Who: Amphitrite and Poseidon What: Oh yay, talking time. When: Jan 20, 2011 after Poseidon gets home from work Where: Their penthouse Warnings: There's no telling with these two.
Well this week was turning into a roller coaster of emotions Amphitrite could barely handle. She had made a step forward with Poseidon. As little as it was, but it was a step nonetheless. She had gone to see Dr Mindaugas the day before, an appointment that went surprisingly well considering. Even if she had broken down and poured out almost everything that had been eating away at her she felt like a weight had been lifted. At least she was coming to terms with those things.
Now the hard part...
...telling Poseidon.
Whatever his worries about her meeting this doctor she didn't know, but she had to tell him everything she'd told the good doctor. At least she finally had an outlet.
A simple text was sent to him saying, I'm ready. He would know what that meant and not matter what hour it was when he got home she would be waiting on the couch. Terrified as she was at telling him the truth.
When he'd gotten her message he starred at the screen, flipping the phone closed abruptly. Since her doctor visit he had an unpleasant scowl on his face. He was certain that when she felt it necessary she would leave him for good. That just wasn't going to happen. Allowing her that freedom was impossible.
He'd avoided going home until he was certain she'd be in bed. It was at least eleven before he came in the door. He didn't speak, throwing down his coat and tie onto the living room chair. He saw her out of the corner of his eye while he put his watch and wallet down on the table.
"Your still up," he stated gruffly.
Whether Poseidon liked it or not she was going to see this doctor until her own, private problems were handled. At least until she could handle them on her own. Even if she had ended up sobbing and wanting to break things she had a good feeling about this particular mortal. There was something good in him. Something that was rare when it came to those she knew.
She couldn't help wondering if he was staying late at work because he was trying to avoid her or because he was actually busy. Chances were it was the former, but you never knew with him. Breathing techniques kept her calm. Well, calm enough. Whatever it was what she had to say was more important. She knew that much.
She straightened up when she heard the front door, turning to watch him. She nodded, "Yes, I told you I'm ready." There was some change in her, as little as it was, but it was there. She motioned for him to sit next to her, "Please, Poseidon I'm not here to argue. I'm here to explain something."
He let a few buttons loose from his shirt, opening the collar so he could breathe. Not feel so stiff around his neck. With a heavy sigh he took a seat beside her, pushing at her legs lightly to move over.
There was some confidence in her that he was uneasy about. He wanted her strong, he wanted her to yell, but there was something in this that left him reaching for her in the distance like he had the first day he'd seen her.
His eyes cut over to her, a hand reaching out to lay against her leg giving her the opportunity to open up in the way she wanted. The way she'd needed.
She sighed deeply, allowing him to touch her, her own hand resting on his. Taking a deep breath she spoke simply and directly.
"A few weeks before I left I found out that I was pregnant," she paused, "But I... I lost it..."
It was then that his hand moved away, his face pensive at first. Then it turned angrier.
"Is this why you left?"he said deeply, voice clipping the air.
He knew why'd she really left, he knew he deserved this in the cosmic scheme of things.
She shook her head. "No... it happened when I was in Greece. When..."
She couldn't say the words. He knew what had happened. She'd reminded him of it enough already.
He closed his eyes biting back that seething anger, but he couldn't. Poseidon was never one to put a cap on his emotions, it was ever changing as his oceans. One never knew what to expect.
That hand curled into a fist. The reminder that she'd been touched, that she'd let herself be touched. He'd forgiven her, yes, but it didn't mean he'd come to terms with it, with what he let slip through his fingers.
Amphitrite was preparing herself for the rage that knew would come. She didn't know whether he was angry at her having brought up what had happened to her or that that mortal bastard had caused her to love their child.
She closed her eyes, not quite ready for the fight she knew was inevitable.
There was a mixture of things that caused Poseidon to be angry. His tongue lined against his teeth, an almost sardonic laugh erupting from inside.
They hadn't had children in years, probably for the better because Poseidon was far more hard on the ones they'd had than Amphitrite. He wouldn't admit to himself that part of him may have been okay with this, or if it was just her sick way of getting back at him for having knocked up a mortal woman.
"That's what you refused to tell me?" he looked at her rather disappointed, but it was more hateful than shock.
What was more was the fact that he'd raged while some Greek mortal ass was getting his kicks off with his woman and he'd not even felt a tremor of uneasiness during the time. It had all been covered by his own pissed off temper.
"And just what were you planning to do if this hadn't happened?" he raised a brow, voice low. If she hadn't been kidnapped, if she'd still been carrying that child.
There it was. She could have been a teenager being scolded for sneaking out, considering the way she sat with her hands clasped together and head lowered as her own bitter tears fell.
"Not refuse. I wanted to be certain, and then everything went to shit because of that woman. I was going to tell you before I found out about her," she said at him almost pleadingly.
