Who: Rowan and Daryl What: The sister and girlfriend finally meet for real Where: Bathos 104 When: 2/23 (last Wednesday) Warnings: Mega awkward and squish
Not long after her release from the hospital, Daryl found herself incapable of staying in her apartment. It was empty. There was nothing on the walls, no furniture, and coats of saran wrap over the floors. Normally, she found this comforting. For some strange reason, she now found it intimidating. So she took Toby - despite Kyle’s generous offer to mind him, she found herself needing the great dane’s presence - down to Adam’s apartment on Monday morning, not long after he had gone to work. She hadn’t asked permission, but the thought didn’t occur to her. His apartment was safe. There were memories of him everywhere, simple memories that played like pleasant white noise in the back of her mind. And everything smelled like him, the smell that calmed her in both Kyle’s car and the hospital. She found herself easing into normalcy by surrounding herself with Adam’s routines. She had no idea why, but it helped.
By Wednesday, she had stopped bothering to get clothing of her own from upstairs. She simply wrapped herself in one of his button-down shirts, a pair of his sweatpants slung low around her hips. It wasn’t cold in his apartment, but she felt the need to cover her arms and legs - even though the bandaged snakebites wouldn’t be seen by anyone, she had to keep them hidden. It was a necessary. The innocent bandages played their placement over and over in her mind, images of the angry red bites threatening to surface. So she devised the best way to overcome this unpleasantry - a distraction.
Laying on Adam’s bed, hair a tangled mess and Toby curled against her side, Daryl let herself fall into a memory. One of Adam’s ties was wrapped - front side down - around her left palm and wrist much like an athletic bandage. With her eyes closed, she could “see” the board room and the faces of everyone else present. Adam’s voice played over their expressions, allowing her to savor every tiny reaction and response. This was a very productive meeting, and he was doing very well. The corners of her lips curled slightly as she leaned her cheek against Toby’s fur, finding herself to be strangely content.
Then a knock sounded at the door.
Toby let out a sharp bark, prompting Daryl to sit up quickly. Heart pounding, she laid a finger over his snout. “No,” she said firmly. Once he had calmed, she slid off the bed, leaving the tie wrapped around her hand and arm as she walked to the door. Toby followed at her heels, darting ahead once the door was in sight. He stood close to the doorknob, letting out low half-barks as he began to paw at the door itself. Daryl pushed him away, raising her voice just slightly. “No. Toby, sit.” He looked up at her, tail low, and reluctantly sat on his haunches. “Stay.” When he froze, she turned to the door, turning the knob and opening it slowly.
Though he stayed seated, Toby leaned forward as the door opened. Daryl looked up at the guest, recognizing her from photographs - Rowan Morgenstern. She hesitated, feeling a very strange sensation in her chest. Nerves? But Daryl Hockney was never nervous. Perhaps it was a byproduct of her vulnerability. Only now did she realize how small and fragile she looked, Adam’s clothing swamping her petite frame. Keeping her hand on the doorknob, she did her best to keep her surprise and unease out of her face. “Miss Morgenstern,” she said cordially. “Hello.” She considered trying to send her away, but realized that wouldn’t make a good impression. Instead, she took a slight step backwards. “Do come in.” She paused, glancing to Toby. Though he was sitting, he looked as if his head were about to explode with the effort of staying still. “Do you mind dogs? I can put him in another room, if you would prefer.” Rowan blankly blinked at the woman behind the door for a beat longer than was normally polite. While she was slowly - begrudgingly, perhaps - coming around to the idea that Daryl Hockney was a permanent fixture in her brother’s life, and that he wanted it that way. It was a hard thing to wrap her head around but she thought she was coming along nicely. Her brother’s immediate assumption that she was so heartless to not care about Daryl’s kidnapping stung. She didn’t really like her but it wasn’t like she wished bad things to happen to her. And reading it made her rethink on how stubborn she as being about the whole thing.
It took her a second to remember all that and not give in to her immediate reaction, which was demand to know what Daryl was doing there. Instead she smiled, “Daryl,” she replied, making an effort not to greet her more formally, and hope the gesture would be appreciated. She stepped inside, high heels clicking on the floor, shopping bag - the reason for her impromptu visit - swinging noisily at her side. She had been so engrossed in her thoughts and efforts of making a good impression that she had, somehow, missed the dog entirely until Daryl pointed him out.
