WHO: Patroclus and Roxanna Fielding (and a teensy bit of Julia Bathory) WHEN: Friday, October 13th WHERE: Fusion Blues WHAT: Back togetherrrrr WARNINGS: Nah
The club wasn’t open yet, but Patroclus was working on getting the bar set up for the night ahead. The band was in, setting up for their practise so they were ready to start playing right at opening. Patroclus was entirely preoccupied by setting up a stack of beer bottles, so Julia wasn’t even on his radar as she waved her sister in the staff door. “Come in, come in,” she whispered, ushering Roxanna through the door. “He’s at the bar just setting up. Remember, you can always say you gave me a ride and just wanted to say hi,” she grinned. “Go talk to him!”
—
Roxanna was nervous. The split with Patroclus had been amicable, but she had still missed him a lot. He had been good for her, and good to her, more so than anyone she'd ever dated. There had been plenty of nights where she'd pulled out her phone, wanting to text him, but she'd always backed out at the last minute.
Still, she was here now, and she'd never gotten anywhere in life by backing down. Julia cheering her on was definitely helping, and she gave her sister a small smile as she took a deep breath. "OK," she said quietly, exhaling. "OK. I'm going to try."
She headed further inside, careful to announce her presence with a slightly heavier tread so she didn't spook him. "Patroclus?"
Patroclus stacked the last box, and he dusted off his hands, before turning around to see- Roxanna. His stomach immediately filled with butterflies and he blinked a few times to make sure he really was seeing her. But no, she was really there.
Gods, she was beautiful.
And she was standing opposite him and he didn’t know whether to hug her or shake her hand, or- He was such an oaf! And now he was just staring at her like a creep, oh gods!
“Roxanna!” he said, his voice too loud. He flushed red, the tips of his ears burning. Oh lord, send him into battle, a thousandfold, but this- He had no idea how to face this. “You look. Great!”
Kill me now.
She smiled nervously, fluttering her fingers in a little wave. And then internally facepalmed, because he was five feet away, what the hell?
"Thank you," she said after a moment, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I-Julia needed a ride so I dropped her off. How…how have you been?"
It felt weird, to be stilted with him like they'd never met before, but she didn't know what else to do. Falling back on familiarity seemed too…presumptuous, maybe? Still. At least they were talking.
Oh, he wanted to pull her into his arms, and he had to be so, so careful. He sort of moved behind the bar a little, to put something between them so he didn’t do something stupid and awkward. Or…more so. “I’ve been okay,” he said, nodding a little, looking like a pigeon, “still here. Getting by. How are you? You must be about finished with your degree, hmm?”
"Just about," she answered, nodding. "One more year, then I'll have my Masters. Which I can't believe I'm even saying, it seems kind of like a dream I never thought I'd finish." She fell silent, fidgeting with her hands.
"Is it too much of an asshole move to say that I missed you?" she asked softly. "And that you look good. Because both are true." She looked down at her feet, shuffling awkwardly in place.
It probably wasn't fair to say those things, but gods, he was right there and he looked so good. All those memories came flooding back, and she swallowed hard against a wave of emotions.
Her words caught him off guard, but after a moment, his face broke out in a wide grin. She had missed him?! Those butterflies in his stomach started fluttering faster as he said, “Roxanna, you could never be an asshole. Not to me,” and he smiled widely at her. “You look wonderful as well. And I- I’ve missed you too. Very much.” He had wanted to be even more adamant, but he didn’t want to overwhelm her! “I’m proud of you. Almost finished with your masters is amazing.”
Well at least he was smiling. That was a good sign, right? She managed one in return, even if it felt a little shaky. "I'm glad to hear it," she answered, letting out a breath she wasn't aware she'd been holding.
The talk of her schooling seemed like a safer subject, and her smile this time was broader. "Thank you! It's been hard, but I love it and I'm happy I went for it. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it afterwards, but I know this was the right choice."
“You’ll do something amazing with it, I’m sure,” he said easily. “Hey, you want a drink or anything? I’ve got a whole bar here to choose from!” Yes, easy topics such as schooling or drinks. Yes, focus on those. “I could even make you a virgin. I- I mean- Oh goddddssss,” he moaned.
The snort escaped her before she could stop it, and she clapped her hands over her mouth. "I'm sorry," she said, though it was muffled. "I'm not laughing at you, I swear, it's just-what you said-"
She dropped her hands, brushing them off on her jeans. "To answer your question, I'd love a soda. I've still got to drive back home at some point, Jamie mentioned he needed the car later."
