WHO: Friar Tuck, Will Scarlet WHEN: Sunday evening WHERE: Parsonage WHAT: Relationship conversations and then Drug conversations WARNINGS: Drug shit
Tuck had been home for a few days, and he was so relieved. His reunion with Flora had been adorable and happy, and an endless parade of parishioners had brought food by or stopped by to wish him well pretty much the instant he was set up.
He had an in-home nurse stop by once a day to check everything and take him through some physical therapy. His surgery had gone well and there were several pins in his ankle to ensure proper healing. He was also wearing a moonboot so he could get around a little, though it hurt a lot to do so. Mostly he was propped up in his bed, and ordered to relax. Not really something he was good at. He was feeling more and more with it, and able to have longer conversations by the second day.
By evening, he was sort of peopled out. He called out to Will, wondering if Will was feeling the same. “Sweetheart! Are you in the kitchen?” he called from the bed.
Will had been enjoying taking Flora for long walks in the early Fall weather, watching her snuffle about in the grass at the park and then run off barking at a fallen leaf. It also gave him an excuse to avoid people for a while and listen to some music.
He’d been home for a while by the time Tuck called out, and rather than shout across the house, he wandered over to lean in the doorframe, arms folded. “I was,” he said. “Does sir require a pillow fluffing?”
Tuck laughed and he turned to grin at his partner. “No, sir doesn’t! Sir requires possibly a sign put on the door saying ‘no more visitors until tomorrow’. Like a Hobbit. Do you think we can lock it? Is that rude? I just want to spend time with you.”
“Consider it locked.” Will wished he could lock the door in a dramatic fashion with a press of a button, but sadly he had to go and walk back to the door and turn the latch to get the same result. When he came back, he brought with him the biscuit jar, and sat down in the chair next to the bed with his foot crossed across his knee, offering the jar to Tuck. “There. No more visitors.”
“You clever man,” Tuck said, reaching for a biscuit. He fetched a chocolate one and took a nibble before turning to watch Will. “Thank you. Just feeling a little peopled out.” And he knew if any of the Merry Men wanted to stop by, they had keys and could get in either way. “How are you holding up, love?” At least Will wasn’t going to have to cook anything to keep them both fed. Not for a long time.
Will smiled and bit off half a gingernut. “Just dandy,” he said around his mouthful of crumbs. “Everything is under control. How about you, feeling okay in the pain department? How are you feeling for a top-up? You’re not far off your next dose.” He knew Tuck was as likely to endure the pain if he didn’t actively address it himself. It was tricky though. They both knew it was going to be an issue sooner or later if they weren’t vigilant.
Tuck’s pain was like the tide, ebbing back when he took every dose, and then slowly rising up again as the pills faded. It was definitely nearing high tide at the moment, but now that Tuck was home, he felt differently about the drugs. He didn’t want those things to invade his safe place, and so instead of admitting that he needed another dose, he shook his head. “No, I’m alright,” he lied.
He didn’t even want to focus on it for long, so he cleared his throat and shifted a little in the bed. “Should we talk about it, sweetheart? The days before they let you in to see me?” They had avoided the subject so far, but if Tuck wanted to distract Will from the topic of the pills, then it seemed like it was time to bring it up.
Will checked the timer on his phone. Tuck was lying, obviously, and he knew why, but when the alarm went off he was going to take the pills. It wasn’t far off anyway.
“Should we? I don’t know. It sounds like you want to. Or you want me to.” He scratched his fingers back through his hair, casting his mind back with a sigh. Just the days of worrying and waiting in that ugly little waiting room, it seemed like a blip in his life that he was moving so thankfully away from. But Tuck was going to want to discuss this, so perhaps it was better to entertain the idea and get it over with. “What do you want to know?”
“I suppose…I want to know how you were,” Tuck said. “I know I would have been losing my mind. It is truly shitty not having any next of kin. My kids couldn’t even come in because legally, their father is dead.” On paper, Michael Jones was dead and gone. Michael Adderley didn’t have any legal children of his own.
“Hmm.” Will glanced at Tuck and then away, a little uncomfortable. They were circling back around towards the whole fake marriage papers thing, and he still wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Well, he felt kinda pissed about it having been necessary, but awkward as well. “Well yeah, it sucked. Of course it sucked. Not being allowed in was arse, no matter how much company I had. That doctor was a twat.”
