Forge (themaker) wrote in mutanthaven, @ 2010-02-23 12:58:00 |
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Entry tags: | forge, lila cheney |
Log: Forge & Lila
SUMMARY: Forge and Lila talk about the events that transpired over Valentine's Day Weekend. With disastrous results. [Backdated]
FORGE: Forge wanted to try his best to ignore the last couple of days. He'd spent them in a sort of rosy clouded haze, where his primary focus had been Tessa of all people. And while he wanted to forget, he just couldn't. Though he didn't feel an ounce of passion for Tessa now, he remembered how he had felt, and that was worse. He remembered the deep, powerful connection they had both experienced, how right it had felt, how perfectly they had fit together. To be honest, Forge wasn't sure how he'd be able to look Lila in the eye. Obviously he was racked with guilt; he and Lila were getting things back on track, and here he had gone and slept with another woman. (Slept was really the wrong word, Forge painfully recalled every detail of the intimate moment they both shared on Warren's desk. There was certainly no sleeping to be had).
Now that he was in his right mind once more, Forge decided it would be best to test the waters with Lila. Would she know? Would she sense his guilt? Though certainly not his fault, Forge would always feel some responsibility for his actions. Jesus, should he tell her what happened? Things had felt slightly strained between them for the best part of this year, and Forge worried that by telling her he had sex with Tessa might be enough to push them back into that dark place they'd found themselves in just after his accident. Upon reaching Lila's door, Forge stood, staring dumbly at the wood for a moment, hesitating, before taking a deep breath, forming a tight fist and knocking. It was only after his knock that he began to wonder who Lila had been lusting over this weekend.
LILA: Who Lila was lusting after this week would be getting a new television, she decided as she perused electronic store websites. The whole weekend left her feeling more than a little embarrassed -- okay, so maybe mortified were a better way to describe the shame she felt. She considered herself such a level-headed person, someone who didn't get riled up at people's bullshit but this weekend got to her hard. The truth was that it wasn't confined to this weekend. Little things have been aggravating her a lot lately and her patience was being tried. She didn't like the feeling of snapping at someone because she was wound too tight but she also felt like she couldn't let little things slide as they previously could.
She had planned to find Forge after she had settled the score, which was taking up some more of her attention as it would but she didn't feel right having this on her conscious and then spending time with Forge. She wrecked Piotr's personal belongings -- she didn't know if she could replace the art stuff, but she could at least replace the television. The knock at the door half-caught her attention as she mulled over the information on her screen. "It's open!"
FORGE: Pushing the door open, Forge entered a little hesitantly, poking his head round the corner to find Lila at the computer screen, the monitor's glow bouncing off her pale skin and giving her an almost entirely angelic appearance. "Lila." He greeted her with a reluctant half smile, "Hi." Moving toward her - and kind of feeling like he were walking through quicksand - he squeazed her shoulder and offered her a brief kiss on the cheek, before glancing at her screen.
"Televisions?" He frowned, "What's wrong with the one you've got?" More to the point, why not ask him to maker her one? Forge could customize any old TV and have it working a million times better than any five thousand dollar plasma she could buy from the shop. He pointed to the screen - "They're ripping you off with that one. Look at those specifications." Kissing her again on her cheek, Forge crossed the room to her bed, sitting down and watching her, deciding to remain silent for the time being. Silence was safer. Silence was easier.
LILA: Her eyes were on the screen until he started kissing her cheek, then a small satisfied smile that knew he was up to something. She focused on a spot past her computer as he went on about the specifications of the television. Is he done yet? She cast a sidelong glance at him as he settled on her mattress. After he settled, she turned her attention back to her computer screen. "Nothing's wrong with mine -- I apparently had a shit fit and destroyed Piotr's. So I thought I should replace it, make up to him for being such a bitch." It made sense, right? Does that also answer Forge's question about who Lila was lusting after?
FORGE: "Piotr?" He blinked, rubbing the back of his head in surprise, "What did you do to his TV?" Yeah, this was good. Let's just focus on Lila and her adventures this weekend. There was totally no reason to even go into the fact that Forge had begun drawing up plans for Tessa's own personal Robot Army. "Crazy weekend, huh?" He added, just as an afterthought. He found it helped, if he blamed the external factors at work - it helped with the all-consuming guilt he felt every time he looked at Lila.
LILA: "Embarrassing was more like it -- I got dolled up and basically threw myself at him only to get turned down for Rogue. He had this painting of her and I just tore that up. Knocked over a bunch of his stuff. ...Broke his TV. You get the idea. Apparently did not take that very well," she tapped at a few of her keys, going through some of the selection. The blue dress she wore was tossed over one of her chairs, cast aside after she had returned to her room that night.
FORGE: "Huh." She got dolled up. How about that. Forge shifted uncomfortably on the mattress, hand unconsciously moving to his thigh - it had become almost like a nervous habit for him now. This made things a hundred time worse; that she had been rejected, and he had...not. Nothing about his experience had been embarrassing (except maybe his attempt at dirty talk). "Well...let's just be glad it's all over," he stared at the ceiling innocently, "and that we never have to go through it again." HEY LETS TALK ABOUT THAT CRACK IN THE ROOF.
