Tweak

InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "we are the knights of Nii"

beyondspareoom (beyondspareoom) wrote in musingslogs,
@ 2011-03-29 19:47:00

Entry tags:

lucy pevensie, tumnus

Who: Cora and Theo
What: Talking about what was seen in the Feelings Plot
Where: Bathos
When: immediately after this
Warnings: Talk of death

Cora didn't think Theo would be expecting her quite this soon as she waited outside his door for an answer, but she had just been getting in the elevator when she had thought to ask. So here she was. When Theo said it would be alright she waited a moment before knocking on the door. It occurred to her that she might have been better off going home to get cleaned up first. She knew she had to look like a mess, eyes still puff and red from crying, and a mess from the morning rush at work. But by the time it occured to her it was already too late. And really she had more important things to worry about than appearance.

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lightofalampost
2011-03-30 12:14 am UTC (link)

Theo jumped. He was no prepared to have her be there just yet. Pushing back his tears was hard enough on his own, but he didn't want her to see him weak. The memory of his mother's death was hidden far deep inside of him; bricked into the subconscious to shut in the dark as much as possible. Now Cora had seen him at his worst, seen far more into his soul than he wanted anyone to see.

Just by mentioning the little she had, she had kicked a hole into his wall. A wall he was perfectly content with; though he knew it was partially what forced him to keep her further away than he would like. He wanted sometime to prepare for her arrival. To fill the hole back in and cover his feelings. He had enough strong emotions in this short day that were not his own to last him. He had to lick his wounds from those just to get him home. Walking helped everything. But there she was, a few moments after hanging up. No time to walk again.

Opening the door, he immediately recognized she had been crying. If it had been anything close to what he had experienced that day, she had gotten the full brunt of the blackness that swallowed him. Letting go of the door he pulled her into a hug, resting his head on hers.

"I'm so sorry..." He whispered.

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beyondspareoom
2011-03-30 12:48 am UTC (link)

Clinging to him just as much for her own sake as his, Cora hate. She felt terrible opening his old wounds like this, knowing how much he'd been hurt. "No, no its my fault. I shouldn't have said anything." Cora voice was a bit muffled as she was still holding on to Theo. "Oh Theo I'm so sorry." And if a few more tears slipped out than Cora would ignore them for now.

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lightofalampost
2011-03-30 01:03 am UTC (link)

Without a second thought he kissed her on the cheek before pulling back from the hug. This wasn't something to discuss in front of the neighbors. He pulled her inside, hand clutching to hers. Theo continued to fight back his tears, though they came without asking his permission. He wouldn't allow them to affect his voice though.

"It's no fault of yours, Cora. It's not like you could just keep that to yourself." His voice stopped abruptly as he took a deep breath. Finally he let go of her hand. His mind trying it's hardest to find other things to think on. His music. His books. Creation's miraculous abilities. Anything and everything that wasn't his mother's death. Without another word, he disappeared into the kitchen. Instead of tea though, he brought out a large, squared glass bottle- Amaretto- and two glasses.

He sat down on the couch and poured a glass for himself, before making a gesture to if she wanted one. His voice was caught in his throat again and he needed a drink before he could speak again.

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beyondspareoom
2011-03-30 01:15 am UTC (link)

Cora wasn't much of a drinker but she felt like this situation called for it, and poured her own glass after she sat down. She was trembling just a bit, just from the memory of the second hand feelings. Her life had been lucky, she knew that. Everyone she loved was still alive and well (or at least had been when she left) even if she hadn't been able to speak to them in three years. If she hadn't been forced to walk a mile in another's shows she knew she would have no idea what Theo was going through, but she did now. She had felt it.

She had so many questions, but didn't want to ask any of them, unable to bring herself to ask this man to open himself up further to her when he'd already had the choice ripped away from him once. She hated this situation, hated seeing Theo look so broken, and hated herself for her part in making him this way. Digging through her coat pocket she pulled out a soft white handkerchief. Her grandmother had always carried one, and had given all the Valence children them. She had started carrying one with her always after they nearly lost her. She could see he was on the verge of tears and place it in his hand with a small watery smile. It was the very least she could do.