Down went her shopping bag. Up went her hands and her pitch. “Oh aren’t you a darling!” No, Rowan didn’t mind dogs at all and the fingers that were just pressed against her cheeks were easily reaching forward to give the dog a good petting and scratch behind the ears. “Oh no, you don’t have to take him anywhere. He’s just a precious thing. Aren’t you?” Rowan barely managed to tear her adoration from the dog long enough to turn back to Daryl, nothing but smiles. “He’s gorgeous! What’s his name?” Up until Rowan acknowledged him, Toby had been sitting nice and still. The second she squealed in his direction, he bounced to his feet, tail erect and wagging. Ears forward, eyes bright, he let his entire body wiggle with the momentum of his tail. As she reached forward, he bobbed his head upward, receiving the scratch behind his ears happily. Daryl watched the display with a raised brow, closing the door as Rowan continued to shower the great dane with affection.
When she was finally addressed, Daryl glanced to her, the faintest beginning of a near smile on her lips. “Toby,” she said, the name spoken with more warmth than was standard for her. She hesitated a moment, debating something, before going on with it. “He was a gift from Adam, actually. Last November.” Rowan was keenly aware of the affection in Daryl’s voice. It was clear she loved her pet, and Ro tended to get along well with fellow animal lovers. She liked to imagine there was some inherent understanding between pet owners, particularly ones with dogs. Another point for Daryl, and freely given too. “He’s a love. Not as darling as my Bandit, but I’m biased.” Bandit love Toby, she decided, probably because the much smaller dog had a tendency of thinking he was much bigger, possibly as big as this dane in front of her. One of these days she’d have to see about a playdate.
Realizing he was a gift, from her brother no less, made her smile turn fonder. “He really is fond of you, isn’t he?” Though her eyes were on the dog, she was clearly addressing Daryl That was certainly sweet of Adam. She couldn’t recall him getting any woman he dated - if it ever could have been called dating - a gift like this. “I’m guessing he’s not around then?” It was no secret that she was looking for him, but her question was said with a resigned sort of finality, not really expecting an answer other than no. But her hand never ceased in their gentle massaging of Toby’s ears so she clearly wasn’t ready leave just yet. If there was ever a chance to get to speak to Daryl, without the prying eyes and ears of her family, now was it. She wouldn’t waste the opportunity. The culture of “dog owners” wasn’t something she had fully entered. Penny had extended a hand, but Daryl hadn’t taken it. It was an entire subculture she was still fairly ignorant of, but Rowan seemed quite in tune. That wasn’t a terrible surprise, really. “If you weren’t biased in Bandit’s favor, I would be worried,” she said smoothly, watching the other woman lavish attention on Toby. Toby was absolutely thrilled with the love being heaped upon him, tail wagging hard enough to send the back half of his body in wide arcs.
Her first question made her pause awkwardly. Thankfully, she wasn’t looking in Daryl’s direction - she felt her face flush, heating up despite herself. “He...certainly thought I was in need of a dog...” The response was pathetic, but she had nothing else to say. Looking down in mild frustration, she took a quick breath. She could do this. She was Daryl Hockney. At her second question, a more manageable question, she breathed a small sigh of relief. “No, he’s still at work.” She paused. “If you would like to wait for him, I imagine he won’t be much longer.” The smile never wavered, or at least didn’t diminish. She knew that shade of pink on a woman’ cheeks and while the urge to call even more attention to it was nearly impossible to ignore, Rowan knew that it might only make it worse. In a bad way. So she kept her coo to herself, not a peep or one knowing glance. Okay, only one knowing glance. She made sure it was a good one.
Waiting for Adam seemed less important now and she waved off the suggestion with her hand. “Don’t worry about it. It was more impulse me coming by, just to see if he was in. I can just leave the bag.” She pointed at the back she had dropped when she started petting Toby, a simple impulse buy for her brother. Impulses seemed to be her theme of the day so when she cocked her head to the side and surveyed Daryl for a quick second, she decided to give into impulse a third time.