LILA: Lila snorted softly. She turned her attention from the computer to him before she stood up and moved to sit next to him on the bed. She was apparently in a better mood since he showed up -- she was glad she could just gossip about what she had been through and he didn't seem to freak out. Except he looked a little nervous. Aw, did he have an embarrassing moment too? She tucked a foot underneath her as she faced him on the bed now. "What about you? Any embarrassing fits of passion or madness?" She figured everyone had a story to tell. She hadn't heard much of anything going well and on some level, she expected Forge to maintain some logic and reason despite the craziness.
FORGE: "Uh..." Forge shrugged a little, glancing at her briefly before staring down at his lap, licking his lips and remaining silent for the time being. Jesus why did he suddenly feel as though he were crossing a minefield? Reaching over he took Lila's hand and gave it a quick squeaze, "Not...embarrassing...really." He focused on her fingers, those lovely long delicate fingers, so unlike his own. Turning her hand face up, he let his thumb trace patterns into her palm, "I seemed to...find myself kind of interested in Tessa." A shrug, no big deal, right? His eyes flickered upward, gauging her expression. "Weird, right?" ABORT ABORT. This was super uncomfortable terriroty for him, and Forge ran his free hand across his brow. Falling silent once more, just staring at her hand.
LILA: Lila used to think this was a joke. She could laugh off her own foolishness, cringing over the awkwardness of it. Of course, Forge didn't seem to share her disposition on these sort of things -- but she felt a sinking feeling in her stomach when he wasn't at least a bit embarrassed. "You're not telling me something," she tried to say it a teasing manner, but it fell flat as her eyes stayed on him. If it's nothing, she was going to hit him for making her worry.
FORGE: "Lila." Forge closed his eyes, his heart beginning to pound. It's not like he cheated on her - was it? If he and Tessa and everyone else were under Manuel's influence, it didn't count did it? "Tessa and I--" a pause, as he forced himself to look at her, "--the feeling was mutual." His fingers curled involuntarily about her hand, he didn't want to let her go, not right now.
LILA: Mutual. The feeling was mutual. The feeling was supposed to be mutual between them. "That's a mighty delicate way of putting it." Her hand tensed but she didn't pull it away just yet. Some part of her brain reasoned that Tessa and Forge were very logical people. They could have just talked about their feelings. Built diagrams. Used metaphors. But before she could stop herself, what she was really wondering spat out: "Did you fuck her?"
FORGE: He was doing the best he could here, Lila. Trying to spare her the details as much as possible - even if the image of Tessa in that leather bodice played in his mind over and over - he would try to forget. For both of them. Forge swallowed hard, tightening his own grip around Lila's hand in response to her own tensing of movement and looking away. He couldn't bring himself to say it. He opened his mouth and no sound came out. He loved Lila, he knew that now, and because of this he wanted to be honest - he didn't want to cheapen her feelings by lying, yet at the same time he wanted to protect her from as much hurt as possible. So he stayed silent, and didn't answer her.
LILA: Lila sat there, staring at him and waiting for anything that would deny her growing suspicions. She struggled to keep a straight face as to not betray what she was thinking while tried to pinpoint what she was feeling. She let him hold onto her hand for the time being, not really having the heart to snatch it away -- but that shouldn't be mistaken for sentimentality. She didn't know what else to do, so she just sat there. She tried to keep her breath even, opening her mouth several times to start speaking. Finally, she quietly said, "Goddammit, Forge."
FORGE: "...you know it didn't mean anything, Lila." He finally managed to speak, his voice quiet and low, "Neither of us were really--none of our minds were fully functional, over the weekend. You know that." Still, he held onto her hand, as though he were worried if he let it go...well, he wasn't really sure what would happen, but right now he needed this contact. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, you've gotta know that. It wasn't us." God, what else could he say?
LILA: "That's not the fucking point, now is it?" She immediately spat back at him, her accent becoming thicker in her frustration. She was sure she was seething but at the same time, she could feel herself start trembling. There was a chance that, once she had a moment to calm down and think over this, she'd appreciate his honesty -- but right now it stung and she wanted to sting him back.
"I've been so fucking patient with you -- but the fucking moment you love someone, it magically becomes fucking easier?" That word dripped with sarcasm. "It was supposed to be fucking me." It cut to the heart of the matter -- if Forge thought he loved Tessa, even if it was just for the weekend, and could just as easily have sex with her, what does that say about his feeling for her? A wave of nausea washed over her and she snatched her hand away from Forge. She didn't want to be sitting next to him right now, she needed some breathing room. She started to pace in the middle of the floor as she tried to collect her thoughts.