Patroclus blew out a breath and then he chuckled, because if she was laughing- He nodded and went to get her a soda, watching her as he poured it. When he brought it back and set it on the bar for her, he said, “you…you are so beautiful when you laugh. I’d forgotten. It’s good to see.” Was that too forward? Did he care?
Oh man, there went the flush in her cheeks. People had called her pretty before, but with him, it was always 'you look beautiful'. And she always believed him, unlike with past dates. It was easy to believe him, he was so honest.
"It feels like barely any time has passed since I saw you," she told him. "Does that make sense? Like I know it's been a while, and things have changed, but it still feels…comfortable, being with you."
“It makes sense,” he reassured her. He leaned forward on the bar and he smiled, looking sort of wistful. “It feels comfortable for me too. When I’m not making an entire twat of myself,” he chuckled. “I…do admit I’ve imagined you coming in here from time to time.”
"You're not a twat," she assured him. "I thought about coming in a few times, but I didn't know if you'd want to see me, so I stayed away. I thought it might be for the best, since I was the one who ended things. I didn't want to make anyone feel worse."
“Oh, Roxy,” Patroclus shook his head then, “I always want to see you. I understand why you stayed away, but- I understood why you needed time and space.” They had been at different places in their lives and she had lost her parents. Everything had been so awful for a long time and she didn’t have the energy to focus on a relationship and her schooling at the same time. He would be a complete asshole if he didn’t understand that. “Of course I understand. But I can’t lie and say I don’t feel incredibly pleased you’re here right now. Because I do.”
Roxanna's heart gave a little flutter as he spoke. "Really?" she asked. "I…I told myself I was making the right choice at the time, but that doesn't mean I stopped thinking about you. I almost called you so many times, but I always stopped myself. I'm just happy you're happy to see me, I was so nervous that it might not be the case. Because you're great, you know? You were amazing."
Patroclus huffed out a laugh and then he shook his head at the both of them. They were dancing around something here and it was probably best if they had a real conversation about it. “Do you want to go talk in my office?” he asked, jerking his head towards the door. Roxy had worked at the club before, so she knew his office was large and it had a desk and a sofa in it, so it was more than adequate for a conversation.
"Yeah, I think we should," she answered. She snagged her glass off the bar, following him into the office. The couch in there was comfortable, she'd caught a cat nap in there on more than one occasion.
Taking a seat on the couch, she crossed her legs under herself, her stomach fluttering in anticipation of what they might say. "Hasn't changed much," she remarked with a small smile, glancing around.
“No,” he said, following her in. “Didn’t see the need for redecorating back here.” He sat beside her on the sofa before he could really think about whether or not it was a good idea. He just wanted to be near her, and now there wasn’t a gigantic bar in the way.
“Roxanna,” he started, “I- I was never angry with you. Like I said, I understood. That doesn’t mean I didn’t miss you, but I got why. I guess- We separated not because anything was wrong with the relationship, but because of external circumstances. What, uhm…what are the state of those circumstances now?”
Gods, having him this close brought back all the times they'd spent together, just sitting and being happy being together. They'd been good together, most people had said so, and she'd believed it too.
"Well, I'm in the home stretch of my degree, and ironically the work load is projected to be less, apart from my thesis work. I still miss my parents, but it's…more of a dull ache these days. It'll never go away, but it doesn't keep me from doing things. I guess I'd say I'm in a pretty good place right now, as opposed to where I was when we split up."
“Of course you still miss them,” he said gently. “I’m really glad to hear you’re in a better place. You deserve the world, Roxy. You deserve what you want.” Patroclus took in a breath as he asked, “does- Does that include me?”
Roxanna felt like she was standing on the edge, looking down. This was everything she'd wanted to hear, even if she didn't think she ever would.
"I don't think I ever stopped wanting you in my life," she admitted. "Especially right after we parted. I just…didn't want to put you in a position you didn't want to be in."
“Oh, well see that’s where you’re silly,” he said, reaching out to tuck some of her hair behind her ear. “I would be in any position if it was next to you and oh my gods, is everything I saw fated to sound sexual tonight?!” he laughed. “I hope you know what I mean!”
Another snort, much like before, escaped as he spoke. "Very possibly," she answered, smiling at him as he tucked her hair back. "But I do know what you mean."
She took a deep breath, looking up into his eyes. "So…does that mean you might want to try again? I totally understand if not, but I just feel like if I don't ask, I'll regret it."
Patroclus took in a deep breath and he knew he wanted to answer yes, but there were a few things he needed to say first. And he didn’t think Roxanna would have a problem with them, considering who her siblings were, but he needed to have all the cards on the table first. “It really does,” he said warmly. “But I have a few things I need to be honest about first. If you want to do this again.”
