Mia Alexandrakis ʚɞ Polyxena (polyxene) wrote in mythologs, @ 2012-05-19 04:21:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !event #020, gawain, polyxena |
[closed/complete]
Characters: Polyxena [polyxene] & Gawain [lealdade]
Date/Time: Day of event.
Location: Their home.
Rating: PG
Warnings: None!
Summary: Waking up married is a very DNW moment for the Trojan princess. Oops.
Gawain hadn’t needed anyone to tell him what had happened. His eyes opened, swept through the space slowly – taking details, architecture, little things he would have seen in movies – and the conclusion was so obvious he didn’t bother to blame Khaos. The Goddess was fickle and heartless but she was consistent. Every month something new, something bothersome. From what little he could see, another Era this time.
The knight breathed deeply before sitting on the bed. His clothing was odd – scarce, he’d dare saying – but familiar. No injuries and his memories were still his own. So far, Gawain was placing that situation on one of the less bothersome he had been through. Only that thought died when he noticed he wasn’t exactly alone in the large bed. A warm body rested next to his, comfortably settled with an arm around his waist. And God, he knew that woman and, by then, the issue with the present situation.
Issue. So to speak, of course. Not to him but to her. Gawain remembered the last words he had exchanged with the Trojan princess. She had been bothered. Perhaps tired of things he only had an inkling about and his help wouldn’t be welcomed. To see her like this, sleeping and at peace, it was a first for the knight.
Gawain had never been anything but perfect towards the Trojan princess, it wasn't anything he'd done why she'd decided to pull away. Sometimes, sometimes a person needs a place to breathe- a place to walk- somewhere, anything- she needed solitude and to find herself. To think deeply and thoroughly about how heavy the pressure of Neoptolemus' knife was against her throat.
She was at peace and even as her eyes fluttered open to settle on her companion their peaceful look did not change. Polyxena had always been so calm even in the face of death, even again facing a scenario she didn't want, Gawain was not a stranger. He hadn't hurt her, he didn't even have her pulled close enough to feel suffocated and yet she felt all the colour drain from her face.
Wordlessly Polyxena rolled away to face the ceiling for a moment. She swallowed hard, trying to clamp down on her distress but found that it was impossible, she couldn't, no matter how much she wanted to. Her composure did not break as she rose from bed and stepped towards the side.
It didn't need to be far, her feet didn't hold her and her empty stomach rebelled. Everything out, out, out, revealing all the internal distress that she couldn't vocalize in words.
The source of her anxiety was not him.
Not the reaction he had been expecting. Gawan hadn’t even expected any reaction from her – half of him hoping she would remain sleeping and he could pretend he hadn’t done something as... callous as kissing a sleeping woman. Did he think of himself like some prince Charming? But it had been instinctive and God knew he hadn’t done anything of the like for a long time. Instead of the slap he had been expecting, the knight saw the deep signs of pure fear. Or, if not fear, then definite anxiety, a panic attack he could find no real reason to. He hadn’t been the one to cause it, had he? She couldn’t be scared of him. Uncouth fool that he was.
He rose and moved to her side, berating himself with every cautious movement. Without thinking – possibly another stupid mistake – he pulled her hair out of the way. Fear should be treated like any other ailment not of the body, he knew. Offer comfort and wait.
“Try to breathe, Princess. Should I get you some water?” And in which way could he grovel enough to request her forgiveness?
Polyxena swallowed hard, she looked a little to the side, hoping that her eyes conveyed the fact she was grateful. "Thank you." She muttered, throat raspy and dry. Unwillingly, but unable to stop she heaved again and dug her fingers to the side of the table. "I'm sorry," Of course this was not Gawain, the poor man had done nothing wrong. If anything, Polyxena would have wanted to spare him this, him of all people this. He had enough worries with his own families and recalled quiet evenings with tea and silence between them.
Why then this? Was Khaos determined to ruin every single thing? Every memory? Ever person in her life? The princess closed her eyes.
“Don’t apologize. If anything, I should be the one saying those words.” There was a small self-depreciating smile before it faded due to the seriousness of the situation. Gawain didn’t move from his position; if she wanted him away she wouldn’t have thanked him and she definitely wouldn’t stand his touch. He simple didn’t know what to do bar that meaningless little gesture, hoping she recovered but slightly tongue-tied to what could be said to make the situation better.
Still, he couldn’t help but try. “We’re safe. Breathe deeply, try to calm down. I give you my word we are safe and I will look after you. Until we understand what is going on. All right?”