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lightofalampost
2011-03-30 01:25 am UTC (link)

Theo managed a smile at the offered handkerchief, but used his hand to wipe at his eyes. He tried to make it look like he was just holding the bridge of his nose as if he had a headache. Licking his lips momentarily, he chugged half his glass before he put it down. The almond liqueur felt sweet on his lips and warm in his stomach. Something he needed.

Looking at Cora, he stayed silent a moment longer. His finger moved unsure over his chin until it wrapped slightly over his lips. He didn't want to talk about it, but it was too late now. She knew now, and he could see the questions in her eyes. "I moved- with my father- to England not long after."

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beyondspareoom
2011-03-30 04:45 am UTC (link)

"Theo," she said softly, laying one hand on his free one. "Theo you don't have to talk about it. Not if you don't want to." She wouldn't make him relive this further, not for her sake. She might have questions but he is far more important to her than her curiosity. If he ever wanted to talk about she would be there for him, as a shoulder to cry on or just an ear to listen. Whatever he needed her to be, but only if it was what he needed. Cora wasn't sure how to say that though, not when emotions were already so high and she didn't want to reveal more of her feelings than she meant with such a confession. The last thing Theo needed right now was to find out about her little crush. Instead she simply said, punctuated by a light squeeze to the hand her's lay atop of. "I'll always be here if you need me, but only if you need it." She hoped he understood what she meant, that she didn't want him hurt himself for her sake.

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lightofalampost
2011-03-30 05:19 am UTC (link)

Theo smiled, a real smile that last longer this time. He loved the feeling of her hand in his and appreciated her words more than she realized. Squeezing her hand back, he lifted his drink once more to his lips. The sip was smaller this time, more controlled.

"No, you shouldn't have to live with those... memories. You should know more about the situation." He took another deep breath. "I mean, you are my- friend." No matter if he secretly wanted more or not. He knew she would just see him as some old man stuck in a young body, and now he was a pitiful old man in a young body.

"Just. Ask a question. I know you have them." He chuckled. "If you don't want to feel like your intruding we can do a question exchange."

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beyondspareoom
2011-03-30 05:28 am UTC (link)

The smile brought a matching one to her face, and for a second it felt like the overwhelming sadness of the situation had lessened at least for just a moment. She bit her lip for a moment, not feeling comfortable delving into such a sensitive topic, but the question exchange was alright at least. She would feel less guilty this way at least and she did want to answer any questions Theo had about her power now that he knew. Though she wasn't quite sure how she felt about him learning her weakness. That was a secret she'd guarded heavily, knowing that it would be far more difficult to be able to start helping people if they knew what it cost her.

"Alright. A question for a question." She agreed with a nod. Quickly she added though. "But you go first. You already told me something after all." It was only fair, and it would give her a little time to decide which questions she really wanted answers to and which would be too painful.

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lightofalampost
2011-03-30 05:42 am UTC (link)

The alcohol was lifting his sadness, creating those walls he needed to handle this all. He was only vaguely aware that he hadn't eaten that day. The fuzziness setting into his mind felt nice though. He wouldn't have remembered all the details anyway.

Nodding, he pressed his lips to one side. "So, even though you know the risks to yourself you continue to use your ability on others?" He was worried about her now. Worried about to what point she stops helping people with her ability. As much as he knew he couldn't stop her, he wanted the truth. Quietly in the back of his mind he hoped that open learning about her downfall she would stop healing beyond the minor cut or scratch. Maybe she was just a personal band-aid for small children. These thoughts brought about more questions, but he'd wait to ask.

