Zoe (history_repeats) wrote in nevermore_logs, @ 2013-03-03 16:39:00 |
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Entry tags: | greed, zoe hansen |
WHO: Greed & Zoe
WHEN: March 4
WHERE: Lithuania!
WHAT: The trip goes horribly wrong
WARNING: Rejections
The excitement of the trip had waned off a little. Greed couldn't understand at first why something he'd blow to pieces for felt so off balance. He'd finally pushed himself around enough that she got rid of cheese dick. He had his claim back where it was supposed to be but something was different. Zoe had built up a new wall, and now instead of her just giving him her heart she was ready to break in to her desires, but it was him left feeling like just a body. A container, a shell, just the tool but nothing else. It was a weird thing to feel because he had never thought that way before. He was the tool, but he didn't want to be just that with her. He had told her once he wanted to share this with her, back in Kansas. He had meant it. They were right back in the same boat just a new ocean with a new border to cross.
The days building up he got quieter. It was that same madness when he'd run through his test samples and came back to her. It was dragging him down, because Greed wasn't getting all that he wanted. Now it wasn't just the sex. It was her and what she entailed---but since the day she had brought up the trip, he had lied. He didn't want this deal if he couldn't take it all.
Once they'd gotten off the plane, wandering into an airport full of various languages and people he took hold of her hand. It kept her chained to him. It showed dominance, safety and it mostly showed off his pride.
When they finally reached the little cottage Odysseus had booked for them, a couple long taxi rides out and a rental, they were there. In this little place slap in the middle of Europe. The play of his silence and emotions were definitely more apparent now. As soon as they got there, he may have some of himself intact but he was still exhausted. He flopped down in the fluffy chair with a thud. His head was already starting to throb.
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Zoe knew something was wrong, Greed was pulling a mask with her, not being himself and she couldn't understand it. She chalked it up to nerves and still snuggled him on the plane, giving him space if he wanted. By the end of the plane ride she wasn't sure if he wanted to do this anymore but when he took her hand, her fingers curled around his tightly.
She'd lied to him as well. She'd said one thing but she wasn't really holding back. Especially now that they were truly on their own. She told him that it didn't have to mean more. Because she wanted to give him a way out. She couldn't stand to be crushed by him again. In her mind, in her own world, it was just the two of them and for a day or two or three he was all hers and she was enough. And then just like her dream, she'd wake up.
She let him take a seat as she went to the cozy kitchen and put away the groceries they'd bought since they weren't exactly in the city and it'd be nice to have things handy to eat so they could stay in more. The cottage had everything stocked, furniture, sheets, blankets, and utensils and everything. She poked her head in the room and looked at him with concern. She walked over and put her hands on his cheeks to make him look at her so she could kiss him and then ask, "How're you feeling..?" she knew it wasn't good but she wanted to know exactly what it was so they could try to make him feel better. They'd get to the reason for their visit later.
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The rest of the female population would be all over him like honey. Greed had wanted this from her for months, he was relentless in obtaining what he wanted. It took six months to bring her to this point. Now it was himself that had thrown up a block.
He threw his head out of her hand, hanging it down as his temples throbbed non-stop. It wasn't likely to last, but coming here wouldn't come without a price. "My head hurts. It's just a headache," he spoke in a pained voice with his brows knitted tight.
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Zoe felt like she'd been burned but tried not to take it personally. She told herself it was a long flight. It was the dead zone zapping him. It was.. the plane food. It was a lot of things. She slowly took her hands back and kneeled in front of him, "Do you wanna lie down? Or I can massage your temples?" she reached a hand out, pausing between her and him as an offering, she would have done it without asking but he wasn't reacting well to her touch.
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The throb back and forth made his vision blurry. It was hard to think about anything else. He didn't even realize he'd pulled away from her touch. There was more to it than the pain, but he hadn't gotten to a place where he could bring it up. He was still giving her a face. It was his headache that was helping break the ice.
He tried moving his own fingers over the pounding temples but it did no good. He looked at her like a pitiful puppy. He nodded at her offer letting her close again.
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Zoe actually relaxed a little when he accepted her offer of help. Maybe she was imagining him pushing her away? She touched his cheek for a moment and then put her other hand gently on his other cheek and slid her hands up, the pads of her fingers pressing in on his temples, not too hard but firm enough to massage out the knots he had there. She'd given him a head massage once before and it was the same thing except without washing his hair. She ran her fingers into his hair to massage while her thumbs worked on his temples. She watched him the whole time to make sure she was helping and not hurting him.