Nimble fingers reached up and brushed his cheek lightly, affectionate and uncomfortable intimate and yet just right. "No, of course not, this is not our choice. This is not." The hand that had brushed his cheek dropped and moved to wipe her forehead.
His words touched her, and she looked at him again, warm and friendly, a little more like herself despite the fact she felt nothing like herself. "Your words are very kind, thank you, I- it is more than I deserve."
He would never understand why she thought herself to be undeserving of little gestures, the small things he tried to do for her but feel short. And Gawain would have commented upon it had she not touched him. Light, ever so light. His eyes closed for a moment as he cherished it. As a rule, he wasn’t someone for whom physical affection came easily so every little trace of it – especially honest like this one – was cherished in its rarity. His smile was as quick to fade as her touch but just as frank.
“There.” His hand released her hair, allowing tresses to fall carefully on her back before reaching for a piece of fabric resting by the end of the bad – something like a shirt, he couldn’t be sure – and extended it to her to clean herself. “A smile becomes you, Princess. Far more than distress. To be honest, at least I am pleased to be here.” Wherever it was. “With a friend.” Even if he had not acted like she was a friend. Temporary insanity or frustration.
Polyxena thanked him once more, voice brittle and then straightened, he knew his words were meant lightly but it didn't prevent the agitation that caused her to pace the room and the hands that involuntarily rose to clutch her neck. As if to make sure nothing was going to cut her throat. "It is not you, Gawain, you are very dear to me. One of the few I can be comfortable with." And now Khaos had ruined that, "Please do not take offence to my words or actions at this time, they are not your fault and there is nothing you can fix. It pains me to have been placed like this and to be such a poor wife to you."
Polyxena chewed her cheek, "Forgive me."
“Stop. Please stop.” They were always like this, he realized and not for the first time. They tiptoed around each other, comfortably but always apologizing, always hiding behind formality. And as far as he was concerned, Polyxena had done nothing but waking in fear of someone unnamed ghost which still hid behind her movements. He wasn’t the kind of man to be bothered by that. In fact, he doubted such man existed. Of course, her comment on being his wife went in one ear, out the other. Later he would puzzle over the matter, connect the dots and wonder how he should feel about the matter.
“We should have some ground rules, my lady. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong and I swear to you, I’m fine and unbothered.” In a way. “If you had offended me in any way, I’ll be vocal.”
Polyxena stopped, swallowing hard. She could promise the same if he did, a vow- those were easy for her to make and keep. "Only if you promise me the same courtesy. I am aware of your flaws as much as you are aware of mine, Gawain." For a moment she felt a little better, more in control. Although it would all fall apart again when she found solitude. The important thing was not to make him carry with her burden.
And to salvage good memories between them before Khaos tried to taint everything. "We should try to do the most of the situation, I know but ...as a wife I will be poor and for that I apologize before you can even tell me not to."
Stubborn, obstinate and deadly stubborn. One of the traits Gawain liked and disliked in this woman; hard to deal with but easy to respect. He lowered his head slowly in a small nod, arms straight by his sides, a fist tightly closed before relaxing. “I promise. No more apologies.” His, however, made sense. He had acted as Lucas, as Gawain. Not as the Gladiator which spoke in the back of his mind, whispered how this woman was his woman, sang with the honeyed lies of Khaos and her little scripts. Gawain drowned every word and focused on the present.
He swallowed deeply, slowly, rubbed his face with a weary hand and struggle to regain his proper composure. “Better now?”
"Yes, thank you." She touched his upper arm gently, in a friendly but very carefully calculated gesture. Not even Khaos' most carefully done scripts could make her forget enough, nothing could ever be enough.
"Are you better now too?" Polyxena wondered if when all this was over, would it be better eventually. One day.
“As well as I can be in the present situation.” Half-truth, honestly not a lie. So it wasn’t breaking the promise. If anything, Gawain was sadly good at this type of conversation. His hand touched hers briefly before he straightened, every inch the confident knight who knows he’s not supposed to lay around and wait for things to get solved. “I suspect it’s time to go face the day. If you would come with me, Princess? I can’t say I was ever in a place like this.”
He wouldn't for long, not being married to someone like her anyway. Right now she was too exhausted to push, but given time she would. The woman was not someone for half-answers and partial truths. Right now it was a sufficient concession. Just enough to keep everything from falling apart, who they were and who they are now.
Polyxena even allowed their fingers to be laced together as they stepped out into the Roman sun.