InsaneJournal

“I’m not dead,” Psyche said with gentle exasperation, shifting her phone to the other hand so she could focus on cutting through the packing tape in front of her. “You can still come visit me.”

Fawn had really taken her mother’s decision to move from Kentucky to New York far more personally than her siblings, but Psyche wasn’t surprised. Fawn had a tendency to take everything very hard and very personal, and Psyche regretted to admit at least some of that came right from her.

And now Fawn, on the other end of the phone, probably standing in the back doorway of her house beneath the horse-shaped wind chime, sounded like she was close to tears with the thought of being so abandoned by her mother.

A fear of abandonment: that part was all Psyche. Fawn didn’t get that from Eros.

But Fawn was twenty-five now, and her younger sister Sienna was nineteen and gone to Connecticut for university, and Sable was long settled down with his own wife and kids, all of which meant it was finally time for Psyche to feel like she could do something that was just for herself again. Psyche loved her children, more than anything, but they were grown and Psyche wanted to be-

Well, she wanted to be away from Eros. That sounded heartless to admit out loud though.

For three decades they’d barely been apart and that was wonderful, but it was also exhausting. Eros had a way of wearing people down even when they wanted so much to be in his light. But he’d hurt her feelings one too many times over the last years, and he’d gone and fallen back into habits she hated.

Every year, Eros used to go up to New York because it was the highest population of immortals in the country. He would go on Valentine’s Day and he would shoot his arrows indiscriminately, hitting anyone who got in their path and delighting in the chaotic lovefest that followed.

Psyche thought it was cruel. Eros said it was all about the joy of love, but forcing everyone to fall for someone for just a day and then having to deal with the fallout? No, that was terribly mean and Psyche had finally managed to convince him to stop it. She’d told him that every year it made her so sad to even think about and why couldn’t he just stay there and they could have a romantic Valentine’s Day together?

So he stopped his yearly New York jaunt and Psyche felt like she’d really done some good there and saved a lot of heartache for others.

But then she found out that this year he’d done it again behind her back: it was just that he’d gone to Los Angeles for it instead. Eros insisted that made it different.

Psyche was done. She was done with their little life. As much as she loved him - as much as she would always love him - Psyche wasn’t sure she liked him very much. He’d always had a streak of meanness running through him, and Psyche had accepted that. Sometimes Love was not always kind.

So Psyche had arranged another job for herself in New York, working at a school on the recommendation of the Kentucky one she’d been at for the last five years. It was a high school and Psyche mostly had worked at primary schools, but it was still children she could keep an eye on.

Some might have said that working in the cafeteria wasn’t a very important role, but every role in a young person’s life was important. Jobs were what you made them, just like everything in this world. You had to be positive and good and kind, and everything else would hopefully come along.

Her apartment in New York was very small, little more than one room that was kitchen, living room, and bedroom in one, and a tiny bathroom off it. But it was all hers- that was very scary and very exciting.

She had unpacked her laptop first, setting it up on the kitchen bench so that she could open Netflix and let it play a randomly chosen romantic Christmas movie. She wasn’t really watching it, she just needed the comforting presence of other people with her as she began opening her boxes.

But then Fawn had called and provided another human voice, but Psyche had never much liked talking on the phone. It felt far too close to her first months in the palace of Eros, where she had been so alone except for the voices of spirits she couldn’t see, and the voice of her husband who forbade her from other company or the sight of his face. Phones made Psyche feel lonelier in some ways, but she had always made an effort for her children.

And Fawn, in her clinginess, could sit on the other end of a phone all day and barely say a word. That unsettled Psyche far too much and she eventually needed to make excuses to end it.

Which was what she was doing now, although it wasn’t really an excuse. She did need to go get groceries, because her apartment was completely empty. “I’ll get settled in here,” Psyche said, “and then you can come and stay with me. I’ll show you around!”

Even though she was happy to be here, after hanging up the phone Psyche started crying a little. It was just the change of it all, really. It was such a big change and she needed time to get used to it.

Finally she took some deep breaths and dried her eyes, checking her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She wasn’t really checking to see if she looked pretty, because Psyche always looked pretty and tried to hide that more than display it. She rarely wore makeup and her hair was either in a simple ponytail or loose and unadorned. Her outfits tended towards the ‘cosy’ end of the scale, with soft unrevealing fabrics that were usually towards the neutral end of the colour scale. Psyche loathed drawing attention to herself.

No, today as Psyche checked the mirror it was to make sure she didn’t look like she’d been crying too much. She didn’t want her new neighbours to see and worry, because that would be horrible. She wanted whoever she met in this city to think she was very capable and clever and resourceful and brave!

She would even try and be those things if she could.

At the bodega Psyche filled a basket with essentials while an incredibly overweight ginger cat followed her around, weaving between her legs. At the counter the man shook his head down at the cat. “Boris has really taken a liking. You must have done something right.”

Psyche beamed at the man and then leaned down to scratch Boris’ chin while her bread and milk were packed. Oh, she should get a cat now that she was here! That would keep her such nice company, especially in the nights when she was so used to having someone in bed beside her.

That would probably have to wait until next weekend though. Tomorrow was Monday and her first day at the school, and she hoped to make herself friends with some of the teachers and caretakers. (She’d have to see there. At one of the schools she’d worked at there had been such a rude hierarchy and not a single teacher would even talk to the lunch ladies. Psyche hated that sort of thing. She’d had enough of being told she was inferior back before they’d made her a goddess, and she didn’t want to have to relieve it now in modern America. Psyche had always treated everyone with the greatest love and respect, because every single human being had earned that. It wasn't right to pretend you were above others.)

Boris followed Psyche halfway back to the apartment and she’d eventually broken into a jog to get away, worried he’d lose his way and never get home. She wanted a cat, but fat little Boris was already loved by someone else.

In the apartment, Psyche made herself a hot cocoa (even though it was beautifully warm outside) and sat down cross-legged on her bed to finish the movie she’d begun, hoping that everyone would have the happiest of endings.