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His body reacted instinctively while he wanted to be mad and pout. His eyes rolled closed at first with a semi-pained hiss. But she was soft, her fingers more delicate than his own. Eventually, that soft back and forth motion quieted down some of the loud static in his head.
It was still a far stretch for her so Greed had to slouch forward. He wasn't being very open about being close just yet but the slouched only strained and put pressure on his neck. He snapped his eyes open leaning back against the chair with a whine. He grabbed her hand to tug her towards his lap. Whether he wanted her there or not, his body didn't lie, though his face did.
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Zoe stopped only long enough for Greed to pull her into his lap, she sat down gently and started her massage again. Her hands traveled from his temples and scalp to the back of his head, down the back of his neck, releasing the pressure that was building up there. She wanted to talk to him. Kiss him. Something. But she didn't say or do anything more than she already was doing.
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He didn't say a word, just soft noises in response to places she touched. Both good and bad grunts depending on where the pockets of stress had built up. She eventually melted him into s puddle of goo, letting his body relax.
He'd spent so much time putting up a front, thinking about being nothing more than a tool that his body was the very thing that betrayed him. It wanted her close when his mind wanted to focus on what the rest of him wanted.
So, silence be damned, his usual instincts spoke for him. Even his arms had left the arms of the couch to loosely rest on her hips.
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Zoe's massage was catered to those sounds, easing up when he made a noise of pain, steadying out when he liked something. When he finally seemed to be relaxing and she couldn't feel the veins throbbing at his temples and his neck wasn't as tense she spoke quietly, her lips brushing against his cheek, "Maybe you should sleep for a little while..." her hands still massaging his neck, the fingers dipping under the collar of his shirt to massage his shoulders.
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Sleep meant the bed and he didn't want the bed. He had melted right into that chair through her five minute massage. With his eyes still closed Greed shook his head in a no fashion...starting to sound a little more like himself instead of this pouty little boy who took something hurtful like a human instead of a Sin.
His body continued to respond to her which made him scream inside. Finally, he broke the silence by making she contact.
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She was expecting some sorts of little changes, they'd happened in Kansas too. Just small Sin traits that drained out of him and left behind his personality. But she wasn't sure anymore, he seemed to have changed before they went on the trip but that wasn't possible because the deadzone was here-- and her brain was going to explode at this rate.
The silence was still there as her brown eyes looked into his blue. Her hands stilled and she just stared at him. Slowly she moved forward an inch.. then another. He was being weird with her and she wanted to see if he'd let her kiss him.
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He let her at first. Taking that kiss but there was a little emptiness still there. Since he'd met her he'd not told a lie, though he was damn good at them. Not with her.
That's when it came out, because he couldn't hold it in anymore. "I lied," he said not letting her steal anymore kisses.
"And I didn't fuck anyone." She had told him not to make any promises when he said he'd try. When she crushed his excitement he ignored what could do for what he wanted to do...which was make.a point himself that he wasn't going to do what she expected.
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Zoe immediately tensed up in his lap, pulling back away from him as he ended that kiss and blurted out he lied. She didn't know what he was talking about. He lied about wanting to be with her? Her doe eyes were frozen open as she just stared at him. She only slowly blinked, a little confused when he said he didn't fuck anyone. He'd fucked someone a few days ago, what was he talking about? She tried to take one thing at a time, the biggest thing.. "Lied about what..."
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"That deal!" He waved his hand like he was throwing it off the table. "You're giving me this," he motioned over her body, "without this," and he pointed at her heart. "I don't wanna be just this," now motioning to his own body. That's how it felt. "I don't wanna just be a tool." It cheapened the whole fun of what this had been when she brought it up. She had always given him her heart which had become so precious to him, but when she made her bargain, he didn't want one or the other he wanted both with her.
"It hurt."
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Zoe was staring at him agape, completely gobsmacked. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was giving him what he wanted and it still wasn't enough. "It... hurt." she repeated his words slowly. She wanted to scream at him if she was supposed to care that it hurt. Like he gave such a big damn when he obliterated her feelings over and over again. She looked at him calmly asking with a bit of an edge to her voice, "What would you like me to do about it."
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The roles were a little reversed since Kansas. Now he sat in her position and it wasn't cool feeling cheap. "I don't want to go at it and be done with it with you. But---" He took a deeper breath, channeling a little more feeling than usual. His voice quieted down. "It seemed like that's what you wanted after you saying you wanted me." It was hard to read where this would go now because he was hit with the whammy of feels. It made his head pound again, his hands going to crush it from his skull. She was tense, it made him tense.
