WHO: Gwen and Kyle WHAT: Figuring out what they still have WHERE: Kyle's apartment WHEN: Uh, recently? Let's go with Sunday night WARNINGS: None!
Gwen wasn’t sure what she was doing there at his doorstep. She had been spending much time – too much time – in her apartment lately. While she did make efforts to go out every morning, she knew she needed to go out more. Showing up at Kyle’s door sounded like a good idea. She needed to talk to him and, while she could have easily called, she wanted to see him. And she thought he needed to see her. Somehow getting all the surprises done in one fell swoop seemed like a good plan. Surprise! I’m back. Surprise! I’m walking!
She quickly knocked on the door before she lost her nerve, and then just as quickly regretted it. It had been over a month since she had last seen him. A month. She hadn’t meant for it to happen but that didn’t change that it did, or that so much had happened in her absence. The seconds ticked by but it felt like long minutes and she fidgeted as she pulled down her long green sweater and smoothed back her hair. She wanted to go home. She wanted to just go back downstairs and slip into her pajamas again and wrap herself up on her blanket and sleep and sleep and sleep some more. It had been working out for her these past few days. It was a bad idea to do something new.
Kyle had been focusing on work like a mad man, his entire world was revolving around it mainly because that was all he had. He didn’t let his mind wander too much to Gwen because if he did he’d punch a hole in something. While he wasn’t one to be glad when bad things happened, at least the latest bout of crazy people kept him busy and kept his mind off of things he didn’t want to think about.
He still hadn’t called her, he’d talked to Max once and to Wren once, but that was the extent of his discussion about Gwen and he wanted to keep it that way. He was sitting at his table going through a stack of paperwork he’d taken home with him when there was a knock on his door. He almost didn’t answer it, he took a drink of his beer and carried it to the door with him finally, he thought it might be Wren or Daryl, and they’d just come in anyway.
What he didn’t expect was to see Gwen standing there. The thing that shocked him the most was that Gwen was there. Then he had to process that she was standing there. What was he supposed to say? Congratulations? Welcome back? What the hell is going on? All of the above? So instead he stood there for a moment and took a pull from his beer and sighed, “Come in.” He settled on standing aside so she could freaking walk into his apartment.
As she came into the apartment he turned to close the door behind her and closed it and faced the door for a long moment as he heard the door click closed. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and finally turned back around to face her.
She had just been about ready to leave when the door opened. She felt like a deer in headlights, probably looked much the same, and she held her breath as she waited to see what he would say. He invited her in as if it was the most natural thing and maybe it was, but it did little to calm her nerves. She was quiet as she walked in, and when the door clicked closed behind her she didn’t stray far from it.
When he turned around she gave him a small smile, warm but hesitant, not sure of what she was supposed to say or do. “Hey,” she said softly, shoulders curling slightly. Her eyes fell to the beer in his hands and though she wondered if it would help, she sincerely doubted it would. “I thought I’d come by. Say hi. Calling seemed really weird.” As if this wasn’t weird. “Did I come at a bad time? I know things have been crazy so if you’re busy, or I’m bothering, I can just go...”
Kyle stepped further in, “You want a beer, Gwen?” he asked not really having a clue what else to say. She was asking if it was a bad time, but he wasn’t sure there was a good time for a moment like this. “No, it’s fine. Plenty of things going on, but I’ve got time.”
“No,” she said quickly before she immediately corrected herself. “Yes. Please.” Anything to help fill the empty space where conversation should go. Once he moved to get her a beer she stepped further into the living room. Charlie, now aware that there was someone else in the apartment, came bounding toward her and Gwen’s smile was a little more relaxed this time. Petting the dog gave her someone else to focus on and it was somewhat easier to talk.
“I only just got back a few days ago. I’ve been sort of...” She couldn’t rightfully say busy. Busy meant she did something. All Gwen had been doing was pacing her apartment wrapped up in a blanket. “...Just getting used to everything. How’ve you been?” She always hated small talk but this really took the cake.
Kyle nodded and headed for the kitchen while Gwen busied herself with Charlie, at least Charlie was a good enough ice breaker for the time being. He took his time taking the cap off of the beer and brought it to her and handed it to her with a nod, “Here you go,” he said easily.
