Fic: A Call To Arms 2/5 StarGate SG-1/StarGate: Atlantis
A Call to Arms
By: Lopaka Tanu
Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Stargate.
Fandom: Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis
Pairing: Martouf/Daniel
Category: Slash. Open AU.
Warnings: Violence, Language,
Sequel to: Daniel of Malksur Trilogy.
Summary: In the sudden silence that has filled the galaxy after the Goa'uld were wiped out, life for those who survived the war is stagnating. The Tok'ra are now trying to prevent the former slaves from killing themeselves and everyone else. Colonization of the galaxy has provided the SGC with a distraction, giving everyone something to do. It is to this that Daniel has come home to.... and from this he wishes to flee. _______________________________________________________ Standing in the open doorway of the reflecting pool room, Garshaw watched her mother's new host stare at her reflection. She would say it was vanity, if the queen hadn't been near catatonic since she was given the host. Standing beside her was the most annoying, yet, last, best hope. She had called him here to see if he could get Egeria to at least talk with them beyond giving orders.
"How long has the host been unresponsive?" Folding his arms, Paul leaned back against the wall. His gut twinged a little from memory of having the queen inside him. That was not an experience he wished to repeat.
"Two days. She refuses to even eat, now." Folding her hands in front of her, she let out a pent up sigh. Things were just growing worse in her opinion. If they were to begin saving any of the Jaffa, the immeadiet reproduction of more symbiots was essential. For that, this new queen would require the DNA of a mate. The very thought of contact seemed aborhent to Egeria, let alone sexual reproduction. If this did not stop soon, Garshaw had no doubt their plans would end in war. "You must see if there is anything you can do for you."
"I understand what you are thinking, but I highly doubt she will respond to me." At her stern look, he sighed. She could be a real bitch at times. "I'll see what I can do. Go, I don't want witnesses to my abasement."
"I will be near by, merely shout and I will come with help." Inclining her head, Garshaw backed out of the door way and down the hall.
Paul waited until she was out of sight before he moved off the wall and in to the chamber proper. Uncrossing his arms, he circled the new host. She was young, blonde haired, something he'd expect to be considered pretty on Earth, but not his personal opinion of beautiful. Her eyes were brown, something that he hadn't expected. After assesing the host for a moment longer, he bent down to the pool she was staring in.
Reaching out, he stuck his hand gently in the water. The surface rippled but the host remained in her position. "Enough of this kid gloves crap." Diving down deep, he brought his hands up and sent a wave of water splashing over her body.
Egeria gasped in shock from the cold water, falling backwards off her seat. Her chest heaving, her eyes glowed in anger. "How dare you!"
"Oh save it, sweet heart. I've had enough of this mind game bullshit from you already and I just got here." He splashed another, larger wave over her. This time, his wave caught her entire body where it was sprawled on the floor. "I have little in the way of patients as far as you are concerned. I had you in my gut for nine months, from day one you were nothing but a pain. I didn't let you get away with it then, and I'll be damned if I let you get away with it now."
Sitting up, she raised a hand to ward off another wave. "You know nothing of me, the horrors I have seen..." She was splashed again from the pool. "Cease and desist!" For her words she got two more splashes.
"Not so much fun when it is someone else driving you up the wall is it? Nine months of gut twitching, tooth scraping, snake slithering annoyance. You woke me at all hours of the day and night, I didn't get a good night's sleep for weeks after you were gone because I kept expecting you to wake me up." Growling, he stepped away from the slowly refilling reflecting pool. "I have no idea what your malfunction is, but I suggest you deal with it before I deal with you."
"That will be quite enough!" Coming to stand near the entrance of the chamber, Garshaw's eyes began to glow in annoyance. "Major, you will please leave."
"That's okay, I was through here anyways." Catching the host's smug look, he stared her down. "Don't think I am finished with you. If you don't cut this sulking shit out, I will be back, and I get a whole lot nastier." Storming past Garshaw, he walked out the same way he entered.
