prompt #3 Muse/Fandom: Riley James/Supernatural Prompt: 3. Do You Believe in God? Word Count: 381 Open to roleplay: Yes, at the journal
Do I believe in God? Well that's a loaded question if I ever had one.
God and me, well, it's a complicated relationship. It's one thing to believe and another to believe. I know what's out there. I know the evil that exists, I know demons are real, I know that all those things that go bump in the night aren't always just your imagination. So yeah, I always thought that if there's all that there's gotta be something on the other side right? There had to be something to counter all that evil and awfulness, there had to be something better.
I know there's people who've had it worse than me, but some days it's hard. It's really hard. I think about the things I've lost, and the things I know I'll never have again and I think how can there be something up there that gives someone this much to take. My Mom used to say that God never gives us more than He thinks we can handle. And I can, handle it, but does that mean I should have to? Those are the days I find it hard, to really believe.
My Uncle was a pastor, small town New Mexico. Every Sunday his Church was packed. People from all over who came to pray to God and ask for their miracles and ask for these perfect lives and I can remember thinking, if you only knew the true evil that existed you would realize that your ignorance of that is the truest miracle of all. This girl from my class used to pray for a C cup. I prayed for my Dad to come home safe. And I listened, I listened to the words my Uncle spoke and I knew I felt something. I knew that it all meant something. It was easier back then to know it meant something.
I guess I want to believe. I want to believe my life means more than just this world, that everything I do and everything I try to be will transcend past this body and all the pain of this life. I want to believe there are reasons I feel like I'm being tested. I want to believe there's a plan for me. Isn't that what we all want?