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Clio | Κλειω (ephemerist) wrote in nevermore_logs,
@ 2022-02-06 17:01:00

Entry tags:

clio, will stutely

WHO: Clio and Will Stutely
WHEN: Sunday afternoon
WHERE: Their place
WHAT: Discussing names
WARNINGS: Likely none

Clio was quite glad she was over the morning sickness part of her pregnancy, but at 22 weeks, she was entering the swollen ankles, Braxton-Hicks part. She had spent Sunday morning quite uncomfortable, and by the afternoon, she was resting in the lounge with her feet up so that her ankles would, hopefully, feel a little better.

While she rested, she had her hands on her rounding belly, singing to her daughter. Will was around, pottering about and probably trying to distract himself from the discomfort Clio was in. Ella was at their father's house, and Clio was enjoying the quiet, broken only by her angelic voice.

Eventually, she was thirsty and she called out for Will. She didn't really want to get up yet. "Willlll?" she said, trying to make her voice sound sing-songy instead of demanding. "Honey? Could I have some water?"

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sly_stutely
2022-02-06 09:22 am UTC (link)

Clio could've demanded all she liked and Will would have jumped at the chance to make her a smidge more comfortable. He'd never been good at sitting idle, least of all when someone he loved was in pain. This was a natural kind of pain, but it was still pain, and it was only half a year ago he'd been sitting vigil at her bedside while nurses changed the dressing on her wounds and a mask pumped fresh oxygen into her abused lungs. He was trying not to be jumpy for Clio's sake, but every twinge of discomfort brought an instinctive spike of do something, fix it, make it better.

At least she was singing. She couldn't be feeling too rotten if she was singing. And Will, he could listen to her voice all day.

He was busy fiddling with the kitchen door – it had a dodgy hinge, wasn't closing right – but he left it aside at once when Clio called out for water, jumping on the task. Moments later he was in the lounge, handing her a glass. "How's the feet, love?"

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	ephemerist 2022-02-06 09:24 am UTC (link)
	Clio took the glass, grinning widely at him as she took it. "Thank you," she said, taking a sip. "The feet are still sore, but not as bad as this morning. This lazing around thing might have some science to it!" she joked. "Hey, sit with me a while? I want to look at your handsome face," she winked. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sly_stutely 2022-02-06 12:25 pm UTC (link)
	Will chuckled. "Why they kept me around all these years. Robin's the brains, Johnny's the brawn, and me?" He circled his face with an index finger. "I'm the beauty." He grinned and leaned over the couch to kiss her, before sinking into the armchair beside her. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ephemerist 2022-02-06 12:54 pm UTC (link)
	"I believe it," she grinned, kissing him right back. She took another sip of the water as he settled down in the chair nearby. "I've been trying to think about names lately. Yeah, we still have a few months to go, but it's always nice to think about. And no Perineum or Windbulge! You have any ideas?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sly_stutely
2022-02-07 12:08 am UTC (link)

"Windbulge, hey?" Will quirked an eyebrow, feigning a look of thoughtful consideration. "Good evergreen name, that one. Strong. Name like Windbulge, she'll make an impression wherever she goes." He settled back into the chair and the mischief faded from his eyes.

"I was sort of... sort of thinking 'bout Hazel." There was a diffidence in his voice. Oh, he knew it was mad; the doctor said it was all going along just gravy, talking about names wasn't going to change that. Totally daft to feel like if they spoke of it too loud then fate was going to catch on and see they were trying to pull a fast one. Fate already knew, anyhow. She was Clio's cousin or summat. "Or Violet, mayhap. Violets, they used to grow wild at the edge of the forest... well, s'pose they still would, I mean... you know."

He stole an uncertain glance at Clio. Look, you spend months coming up with bad names on purpose, maybe you worry just a smidge you might do it on accident. Will wasn't especially cool to begin with; he didn't know about names these days! Clio would tell him if he was right off the mark, though. She'd be honest.

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	ephemerist 2022-02-07 03:09 am UTC (link)
	Clio chuckled along as he joked about the name 'Windbulge'. She smiled as he got more serious though. And the names he suggested were so beautiful. "I love them both," she said honestly. "Hazel or Violet. Hazel Violet. Violet Hazel. What about- I was thinking, did you want her middle name to maybe honour Marian?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sly_stutely
2022-02-07 12:10 pm UTC (link)

Will's smile froze, faltered.

He'd been thinking the same thing, in fact. It'd been bobbing about at the back of his mind for a couple of weeks after the last ultrasound, when they'd found out they were having a girl. Of course it'd been the first name he'd thought of; a lass could hardly find a better namesake.

He'd been on the cusp of suggesting it to Clio when Marian had found out about the baby, and Will had found out... had found out what Marian really thought on the matter of kids. (Selfish. Reckless. Mistake.)

They'd talked it out, sort of. As much as maybe they could do. She'd apologised, and he'd apologised too, and they'd made up with an awkward hug and an awkward family dinner at the parsonage. Awkward was really the flavour of things right now.