He leaned against the back of the couch and took another drink from his bottle and listened to her. He didn’t know what to say, there were a million things he wanted to say, but he didn’t want to fight. Not today. He couldn’t help the scoff when she asked how he’d been but he kept in check. He certainly didn’t blame her for anything that happened, he just had no idea how he was supposed to deal with it all, “Alright,” he answered. It was a safe enough answer, a lie, but a safe enough answer. “Are you getting settled back in alright?”
She knew him well enough to see that he was making an effort not to call her out on her ridiculous chit chat and her small smirk showed that, and that she appreciated it. His question made her expression falter and unlike him there was even less sense for her to lie about it. “I’m... getting there. It’s been hard. Not hard, just weird. Quinn left.” There wasn’t even an unspoken again. No eyeroll, no waver in her voice. Just a tone of finality. As far as Gwen was concerned, Quinn had left for good. She took a long swig of her beer. “Everyone’s walking on eggshells around me. I sleep as much as humanly possible and then some. It’s going.... well, it’s going.” She took another drink.
He nodded when she said it was weird, he expected that it had to be strange, there was no reason he thought it would be anything but weird. He had no idea what had happened, and no idea what she must be going through. When she said Quinn was gone he furrowed his brow and sighed, “Gone where?” at least that was a conversation they could manage to have. “I’m sure everyone will come around eventually, I don’t know what happened, or anything like that your friends haven’t exactly been the chattiest group, I was told you were missing, and then told you were back and I tried to do what I could in the meantime. Which admittedly wasn’t much, but I tried.” He admitted trying to brush off the hell he’d gone through while she was missing. It wasn’t important and he certainly wasn’t going to tell her about it, not when he was pretty sure she’d been through much worse.
Quinn had always been an easy topic, since he knew her and she wasn’t shy about venting her frustrations at pseudo parenting. “Far. She got a lead on some of Bishop’s men so... So she took off. She took the emergency money we had in the house so I know she means business.” She shrugged though it didn’t look easy or casual, and she tried to hide how much it upset her with another drink.
Her face fell a little when he talked and she completely understood that. She hadn’t asked that word get around, or how it would, but she imagined it didn’t go well. “Honestly I haven’t really talked to anyone about what happened.” Everyone had been very patient when she was getting her memory back, and respectful when she had it. She wasn’t entirely sure she’d ever tell anyone what had happened there and she sincerely doubted anyone wanted to know. “They’re secretive by nature.” An understatement if there ever was one. “For a while I couldn’t really remember anything so I couldn’t have many visitors. Kept trying to beat people up and escape. Kind of unruly.” She wasn’t trying to excuse anything, particularly anything that involved her. But whatever happened, she wanted him to know it wasn’t personal.
Kyle rolled his eyes slightly, that girl, no matter how many times they all talked to her about sticking around she was apparently going to do what she was going to do. It was ridiculous, and he felt bad for Gwen.
“You don’t have to talk about it,” he said quickly. He wasn’t trying to get her to tell him anything, he just wanted her to know he was glad she was back. He hoped that meant she’d start feeling better soon enough. “Hey, it’s alright, Gwen. I didn’t expect they’d want much to do with me. That was the whole deal from the get go, I’m not complaining. You’re back, you’re on the mend, that’s what matters. You don’t owe me anything, and neither do they.”
“I owe a lot to everyone,” she corrected gently. She appreciated the fact that everyone was trying to help her but that didn’t take away from the fact that she did some terrible things. But she left it at that, more than happy not to have to talk about it. It unfortunately left them very little to talk about. “I heard Wren’s back,” she said casually, leaning against the door and taking a swig of beer. “Tell me she’s come by to say hello already.”
“Gwen, you don’t owe me anything. I can’t say that plainly enough, you do not owe me anything, I can’t take your guilt away, no one can do that. But at least on my end alleviate yourself of it. Now.” he said seriously. Maybe she’d done some bad shit, but he also knew that it couldn’t possibly be her fault. He understood guilt more than just about any other emotion in the world.