“A little bully on a power trip, sounds like,” Tuck sighed. “It sounds like I need to give someone power of attorney and medical proxy should it be necessary. Is that something you would even want though? I could always nominate Robin.” It was a way around the next of kin thing without going the certificate route.
Will was silent for a long time, almost until Tuck was about to prompt him for a response. Then he sighed, fidgeting his hands together, words sticking a bit in his throat.
“I have been thinking about this a lot,” he said, his voice low. “Fuckin- fucking paperwork. It’s just- it’s the complications. The- the, uh, social complications.” He sighed, frustrated, but he pressed on. “It’s not just for you either. It’s Evie. You have no legal connection to her either. It looks like the- the thing, the certificate- is the best road. Like you said it was.” He flicked another glance at Tuck and frowned, shifting in his seat, crossing his legs the opposite way.
Tuck had not expected that at all, which he made clear by staring at Will with his mouth open for longer than was really necessary. But he wasn’t sure what to say. While Will had told Robin that Tuck was going to say ‘I told you so’,Tuck wasn’t feeling anything of the sort. “Will, I- You don’t look all that excited to be tied to me legally, I have to say,” Tuck said, though he tried to sound a little amused to lighten it.
“It’s not you. I know I sound like an arsehole but it’s not you. I feel as sure as I can be about you. But I told you before I don’t need a bit of paper from the state to validate our relationship, and I still don’t, and that’s what pisses me off.” Will looked back at Tuck. “I hate feeling pushed into it by the Man, like what we have isn’t valid because we don’t have some stupid fucking certificate that They approve of. It’s a goddamn violation. The conservative elite strikes a-fucking-gain. We aren’t chattel to be paired off. But that doctor stopped me seeing you when you could’ve been dying because I didn’t have it.” His leg was jiggling as he spoke, an outward expression of his agitation.
“Oh my love,” Tuck said, reaching out for Will. “I’m so sorry he did that to you. You must have been so scared.” Tuck agreed with Will, that they didn’t need any paperwork to legitimise anything. Unfortunately, some people in positions of power didn’t see it that way.
Will blinked at Tuck, thrown a little off-guard for a moment. Scared? “I- …yeah. I guess I was.” He squeezed Tuck’s hand, still frowning, silent for a minute. Scared, yeah he’d been scared. And frustrated, and angry, and impatient. “And- and- for Evie. If something happens to me. So you’re legally her step-dad. I don’t know- You never know, apparently, when you might need a forged marriage certificate.”
Tuck knew it wasn’t an easy thing for Will to admit he’d been scared, but being forcibly separated from the man you loved while his life hung in the balance was terrifying. “Absolutely for Evie,” he said, blessed that Will wanted him to have a legal tie to their daughter. “For Evie, and so never again will either of us be stuck in the waiting room. I know you don’t want this,” he said quietly, “and I wish we didn’t need it either. I don’t need papers to tell me how I feel about you, or how I feel about Evie. But I accept your forced, reluctant fake proposal. For safety.”
Will’s tight, angry expression immediately softened into apology and chagrin. “Jesus, I’m sorry. I sound like a complete heel. Honestly, it’s not you. You know how I feel about you.” It’s the- you know.” He waved a hand vaguely, not needing to repeat himself. “Listen, like, I don’t know what your plan was, and it’s just our aliases gettin hitched, right? So…” He sighed. “If you want, we could pop down to the courthouse with Addy and Ev, do it above board. What’s the difference anyway? It’s still fake ID. I mean… if you want.” He was trying to warm this up so it didn’t sound like such a drag, like Will would rather crawl through hot coals than even pretend to be married to Tuck. It wasn’t it, of course, it was just… it was all political, yeah? Political reasons.
Tuck watched Will fondly, and he shook his head, “you don’t sound like a heel, Will. And I do know how you feel about me.” It wasn’t the most incredible boost to the old ego to have Will sighing about the idea of their aliases getting married on paper. But Tuck wasn’t going to take it personally. “We can do that if you want. I’m just as happy having Ben do it. Would it mean something to you to do it with Evie there?” She could remind them why, at the very least.