Patroclus chewed on his lip for a moment, before he started, just taking a second to collect himself. “I- I don’t talk about this to many people,” he admitted quietly, “but I’m bisexual. I always have been, I just- I kept that part of me inside for a long time.” Dear god he was not going to talk about Achilles right now. “But after we broke up, I…explored that part of myself.”
Roxanna sat quietly as he spoke, willing to listen for however long was needed for him to feel comfortable. She was happy he was willing to give things another try, and honesty was important in a relationship.
She nodded slowly as he continued, hands folded in her lap. "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me," she told him, a small smile on her face. "Were you happy you were able to do that exploring?"
“I was,” he nodded, “though I didn’t do it openly, really. Just a few trusted people. But it was nice not feeling ashamed about it. None of it was ever serious though. Just…casual. I haven’t been with anyone seriously. Not since you.” It had hurt, losing her. And there was a part of him that hadn’t wanted to open himself up again. Not for a while. He was ready now, and here she was again. Like magic.
"I'm glad you didn't feel ashamed," she told him. "And I'm happy you were able to have that. Also in the interest of being honest, I tried the tinder thing exactly twice. It went horribly both times, I don't know what I was expecting. Well, no, I know what I was expecting. But they weren't you."
Patroclus gave her a fond look and then he reached out for her hand, if she wanted to offer it. “I’m sorry it wasn’t what you were hoping for,” he said gently. “I think with me, it-” Patrolcus sighed and he realised he needed to talk about something he hadn’t admitted to anyone else except Briseis in his long life. “For me, it’s- Achilles. I was in love with Achilles, and he just had no idea. He was so bullheaded about chasing after Briseis, and I- I hid that side of me so he didn’t see it.”
Roxanna placed her hand in his, wrapping her thumb around the back. "It's alright," she assured him. "I think I just knew it was a bad idea, so I stopped trying."
She fell silent as he mentioned Achilles, remembering the few times she'd interacted with him. "I'm sorry he was like that," she said softly. "And that you had to lock that part of yourself away because of it.
“Thank you,” he said with feeling. When he had told Briseis, he had been so scared to tell her. Of course Briseis had known for ages, but he had still panicked about it. Telling Roxanna had been easier, and he was glad she accepted him. “I just want to start off completely honest,” he said. “I am sorry he was like that too. I haven’t spoken to him in so long and it used to really get to me. I’m doing better these days. I appreciate you being so supportive. I really do.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. “Will you let me take you on a date soon?”
"I'm glad you're doing better these days," she told him. "Though I'm still sorry he seems to have gone poof and it got to you. I know how important he was to you." She smiled as he kissed her hand, feeling warmed from the inside out. "I would love that," she answered. "That sounds really nice."
“I’m plotting,” Patroclus said with a grin. “While I do that, how has your family been? Things still all good with Lena and Thomas and Jamie?” He saw Julia all the time, so he knew things were going really well with her. Julia talked non-stop about her girlfriend because patroclus patiently listened to all of it without interrupting.
"Oh yeah, things are great," she answered. "Thomas and Lena are still letting me live with them while I go to school, because rent in this city is ridiculous and I'd miss them horribly if I moved out. Jamie has a year left on his MFA, and he's up to his eyeballs in pens and ink. Still living with his boyfriends, he's so happy."
“That’s so lovely,” Patroclus said happily. He had really liked Roxanna’s family, and he was glad to hear they were all okay. He of course got occasional updates of Jayden from Nicholas, and Jamie was a part of them, but it was nice to hear the other side of it too.
“Well things here are very the same. Still managing the club. Still teaching the self defense classes with Bri. I uh…attended a few uhm- I went to a few groups for people who had been through sexual assault? Survivors. For men who had- It was good to go to. Know I’m not alone.” It had taken a lot of convincing to get him there, but Briseis was right. It really had helped.
"How are the classes going?" she asked. "I imagine it's something you're really good at teaching, given your history." She squeezed his hand as he told her about going to the survivors groups. "I'm glad it helped," she said softly. "You deserve that help too, the same as anyone else."
For a long time, Patroclus hadn’t even accepted that it had been assault because his brain had been warped by the patriarchy to believe men couldn’t be victims of such a thing. Briseis, bless her, had put a lot of work in to get him to listen. “Took me far too long to realise that,” he admitted. “Now I can actually handle being around Hermes, which is good since he seems to pop in from time to time.” And since he was Roxanna’s biological father, it was for the best.
“Were you aware he was apparently held captive by the devil for months a while back?” He hoped if she was, she was okay.