Staring down upon her mother's host, Garshaw tilted her head a little to the right. "Do you require anything, Egeria?"
"Dry clothing." Standing up, Egeria removed the sodden clothes and tossed them at the entrance in rage. Just as Garshaw started for the door, she growled. "Do not believe that this changes anything, Garshaw. My will is still the same, there will be no future prim'ta from my body or any other. The legacy of the Goa'uld ends with the death of the last Jaffa, be it natural causes or war."
"You would damn us all for your vanity?" Pausing in the doorway, Garshaw turned to face her.
"You would not exist but for my vanity and need." Moving back to her bench, she sat down upon it naked. "I see no point in picking up where the goa'uld left off to spare the lives of a few slaves."
"The Jaffa number in the millions. If you were to but produce a single clutch..." She was cut off by the glare her mother sent her way. Bowing at the shoulders, she walked from the room. Apparently it would take greater will than she could muster.
Taking his usual seat in front of the General, Jack began to fiddle with the arm rest of his chair. He almost had the tape they held the rest in place removed. After coming in to this office so many times in the past year, he had started to take the chair apart piece by piece. The maintenance staff had taken to using duct tape instead of replacing broken parts. That was a special mark of pride to him.
It was by far more satisfying than doing what he was here to do. Getting the call to finally come down here had been the worst feeling he had in two weeks. The last worst had been when they had suddenly announced that Carter had been transfered, without notification, from his team to head of off world technological studies. Basically it was just a way of saying she was being wasted on his team and they felt giving her a new title would keep her quiet.
Now, it was a similar situation. They had finally found a new replacement for Teal'c on his team. He knew it had been coming for two years. From the moment Daniel died, he knew a time would come when all his kids would leave him. Teal'c's work in training the Jaffa style troops had gotten him noticed by others of his race. So he was off being some big shot and the International Committee in charge of the budget for the SGC, the Colonies and all off world activities was tired of wasting money on him.
Looking up as the General entered from the side door, he frowned at the man. This was going to be an up hill battle and he didn't intend for it to be easy on his CO.
George took one look at the now completely demolished arm rest and shook his head. 'Time to put this puppy to rest.' Sitting down, he flipped through the foulders on his desk until he found the requisit file. "Here is the information on your new team mate. Read it, accept it. I suggest you get started, I've scheduled a mission for you starting tomorrow morning. He has a discipline problem, so he should be right up your alley. You're dismissed."
Jack just stared. That was it? All his built up bullshit was chucked aside by the General in a single paragraph. This was completely unfair. Standing up, he petulantly snatched the file away and stormed out of the office. He would be damned if he let dignity get in the way of his anger. He had been planning that bullshit speech for two years. It was a good bullshit speech. He had even done research for it!
The slight tinkling of crystals impacting against one another drew Daniel in to consciousness. Inhaling deeply, he curled away from the warmth that half pinned him to the bed. He paused for a moment to stretch away the sudden cramps in his muscles. His out stretching arm hit the warmth and he opened his eyes.
Smiling at the sleeping face of his lover, Daniel settled back down on the bed. Cool blue light illuminated the chamber giving him plenty to see by. Hard muscles under soft skin, browned skin enhanced the beauty in his eyes. It was hard not to slide his arms around Martouf, to place his head against his chest. Resisting a lover's embrace was never his strong suit.
Too bad for whoever was trying to get ahold of them.
He was about to lay back down beside Martouf when the clinking turned in to the clatter of shattering glass. Someone had broken the seal on their private chamber. Reaching under the pillow off to his right, Daniel drew out a zat-nic-atel and aimed it towards the door.
The sounds of combat boots echoed in the chamber as Jack made his way in to the room, hand over his eyes. "Daniel! Time to get up, sleeping ugly."
"Funny, I could say the same about you." Putting the weapon back under the pillow, he slid out of the bundle of blankets and pillows on to the warm crystal floor. The moment his feet touched, the light in the room intensified and started to swirl as if reflected off water. "What do you want, Jack? It's too early for a friendly conversation."
