Barachiel ⚡ Édouard d'Orsay (stormblessed) wrote in mythologs, @ 2012-04-30 11:27:00 |
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It was a cold spring.
Making his way towards the coffee shop, Ed eased his hands into the pockets of his jacket. He wasn't sure if he was dreading or excited by the meeting with Uriel. Uriel was, after all, Ed's brother. If there was anyone Ed could seek guidance from, it would be the Fire of God. The thought was a comfort, but even archangels were fallible. While whatever Uriel had to say would be appreciated, his words would not be a sure ticket to acting as the Father had planned. Despite knowing better than to question His will, questions weighed heavily upon Ed's mind. He could not leave his wife or his child, this he knew. Yet he was not supposed to have them either. Was he to punish Alison with a celibate marriage? Already, she gazed at him with eyes full of insecurity and resentment. Alphonse, for all his youth, was not completely oblivious to the change in his parents' dynamic either.
Resisting the uncharacteristically violent urge to punch the nearest hard surface, Ed caught sight of the coffee shop and approached to enter. He would attack the smaller problem first - which archangel was he? Surely, with Uriel's help, that much could be answered.
There had been a strong desire to smoke a cigarette, but Uriel had resisted it. Over the last two weeks, he'd been exceptionally good at keeping away from any packets of smokes, particularly the one he almost always kept in his back pocket. Being within the coffee shop, it was already impossible to smoke, though the urge was there. Fighting off such a human urge was a challenge, but he was a patient being, and so it was not impossible.
The decision to meet with Ed hadn't been sudden -- if anything, it'd be expected. One in his position was bound to have questions, questions few could probably answer. Would Uriel have all of the answers he sought? Likely not, but if it was within his power to try, he would. Anything to help a brother in need.
Finding Uriel wasn't too difficult. Ed was decent with faces, even if all he had to go on was a tiny square in a forum.
"Sorry, brother," Ed said by way of greeting as he settled into the seat across Uriel. "Didn't keep you waiting too long, did I?" He realized he could have arrived earlier but ended up vacillating at the last minute. After all that had happened, reincarnation didn't seem so farfetched an explanation to the recent craziness. But it was difficult to accept that he was an angel. An archangel. Of all the roles he could have played, it was the most demanding and the most delicate.
But also the most rewarding, he reminded himself. Never doubt His love.
The younger angel had sensed his brother's presence before the man had even stepped through the door. His gaze had been drawn toward Ed, sweeping over his face, his hair -- memorizing his features and finding he recognized them. When the other archangel had taken his seat, he gave a brief shake of his head.
"I don't mind waiting." Uriel had always had the patience of a saint. If Ed had been half an hour or even an hour late, he would've remained there as patient as ever. Only vaguely realizing he was staring, and rather obviously, he directed a short look over toward the small line gathering at the counter. "Would you like to order something?"
It was cold, and Ed realized he'd appreciate something warm. Even if it didn't feel like he could actually stomach anything. "Yeah, sounds good. Might get kicked out otherwise. You want anything too?"
Ed would've been lying if he said Uriel's steady gaze hadn't unsettled him. Not that he didn't understand - to see a brother in mortal form was most intriguing - but owing to his particular situation, he had enough insecurity weighing on his shoulders to make him doubt if he even looked the part of archangel.
Another shake of the head. "But thank you," Uriel offered, content to stay away from the caffeine. It never sat well with him unless it was early morning and he couldn't muster up any brain function. In such cases, a coffee with two milks was desperately needed. For the moment, however, he would allow his brother to get what he needed. Coffee, guidance, comfort.
He'd do his best not to disappoint.
After an absent-minded "you're welcome", the coffee was quickly procured. In a handful of minutes, Ed returned, his chilled hands wrapped firmly around the warm mug. He still wasn't sure he could manage actually drinking it, but at least his delay could be owed to the possibility of scalding his tongue.
It took a few moments before Ed finally tackled the topic. "I don't know who I am yet." He laughed, but it was shaky. "Huh, well, I'm obviously Ed d'Orsay. I own a club; I'm married; I have a son. I'm... I'm an archangel. Was an archangel."
"You're a reincarnate of your former self," Uriel calmly pointed out, who all the while was making the effort not to stare too boldly. He couldn't help it -- this was another of his brothers. So rarely did they come forth. "You're an archangel now, as you always will be. But you're also human. I understand how the balance between those two is difficult."
That was putting it lightly.
"It is." That was the crux of it. How much of one could he let bleed into another? But, not yet entirely comfortable with venturing into the topic of his married life, Ed capitalized on the archangel side of the matter. "I was wondering if you could help me figure out which of us I was." You're an archangel now, as you always will be. "Am."
