "Now you are.... so what do you think?" his mind seemed kinda blown but she wanted him to talk it out with her. This was a rare opportunity for him to analyze his relationship with Lust with someone who loved him and wasn't Lust. He got to see it without the Sin haze.
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"I think she's kept me in the dark in order to keep me close." His bows creased as he let that sink in. Lust wasn't there to cast a shadow over him to work him under her sultry spell.
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"Maybe she was scared if she didn't, she'd lose you... tho that's still pretty shitty. When you love someone, you want them to grow, stretch their wings as far as they can." but Zoe was looking at it from a human's point of view. Lust was a Sin, she didn't care about love and growth, she wanted control and power, to be desired always.
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It put a human stamp on Lust. It made her look desperate to keep Greed close, because if she couldn't get Greed then her charms were lost. If no one else wanted her she knew she had Greed----and now she didn't have that. "She's scared she loses who she is without me." It was an eye opener, one Greed had needed.
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She frowned, "I almost feel sorry for her... almost." Lust had ruined her life too much to get Zoe's sympathy. But this seemed to be a bomb dropping on him so she looked at him and held on to him to see if he needed anything.
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"What would she do without me? I think that's her fear..she hopes I screw up so she has someone to need her. I really am just a puppet." Greed's own words were poison in his mouth, because he'd ruined Lust's chance at happiness when she'd conditioned him to come back like a lost puppy.
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She kissed his cheek, "You were one maybe but now you know better." she almost wanted to defend Lust to diffuse Greed's tension but the woman was despicable. "You haven't needed her help in a long time, right?" she wanted to remind him that he was breaking the cycle. He still messed up but he was taking care of it now.
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"I thought I did, but I want to do this on my own." Greed was almost angry that he'd let himself be a puppet on strings for so long. Look at what he was capable of!
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She touched his cheek and gave him several sweet kisses, "Newsflash... you have been doing it on your own." It'd been quite some time and he was still with Zoe and he did it without Lust. He got his job without her too. But she didn't want his ego revved too much or the Sin became dangerous.
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He had hadn't he? He made some pretty fucked up decisions and rode out the consequences, which was a first for him. Lust had had nothing to do with this and it felt liberating.
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She moved her foot between his legs, rubbing his calf as she nuzzled him with her nose, "What's going on in there...?" she asked softly. Whenever he was quiet, she knew it was twice as active in his head.
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"It feels kinda nice doesn't it?" He was still a little unsure but he was like a man out of a cage, perhaps exactly the feeling Theseus was looking for.
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She wanted to agree because this felt nice, snuggled in his arms in bed but she asked softly, "What..?" she knew it still took him a little time to process new thoughts and emotions, she was gently giving him space to experience and work it out.
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"To not be contained in a box." Zoe was the only one that saw all his side's instead of just what she wanted to see. Lust, even as a mirror only saw as she wanted.
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She smiled, "Yeah... its really nice." she kissed his now scruffy chin, "But you already knew that deep down." and then reminded him, "Remember.. you said you thought about using mojo on me but didn't? Because you liked seeing what I would do on my own. You knew the importance and niceness of that. Free choice. No boxes." which is what made their relationship even more special, they chose to be with each other. She picked him all on her own.
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"If I'd used on you, we wouldn't be here." She wouldn't have made it, her crazy would have taken over long before now. She would have regretted him and ended up like Josie.
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"And I'm really really glad we're here..." she wanted him to know that and gave him a firm long kiss on the lips. After it broke she said, "I know we have rough patches, but I am so grateful you don't give up on me.. on us." even at their worst, he never used on her when he could have to get her back. And if it wasn't for his persistence, she would have discarded this relationship long ago.
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"I didn't want to lose someone like I did before, when I was so close to having a taste of what I'd never been able to taste before." Friendship, love, companionship. All the things he'd been denied. All the things that had been taboo.
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She fell silent and turned her lips inward as an extra precaution to not say anything. She had a very different view on Josie, Patience had talked about the woman and between that and what Greed had told her.. she understood why he used to think he almost had love with the girl... but it made her uncomfortable that he still thought it when clearly it was nothing of the sort. So instead, she just kissed him.
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It wasn't the same thing, he hadn't really had love then, but it didn't mean he didn't worry he'd lose what was the greatest thing he'd ever had in his possession. He sunk into her kisses, letting them indulge his desires which she held right now.