"I planned to tell you when I'd gotten used to the idea of becoming a mother again. I was ready to have another child with you."
He hadn't seen her tears yet, he wasn't going to look. Not yet. He needed to straighten his head. His hand still looked as if he wanted to curl something inside and launch it.
"You," he began, tilting his head, biting down on his lower lip. "You would bring that up." He hadn't even thought about the fiery mortal girl until then. Now with it popping up like an ad on the computer, flashing it's big lights in his face.
His turned, putting a finger under her chin, lip twitched until he saw those tears. "Damn you woman," voice a whisper. He hadn't thought she actually wanted a child again, but he could see it in her eyes.
"I was explaining why, not just bringing it up, Poseidon." She sounded annoyed, because he was getting angry about that. It was more her old self.
Where she would have held her ground before, she flinched and jumped at his movements. She composed herself, "That's what I needed to tell you." She was still annoyed and not in the mood for this, so she stood slowly and headed for the liquor cabinet.
He sat there for a while, elbow rested on the arm of the couch, holding a finger against his upper lip, thumb under his chin. Getting up he walked up behind her, settling his arms around her waist, letting her back rest against his front before she'd had a chance to poor herself a glass of alcohol.
"Amphitrite," he said in a hushed voice against her ear. He didn't speak, just held his cheek next to hers, looming behind her.
"I wasn't aware you were thinking of...." he paused taking a deep inhale of breath, then exhaling. "Didn't think you'd want another kid to look after." It had been so many years since they'd even thought of children, for centuries it had been just the two of them.
He was walking on dangerous territory, even if he didn't realize it. She was still very much in the realm of don't touch me even if she allowed him to kiss her and hold her again. Right now she just wanted to drink her sorrows away, even if she knew it wouldn't help. She wasn't much of a drinker to begin with and this would be her first in months. She was clearly annoyed he didn't let her have that first drink yet.
She felt stony and stared at the bottle of rum she had been intending to pour from.
"I wasn't. It was an accident. But the more I thought about it the more I got used to it. We haven't seen any of our children in such a long time and it would be nice to have someone who needed and loved me unconditionally no matter what." It was the cold, hard truth. Plus she loved the feel of baby skin and taking care of them. So tiny and delicate. She was more maternal than people gave her credit.
It would be a while yet before he could have her in the ways he wanted, he wasn't so sure patience was his best virtue. His eyes focused down, arms still around her, he could feel that annoyance seething from her body which was now tense.
He voice was silent, knowing she meant every damn word she said. "You miss them," he stated after a while, licking his lips lightly.
They had had their fair share of fights and this was nothing compared to any of them. She wouldn't even count it as a fight.
She nodded, "I do. I love my children. Every time I hear about someone else's child showing up I get jealous that mine aren't here." At least she was being honest.
His hand reached up to pet her hair, the other arm still wrapped around her closing his eyes so he could feel her even though they were still at this physical distance. He had to say, it was the closest he'd felt to her emotionally in a long time.
She was being open. She was talking to him again.
He hadn't expected she felt that disconnected.
"Don't leave me," he whispered in a moment of vulnerability. He let her have that piece of him, let her share his worries.
All this time she was making herself not back away. Not push him off of her because she still couldn't stand it. She kept telling herself he wouldn't hurt her and that was what saved Poseidon the disappointment of her walking away.
Even if nothing had happened in the past months and Amphitrite hadn't gone through hell and back. Even if she hadn't changed she still wasn't Amphitrite. She was just this shell of a goddess who once was and nothing like that carefree, shy nymph he had fallen for.
That threw her off. She hadn't expected him to say that. It was literally the first sign of worry or emotion that wasn't anger or lust he'd expressed toward her. Those moments of gentleness and forced understanding were nothing compared to that. "I don't plan to," she said quietly. And it was the truth.
He couldn't help hanging on her like a leech, he demanded closeness now even when she was obviously uncomfortable. His arms moved from around her, hands on her shoulders angry at himself that he was chasing her again, waiting for her response like this.
He hated her for the fact he could be so pulled to this. To be vulnerable to someone in such a way. His forehead now rested on her shoulder, hands sliding down her arms. His heart was still racing, and while he still had reason to distrust her, there was relief in that statement.
Of course, that was right now. She didn't plan to leave, she hadn't planned to before but he had pushed her so far that she couldn't breathe anymore. Then she needed out. It was as simple as that. It was he who wouldn't let her go. But somehow even now she couldn't find herself being angry with him. It was a twisted relationship.
She was finally able to move her arms again, even if she could have easily pulled them away before. It had been her showing him he could touch her this way. That she trusted him. "Do you want a drink?" It was more conversational than she had been in weeks. It was an attempt at something resembling normal. If that was even possible with these two.
She never planned to leave, but it was in her blood to want to run from him. She'd done it from the beginning, he had reason to doubt. She knew why he couldn't let her go, and he would never be willing to.
