InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Oww, my entire life!"

Joseph Van der Berg (cup_of_joey) wrote in nevermore_logs,
@ 2013-10-02 22:10:00

Current mood:	calm
Entry tags:	joseph van der berg, monique reppyi

WHO: Joey van der Berg and Monique Reppyi
WHAT: Relationship talks
WHEN: Tuesday evening
WHERE: Nikkie and Veronia's
WARNINGS: Talk of sex and possible mentions of assault and rape

Joey had been feeling fantastic lately, and he knew that a lot of that was down to Nikkie being so wonderful. Therapy and proper medication also helped, but spending so much time with her was making him feel so much better. He thought it was probably time to talk about taking things further. He had fears and issues, which was why he knew he needed to talk it out first.

He had offered to cook for her which was why he arrived on her doorstep with all the ingredients to make the perfect lasagne and some home made garlic bread. When she answered, he grinned at her and planted a kiss on her cheek. "Hi, you," he said sweetly. "I hope you're hungry, I brought enough food for an army."

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	likesachallenge 2013-10-02 05:40 am UTC (link)
	Nikkie smiled and closed the door after him. "Oh goodness, you really did," she said, leading him into the kitchen. "And yes, I could definitely eat." She opened the fridge. "Do you want anything to drink?" (Reply to this) (Thread)

	cup_of_joey 2013-10-02 05:59 am UTC (link)
	"I brought wine, but that's for dinner time," he said with a grin. "Maybe water for now." He set all the ingredients on the counter and surveyed his work space. "This will be delicious but first, I think I need kisses." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	likesachallenge 2013-10-02 06:37 am UTC (link)
	Nikkie filled a glass of water for him, then wound her arms around his neck. "But of course," she said, smiling and leaning in and kissing him. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cup_of_joey 2013-10-02 06:43 am UTC (link)
	He held her close for a moment and kissed her back well and deeply. When he pulled back he let out a soft sigh and grinned at her. "I think I have the strength to cook now." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	likesachallenge 2013-10-02 07:30 am UTC (link)
	Nikkie grinned, resting her forehead against his. "Glad to help," she told him. "So, how are things? You said things were going well at the shelter?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cup_of_joey 2013-10-02 07:32 am UTC (link)
	"Yes!" He bounced a little and then turned so he could start preparing things. "We found employment and housing for three kids and that's just awesome. We also got one of our more problem kids into rehab and that was a win. He had been resisting for months, and he finally agreed. It's a good result." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	likesachallenge 2013-10-03 08:45 am UTC (link)
	"That's great," she replied, smiling and taking a chair out of the way. "I really hope rehab works out for him, it's great that he agreed to go. And hey, if any of them ever want part-time secretarial work, the agency could probably do with an extra pair of hands." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cup_of_joey 2013-10-03 09:51 am UTC (link)
	"That's awesome to know, thank you!" he beamed at her while he set about browning some ground beef and Italian sausage. "I did want to talk to you about a few things, if that's okay." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	likesachallenge 2013-10-03 10:48 am UTC (link)
	"Yeah, of course," she replied. "Is everything OK?" A lead-in like that usually made her nervous, because it was often followed by something like 'It's just not working out'. She really hoped that wasn't the case here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cup_of_joey 2013-10-03 11:00 am UTC (link)
	He looked at her and then moved over to kiss her cheek. "Everything is great," he assured her. "It's a good talk, I promise. About my issues mostly." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	likesachallenge 2013-10-04 10:46 am UTC (link)
	"Alright," she said, relaxing slightly. She got up and poured herself some juice, leaning against the counter. "So what's up?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cup_of_joey 2013-10-04 10:54 am UTC (link)
	He seasoned the meat and then turned to face her. "I have really been enjoying spending time with you. You've...helped me feel so much more like myself again, and that's awesome. And so that's made me think about...taking it to the next level, you know? I've been so afraid of feeling anything like that for so long and I think now I want to work through it." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	likesachallenge 2013-10-04 11:17 am UTC (link)
	A slow, sweet smile spread over Nikkie's face. "It really has been great being with you these past weeks," she told him. "And I really am glad you're feeling more like yourself. So if that's what you want to try and do, then we can certainly do that." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cup_of_joey 2013-10-04 11:26 am UTC (link)
	In another pot, Joey started the sauce simmering and then he leaned against the counter. "I obviously have uhm...some fears surrounding being more physical because of what happened with Lucifer. For the first time in a year I see a reason to actually deal with that." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	likesachallenge 2013-10-04 12:50 pm UTC (link)
	"And you know, whatever you're comfortable with, however slow you want to go, that's totally fine," Nikkie told him. "The last thing I want to do is dredge up those bad feelings." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

cup_of_joey
2013-10-05 11:32 pm UTC (link)

Joey smiled at her, very appreciative of those words. He continued cooking as he asked, "did I ever explain to you exactly what happened to me there?" He couldn't keep track now of whom he had told what to. He wasn't feeling so protective of those details any more, and he had opened up to most of the people he trusted. And Joey trusted very easily, even now.

