To: Harley Quinn From: Deadpool Notes: I didn't know if this would be here or in the main comm. Flying by the seat of my pants! WOO!
Hearts and candy and flowers had decorated his apartment for the last week or so in preparation for the big day. It was a wonder men forgot this holiday given the emphasis women placed on it. Then again, most men probably didn't have Harley to leave mounds of candy hearts laying around the week prior. And Wade was pretty sure she'd found a way to dye the toilet water pink in preparation for the big day. Either that or he was pissing blood again. He'd have to investigate further.
But that was a problem to be handled later. Right now he had more pressing matters to deal with. Namely, the V-Day card. Several pharmacies and hallmark stores later and he hadn't found one that was just right for Harley. For..dare he say it..his girlfriend? An involuntary shudder ran down his spine at that. Was that even possible for him? Would the readers react positively to this news? Women across the globe would throw themselves in front of trains if he went public with this news.
Fuck it. It was time to throw caution to the wind and embrace it wholeheartedly. So he sat down and decided to make his own card. One that could adequately capture what he wanted to say and give. The first attempt wasn't anything special. In fact, it might be considered crude by some standards. So the merc balled it up and threw it in the trash. The second attempt was definitely better. But reminding someone of their ex was probably not the way to go. Especially if a trip to pound-town was where he was hoping to go. So this one was scraped and tossed into the corner where it would rot for the rest of its days.
A third attempt was made and this time Wade tried to adequately express how he felt about their relationship. Never the less it fell short and so he once again found himself balling the paper up. It was a two point shot from where he sat to make it out the window and into the alley beyond. Take that anti-littering laws! Perhaps a common love would help them bridge the gap. So Wade went back to one of the first days they spent together and let his colored-pencil and heart do the talking. The fourth attempt came out swimmingly. However, before he could finish the last line his hand seized. Was he really ready to go there? Did he feel it or was it just his brain lying to him? Perhaps it was that LSD and Acid those scientists injected him with on his trip to Devlin-McGregor that morning. So the fourth attempt was scraped and lit on fire with his flamethrower, codenamed: Trogdor.
Again the merc returned to the drawing board and decided that maybe he should just keep it simple and combine several of his techniques from before. An all encompassing card if you will. So he started on his fifth attempt. It was bigger than the others and when he was done Wade stepped back to examine his work. It was good but something was missing. But what? Wade puzzled and puzzled until his noggin was sore. And then it came to him. It was a great card! It was sweet and truthful but it was missing the fun! So he opened the card and wrote the last part of the message. "AND SOME FUCKIN' NERF GUNS!" He got out the two best nerf guns he owned and placed them in a gift box with the card on top. With that done, Wade armed himself with his own foam projectiles and went into hiding for Harley's return.