"It was me." His shook his head and his shoulders sagged, his voice thick. "I don't know, I really don't. I knew I had feelings for you, that I'd fallen, that I loved you... everything was focussed on you and then... I... I didn't even understand it myself. I still bloody don't." He dropped his head into his hands, his fingers tightening and pulling on the longer strands. "I went over and over, I... Maybe Mands was right, maybe I wasn't fully ready, but I felt ready. It felt right. Being with you. It's right."
His voice had risen in the middle before he made a conscious effort to lower it again, mindful of the two ten-year olds sleeping nearby.
"I'm just a complete idiot. A stupid, insensitive bastard. All I wanted to was make it go away. Change it. Go back. Make you happy again. But I couldn't. Then it was too late... Is it too late?"
He was sure he sounded as mad and pathetic as he felt. Why the hell would she want him back, to try again, after everything. His gaze unconsciously fell on her wrists and he felt his chest tighten once more. There was no way. He was either kidding himself or this wasn't even real and he was once more torturing himself about how shit he was.
"It's not too late for us to be friends again, but I'm...I'm not good to be around. Not for you or them, or anyone," she replied. "I spoke to Topher and...no one could have talked me out of finishing the job, because I'm worthless. And I don't know if you being back is enough. My soul...it's not in there any more. I thought maybe it was with you, but you didn't have it did you?"
"I just wish...shit...I still wish I was dead, I wish I'd done it before I even walked out of my apartment to give you the last shot. I nearly did, because I knew I wasn't...I knew you wouldn't choose me. There are people here, proper people. You'll find someone else you'll want more. Surprised you bothered."
"Please don't say that. Please. You're not worthless and I you didn't know.. you didn't..." He scrubbed a hand down his face. "I was planning on visiting you the next day. Telling you what was happening, why I hadn't been in contact for a while. When you knocked on the door, I wasn't prepared but I was wanted to see you, to talk, to explain, hell, to beg."
He grimaced. "I kind of stopped listening after you said I broke you. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. Those words just swirled around." He raised his head to look at her, reaching out to tentatively touch her face as he'd done before. "I missed you so much."
She screwed her eyes shut as he spoke, before he reached for her, so she didn't know he had. 'I've never loved anyone as much as I loved you. Both of you. I...please, unless you really mean this. I can get you housed in the village. The kids back into the school. I wouldn't be angry."
"I really mean it, Angel. I love you," he said softly, brushing his thumb across her cheek. "I... I'm... I'm not that good to be around either though." He looked over at the kids, his face tight with guilt.
"Then we'll try." Shine muttered
He turned back to look at her. "Are...are you sure?" he asked, not daring to breathe between the question and its answer.
"All I wanted really," she replied
Daniel leaned in and brushed his lips against hers. "I love you and I really want to try again."