"Actually, Daniel, it's late, as in the evening." Jack had turned his back when he was sure where Daniel was. This way he could lower his arm before it could start to lose feeling. "Unlike some people who can lay about having sex all the time, I actually have to work, and so do you."
"Oh really. Because last time I checked, tossing pencils at stuffed elephants and pretending you're a neanderthal didn't exactly qualify as work, Jack." Daniel grabbed the first piece of clothing he found and tried to pull it on. When it proved to be too stubborn, he tossed it back to the floor and grabbed something else. This time it was his size.
"One time, Daniel, and yes, it was work. Do you have any idea how hard it was to get those pencils sharpened so the flint tips could be attached?" Snickering behind him told Jack he got the reaction he wanted. He sighed with contentment, no matter what else changed, Daniel was always an easy mark. Putting that from his mind, he got down to business. "Hurry up, we got a new team mate to meet and a briefing to go over. Seems they finally pulled the plug on Teal'c and the General is being pressured to get our team back up and running to full force."
"A briefing? How soon before the mission?" Pulling up the first pair of pants he found, he couldn't be bothered that they were tight on his hips. Martouf would just have to wear something else. Zipping them up, he took his time to shove everything out of the way of the dangerous zip.
"Tomorrow morning. That is why the meet and greet and brief is tonight." After hearing the zipper, Jack faced Daniel. "Oh, for the love of... Can't you put on your own clothes?"
"If I could find them, yes." Passing by the grinding Jack, Daniel shook his head. It wasn't like he was to blame for Jack's hatred of all things Martouf. They had been fueding since before Daniel returned to the SGC. To him, the entire thing was just a big waste of time. Whatever had started it, there seemed to be no likely ending it.
Jack shook himself out of it. Following Daniel from the chamber, he sent a glare at Martouf's still body. "One day Marty."
Smiling down at the computer console, Harry typed in the new security code. This was going to be a real pleasure. He always did enjoy it when his enemies suffered for their incompetence. Finishing the coding, he entered his own security code and sent the information to all the mobile drives.
Like the perfect drones, his security personnel began to unhook the drives and push them away so they could upgrade the security database at each check point. They knew this routine well, had performed it twice already today. It was sheer perfection at work for Harry Maybourne.
Handing over the key card to the Captain, Harry smiled sweetly. "You do realize that they sent you to be here as a mole, right?"
Taking the key card, Captain Sheppard frowned. "I got that when they told me to report everything I saw and heard to them."
"And you will of course be a loyal little soldier and tell them everything you see here. A state of the art security system updated every two hours with new passwords and codes that they could never hope to break. The security in the vents is lethal to anything smaller than an elephant. We have anti-aircraft batteries in twelve locations, only four of those visible. We have a shield surrounding the base and over two hundred pounds of naquadah bombs waiting to be deployed." Sitting back in his large chair, Harry folded his arms behind his head. "Oh, there is also the fact that several of the security patrols are Jaffa equivilant, equipt with the most advanced weapons in the galaxy."
"I'll be sure to mention that, sir." John saluted the colonel with little enthusiasm as he wonderd just what the hell was so special about this place that they would send him here. He had been told very little about the posting, just that he was a covert observer. The fact that his covert mission was known by everyone was a real dampner. He had been hoping for a super secret spy mission, not an episode of 'Get Smart'.
When he had first learned that there were in fact Aliens and they were helping out the world governments, things started to make a little sense. There had to be an explanation for the success of reality television. It was obvious to him, Aliens were conducting expirements and wanted the world to know about it. It was a little hard to cover up something that every world power knew about.
He had yet to meet an alien, or so he thought. There was that one creepy guy at the gate who stared at him suspiciously and muttered about the one armed man. Whatever his deal was, it was beyond him to care about it. Just so long as he kept his special brand of crazy to himself, John could live with it.
Turning on heel, he strolled down the short pier to the heavily guarded entrance. Nodding to his escourt, he held up his badge to the guard.
The man didn't even glance at it while he opened the door.