His nose and lips hovered over her neck. Fingers took the route he wanted his mouth to take, reminding himself there were still limits he had to give her.
"Yes," he said in a low throaty voice. After a few drinks he had to high tail it to Zeus and see what it was the little brother was crowing about. He pulled back moving to lean against the bar counter so he could see her face.
She missed herself. She missed the way things were. She missed them. Even if it killed her every time he slept with another woman she would rather have her old life back. His touch, even if it was still something she could barely handle, was something she missed. This was all she could take, for now.
She poured two drinks. Picking up hers she took a sip and felt the burning liquid, cringing. She hated this stuff, and yet here she was trying to numb... something. "Sometimes I wonder if I should drink from Lethe," her throat still burned, making her cough a little as she spoke. This was as close to normal as she had been in a long time. But drinking from Lethe meant going to Hades, which probably meant dying.
She knew how difficult it was for him to draw back, to pull away from shoving her against the wall and wrap her legs around him. The further he was pushed physically away the more he wanted her. It was him begging her all over again and she probably reveled in it.
Back against the counter he downed his drink easily while one sip made her look as if she could spit. He poured himself another, sliding in closer to where she stood, eyes still heavily watching her. He watched like a hawk. "If you want to go float down with Hades, go have yourself a party," his words were mildly warning. He wouldn't have her dead any sooner than he'd have her leave.
He didn't give her enough credit. Where he thought she was a cold-hearted bitch who liked seeing him suffer like this, he was completely wrong. If he ever brought it up she'd be more offended by his accusations than him impregnating other women. Amphitrite was prideful.
She finished her drink and set the glass down. She couldn't stand anymore. Not right now. "Alright. I'll be sure I've hanged myself by the time you get back." There was a little spark of her.
That caused him to raise a brow, perhaps even a tinge of a smirk. Downing half his glass he sat it down on the counter, blue eyes bouncing off of her. There was a fire left in her yet, still his Amphitrite. Yet, what had he made of her? She never knew he fell for her innocence first, and not the fact she'd run.
"Should I call ahead and tell him your coming?" if he could ward off meeting Zeus, Poseidon wouldn't be going anywhere right now. This had opened up something a little old and a little new, being pulled from it because little brother wanted a chat already set him in a bad mood.
She pushed the bottle to him, not wanting anymore. One was more than enough for now. If she knew that she wouldn't know how to react. She probably would have thought he was joking. Then again, it wouldn't surprise her if he had wanted her because she had been a virgin. Men did seem to enjoy being the first.
"No," her own tone was short and snippy. She doubted Hades would want either of them in his domain. She didn't have any personal vendettas against her brother-in-law, but if she ever did walk that path she wasn't sure she could stand to come back. "I'm going to bed, it's late." Not that she ever had anything to be up for.
She had been something so pure, something he was not. Poseidon had already colored his life with jealousy, a bright shade of green that had tainted him. There was no turning back, he had taken hold of his bitter side and embraced it.
Yet, seeing Amphitrite that day something inside had switched. Maybe, he had thought, this bright and beautiful jewel could give him that goodness back, even if she embodied it solely.
In the process he had turned her into something as equally as jealous, never letting her know enough that she was more than just a trophy that he often made her.
"I'll be out," he said swishing around what was left of his glass. "Little brother has things to discuss," he voice bitterly. He watched her carefully now, not liking that she hadn't even tried to bat him back. He could ignore Zeus, but likely that wouldn't go over well.
Puke green, to be exact. At least, that's what Amphitrite would have said just to be a bitch. When she was herself.
Even if Poseidon tried to show she wasn't just a trophy she may not have believed him. She wouldn't have believed it from his mouth, that was certain. Actions did speak louder than words and as much as she loved him and as much as he claimed to love her, there were few actions he had shown her that he truly loved her.
It was a good thing he explained where he was going, otherwise she would have been up all night tossing and turning at the thought of what he was possibly doing. She nodded, "Don't kill him." She probably knew better than anyone else his dislike for Zeus. Amphitrite was overall neutral to everyone, even if she was an Olympian's wife. This was just her trying to keep some sort of peace. The last thing she needed was her husband starting wars when the one at home wasn't even resolved. She started for the stairs, ready to just climb into bed and drift off.
In the beginning perhaps their little romance had been something different than it was now. It had been an honest attempt at a god loving someone else instead of crushing them into an oblivion. He ruined lives, hardly ever making them peaceful. There were few exceptions, just as Amphitrite was his exception to every other woman he'd abused.
He downed what was left of his drink, letting that burn bite back against his throat. "I've tried, it didn't end up so good." Which was the truth, he'd attempted to overthrow Zeus with his brothers and sisters. He'd paid bitterly for that. "I could just not go," he hinted, but he knew he would in the end.