The subject to change to Wren was seamless, that was an easy conversation to have. “She did, I refrained from knocking her against something, but it’s good she’s back. I’m keeping in touch with her like a mad thing, she’s going to get sick of me eventually.” He noticed she was leaning against the door and he couldn’t help himself because really...It was Gwen despite it all and if they couldn’t flip each other shit they’d never get back to anything resembling normal. If they ever were normal. He didn’t know what he wanted from her, but above anything else he missed his friend. A lot. “You gonna sit down or are your primarily bipedal now?” he said with a wry smile.
That got her laughing, even softly. “Hey, I thought I would be nice and hold your door up.” She took a few steps as she approached the couch, stopping just shy of it. She hated herself for bringing this up but she had to ask. “You’re going to sigh at me, I know it. But I have to ask, are we okay? I mean, I was gone for a month so things might have changed. I just want to know if I’m here as your girlfriend or your ex or your friend or hell, even as that weird girl who lives downstairs.” She offered a slight smile to lift the heavy topic. “I just need to know if I can flop on your couch or if I have to sit and be dainty and cute.”
He did sigh when she brought it up, he looked at her for a long moment and shook his head, “Gwen...It has nothing to do with you being gone. It has nothing to do with what you’re going through now. But I can’t answer that question. I want nothing more than to tell you that everything is fine and that we can just pick up where we left off. But if we think about where we left off it wasn’t always great. I don’t know when the next bad thing is going to happen, and I know you’re supposed to throw caution to the wind and live in the moment and all that shit...But I did that once already and I lost absolutely everything. The not knowing, and the not being able to do anything, it’s a helpless feeling Gwen. I can’t feel that way again. My job and my family ties got everyone I love killed once before. I understand what you must be feeling better than you think. I can’t tell you what we are right now because I don’t know where I am right now. But you can always flop on my couch. I would kick your ass up and down the hall for trying to be dainty.”
It was strangely comforting for him to tell her that she couldn’t just waltz back to her old life or even the portions of it that involved him. She had just about enough of everyone sugarcoating her return, telling her she could just picked up where she left off. She could always count on him to give it to her straight, to go toe to toe - or toe to wheel - with her. While it didn’t serve them very well in the past, for now she appreciated it, even as she quietly turned over the hints of finality in his words.
“Friends, at least?” As far as the helpless feeling went, it was all she could offer him. She knew the disconnect of their lives had been a problem before, and it sounded like it only grew worse in her absence. Now there was still so much up in the air that she couldn’t tell him what she had been considering. The last thing she wanted to do was push him in any direction when she hadn’t made any decisions herself. Still, she wasn’t about to let an invitation like that slide and before he could tell her they couldn’t be friends, or tried to kick her out, she set her beer down on coaster on the coffee table and flopped on his couch, taking up all the cushions.
“And for the record, you couldn’t catch me to kick my ass before.” She beamed up at him with an almost convincing smug smile. “And you sure as hell can’t now.” Her feet had been slung over the side of his couch but at her challenge she lifted up on leg to wave it at him. “I’m spry.”
“Oh definitely, Gwen. I don’t know what we are or what’s going to happen, but you can’t get rid of me.”
When she flopped on the couch he grinned and actually laughed when she flipped him shit, because seriously...That was a good step. And the laugh actually felt good, it felt right and he knocked her feet out of the way gently before he sat down on the couch. “These things are clearly going to be a problem, moving all over the place, kicking me, running from me, I swear I’m completely screwed.”
She was glad that he agreed. She wasn’t going to dwell on how it felt not being together, pointedly ignoring the little turn her stomach did. This was for the better. Even if the past month hadn’t happened, they had been taking a turn for the worse lately. His friendship meant more to her than he probably understood and she was glad that she couldn’t rid of him. Though she scoffed and rolled her eyes dramatically all the same. “You say that now but we’ll see about that.”
He gently nudged her legs over and she mock pouted, giving his shin a soft kick before sitting up a bit straighter on his couch. Charlie took the invitation and hopped between them, making Gwen let out a quick “Ooof!” before she sat up completely. “Well apparently I’m getting thwarted by your dog so I guess we’re even.”