Will sort of shrugged. “Mean something? I dunno, none of it means anything, really,” he mumbled awkwardly. “I just thought you would like that.” He shifted in his seat and cleared his throat.
“I think it would be very sweet,” Tuck agreed, and then he added, “if you didn’t look like you were undergoing some kind of awful medical procedure.” Honestly, the look on Will’s face. “Are you going to look like that the entire time we are at city hall, because I think they’ll assume I am blackmailing you into it.”
Will rolled his eyes and pulled a face. “It’s not you blackmailing me,” he muttered darkly, but he at least tried to lighten his expression. “Fuck the patriarchy. No, I will be on my best behaviour.” He sighed and shook his head.
“And when we get home afterwards, I can reward you for being such a good boy,” Tuck joked. “But yes, absolutely fuck the patriarchy. “Well I suppose we’re agreed. I’m so sorry it’s necessary,” Tuck said. “But if I have to be fake married to anyone, there’s no one I’d rather be fake married to.”
“Well… thanks.” Will gave Tuck a thin smile. Fuck, this was all so- stressful. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and slouched down in his seat. “I shouldn’t look like the one having the medical procedures when you’re doing the job admirably on your own.”
“Not by choice!” Tuck laughed. “At least it wasn’t falling off the church roof again? I don’t know if that’s actually a silver lining or not.” Tuck sighed a little then. “Is there anything I can do to make it less stressful?”
“Which part? The marriage or the medical event? Because you caaaan-” Will checked his phone for the timer, noticing the alarm was about to go off, “-take your pills. I’ll be right back.” He bounced to his feet and went to get the tablets and a cup of water, glad to break the conversation for a minute. He paused in the kitchen to set some tea ready to be made on his way back.
“Here we go! And in answer to your question, no, there’s nothing you can do, if you can’t join the supreme court and change all the laws? No?” He held out the cup for Tuck to take with one hand, and the pills with the other. “Down the hatch.”
Tuck made a face, but he held his hands out obediently. He wasn’t planning on swallowing them, but he could put on a show anyway. No one could tongue a pill like Tuck could. So he took the pills into his hand and made a show of washing them down with the tea. “Can you help me to the bathroom, love?” he asked then.
Will gave Tuck a long look and then put the cup aside so he had his hands free to help Tuck to his feet. “Take it easy,” he said softly, encouraging him as they moved slowly to the ensuite. “You’ve got this. There you go. Yell out if you need anything.” He would give Tuck his privacy of course, and wait outside the door.
Tuck hated needing help doing anything, but he did his best hobble to the bathroom. Once in there he discarded the pills in the toilet before taking a slash because he didn’t want to waste the trip. It was all flushed down by the time Will helped him back to the bed. “Looking forward to the day I don’t need help with that,” he groaned. Will was being so sweet and attentive, but Tuck hated being a burden.
“I hear ya.” Will vehemently agreed on the point. He hated having to rely on anyone else for physical assistance too. He adjusted Tuck’s pillows and gave Tuck a nod. “You wanting a nap or something? I got a couple of things to get done in the kitchen. I can stay here a bit longer if you like though.”
“Maybe a nap is a good idea,” Tuck agreed. He was exhausted, and he hoped it would help with the pain. Which it did, at first. Will left him and Tuck was able to fall asleep quickly. Slowly, the pain started to infiltrate his dreams. He had nightmares of his limbs twisting and his body contorting and he was in such agony, only to wake up and realise the pain was real.
Tuck’s body was drenched in sweat as it tried to cope with the anguish it was in. He was shaking too, but he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to breathe through it. Just don’t let Will find out. Physical pain was terrible, but it was nothing compared to what he would feel if he ended up addicted to all that shit again. Or at least that’s what he thought, but as his body felt worse and worse he wondered if he might change his mind.
Will hummed to himself as he pottered about, trying to keep on top of things so Tuck wouldn’t feel like he had to get up and help if he saw a single thing that needed doing. Of course there was a lot to do, and there were still a good amount of casseroles and macaroni cheeses and pot pies to get through.
