"We don't know that," Lyra said in a whisper— though if she thought about it, if she chose to believe Little John when he said that they'd keep their end of the deal and not come for her then yeah... he was right, they probably didn't have power over her here... but it felt like they did. Lyra spread both her arms out, fingers splayed then closing like she was tryna close them on the words she wanted, tryna explain it.
"I just kept thinkin', over and over, that if some kinda doorway opened up I wouldn't be able to resist walkin' through it, to— to feel that magic again, cuz it was like it was in me, like I could do anything, literally anything. Coulda walked on water, coulda flown, like there was not a single impossibility in the world. That's what pulls— even though I know it'd fuck up my whole life again, I know they'd fuck me up, they'd hurt me again, and— and they'd make you forget, they'd make you forget me. It makes me feel like a fucking crazy person that even a little part of me would wanna risk that when the idea that you'd fucking forget me is like..."
She didn't have words for that, or at least not ones she could find amongst the torrent of confession pouring outta her, but she could mime it, burying both her clawed hands into fists in her hair and shooting him a look of distress.