"I did," he said, and winced. "I mean, I do, but I... I'm not sure she'd take it as an honour, is all."

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	ephemerist 2022-02-07 12:12 pm UTC (link)
	That took a second for Clio to even hear because it was so out of left field. She blinked at him, and then reached out a hand to him. "What, love? What do you mean?" Why wouldn't Marian feel honoured to be a namesake? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sly_stutely
2022-02-07 01:06 pm UTC (link)

Because she thinks our baby is a mistake, Will thought with a twinge of bitterness, or guilt, or some miserable combination of the two.

No, it was more than that. Marian thought their baby was a mistake because she believed that any child born into their Sherwood family was going to suffer for it. She was terrified for all of them, Dan, Michaela, Evie... She loved them, she'd told Will, and she'd protect them, she'd fight tooth and nail for them... but a part of her would always wish they weren't here, to spare them, because she thought it was the only way they'd ever be spared.

And how could he do that to Marian, give her name to a child she thought was doomed? How could he do it to their daughter, give her the name of someone who mourned her existence? It was a twist of the knife each way.

Will closed his hand around Clio's outstretched one, but his answer was longer in coming. He hadn't wanted to tell her about the upset with Marian. Hadn't want to rehash it all, though he'd wound up doing that in the silence of his own miserable head anyhow. He especially hadn't wanted to repeat Marian's words, the things she'd said about their daughter. (Selfish. Mistake.)

"She's... going through it still," he said at length. His voice felt stiff and tight, like he was having to force the words round a boulder in his chest. "All the Sheriff shit. She's scared for the kids."

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ephemerist
2022-02-07 01:11 pm UTC (link)

There was clearly more of a story here, which Will had been keeping to himself. Her forehead creased with worry both for Will and for Marian. She gave his hand a squeeze, her other hand going to her belly. "Of course she is," Clio said first. The things Marian had suffered weren't just forgotten, nor were they moved past easily. "She's scared for the kids because of the sheriff?" He was still sequestered in Michael's house, which is why Clio hadn't visited her friend in his home for nearly a year.

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sly_stutely
2022-02-08 10:21 am UTC (link)

"Cos of what our lives are." He could see the soft concern in Clio's expression even as he dropped his gaze. That was another reason he hadn't wanted to tell her. She didn't deserve to shoulder the worry. "She thinks, cos of... she thinks we're bound for grief. She don't want it for us, but..." But was the leaden weight inside his chest. Marian loved him, but she thought he was making a selfish mistake. She'd love his daughter, but she'd never look on the child without dread.

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	ephemerist 2022-02-08 11:01 am UTC (link)
	"I can't blame her for feeling that way," Clio said honestly. "But I don't think you're bound for grief. That's not the entirety of your story. And you are allowed to live your life how you see fit." There was no anger in her voice though. Of course not. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sly_stutely
2022-02-08 12:50 pm UTC (link)

Will wished he was so good a person, that he hadn't felt any blame, hadn't had to wrestle down his own bitterness. (Selfish. Mistake. She'd apologised, but she hadn't taken a word of it back.)

It was a bastard thing to have held Marian's words against her even for a moment, knowing as he did the place of terror they'd come from. Marian couldn't believe they could protect the kids, any of the kids, because nothing they'd done had protected her in the end. Marian thought they were doomed, because if she didn't, she might have to think on how her dearest friends had all failed her.

They had failed her. They'd promised to keep her safe and then they'd let the Sheriff take her. His blame ought to be for himself, no one else.

"Yeah," he said heavily. "Yeah, I know. She's hurting."

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	ephemerist 2022-02-08 01:10 pm UTC (link)
	"She is," Clio nodded. "Are you?" she asked him, her eyes nothing but caring. "Because if you are...if I can help, I want to. Let me in? Talk to me about what's going on in that head of yours?" They could come back to names later. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sly_stutely
2022-02-09 04:25 am UTC (link)

Will sighed. "My own fault. It was fool of me to think— I ought to've told them all in person." He'd thought it'd make things simple, making the one announcement online for everyone to see. Don't overcomplicate it, you know? When he and Clio had started going out, he'd got so in his head about telling the others, half-convinced himself he was gonna jinx it or they were gonna see it as sleeping with the enemy or— shit, something dumb like that, he didn't even know what'd been going through his noggin. 'Course once he'd spat it out, they'd all just been happy he was happy.

He'd thought it would be like that this time, too. He'd thought they'd be happy he was happy.

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	ephemerist 2022-02-09 07:57 am UTC (link)
	"You're many things, Will Stutely," Clio said warmly, "but you are not a fool. You're not responsible for the way other people feel about this. Maybe we could have told them in person, but the information is the same. Do you think it would have made a difference?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sly_stutely
2022-02-09 08:38 am UTC (link)

"She weren't expecting it. Gave her a shock." If he'd gone over to the Fox to talk, or if they'd let the cat out of the bag at Christmas lunch— she wouldn't have been so blindsided, she'd have seen in his face that he was sitting on some news, she'd have— "She'd have felt the same," Will realised, and his shoulders slumped. "She'd've held her tongue better, prob'ly, but she'd have felt the same."