After pausing to kill some time on his phone, Will decided to go and see if Tuck was still asleep. He softly tapped on the door, just in case, and poked his head around, holding his breath so he didn’t make too much noise. Only for a moment though, because he instantly noticed how pale and clammy Tuck was. He didn’t look at all restful in sleep, although his eyes were closed. “Oh shit,” Will muttered, and went to get a cold damp cloth from the bathroom. “Hey, can you hear me? I think you’re running a fever- where’s that damn thermometer?” He pulled the side drawer open to search for it, and rested the cloth on Tuck’s forehead with his other hand. “Infection is the last thing we need- oh god, I found it. Right. Open up, gotta pop this under your tongue.”
Tuck opened his mouth, but with it came a groan he had been trying to keep in. He sort of flailed his hand towards Will, trying to bat the thermometer away. “‘S fine, Will, don’t-” he mumbled, and then he winced as another shock of pain rolled through him.
Will ignored Tuck and put the thermometer in anyway, holding it in place until it beeped. It was slightly elevated, but not to the point of worry. He realised Tuck’s face was pale, not flushed, and that- that meant he didn’t think it was an infection. Which he could breathe a sigh of relief over. But something else was clearly wrong, and he frowned, dabbing up the sweat on Tuck’s forehead. “What happened?” he asked, starting to do a visual assessment of Tuck’s body. He lifted the covers to check nothing looked different on the casts too. “Tuck? Tell me what happened.”
Tuck didn’t want to admit what he’d done, but he didn’t want to lie to Will either. “I thought I could do it,” he mumbled. He reached out to Will, trying to stop the other man from looking him over. “I thought I would be okay without them, but god- Will.”
“Them? Them who?” Will looked at Tuck in confusion, and then suddenly realised what Tuck must be talking about. “You- you didn’t take your pills? Fuck, Tuck-” He dropped the covers and left the room sharply, going to get another dose immediately. The pain wasn’t going to go away on its own, not for weeks, and there was no way Will was going to let Tuck writhe in agony until then.
He came back with the tray of tablets and a full water bottle, and fumbled a bit with it trying to get tablets out. “Jesus Christ, God is testing me today. You’re gonna take your dose. I know why you did it, but you’re gonna take it anyway. So says me. Sooner it’s in you, the sooner the pain will go away.”
Tuck was a bit lost to the horror of it all, but when Will came back with more pills, he shook his head. “Please, Will,” he whined, “I can’t do it again. You don’t understand.” He had tried to describe just how lost he had been when he was in the grip of addiction, but he didn’t think any of his oldest friends could truly imagine what he would have been like. “Please.”
Will looked fiercely at Tuck. “Do you want to be like this for the next six weeks?” he said, finally getting two tablets into his hand. “It’s not going to get better any time soon. You won’t be able to function. Did you at least take a Tylenol or Aspirin? At least??” He didn’t want Tuck to knock the tablets to the floor so he was waiting until Tuck agreed to make him take them. “I know it’s not ideal taking the oxycontin but neither is this.” He gestured at Tuck’s wan face and shivering body. He couldn’t watch Tuck suffer like this, let alone sleep next to him.
Tuck took the pills into his hand and he didn’t take them, but he didn’t drop them on the floor either. Did he want to be like this for the next six weeks? No. God no. It was awful. But he couldn’t accurately explain his fear either. “Will, what if I- What if I end up back- Back where I was? I can’t- I can’t risk it.” He was tearing up now, because the pain was physical and emotional as well. “I can’t fuck up.” He had too much to lose.
Will looked intently at Tuck for a moment, and then pulled up a chair so his face was more on Tuck’s level. “I know,” he said, his tone a lot calmer and gentler, like he was talking to a cornered animal. “I don’t like it either. But I like this a whole lot less. I’m not gonna sit by and watch you suffer. I’m here, alright? Whatever happens, we’ll figure it out, yeah? You can’t make clear decisions when you are scrambled with pain. I want you to take the pills, because this pain is not right. Can you do it for me?” He gave Tuck a sincere look and an encouraging nod. “I’m not gonna let you fuck up.”
Will didn’t want to watch him suffer. Tuck sighed and said, “I’m afraid,” his voice small. “I’m scared that I- if I fuck up-” He shook his head and cut straight to the point, “I don’t want to lose Evie,” he whispered. “I don’t want Sarah to take another child from me.” Not that she would know, but she was the one who shot him which meant he needed the opiates in the first place.
