InsaneJournal

WHO: Natalie Godfrey & The Red Baron
WHEN: Sunday morning (2010-12-21)
WHERE: Conrad's apartment
WHAT: Oh surprise! You're all not dead!

Five days ago Natalie had heard the news report of Conrad's plane crashing into the Atlantic. Five whole days had passed and Natalie was having to go through the normal motions of her life even though Con was dead.

The first two days she'd called his phone again and again, crying when it went to voicemail. She'd stopped doing that now.

The Red Baron was dead and this time Natalie felt the pain of that in a way she never could have before. Natalie had once mourned a war hero who'd died sixty years before she'd even been born like he was a friend. Now she mourned that friend.

She hadn't realised that Conrad could die, because he was supposed to be immortal now. But she also knew that the rules in place for their kind and going out of the country were sketchy. He wasn't here and if he was trapped there he would have contacted her.

So Natalie worked like she was supposed to and drank even more than usual when she got home. It wasn't until Sunday morning though that she realised that Moritz was alone. The horror that she'd left Con's dog to die in that apartment was stronger than any hangover and Natalie went quickly to her friend's apartment, pretty sure all she was about to find was the overwhelming stench of a canine corpse.

She unlocked the door and called out for Moritz frantically, sure that Con was watching from some surreal afterlife and if his dog was dead she couldn't deal with that on top of it all. So when Moritz came bounding out to her Natalie dropped down to her knees and hugged him, breaking down yet again into tears as she buried her face in his fur.

"Thank god, thank god! Oh god, thank you, you stupid dog, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I forgot about you. It's okay, boy, I'll feed you now. It's okay." But it wasn't okay at all and Natalie sat in the doorway of Con's apartment, sobbing and hugging that damn dog in her arms.

Conrad hadn't moved from the apartment in days. He'd sat in his easy chair unshaven, in a tank top and jogging pants with a cigarette and bottle of scotch permanently attached to his hand.

How could he have been so foolish? How could he have put the lives of many in his hands for his own nostalgia? Germany would always be his home, where he had grown up, been buried, but not a place he could stay.

The first night he'd cried like a little girl, curled up in a ball on the floor where he slept. The last incident had not been his fault. The plane had gone down for engine failure. This time had been his own misjudgment that could have been avoided had he just come home sooner.

The next day he'd barely moved, feeling sick to his stomach ever so often. All but five people had gone down on that plane. Women, children, babies. Lost lives that unlike him could not return. Could not resume a new life at the sake of belief.

Curled up in the bathroom, Conrad just laid his arms out across the toilet seat, feeling sweat build up against his brow, nothing but dry heaving for days. He was making himself sick with the guilt.

When Moritz bounded towards Natalie, he let her hug him for a short time before whimpering as if she needed to follow him. His master wasn't doing well. There was a depression in the air and it only worried the poor pup. He continued to whimper until she looked up. Had she been paying attention she would have noticed the distinct smell of fresh smoke as Conrad's favorite brand of cigarettes were more than a week old. The apartment was a mess, papers, books, nothing had been touched since he had come back.

It was then that Conrad made his appearance, grabbing the scotch from the kitchen counter as he came out of the bathroom. He stopped, bare feet against the cool tile wishing he was invisible.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

[info]bornincrossfire
2010-12-20 12:45 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
The whimpering Natalie took as hunger and confusion and loneliness on the part of Moritz.

Natalie had looked up through blurry eyes and when she Conrad she froze completely. She just stared, sure she was imagining things.

And then she was on her feet and to his side, pulling Conrad into her arms, her sobbing now of relief and simply because after crying so hard for him it was hard to stop. She held him tightly though, crying his name, and refused to release him.

(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]the_red_knight
2010-12-20 11:53 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
He was still even as her arms gripped him so tight between tears. He felt choked, the words impossible right now. He felt like at any minute his feet would give out throwing him to the floor, because that weight on his shoulders was so heavy. A looming eye that burned a hole right in the back of his skull.

Conrad shook his head, finding her tears were not the only ones to soak his shirt, but there were his own. He grabbed onto her tightly sliding down to the floor with her.

(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]bornincrossfire
2010-12-21 03:00 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
He was crying now and somehow that calmed Natalie's own tears a little, because one of them needed to have some sort of strength and it could be her because she had just found her best friend was still alive.

She held him tightly against her, one hand stroking his hair as she whispered nonsense to him. Con, baby, it's okay, it's okay, I love you and it's okay, we're okay, you're here, it's okay.

(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)
weep T_T
[info]the_red_knight
2010-12-21 03:13 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
The last time the casualties were minor in comparison, but to lose a whole flight nearly for his own selfishness, it did something terrible inside. The loss of innocents always burned heavily on his conscious. Where was it written that he deserved this while so many others did not? Those like Natalie who only had one life.

He fell further from her grasp, laying his head in her lap. Could she take it all away? Maybe he had been dreaming. Except when he opened his eyes this hellish nightmare was still there.

(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]bornincrossfire
2010-12-21 03:19 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
Natalie had never seen Con like this and she had no idea what to do. What had been relief at seeing him had turned now to the realization of why he was crying. He was here but that plane had still gone down. He was here but those passengers were still dead.

There was nothing at all that Natalie could say to that, so she just sat there on the floor with his head on her lap. She stroked his hair and leaned to kiss his temple, just telling him that she was there for him. She sat like that until her legs began to tingle and the clock on the wall said an hour had passed.

"Manfred," she whispered, still stroking his hair. "It's going to be okay."

(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]the_red_knight
2010-12-21 03:40 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
The likelihood of him flying again right now was nonexistent, at least for the future months. "I should have come home," his eyes squeezed tightly, those tears still streaming down his face. There was an emptiness inside him now that was as big as the one he'd felt those last days of war--before he'd fallen victim to a bullet.

"How could I do that?" He was a marksmen of war, this time he'd taken down seventy-five lives that had no warning or safe prayer.

"I'm done flying."

(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]bornincrossfire
2010-12-21 03:43 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"You couldn't have known," Natalie said, pulling him up from her lap so he would look at her. "Con, just- God, I'm sorry, Con." She kissed his forehead, his cheek, his lips.

(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]the_red_knight
2010-12-21 04:40 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"I should have known." He shook his head, reluctantly looking at her with completely broken eyes.

"They were innocent lives Natalie," he whispered in a faint whisper. "I..." he could hardly finish his thought let alone the sentence. Facing it felt like a rock in his gut.

His breath smelled of cigarettes and scotch, so when her lips first touched his he was unresponsive.

(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)

[info]bornincrossfire
2010-12-21 12:06 pm UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreenTrack This Select
"Oh Connie," Natalie whispered, her heart breaking even though she thought it had already done that five days ago. She didn't know what on earth she could say so she just hugged him again, tightly. She kissed Conrad's cheek as she held him and when she finally drew back again to look at him her expression was serious (if still tearful). "You can't just sit here and drown in guilt, Con. I can't even imagine how you feel but... please, come on, let me help you up at least."