"Not that it's nice pre-dinner conversation, I know. But it might be best if you know."

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	likesachallenge 2013-10-06 01:14 am UTC (link)
	"I don't think you ever did," Nikkie replied. "And no, it might not be, but if you want to tell me, then I'll listen." She knew what she was going to hear was likely going to be terrible, but if he wanted to talk about it, she was going to stay and listen. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

cup_of_joey
2013-10-06 01:22 am UTC (link)

If that was the case, then it was best to get it over with before dinner, so at least they could enjoy that. He left everything to simmer and went to lean beside her, because he thought this was something he should probably tell her when he wasn't fussing about with ground beef.

"It was three weeks of torture, but the first day I was there he had me crucified up against the wall." He held up his wrists which still had huge, faded scars on them from the attack and then surgery after surgery to fix them. "And all I wanted was to come down. He was asking me all these questions and I thought...if I answered them he would let me down. And he could tell if I was lying because...I guess Lucifer is just like that. A liar knows a lie, right? So he asked me all these things about Patrick and I wouldn't tell him. Then he started asking about me and I told him everything he wanted to know."

Joey wrapped his arms around himself at that point. "Then he asked what my greatest fear was. I- I guess I wasn't thinking because now it seems so stupid. But I wanted off that wall, and so I told him the truth. That I had been assaulted once and my greatest fear was...being raped." He glanced over at her, giving her a wavery smile to let her know that at least now he was okay. "He didn't take me off the wall anyway. He waited until I fell. And then he made my greatest fear come true." All that had been on the first day.

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likesachallenge
2013-10-06 02:10 am UTC (link)

Nikkie felt like she was going to be sick, like someone had slugged her in the stomach and knocked all the wind out of her. Anthony had told her Lucifer was a monster, to be avoided at all costs, literally, but she couldn't even fathom something like that. "Three weeks?" she said hoarsely. She could hardly wrap her mind around someone doing that to a person for one day, let alone three weeks.

"Fuck, Joey," she said. "I don't even know what to say, I don't think there's anything I can say."

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cup_of_joey
2013-10-06 02:19 am UTC (link)

Joey just wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer, though he remained leaning against the counter. He liked her being there at his side. It was nice. "He kept trying to show me his real face too. It was...terrible. That was the worst thing though. I mean, looking back on it. I was still thinking I could get out of there without anything too terrible happening at that point and then he violated me like that."

He shook his head and continued, "and then I was sort of too weak to protest anything more. Two weeks in he promised me I could leave if I never saw Patrick again. I was so mad at Patrick for not coming to rescue me that I would have said yes, but I knew making a deal with the devil was stupid so I said no. So I was there longer. Sometimes he wasn't even there, he just let his stupid minions play at torture. I thought, near the end, I was just going to starve to death and it was starting to not sound so horrible. I mean, I didn't feel hungry any more. I mean, it hurt, but everything hurt. I was just wasting away. And then for some reason they just dumped me in an alley and Patrick found me."

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likesachallenge
2013-10-06 03:30 am UTC (link)

Nikkie rested her head on his shoulder, curling one arm around his waist. "And you couldn't look at it?" she asked. "Or was it just really horrifying to look at?"

"I hate that you had that inflicted on you," Nikkie said, low and angry. "I hate that these...things think that humans are just toys to play with for their amusement, and just throw them away when they're bored or they break." She squeezed his hand. "But I'm really glad they found you."

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cup_of_joey
2013-10-06 03:36 am UTC (link)

"I don't think his face is something humans are meant to see. It just...burned and I felt...insane, I guess. But he never made me look for long."

He planted a kiss on her head and leaned his against it. "I'm glad they found me too. I hate those creatures and what they do, and I wasn't okay for a long time." It had been over a year now though, and he felt stronger every day. "But I'm okay now. I still have nightmares sometimes, but I know it's in the past. It's why I've been taking my time with everything though. It's a lot to work through."

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	likesachallenge 2013-10-07 12:51 pm UTC (link)
	"I had heard you couldn't look at gods or angels and live," Nikkie replied. "Which makes sense, I guess." She ran one hand over his shoulder. "I don't doubt that it is," she murmured. "And if you ever need anything, I might not be able to do much, but I'll do my best to help, however I can." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

cup_of_joey
2013-10-08 12:15 am UTC (link)

"There were some other people there," he said, which was something he had never told a single other soul. "And Lucifer said they were people he had tried to show his true face to for too long. They were...broken. Shattered people. So all this time while I was healing I felt like I had a responsibility to them to get better because they...couldn't."

He took a deep breath and planted a kiss on her head before returning to cook the lasagne. He started combining all the layers into a deep dish he could shove in the oven. "You do a lot just by being there. Reminding me I have a life still to live. That it didn't end there."

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