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beyondspareoom
2011-03-30 05:51 am UTC (link)

Of course he'd go for the last question she wanted him to ask first Cora thought sardonically. She wasn't much of a liar when directly confronted though, and it wouldn't be much of a deal if she didn't answer his questions honestly. "I use my power, but I'm not reckless about it. That first time. . . its never been as bad as that. And I've learned how to regulate it. Control how much I heal at time. I don't even take on all the damage I heal." She explained after a deep breath. He needed the full explanation, because it was the only way she thought he might not worry so much about it. "I know my limits, I know how much I can heal before I have to stop." She looked him in the eye as she explained, so that he'd know she was telling the truth but also to try and make him understand. This was something she had to do. She couldn't just sit back and do nothing. Not when she could help.

"My turn I guess." She paused, biting her lip, and running her hand through her hair. "How old were you when it happened?" she asked softly. She might have been inside Theo's mind, feeling what he felt, but she had no idea when it had happened, or how much time he had actually gotten to have with his mother.

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lightofalampost
2011-03-30 06:08 am UTC (link)

Her initial answer was not what he had wanted to hear. His own inability to full control his ability extended to the assumption that others were like him in that manner. She seemed to be confident in her control but that didn't stop him from worrying. Knowing limits and making sure they stay that way were two different things. She was putting her life in the hands of something that was unknown. Theo had been wanting to study abilities through the stories of others, but he'd never ask Cora to help him figure it all out now.

Pressing his finger against his lips, he stayed quiet until she asked her question. A simple one. Theo figured she was still trying to be gentle about the subject. "I was 18, just turned not long before." He shrugged. "Doesn't using your ability cause suspicion? How do you keep it under wraps?" Another question based entirely on his concern for her safety. Theo understood now why her friend had warned her, made her promise. People would try to use her for their own benefit."

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beyondspareoom
2011-03-30 06:37 am UTC (link)

Cora couldn't help feeling a touch relieved by Theo's answer. Since she'd gotten the memory scenarios of Theo losing his mother as just a little boy, having to grow up without a mother, had played through her mind. The reality wasn't good, not by any stretch of the imagination. Theo had been without her for years she knew, and Cora couldn't imagine the kind of constant ache that must have left. She couldn't imagine how she'd have been able to cope if she found anyone of her family like that. But still, it was better than what she'd imagined at least.

Cora could tell that Theo was still worried about her, and she could even understand why, but she had to do this. How could she explain the way it tore her up inside to have to stand back and watch someone suffer when, she knew she could do something about it but didn't to protect herself? How could she explain the guilt and the need she felt to just do something? "I mostly use my power at the shelter. We get enough injured animals that no one really notices if I heal a couple. I'll help a friend occasionally, if they're a Creation and know about my powers. I'm careful." She didn't add that she was still trying to find a way to help more people, and that she was close to finding it. She knew that wasn't what Theo wanted to hear, and while she might not be good at outright lying, omitting was another story entirely.

Cora hesitated as she considered how to word her next question. "What was it, that, killed her?" She had seen the pipe and the bottle and thought it must have be some kind of drug overdose, but she didn't know much about such things for all she say her fair share of stoners at the university. There was something about the arts major that attracted them she thought. She couldn't imagine Theo's mother as one of them though, and knew it was a different time when she must have died. People didn't know what they did now about drugs.

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lightofalampost
2011-03-30 04:52 pm UTC (link)

Careful was good. Only animals was better. He could only imagine what healing an injured human was like. What she would feel if she tried a bullet wound. He wondered if she was capable of killing herself to bring someone back from the brink of death or was there a buffer to the power. It wasn't something he'd ever ask though. She wouldn't know the answer and he wouldn't even want to think about her testing his theory. If he were to ever get wounded for whatever reason he would make sure he wasn't near Cora. Now that he knew of her ability, he was sure she'd try to fix him. She already was fixing his heart, no matter how he tried to push it aside.

He was about to take another drink when her question came out. The glass slipped from his fingers- luckily not to far from the table- and landed with a loud bang that echoed through the flat. He should have expected that question, but at the same time he had hoped that either she had already known or maybe that she wouldn't have the nerve to ask it. Though Cora without nerve would be an odd sight.