"He does like to do that, doesn't he?" she sighed, feeling that familiar mix of exasperation tinged with anger that she usually felt when discussing her father. Hermes seemed to love sticking his nose in where it wasn't wanted.
"Wait, he was what?" she asked, very taken aback. "No, I had no idea. He doesn't really talk to me all that much, so it makes sense I wouldn't know. Is he OK?"
“I think it was a while back now,” Patroclus nodded. “And it makes sense you didn’t know, he wouldn’t want you to.” Patroclus had heard from Perseus, who had heard from Peitho herself. “Over a year ago now but he was there for months. He’s probably too proud to say anything.”
"That makes sense," Roxanna nodded as well, turning all this new information over in her mind. "I mean, I know we don't get along, but I still wouldn't wish that on anyone. The devil…I can't even imagine." She sighed, feeling a twinge of guilt for how she'd felt when Hermes had been brought up. "And I don't think he'd want me checking in or asking him about it."
“He’s an enigma,” Patroclus said, giving her hand a squeeze. “I wouldn’t wish Lucifer on anyone either. And we both know how I feel about Hermes. I think it’s up to you if you bring it up, Roxy, not him. He should have at least told you.”
"I mean, maybe, but I don't think you could ever classify our relationship as close." Roxanna shrugged. "At best, he probably sees me as slightly interesting because I can see and talk to the shades like he can. But maybe some day I'll ask him about it. See how he's holding up."
“Fair enough,” Patroclus said with a nod. “Are we caught up now?” he asked, a slight smirk in his eyes. “Because I would very much like to kiss you. But only if you’re ready for that.” He wasn’t about to rush her. But he had missed her so much.
"I think so," she answered, a smile appearing on her face. "We can finish getting caught up when we go out. And I would really like you to kiss me, please. It's been far too long."
Patroclus was glad to hear it! He leaned in and he took her face into his hands, caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. He captured her lips with his, gently and slowly at first, though he deepened the kiss, his tongue dancing with hers.
And then the door opened and Julia whooped, having found them on the sofa, kissing.
It was such a good, familiar feeling, having her face held and being kissed. Roxanna's heart fluttered in her chest, and she probably would have scooted over to close the gap between them if Julia hadn't come in at that point.
She pulled back reluctantly, although she was smiling. "You sound pleased," she remarked, eyes sliding over to take in Julia's face.
Julia shoved her arms into the air, and whooped again, while Patroclus chuckled at her antics. “Did you come to check on us?”
“Well no, I came to get the checkbook, but this is a happy accident!” she grinned. “Look at you two! Kissing! Are you doing this?! Did my meddling help!?”
"Yes, to both," Roxanna laughed, leaning back against the couch and crossing her legs. "We had a really nice talk and we're going to go out, hopefully soon." She looked over at Patroclus, squeezing his hand.
“Fuck yes!” Julia punched the air again and then she said, “and then Patroclus can stop moping about.”
“I have not been moping!” he objected loudly. “I’ve been… you know…uh…fine!”
Julia snorted loudly and she backed up, clearly intending to leave them both to it. “He’s been fine, Roxy. Just fine.”
“I might have been moping,” he laughed.
"Oh just ask Jamie next time you see him," Roxanna answered. "I was definitely guilty of moping. He hugged me a lot. Put up with me showing up at his place and asking for cuddles. I leaned on him a lot right afterwards."
“Then it’s a darn good thing we’re trying this again, if not only for ourselves, but for our loved ones,” he laughed. Then he said out of nowhere, “have you seen the Barbie movie?”
Roxanna laughed, squeezing his hand. "Wait until Thomas hears about this, he loves love. And no, I haven't, but I keep meaning to. Do you want to go together?"
“Yes, I would really like to!” Patroclus said, grinning. He missed Thomas, and thinking of his reaction was pretty cute. “I would really, really like to. Tomorrow night?”
"Tomorrow works for me," she answered, smiling at the look on his face. "I might even have some pink shoes I can wear for the occasion. Maybe. My closet is a nightmare."
“Well I don’t have pink shoes, but I am definitely going to wear a pink shirt,” Patroclus laughed. “So we’ll go well together.”
"Excellent," Roxanna answered, scooting closer so she could lay her head on his shoulder. "Can we get popcorn? I haven't had movie theater popcorn for ages."
“We can get anything you want,” he promised her, smiling fondly. “Extra butter!”
"Sounds good to me," she answered, pulling out her phone to check the time. "I should probably get going soon. I have a thing due tomorrow to work on. Even if I'd rather stay here."
Patroclus chuckled at that and he stood up so he could give her a goodbye hug. “There’s plenty of time,” he said, grinning at her. They could try a date first, and then see where it went.