“Could I ask you something? And get an honest answer? I mean, I get that technically none of this is my business, though anything and anyone that greatly affects one relative affects them all, right?” Right, though Rowan didn’t stop for breath or confirmation. “And don’t worry, I’m not going to ask for gory details because, ew! It’s my brother! Some things best not known! But I have to ask, do you like him? I mean, maybe it’s more than like but I don’t want to use the big L word because I don’t even know for sure how you are on the little L word so I’m going to take baby steps here. Do you like him? Because he’s really really into you and I want him to be happy and you seem to make him happy so that’s good! I want to know if he makes you happy too because this kind of happy usually is a two way street.” Finally she took a little breath. Sometimes Rowan wasn’t sure how she managed to get so many words out at once but she usually opted to be more grateful than curious. This was one of those times. That look wasn’t missed, and it made Daryl sigh. She had been hoping to avoid those kinds of looks. Thankfully, it was brief, and hopefully had no friends. She glanced to the bag as she mentioned it, nodding. “I will certainly tell him that you came by, and encourage him to return the visit promptly.”
Just when it seemed to be over - and really, she’d later kick herself for actually thinking it would be - the dam holding back the flood waters broke. She had been waiting for this, in a way. Though she had been hoping to avoid it, she knew that it would come at some point. As Rowan babbled on and on, the words piling one atop the other in the room around them, Daryl began to fidget just slightly. This subject was far from her strong suit. Any “L” word was out of her league, no matter if it was big or small. But this woman needed an answer, and a small part of Daryl agreed that she should get one.
For a few seconds, Daryl just stared at her in stunned silence, trying to put pieces together in her mind. All the gears were turning in her head, but they were going nowhere. As she stood quietly, trying to form a functional response, the memories from Adam’s tie continued to play in the back of her mind. She heard his voice, powerful and oh so close, echo in her mind. As it continued, a few pieces fit together to form words on the tip of her tongue.
“What do you know of the philosophical idea of Solipsism?” she asked softly. When Rowan shook her head, Daryl continued. “It’s the ideology that one’s own consciousness is the only certain thing in existence. The strongest form of Solipsism comes in Metaphysical Solipsism, in which all other beings and the entire universe are simply a product of one’s own consciousness. For most of my life, I believed that the Metaphysical Solipsistic theory had a great deal of merit.” She paused, strangely feeling the urge to explain further. “Most questions that would stump the common man are simple for me to answer. After a sustained amount of time observing another human being, I can successfully predict their behavior with startling accuracy.” Her voice lacked the ego and bravado that seemed to accompany her words - she was simply speaking cold, hollow facts. “It’s no surprise, then, that I thought it reasonable to suppose that everyone in this universe was simply an extension of my own consciousness. If I could decode their behaviors so easily, I must in some way know the answer to start with.”
She hesitated, her gaze falling on the tie wrapped around her wrist and hand. Adam was in the bathroom, leaning against the sink and looking in the mirror. She looked up into his reflection in her mind’s eye, his face burned into the back of her mind. Her expression softened as she looked back to Rowan. “I have since discounted that ideology outright.” She paused, feeling her cheeks burn as the words marched onto her tongue. “After meeting Adam, I have realized...that while it is possible for my consciousness to have singlehandedly created the six billion people on this planet, every flora and fauna species that exists today, and the vast expanses of the universe and all its contents...” She trailed off, curling her fingers in the material of the tie as her lips pulled into a near-smile.
“There is simply no conceivable way in which my consciousness created his. It’s powerful and unique, and I have yet to reason it out completely. I say this in confidence, of course, but I doubt that I ever will. He is brilliant in a way that defiles the word itself. I have never been more challenged than I am with him, and I couldn’t be more grateful for that.” Though her words were fairly clinical, her tone grew steadily warmer as she spoke, the heat in her face and unnatural tenderness in her lips betraying their real value. Finally finished, she fell quiet, glancing over at the other woman with an odd amount of expectation. Rowan was quiet as Daryl spoke, nodding every few moments to show that she was listening and comprehending. And she was. While she wasn’t readily familiar with Solipsism - and she filed the subject away for later reading and probably further disagreeing - she could follow along. What she wasn’t sure about was where it was all leading to, and the thoughtful furrow of her brows stayed right where it was until the very end.