Take a moment to stare at his glass, he didn't want to look at her when he answered. "Well I guess the answer to that is more complicated. Imagine hippies far before the 60s, that was my mother and her friends. Mostly descendants of the Maori people. They... loved nature and all it's by-products.

I barely remember a single lucid moment she had. But I think in today's terms she suffered from severe depression when she was lucid. No one really knew about that then. Opium was a very common remedy to most ailments and according to my mum and her friends a way to see into the beyond. They were sure they saw a world beyond ours. Humanity, I suppose. Either way, they took it in it's various forms all the time." He paused. Thinking about his childhood in peace.

"Mum died of a drug overdose. The doctor- or my father- proclaimed it was an accident. But I know better." His voice caught again. "She knew what she was doing..." Tears built in his eyes. Turning away from Cora, he tried to hide it. Theo picked up his glass again and drank the rest of the amber liquid. He couldn't think straight enough to ask her a question in return.

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beyondspareoom
2011-03-30 05:34 pm UTC (link)

The minute she saw Theo's reaction she wished she had asked something else. Her heart went out to him as he explained what things were like then, what his mother had been like. She had committed suicide. And Cora could hardly believe it. Even after seeing the memory she had assumed it was an accident as well, couldn't imagine someone ending their lives like that, when they had a child, but she knew it happened. She just didn't like knowing it had happened to the mother of someone she cared about a great deal. Cora knew it would probably be polite to let Theo think she didn't see his tears, not when he was trying to hide them like that but she couldn't bare to watch him suffer in silence. Putting down her glass, only barely touched, she wrapped her arms around Theo. She tried to convey as much comfort and understanding as she could into the hug, deciding that words only seemed to be making the situation worse.

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lightofalampost
2011-03-31 01:16 am UTC (link)

Theo turned into her hug, appreciating the gesture and welcoming her warmth. His hands moved up her back and tangled into her hair. Her hair smelled sweet. Just the tactile feeling of another person who could understand fully how he felt made his tears fade and mind numb. Pulling back slightly he placed his forehead to hers, keeping his mouth inches from hers. Theo wanted to kiss her so bad, wanted to know for sure if she cared for him the way he did for her. The alcohol was sitting heavy on his mind now, skewing his judgement. But with all the talk of death, of his past or the pain both of them felt at some point, he was able to hold onto his apprehensions. They had only reconnected a few weeks prior, his mind reminded him.

"Cora..." He started in a whisper, but stopped himself.

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beyondspareoom
2011-03-31 03:11 am UTC (link)

As Theo moved Cora didn't open her eyes, having closed them sometime during the hug, but she didn't need to. She could feel his hands in her hair, and his breath on her lips just fine without opening her eyes, and for a moment she thought he was going to kiss her. She couldn't help the flash of disappointment when he didn't, though she immediately chided herself for it. Theo was hurting, and in need of a friend's comfort and all she could think of was her crush? 'I could comfort him as more than a friend too though.' the came uninhibited to her mind. Coraline was at odds within herself, torn between her feelings and the guilt she felt for worrying about such things in this situation.

When Dorey whispered her name though, her internal debate stopped for the moment. Without realizing it her grip tightened slightly at his back, holding onto him. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but she couldn't find anything to say.

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lightofalampost
2011-03-31 04:10 am UTC (link)

Pushing the thoughts of her lips aside, he gently released her hair and moved his hand to caress the line of her chin. Moving his head again, Theo kissed her forehead before pulling back from the hug. "It's." He took a deep breath. "It's ok. I'm kind of glad that you..." He smiled trying to find his words again.

"You're the only one I would share any of this with. It's been close to... I haven't talked about it to anyone since we buried her. And the Sun has never been the same." Except when you're around, he added mentally.

Theo looked over at her barely touched glass and back at his empty one. "Maybe I should make some tea... Would you mind some?" He smirked.