FORGE: "Wh---" Forge blinked, truly stunned by this sudden shift in her mood and the reason for the shift. It wasn't that he had slept with Tessa it was that he hadn't slept with her first. He stared helplessly at Lila as she paced, not knowing quite what to say. "Fuck, Lila, seriously?" Forge shook his head, "That's why you're upset?" Jesus, attaining any level of intimacy at all after loosing his leg had been a step in the right direction, he'd been to the god damned physio therapist enough times to be told that. "You know none of us behaved how we would have under normal circumstances!" Her anger served to raise his anger, and he cursed under his breath, clapping a hand over his mouth in frustration.
The idea of letting Lila, letting someone he cared for so very deeply see him at his most vulnerable, and risking her shying away in repulsion cut way into his core - perhaps on some level he'd needed this night with Tessa. Whilst it may have felt, at the time, that she meant the world, it was, in hindsight, an incredibly superficial feeling, and the thought of her reacting in a negative manner toward his newly gained disability did not seem nearly so bad as it did if it had been Lila. "What, you think I don't love you?"
LILA: "I don't know what to think, all right!?" She shouted back, turning to face Forge as he sat on her bed. They had barely any time to decide with whether or not to call each other girlfriend or boyfriend; they haven't had time to tackle the three little words.
Now she has to deal with the fact that it's easier for him to sleep with someone else than her. "I cannot believe you fucking slept with Tessa," she said mostly to herself. Any other circumstances, the sex thing would have annoyed her -- but she would have understood. She would like to think that that courtesy would be reciprocated if she had slept with Piotr. But she didn't. And Forge and her hadn't had sex since before the earthquake, since he had his leg amputated. It was hard for her not to take it personally when she's been self-conscious about it for awhile.
FORGE: Groaning audibly, Forge slumped a little, lowering his head into his hand for a moment, "It wasn't my decision." He finally muttered through gritted teeth, "You know that as well as I, so don't turn this back onto me. What am I supposed to do about it? Invent a fucking time travel machine?" (On second thoughts, that wasn't such a bad idea).
"I'm sorry I slept with Tessa, Lila, I am, but I don't really get what the problem is here?!" Let Forge ignore the giant purple elephant in the room that was their lack of physical intimacy for the last few months. "You would have slept with Piotr, if given the chance, I bet."
LILA: In a low and deliberate voice, she told him what the problem was: "The fucking difference is I'd also sleep with you given the chance, but you don't seem to want to sleep with me." Did that make it crystal clear to him? Her shoulders slumped as she folded her arms in front of her. She was starting to close up, to not want to talk about this anymore because while Forge had his insecurities surrounding his leg, Lila had her own guarded feelings. She wanted to run (or teleport) but she wasn't sure if that would just exacerbate the situation.
FORGE: He cringed, when Lila finally bought up what had been for several months left unsaid. The fact that she had verbalised it just made things even more awkward for Forge, and he clamped his mouth shut, turning his face away from her for several moments, the muscles in his jaw visibly clenching and unclenching. "...I needed time, Lila." He finally admitted, his voice quiet, and an unnerving defenseless quality clinging to the edges of his inflection. "You know it's been hard for me to--" He faded off, and shrugged, hand self consciously massaging what was left of his right thigh. Forge had thrown himself into his work, after his accident, keeping Lila at arms' length and focusing purely on his inventions - he could control those. Lila--Lila's reactions he couldn't, and truth be told, he just couldn't trust himself to feel safe with her. That wasn't to say he couldn't, or that he didn't, it was more a matter of Forge not being able to get the fuck out of his own goddamned headspace for once in his life, and take a look at the bigger picture. He'd failed to realise that, by attempting to protect himself from being hurt, he was hurting Lila in the process. "--I just couldn't." He concluded lamely, voice cracking a little.
LILA: "Yeah..." Well he was about to get some more time because Lila was done with this conversation. Her arms fell to her side as she went back to her computer, bringing her feet up into the chair as she returned to clicking around for a television on the website. She couldn't bring herself to look at Forge right now, tears of frustration already welling. She wanted to go back to her embarrassed state earlier rather than this. She wasn't going to coddle him right now because she had done the understanding thing for months. She was over it. She didn't want to deal with his shit right now when she was going to have some things to think about. And in case he didn't get a hint, she said in a small voice. "I want to be alone now." She punctuated her clarification with some purposeful clicks of her laptop.
FORGE: "Lila--Come on you can't--" Forge watched her cross the room, essentially ending their conversation by turning her back on him and bringing her focus back to the laptop screen. He sat their for a moment, staring at her back in a kind of confused disbelief, at a total loss for words. He hesitated, before standing, continuing to keep his gaze on her, hoping that she might change her mind, that she'd turn around and finish this. But she didn't. On some levels he understood, however right now, as he stared at the back of her head, his frustration with himself and, more importantly, with her took over, and Forge sucked a sharp breath in. "Fine." He snapped. He strode to the door, pulling it open with such force the wall rattled, "I lost my fucking leg, Lila. Pardon me for not being in the mood to --" he broke off, and began again, "You know what? Never mind." Fuck you, Lila. That's the last time he tried to be honest with her. Forge slammed the door behind him, leaving Lila to her own selfish devices.