Just out of curiosity, John glanced down over the arm rail of the small pier. He wished he hadn't afterwards. The pit below went down at least sixty feet. Inside it were the seven large spinning gears of the shield generator. Yet again, he wondered how such a large machine was put in below the mountain without so much as a peep.
John had been warned about Harry and his idiosycroncies before coming here. How the man had driven security and paranoia to new heights. He had expected the security command to be a fortress, but not the damned temple of doom. There was a safe bet that the pier he had just stepped off retracted or even fell in to the forcefield that protected the shield generator from above. A forcefield that would desintegrate all matter upon contact.
Shaking his head, he gestured for the escourt to take the lead on towards the briefing room. He had a new C.O. to meet. The journey was relatively short when compaired to the size of the base. However, Level 28 was also the largest level in the entire mountain. It encompassed the shield generator room, the security room, the gate room, the control room, and thirty storage rooms for the supplies necessairy for the upkeep for all those.
Soon, they were at the Control Room and he was taking the spiral staircase up to the Briefing Room. His first impression of the briefing room was the sheer size of the meeting table. The new one held room for twenty chairs in compairison to the old one which held only fourteen. The briefing room was bigger than he had expected and the wood paneling along the walls was a nice touch in his opinion, especially compaired to the dull cement of the base.
Sitting in the chairs closest to the briefing room window were four men he had only seen in their files and one he knew from when he first reported in at the base. Turning to the one he knew, he smiled. "General Hammond, sir, Captain John Sheppard reporting as ordered."
"Take a seat, Captain." Hammond gestured to the open seat next to him. To his right, beyond the empty seat, he gestured to the two men there. "These are Doctors' Daniel Jackson and Rodney McKay respectively, they are both on your team." He waited for them to nod at John before gesturing to the other two men on his left. "This is Colonel Jack O'Neill, your new C.O. and team leader. To his left is the man in charge of base medicine, Doctor Warner. You will be reporting to him for a complete physical after the briefing. If he approves, you will be heading out tomorrow for your first mission."
"What exactly are the details of this mission, General?" Daniel, having quickly dismissed the new man from thought turned his full will towards listening to what Hammond said. The fact that the scent from his tight pants kept waffing up every time he moved was proving a very difficult distraction. Martouf had wanted to get them off first, but Daniel had been too busy to do much beside jerk down the zipper on them before going down. He was moderately surprised no one else had noticed the smell.
Sitting beside him, Rodney kept glancing between Daniel and the new man. It would be easy to let himself get lost in contemplating both of them. Together. To himself, Dr. Rodney McKay the scientist was a brilliant, giant of a man. But the Rodney McKay was a sad man who spent far too much of his free time thinking about, watching, and critiqueing pornography. If they intended that crap to be anything but pisspoor smut, they had a lot to learn. The fact Daniel smelled like spunk also helped his fantasy.
Sheppard smiled at General Hammond and each man in turn. Sitting down, he smelled something that was oddly familiar, he just couldn't put his finger upon it. Catching Hammond messing with a remote, he gave the General his full attention. Then he sniffed again.
At the obvious sniff, Daniel cleared his throat and ignored the need to squirm. He was an adult. If people noticed a certian smell, that was their perogative.
Hammond cleared his throat next. He was well aware of Daniel's predicatment. He'd heard Jack and Daniel arguing about it on their way in to briefing room. He had been glad that by the law, he could basically ignore the entire situation. Aiming the remote at the far wall, the lights went off and he pressed the play button.
The entire back wall disappeared to be replaced by a dark, circular room large enough to be their own gate room. At the center of the room was the only illumination, a light that shown only enough to give off a circle on the floor. "This is an alien artifact. The planet this gate is on has been buried under magma for seven thousand years and shows no sign of letting up. How this chamber has survived is a mystery to us and the Tok'ra, our other allies are not speaking on its existance."
Daniel adjusted reached up for glasses that were no longer there. Frowning, he studied the holoimage. "I understand the significance of this kind of technology, sir, but what do you expect of us that our off world bases would not serve better at exploring?"