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beyondspareoom
2011-03-31 06:02 am UTC (link)

Coraline finally opened her eyes again after Theo kissed her forehead. The gesture had be sweet, and made the butterflies that had been making far more regular appearances in her stomach flutter slightly. Still she couldn't stop the slight hint of disappointment from creeping in. For a moment there she really thought he was going to . . . but she pushed the thought aside, and gave him a soft smile instead. "I'll always be here if you need me. Promise." It meant quite a lot to her that he trusted her that much, and as he confessed that the sun had never been the same since his mother died she decided that she would do everything in her power to make his day just a little brighter.

"Tea would be good." Tea was safe and familiar and somehow they always ended up back at drinking tea didn't they? For a Kiwi Theo could be so utterly British at times she thought with the sliest of grins.

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lightofalampost
2011-04-01 07:24 pm UTC (link)

Years of living in the UK had brought many English habits. Tea was the best of them. His father had been a Scottish immigrant to New Zealand and his mother was only half native. So Tea was the non-alcoholic drink of choice.

Theo didn't get up immediately not really wanting to leave her side. Disappearing into the kitchen, he came back out a moment later with a variety of snacks. He had forgotten to eat with all the insane things going on that day. "The water's on. I'm not sure about you but I haven't really eaten." He was smiling, the tears pushed away hopefully not to come back that day.

"So... I believe I'm done with my questions. I mean I had more but I've forgotten now. Does anyone know why we develop abilities here? It's rather fantastical."

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beyondspareoom
2011-04-02 05:17 am UTC (link)

"Not a bloody clue." Cora replied with a shake of her head, taking a snack. She supposed all things considered it wasn't that strange. They were crossing though a portal to another world, and came from a place where a person could live forever. Which at home was just a way of life but here. . . Cora agreed that their powers were certainly fantastical, but really in the grand scheme of it all not quite so unbelievable. "Maybe it has something to do with the portals?" She speculated aloud.

She was glad they could put the more serious talk behind them for the moment. While she was glad to learn more about Theo, the good and the painful, she hated seeing him cry, especially knowing she had brought up the topic that was hurting him so.

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lightofalampost
2011-04-04 05:03 pm UTC (link)

"Hmm, that's a good theory. Too bad we're unable to prove anything since the portals don't seem to go the opposite direction." He took some food form the plate, but it didn't make it to his mouth as his mind went over what little they did know. Since he arrived and found out about his ability he had been studying into the different mythologies of Humanity. They were chalked full of people with special abilities, but maybe that was because Creations had been coming over for the longest time.

"It seems normal people born here are obsessed with people with abilities." He laughed. "Of all the things I've read in their mythologies. Though we do play into them I suppose. If everyone that crosses over obtains an ability from it." He looked over at Cora. "No doubt you enjoy every last bit of it considering what you made up as a child." He meant abilities as a whole and not just hers. Theo would never stop worrying about what she put herself through for others.

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beyondspareoom
2011-04-06 06:18 am UTC (link)

"I'm like a kid in a candy shop." she told him happily. All the amazing things that Creations could do here, and all the equally amazing things that Humanity had thought up themselves, for Cora it was an endless source of inspiration for her art. Even the awful, strange things that had happened since she'd arrived in this place were able to help her as an artist, and for that at least she was grateful. "What about you?" She asked curiously. "How do you like being able to create illusions?"

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lightofalampost
2011-04-08 04:41 pm UTC (link)

"To me, it's strange... and fantastic... and just natural. Really when you write or perform a song you want the audience to feel what you feel to be able to picture the lyrics in their mind and get lost in the song. Even without lyrics there's emotion behind all scores written. I guess that this talent is just what most musicians would only hope to be able to do with their audience. The drowsiness is just an unfortunate side effect." He laughed.

The tea pot let out a high pitch whistle, but Theo didn't even blink. He smiled and went to get them their tea. Setting her cup down on the table and with it the flyer to the Arbor Day party. "So I was wondering if you would like to go to the party with me. I don't know a whole lot of people outside of my jobs..." He smiled shyly. "It's not for a bit so, I mean, you don't have to answer now."

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