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	ephemerist 2022-02-09 08:58 am UTC (link)
	Clio gave him a sad little nod. "She would have," Clio said. "You did nothing wrong, Will." In Clio's mind, at least with the information she had now, neither had Marian. "I'm sorry that not everyone is as happy with the news as we are," Clio said, giving his hand another squeeze. "But that's their business. And this is ours." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sly_stutely
2022-02-09 12:13 pm UTC (link)

"Yeah," Will sighed again. Knowing Clio was right didn't ease the boulder-weight of it. It was the same sort of oppressive feeling that'd borne down on him those long days waiting for news from Arizona, waiting to hear if they'd got Marian away safe. The same restless energy he'd thrown into bashing through the walls of the dungeon in the Fox, breaking it down and rebuilding it into something safe. 'Cept right now they were fresh out of dungeons, and Will hadn't a clue how to make Marian feel safe.

Another problem he couldn't fix, another break he couldn't mend.

And the shitty thing, the real fucking shitty thing: it still stung, the stuff she'd said. Marian knew him better than just about anyone. She got him. And he'd thought, out of all of them... he'd thought she'd understand just what this meant. A family. A baby. A home.

He'd thought she'd understand.

(Fuck, and she'd thought he'd keep her safe from the Sheriff. He was a prize dick.)

"Robert," Will said quietly. "He was gonna be Maria if he was a girl. After Luce's mum, technically, but mostly..." he trailed. Frowned at the carpet. "But I don't wanna make her feel worse. And I dunno if... it might just make her feel guilty again for sayin' what she said. Or like, 'it's your name, it's your fault if owt goes wrong now'. I dunno."

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	ephemerist 2022-02-10 03:55 am UTC (link)
	"Maybe we won't use her name," Clio suggested softly. "Just in case it makes one or both of you feel guilty. I wish things were easier for her. Gods know I understand some of it." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sly_stutely
2022-02-13 11:13 am UTC (link)

She was right again, of course. The whole subject was too fraught right now, and the way Marian had reacted just to the news of the baby— and even the uneasy conversation after the fact, where she'd swung between guilt and bursts of anger— her hurt was red-raw. If Will couldn't fix it, the least he could do was take a care not to worsen the cracks. He nodded silently. "Wish I knew how to make things better for her."

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	ephemerist 2022-02-13 11:28 am UTC (link)
	"I do too," Clio admitted softly. "Beyond being there for her. I'm here for you," she reiterated. "Is there anything I can do for you? Besides building your child with my body," she winked. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sly_stutely
2022-02-14 12:39 pm UTC (link)

Will's face was still downcast, but when he glanced Clio's way, his expression softened. Her hand was still nestled in his; he shifted in the armchair in order to lean in closer and kiss the backs of her fingers. "Our child." He wasn't the one hurting (not in any way worth mentioning, leastways), but it warmed him, the way she looked out for him.

Quietly, he admitted, "I get what she's saying, y'know. I do. Was a long time I felt the same. An' maybe..." Maybe it is selfish of me. He trailed, shook his head and discarded the thought unspoken. "It still fears me," he said instead. "But I can't, I don't wanna hide forever."

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	ephemerist 2022-02-14 12:44 pm UTC (link)
	Will's lips were so soft on her fingers and she loved him so much. "I worry too sometimes," she admitted. "Of course I do. And I get what she's saying too. You're right though. We can't hide forever. I tried that, after I died. It was awful. And then you came crashing into my life and reminded me how to live." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sly_stutely
2022-02-15 01:35 pm UTC (link)

Will felt a quiet ripple of surprise. He knew how bad that death had hit her. Well, nobody had an easy time of death, but for Clio, that time, that death— nine months gone, and when she'd come back, she'd found that history'd rolled on without her. Her little one had kept on growing without her, and the world had kept on moving. Will knew a little something about that, too. About being dropped off the face of the Earth, and about coming limping back to find the Earth had managed just fine without you.

He'd been aware of all of that, but he still hadn't realised— she'd never admitted quite so candidly how heavy it'd still been weighing on her chest when they'd first met. He'd never have guessed it, not then. He'd been a mess himself, beat up and beat down, and Clio? She'd just taken him in her stride, in all his awkward prickliness.

He studied her face, absently stroking her knuckles with his thumb. "When I met you," he said, "I was just tryin' to survive. An' I thought that was the same thing as living. But it ain't. An' being with you..." A soft smile eased the weary creases in his forehead. "Guess we both reminded each other, dint we?"

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	ephemerist 2022-02-15 01:40 pm UTC (link)
	She turned her hand over so she could link her fingers with his, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "It isn't the same thing," she said sadly. A smile followed after though, and she nodded, "we did. We reminded each other, and we can keep doing so." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	sly_stutely 2022-02-16 12:40 pm UTC (link)
	"Always," Will said as he squeezed her hand back, and the word was a promise, soft and solemn. (Reply to this) (Parent)