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Zoe looked at him, emotion in her eyes, "No, I get it. It makes you feel... cheap. And used. Part time entertainment. Like a toy." he'd heard that before, hadn't he? Isn't that what he often referred to her as?
She took a moment and then looked at him, "You know why I want just this?" she gestured up and down at his body, mimicking his tone and gestures from earlier. "Because I don't get this." she jabbed him in the chest hard right over his heart. She growled at him, "So who do I complain to?" she was going past hurt and getting right into angry.
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Now she was just using his own words against him. That was just damn unfair. It was the selfish thing to think. The Sin thing to think of how he felt first and everyone else later.
He rubbed the spot she poked tenderly. She hadn't jabbed lightly. His face turned into a frown. "I don't know. Why don't you talk to God about that one and ask why I was born to hell." There were some things he couldn't change. He did however love her the best and worst way an excess Sin could. By clenching it tight.
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Zoe touched her temples with her eyes closed as if she needed a moment, that's all he had to say? She looked at him in disbelief and then set her jaw as she let out a shaky breath. "You asked me when I thought of this... the answer is months ago. You remember when we came back from Kansas.. and I begged you not to play with me. And you didn't listen. And you made me think that maybe there was something there. I thought of this then. I was ready to go then. But the funniest thing happened... when I went to ask you, you were gone. You forgot me. You literally forgot me. And it hurt." that one word carried all her emotion, and her tough facade cracked for a moment before it came back. Like in Kansas he started to understand her pain, she didn't know if he could now and she found herself just not caring. Because he didn't care about her pain. He was a Sin. He didn't have to. Her eyes were wet but she'd be damned if she spilled one tear for him, "You told me to basically suck it up, deal, and get over it."
She leaned in close to him and gritted out the words mockingly, "So suck it up, deal, and get over it." she shoved at him to get up off his lap. She was regretting not having gone to Kansas instead, she could have just taken a train or bus back. Now she was on a different continent.
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He didn't like when she threw shit back in his face. Lust mothered him, sadated him with sex and then took a pitchfork to him later. They were children in their ongoing circle. Zoe threw shit st him like a man, she didn't let him get away with anything, it was probably why he couldn't lie. She ruffled all the feathers at once.
The Sin thing to do was to keep fighting and turn this into the sexfest they'd come for. But he wasn't at full Sin here so all he could do was let his aggression out somewhere. He stood out of the chair, shoving it with his foot until it hit the wall.
He hated Lust right now. She fucked him up real good when he wanted to do things on his own for himself. It wasn't fair to Zoe how he made her deal with any of it, and he could only see that when most of his Sin flare was zapped off.
It also made his temper tantrums far more short. Without it his energy dropped a lot faster. So, going outside to kick around just made him collapse on the ground out of breath. The fights with Zoe these days started to layer one right over the other, it was tense now in a far more frustrating way.
When he came back inside he was flamming cabinets and things around the kitchen in order to find something to do. Something to keep his hands busy. He found a box of her tea, a lot like the box she had left in his apartment, and tossed it at her.
"I still never fucked anyone when you said I couldn't make that promise." She had asked him not to before the trip, and he had because she shot him down when he wanted to try. He wasn't avoiding what she had said before, there just was nothing he could say that didn't sound like some excuse. She had grabbed him by the balls on that one and he had to suck it up.
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Zoe was burning mad herself and let him have his stupid temper tantrum. She didn't go after him when he went outside, she was glad for the space. It was one of the human things in him seeping through. Greed never wanted space, he wanted to normally send them both crashing down in flames.
She looked angry when the box hit her and bounced off landing on the floor. She threw her hands up and rolled her eyes, really, that was all he had to say in response? Just ignore everything she said? Oh typical Greed! She shot back, "I never said you couldn't, I told you don't bother trying. Because you still don't get it. I don't care if you can keep it in your pants, it's about you wanting to not fuck other women. So EXCUSE ME if I don't rush right over and give you a medal." she held her hands up in front of her to emphasize her words.
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"No! You don't get to take that from me too!" He jerked ahold of her arm so she was facing him and not pacing a hole in the floor. "You expected that I wouldn't be able to...I did it because you asked. You just keep fucking denying that I think of you as anything else than some thing I put on my shelf." That headache was pounding hard again, but so was his heartbeat. It was hard to tell the difference between the two. "You are the most important thing I have but I can't keep it happy!"