Then Daryl got to the part about her brother and Ro listened but couldn’t help but focus on the hints of a smile, the absolute warmth in her voice. That really told her all that she needed to know though the explanation was even more sweet. The hands that were just petting Toby were back on here cheeks, a bad habit of showcasing her dreamy grin. There was a sigh, and a soft cooing noise, and before long Rowan realized it was coming from her.
“That is soooooo romantic!” Even though it was more matter of fact than she was hoping for, and definitely not as flowery as the things she liked - she really preferred things declared in a love song - the sentiment was still there! She had her answer and it was a good one. “He knows this, doesn’t he? I mean you know that he cares, he tells us all the time that he cares. And he probably knows something about this but does he know know?” Rowan-speak for being clear on each other’s feelings. Daryl didn’t know what sort of reaction she had been expecting or hoping for, but she was quite certain that this wasn’t it. Rowan appeared as if she were watching a romantic movie, hands pressed to her cheeks to frame a dreamy smile. Daryl’s eyes widened just slightly at the sigh and gentle coo, momentarily surprised that a grown woman was capable of making such sounds. And Rowan was only getting started, she feared.
At her dreamy outburst, Daryl flushed scarlet. It wasn’t romantic, it was philosophical based on factual evidence. She took the tiniest step back, as if overwhelmed, and watched her with mild wariness as she continued. The questions made her pause, leaning backwards a bit. She imagined Adam had to know. It wouldn’t make sense if he didn’t. She couldn’t remember explicitly telling him, but really, he should know. He was intelligent. She shifted uncomfortably, glancing over at the other woman with a shrug audible in her voice. “I imagine so.” Daryl was taking a step back but Rowan was used to that. Admitting feelings sometimes got a little overwhelming. As much as she wanted to pull her into the other woman into her arms and give her a hug, she had a feeling it wouldn’t go over too well and so she kept her hands to herself.
“As long as he knows. Oh, this is so exciting! You like him, he likes you! It’s all so, so cute.” This wasn’t what she went to Adam’s apartment for but it was so much better! “Everything else really is water under the bridge! I’m so excited. So excited! He got you a dog. You’re wearing his clothes and living here. Oh! I should let you get back to that. He’s going to be here soon and I don’t want to be a third wheel. And there’s nothing worse than a third wheel you’re related to. Trust me. He should take that lesson to heart.” Though Rowan held her ground, there were minor movements - the way her fingers tightened and her arms stayed rigid at her sides - that suggested she was bursting at the seams to do the opposite. Daryl crossed an arm over her front, fingers loosely wrapped around her opposite elbow. It was a minor comfort gesture with the added benefit of creating a barrier, a small wall between them for her own peace of mind. Perhaps the fact that she was Adam’s sister would make this insulting, but over the past few days, she found herself needing those tiny comforts more and more. Even around Adam, she sometimes found herself stroking her own hands with her thumbs, repetitive motions that both soothed and reminded her that she could still move her limbs.
The idea that she was “cute” in any way earned a stubborn pout from Daryl. The more Rowan seemed to talk, the more inaccuracies she piled up. “This is not, in any way, cute,” she corrected. “And I am not living here. I am...visiting.” Because she didn’t want to be in her saran wrap apartment drenched with memories of Jane, and she didn’t want to be around her cousin for much longer than she had to. However, the mention of a familial third wheel made her fall silent. Unlike her past silences, which were more out of disbelief, this was one that simmered very quietly in anger. Shoulders tensing underneath Adam’s button-down shirt, she held her jaw rigidly. “The triangle is the most structurally sound shape to be used in construction,” she said aloofly, voice flatter than it had been just moments prior. “If you wish to visit your brother, do not consider my presence a deterrent. I can just as easily allow you two your space.” Rowan knew that pout and gave one in turn. Honestly, why did people have a problem with the word “cute”, like it was a bad thing? Then Darl tried to school her on the differences between living and visiting. “You’re wearing his clothes. You brought your Toby down,” a quick, affectionate scratch under his his chin, “Do you have a toothbrush here? So, okay, that’s not exactly living here but it’s leaving your mark and that’s more than just visiting. That’s a good thing!” There wasn’t a shred of doubt about this in her voice or expression, so when it paled slightly it was because she noticed the slight tension in Daryl’s shoulders, the way she tightened her jaw. Did she say something?