“Sarah is not gonna do shit,” Will said firmly. “I’m the one you gotta worry about.” His heart did ache for Tuck and his trauma, the shitty past he couldn’t let go of. He put a hand over Tuck’s, prepared to draw it back quickly if it hurt Tuck at all. “The only way you’re gonna fuck up with me is if you try to trick me like that again. Be honest with me about it, Tuck. Don’t make me into your warden.” He didn’t want to be Tuck’s personal nurse, checking under his tongue with every dose. He’d resent Tuck for it and Tuck would resent him. It wasn’t what either of them needed.
At that, Tuck immediately took the pills and he dry swallowed them. Then he sighed and closed his eyes, wishing he were anywhere else. He didn’t want Will to be his warden either, though. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice small. “I thought I could handle it.”
Will offered the water. “I know, love. I don’t blame you, you didn’t know how bad it was. But now you do, so… Look, we’ll work out a plan with the doctor, and we’ll wean you off them as soon as it’s okay to do so. We can get through this, Tuck.”
Tuck took the water and sucked some down, before giving Will a sort of desperate, disbelieving look. Will didn’t understand. He had no idea what kind of person Tuck became when he was in the throes of addiction. Even as he thought about it, he could feel the opiates in his system start to work and that slight euphoria started to creep in. It made Tuck want to scream.
As the pain receded though, Tuck’s ability to form words returned. “I know you all think I have this big heart. And I do, of course I do. When I was- It’s like the drugs erase my heart, Will. Burn it right out of me. I don’t care about anyone, least of all myself. Which back then was what I wanted, but god I don’t ever want to be like that again.”
Will was listening, the best he could, but he was watching as Tuck’s limbs were gradually relaxing, and the clammy sweats dried up, and only then did he relax a little too. He looked at Tuck’s face and nodded, a frown creasing his brow. “You won’t be like that again,” he promised. “Maybe I didn’t see you, but I’ve seen others on drugs. I know what it looks like. I’m not gonna let it happen. We will make a plan and we will stick to it. I swear it.”
Tuck groaned loudly, and a little petulantly. Usually it was Will being frustrated with something and Tuck reassuring him. Tuck did not like the change. “Can we go back to where I made you promise you wouldn’t kill Sarah? Can I change my mind? Fucking bullshit- Arsehole cunt.” And then Tuck’s eyes widened and he said, “oh my,” in the most ridiculously posh-sounding voice. Like he had somehow offended himself with his language. “She makes me lose my mind.”
“Sorry to break it to you, but you were on drugs when you said that too...” Will looked apologetic and amused at Tuck’s outburst. Tuck wasn’t wrong. “Are you trying to demonstrate your mood swings to me? Because it’s working.”
Tuck gave Will a withering look, though mostly now it was from a place of amusement. “No, I wasn’t trying to. Well not on purpose! I just- The entire reason I lost myself in the first place was because of her and now she’s fucking with my life again.” Then he lost the slight levity in his voice as he said, “I’m not talking about swings, sweetheart. I- I hurt people.” He was so ashamed of it, and he looked down at his hands and sighed.
Will watched Tuck for a few moments. Clearly there was a lot of pain still there, no matter how much he looked like he was functioning fine.
“What do you want me to do?” he asked. He’d told Tuck what they were going to do, but Tuck still seemed disturbed by it all. The pills were locked away, Will was in control of their distribution, and he was not going to get out a single spare dose- today’s events notwithstanding. “I want to help you through this, any way I can. Just tell me whatever you need to tell me.”
Tuck breathed in and out a few times, and then he shook his head slowly. Now that he thought about it, maybe Will wasn’t the best person to talk to about this. “No- I should probably- Do you think I could ask my therapist to do a house call? It might cost more, but I could talk to her.” If she judged him, it didn’t matter. It was professional and Tuck didn’t stand to lose her. “I don’t want you looking at me differently.”
“You know we’ve seen each other pretty close to rock bottom,” Will said. “Not much you could say to put me off you.” Of course they could get a medical professional in, that wouldn’t be a problem. Was he relieved to not have to hear the worst of this? He wasn’t sure. Maybe he was a bit hurt, in a way, that Tuck didn’t trust him with it. And he already knew some of it. He did not want to have to go through what Francis went through all those years ago. This was going to be managed and controlled and everything would be fine.