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She jerked her arm hard when he grabbed her, trying to get out of his grasp, stopping her struggles only to say, "No! You don't get a cookie for doing something I shouldn't have to ask you to do. What I expected? You know what I expected from you? Nothing. It's the only way to not get heartbroken with you."
Her eyes were glassy as she stared at him, "You just called me an 'it'." her arm was limp in his hold, "You really wanna run that whole I'm more than something that you put on your shelf speech again?" she yanked her arm out of his hold and grabbed the box of tea from the floor.
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He didn't know where to go with this. They were just going in circles with the same argument. They were both avoiding what they'd come here to do. Neither of them seemed to know how to start it, they were just putting it off. It wasn't as easy as just lip-locking and going at it.
"Well fuck me for not knowing what to do with a girl's heart!" He shoved his fist into the counter hard, bruising skin and breaking skin. He may have even broken something, but getting to shove his energy at something made him feel better.
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Zoe jumped when he slammed his fist into the counter and looked at him like he was nuts. "You don't break it for one." despite her wanting to punch him in the face, she went over and took his hand, gently prying it open to see if any of the fingers were open. She was losing steam fast, but only because she had pretty much given up on him since before this trip, so there was no point in arguing. She could scream till she was hoarse and he wouldn't hear her. He didn't see her. He saw something for his collection. "If you don't know what to do with it, then let it go.." she said quietly still testing his fingers, "There are some shiny things that aren't worth it."
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"I don't throw everything away." He was tired, and he was never tired like this. His whole body shook when she started testing each finger. There were too many human emotions floating around in his head fighting with what little Sin still lingered in this deadzone. All that fighting between them and in his head pushed all his energy out. It had to go somewhere, which ended up bleeding all over the counter. Nothing was broken, but it would be sore.
"I can't just let you go." They'd been through this, it didn't work that way. He took a derp sigh, still not knowing how to counter all these roadblocks she was throwing up. This would have been smoother if he'd just have let her have his body for whatever she wanted to do with it. Put emotions aside and move on
She didn't realize he couldn't counter with anything because there was some of what she said resonating inside. Maybe some of it would stick.
She pulled on one finger and he jerked his hand but she was still inspecting it.
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"Mistreating is worse than throwing away." she said quietly and held onto his hand when he tried to jerk it away, "Don't be a baby...." she chided.
She sighed and led him over to the sink to gently run water over the wound and wash the blood way, "I didn't ask you to let me go. I'm asking you to let this go." she tapped her heart. "It can't take much more..." she held his hand gently and wanted him to understand, her other hand tenderly running over his fingers, "Greed.. we tried, we tried so hard but..." she looked to the side, they didn't work. Not as a couple. No matter how much she wanted them to. She let out an ironic scoff, "It wasn't enough."
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She was part of "this". He hadn't understood before when she said this trip whatever happened on it, that they weren't together just because of it.
He didn't have an answer for her it was what the old man had said in Kansas. It was what wrath had told him before. It was just a friend alone, it wasn't enough for him. But she was never going to feel like she was enough.
He looked down at his hand instead, wiping away those leaky tears that crawled down the length of his nose. He'd forgotten more human meant more raw emotion. It felt strange in his own body right now. It was almost an outer body experience because he didn't have the control of it that he normally would.
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She hurt to see him cry even though she had her own tears. She told him the truth, well... part of it, "I didn't ask you here to use you. I know.. I can't have this." she put her hand over his heart where she'd jabbed earlier, her touch soft this time, "..and I just wanted something." her tears spilled then because he had no idea what it was like to hear about him with all these other girls. None of them loved him but she did and she was the one that was left empty handed. The only thing in her hands were the pieces of her broken heart, not even a memory of something of his that was just hers, even for a night. But now, she didn't even want that.
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He'd butchered her over and over again, like he did everyone. He could understand her want for something of his. Something to hang on to. Something to keep. He didn't want to torture her until he broke her into dust. That wasn't how Greed treated his things.
He wiped the side of his nose with the hand she didn't have as more of those drops fell from his eyes. She had been warned what he was capable of. He wanted more than anything to make her happy, but he couldn't say the words to let her keep what was left of herself and leave. He'd had someone leave him before and it hit him hard.
He was selfish to only feel his pain and not hers. He was realizing things these last few months in ways he wasn't used to.
He tugged at the collar of his shirt, trying to pull it off over his head with the hand he hadn't busted. He would give her a piece of himself, he'd never done that before. He'd never known how, except when he was on these wobbly human feelings.