Steady blue eyes roamed Ed's own, as if somehow, the answer would be written there. Uriel didn't have all the answers, and most certainly couldn't claim to, but: "I'll do my best, brother." It was the only thing he could promise. Despite not having a list in front of him, the younger archangel could remember most of his many brothers by name. Nothing less could be expected of him.
"We can start with this," he began, loosely intertwining both hands on the table. "Have you ever had strange dreams that felt more like memories than anything? As if you were recalling something rather than imagining it."
"Yeah." Ed had been denying it for a long time, but he could no longer turn away from the blatant truth. "But they're really vague. When I wake, all I remember is how white everything was."
Was that really all he could bring to the table? Those dreams that were so clear when he was sleeping, yet so elusive when morning came. "Lightning," he said, realizing. "Sometimes, there's lightning."
Uriel fell silent for a moment, taking in the information. Few of his angelic brothers, he knew, had dominion over lightning. Several names came to mind, but only one stood out. Even so, there was more to be asked. He couldn't be sure with only one piece of the puzzle.
"Is there ever anything else? I promise you, every thing counts."
Ed wracked his mind for something more to offer. There had always been a connection with God, an avid interest in the Church's constituent sacraments. Ed now had an inkling of a feeling that the Roman Catholic Church deviated in some form from what God had hoped to establish, but it had been the closest thing he had without his memories.
"I always wanted to be a soldier. Not the kind of dreams you were talking about, I know. But from the beginning I thought myself... I guess you could say a guardian. I never wanted anything so much as to serve the country in that capacity. Well, except family, of course. Family's always meant the world."
There was another puzzle piece: family. It brought Uriel ever closer to the angel he could only presume his brother was. Still, more needed to be said. "I understand. My family means more to me than words." He paused, wondering just how far to go without prodding at open wounds. "I have a sister, Lucia. I don't think marriage will be in my future, but Lucia will always be in my life."
Talk of Lucia came rarely these days. It was refreshing and painful at the same time.
Marriage should not be in our futures, Ed wanted to say. Or our pasts. But though he was an archangel still, he was also a man. Did he keep to the standards of his first life or simply live like a devout Catholic man? Ah, again and again he was returning to his impossible dilemma.
Ed would have shared about his own siblings, but that would have taken all day. Mentally, he associated Lucia with the image of a pretty young woman, with Uriel's coloration and calm demeanor. "It's a beautiful name. How old is she?"
"She's twenty-six. We're four years apart." Uriel's voice was softer than it had been earlier, as if often was when he spoke of his sister. His sister who had been so violated that she never recovered, had always been paranoid and frightened of the slightest bump in the night. How often he'd witnessed her screams of fear. The topic of her triggered several conflicting emotions within, emotions he had long since learned how to deal with. There was little he could do for Lucia. Being a good big brother was not enough to save her.
Unwilling to disclose just where his sister was -- this wasn't about him; this was about his brother -- he shifted back in his seat. "I'm going to tell you a name, and if it sounds familiar or brings about any memories, let me know."
Ed responded to the social cue with the ease of a man long accustomed to interacting with others. If Uriel was not comfortable broaching the issue, there would be no insistence.
But, as Ed realized he was, in a way, being given an ultimatum, that ease faltered. If Uriel were correct, there would be no going back. His life would be changed irrevocably. If Uriel were wrong, Ed knew it would be a testament to how much more ground he'd yet to cover. From here, it was either finality or leagues yet of questions and unanswered prayers. Somehow, Ed amassed the strength and courage to say calmly and steadily: "All right."
Without any of His guidance, Uriel could only make an educated guess. Lightning, marriage, family: it all clicked. There were few angels that could fit that profile, and only one screamed to him. Both heart and mind assured him it was the right answer, but judging from the look in Ed's eyes, any answer was going to worry him. He leaned across the table, intertwining his own fingers.
"How familiar is Barachiel?"
The name didn't rock Ed to the core. There were no flashing lights or thunderous earthquakes. Simply a bone-deep acceptance, though there was much still that Ed did not recall. There was no going back now. He was Barachiel, and whatever that entailed, he would have to discover.
"Very familiar," Barachiel said, closing his eyes in silent acceptance. But not familiar enough. Not yet.
Years of being a comforting big brother to Lucia made it significantly more easy to stand from the chair, pull it over two feet toward Barachiel, and then take up the seat once again. A hand moved to the older angel's wrist.
"I know this will be difficult for you. It's probably difficult right now. I asked myself a lot of questions when I first learned of myself years ago, questions that were very much a part of my human nature. But you know that He has a reason for everything. He loves you, brother, just as we do. Samael and I will do whatever is in our power to help keep you afloat."
"Thank you, brother." Barachiel's other hand came to rest on top of Uriel's. Unabashedly, he was using his brother as a cornerstone, a piece of strength to hold onto. "Thank you."