Will was right, and Tuck nodded his agreement. “You’re right, love. We have. It’s up to you then.” If Will wanted Tuck to share the darkest parts of himself, he would. He only hoped Will wouldn’t see him differently. “Do you want me to tell you? Though I do think speaking to my therapist is a good idea either way.”
None of this was going to be pleasant to hear or talk about, that much was certain. Will frowned and rubbed his temple. “Only if you want to talk about it. I already know about some of it, and I can read between the lines for other things. I mean, obviously this isn’t easy for either of us. And I’d say you should be speaking to your therapist regardless.”
Tuck closed his eyes and he let out a little blissful sound, and then he groaned. “I like these pills too much, Will,” he said, sounding defeated. But god they felt good. Like welcoming home an old friend. “I’m sorry you have to- I’m just sorry.” It was like the only thing standing between himself and years lost to addiction again, was Will. Poor Will just trying to hold the dam steady. “It means a lot to me. To have you here. It means everything.”
Will nodded slowly. “The doctor said there was no other choice,” he said quietly. “He said you’d be in agony if they didn’t use it, and I had to be happy with the lesser of two evils. I did try.” He reached out again and covered Tuck’s hand with his, squeezing it gently.
Tuck smiled weakly at Will then, “oh my darling, of course you did. I think- Therapist, and- Ugh. Shoot me again, but I think maybe once I’m able- Maybe going to NA? God.” Tuck hated NA meetings. He had been a few times with Lachlan, but mostly that had been to humour the young man. They helped though, at least when he was in the thick of things back in the day. “It’s almost as fun as watching paint drying.”
“Wow, a real selling point there.” Will smirked weakly, too tired to find things deeply humorous. He needed a drink or something, just to get a load off his shoulders. Maybe Elijah would share a couple of beers with him. Elijah wasn’t gonna do anything else though, more was the pity. “I know it sucks. You’re making jokes though, that’s a good sign.”
Tuck just wanted to get back to being himself. He felt like right now he wasn’t, and he hated it. “I think maybe I might tell you everything that happened in San Francisco, but another time.” Tonight had already been so much. “I did hear you. When you said we can get through this. That you won’t let me fuck up. I wish it wasn’t necessary, but I- Thank you.” Will - aside from everything else he was these days - was one of Tuck’s oldest and dearest friends. “You’ve- You’ve always been so- Oh god, here I go,” Tuck said, tearing up and laughing at himself at the same time. It was a welcome sound, even to him though. “Having you beside me all these years is the greatest gift, Will Scarlet.”
“Hey now, easy,” Will said lightly, trying to brush it off a little. The intensity of Tuck’s emotion made him try to deflect a bit, although for Tuck’s sake he would accept the gratitude. “It’ll be okay! Really. You’d do the same for me, anyway. But… you’re welcome.”
“I was just thinking about when we first met,” Tuck said, smiling a little more easily now. He wiped his tears away and then laughed again, “oh my god, you were so rich!”
Will blinked at him, trying to grasp at whatever thread Tuck was pulling on. “I was- what? I- no, my father was rich, I was just- Would you like some more water? I think you should get some more fluids in you.”
“Oh yes. More water,” Tuck nodded. Suddenly everything seemed like it was going to be fine and he wasn’t really sure why he’d been so worried in the first place. “And then maybe a nap. Or a sleep. Will you sleep beside me? I mean when you’re ready.” He didn’t think Will would go to sleep when he did. He imagined he would be dead to the world long before Will fell asleep.
“When I’m ready,” Will agreed. He got water for Tuck, watching him as the drugs properly kicked in. It was partially amusing, partially concerning. “I think a sleep sounds like a good idea. You need to keep your body healing.”
Tuck sucked the water down obediently and then he held out the glass. “You should go play your games or something, “Tuck suggested, just trying to let Will let off some steam. “After a kiss! Just one!”
Will obliged Tuck and leaned over to press a kiss to his lips. “I think I will,” he said. He’d grab a couple of beers too, and think about nothing for a while, and let Tuck get his rest. “Rest up, okay? Tomorrow will be better.”