“Well, that’s great and all for construction of things but triangles aren’t that great for people or relationships.” She kept the warmth in her voice despite the fact that she was treading carefully. Their conversation suddenly veered into slightly unknown territory so she was watching what she said. “Besides, now that you’re here visiting,” careful word choice, “I have two people to call upon int his apartment, so impromptu visits won’t do. It’s kind of rude to drop by unexpectedly and Adam’s the only one I can be rude to. You and Toby should get the courtesy of a head’s up when someone comes by.” The parade of evidence that she was starting to “live” in Adam’s apartment earned a small sigh from Daryl. She didn’t explain why she was really wearing his clothes, content for Rowan to keep believing it was simply another symptom of her infiltration of his life. “I’m not a resident here,” she said firmly as the other woman finished. She wasn’t sure why that was so important to say, but she couldn’t leave the matter unresolved.
It was difficult for Daryl to retain her composure, though she did so admirably. The warmth that had filled her face and voice just minutes ago had been drained, leaving behind an almost robotic shell. “You are certainly quick to dismiss a shape you have been participating in for some time,” she said flatly. She knew that Orin Monarch, their cousin, had been in Seattle for some time, longer than Rowan had. They were a triangle, weren’t they? And it worked, as she knew. Suppressing the memories, suppressing the emotions, she took a controlled breath. “It’s fine,” she said simply. “If you wish to visit, I will not begrudge you that. And I imagine that Toby would appreciate another person willing to give him attention.” Her gaze fell on the great dane, who was not-so-discretely scooting towards Rowan, seemingly intent on sitting on her feet. A blink of confusion, the slightest of thoughtful pouts and then Rowan was shaking her head. “You see a triangle. I see an octagon. Maybe a decagon.” There might only be three members currently in around but that didn’t mean the effect of the other siblings was completely gone. Going up with that many brothers and sisters completely molded all of them, and their presence was still there despite, maybe even because, they weren’t actually around.
“Besides I don’t want to make out with them.” That was an even better reason that theirs triangle dynamic wasn’t like any that would include Daryl and Adam. But the other woman kept insisting and Toby was clearly in need of more attention, a whole minute passing by without a pet. Rowan gave him giggle for his efforts and smoothed her hands over his head and ears affectionately. “But I’ll come by another time, don’t you worry.” As if Daryl’s worrying was the reason the tone of their conversation kept shifting like quicksand all around her. “I’ll bring Bandit next time, see if they can be pals. In the mean time, could you tell Adam I came by?” She lifted her hands and her chin to point to the bag she had brought in with her. “It’s a little pre-birthday present.” Rowan was too used to buying gifts and things for her friends and family whenever something caught her eye. This was no exception. The mention of larger shapes reminded Daryl of what she already knew - the Morgenstern family was large and sprawling. It made her cringe internally, the thought that he had so many bags of meat hanging around that she would have to meet. Perhaps their decision to “date” had been misguided. Families were just baggage, something to endure. She knew this without a doubt from the burden of Sophie, among other things.
“Very well,” she said at the promise to come by later. She paused, raising an eyebrow at the notion of Toby having a “pal.” “I’m sure they will get along. Toby is quite...enthusiastic about meeting other dogs.” She glanced to him as he leaned against Rowan’s legs, tail flopping about on the floor. “And of course, I will certainly let him know that you came with a gift. Would you like for me to keep him from opening it until the day itself?” Rowan laughed softly. “If you’re confident you can keep him from a surprise, be my guest.” It wasn’t that she didn’t have faith in Daryl’s skills. It was more about having faith in her brother’s curiosity. Though, given the recent revelations made, if there was anyone who could change Adam’s ways, it was this woman. “I’ll see you two later.” She gave Toby one last good scratch under his chin and Daryl a simple of wave goodbye before heading toward the door.