"This, Dr. Jackson." Pressing the next button, Hammond waited for the image to change locations. The back wall moved forward and the ground underneath the light moved up for them to see the circle. "Do you recognize these symbols?"
Before Daniel could respond, Rodney nearly exploded. "Those are some of the same symbols found on the device! We have to go there!"
"He is correct, some of them are the same symbols, but I have no idea what they mean." Staring at them distractredly, Daniel tried to place where he had seen the damned things before. Suddenly they started to spin and it clicked in his mind. "I've been there before."
"What?" Jack turned from being bored to suspicious of Daniel in a heart beat. "Tell me that it was you and not the little snake infestation you had."
"Sorry, Jack." Seeing the reactions of the other men, Daniel glanced back to the holoimage. "That planet, I have been there, or Jolinar had been." He frowned, trying to draw out more of the memory. When nothing else came, he sighed. "That is all I know, sir. I've been there. May be when we go I can recall more, but for now that is all."
"Very well." Hitting the power button, Hammond waited for the room to return to normal before continuing on. "Captain Sheppard, here, is your newest team mate. The Over Sight Committee has finally accepted Teal'c's leave of absence as a more permanent situation. They have decided that SG-1, as the front runner of the SGC, needs to spend more time in the field. To ensure that you are confident in your team and yourselves, I have set up a series of first run missions to help you adjust, tomorrow's is the first.
"You are to head to this planet and see if you can find anything of interest. The duration of the mission will be no longer than two hours. You will check in every thirty minutes or I will be sending in two teams of marines to retrieve you." Chuckling at John's expression, he slapped the man on the shoulder. "You will get used to this soon enough, Captain. The usual field packs will be distributed as well as the newest edition of Major Carter's Coiled Blasters. Don't stay up too long tonight, Gentlemen, you have an early morning. Dismissed!"
Hammond didn't wait for them to respond, standing up, he carried the remote with him towards his office.
"So." Jack studied John with a look of bored disinterest. "Welcome to our humble abode, try not to rial the dogs, wipe your feet on the mat, and be sure to tip your waitress." Standing up, he nodded at Sheppard's salute then walked out with Dr. Warner.
Sheppard turned to Daniel and Rodney with raised eyebrows. "So, you're Dr...." He didn't get to finish as McKay interupted.
"Yes, I am. Now, if you will excuse me, I have some preparations to make before this sudden and unexpected mission tomorrow despite my busy schedule!" Standing up, Rodney fled the room. Of course, the fact that he had a hardon strong enough to crack the new briefing room table had nothing to do with the fact he was making off like a bandit in the night.
"Well, I was going to say Dr. Jackson, I suppose it's good he didn't stick around long enough, hunh?" Sheppard smiled at Daniel, trying to be disarming. If he could at least get on this one's good side, he could complete at least part of the mission.
"Yes, I am Daniel Jackson. It is good to meet you, Captain Sheppard." Holding out his hand, Daniel leaned over to John.
He accepted the hand with gratitude. He was about to say he had previously heard about Daniel when that scent came back to him. Sniffing, he tried to identify it. "Do you smell that? What is that? I know I've smelled it before, I just can't place it at the moment. I know if I get off alone it will eventually come to me."
Daniel couldn't help it. He snorted at Sheppard's words. Taking back his hand, he stood up suddenly. "Look, I'm sorry, but I've got work to do. Jack has an office on level 19. I am sure you can find someone to guide you there if you need something. Excuse me, good bye." Standing up, he fled for the door at a fast walk. Moving through it, he was nearly broad sided by a rushing man. Daniel was about to apologize when he felt hands on his body, pulling him close. "Um..."
"Jolinar." Martouf wrapped his hands around Daniel's ass and guided him behind the briefing room door.
Seeing who it was, Daniel relaxed. "Martouf, what are you doing here?"
"I came to get my clothes back." Glancing down, he smirked at what he saw. "They are most pleasing on you, my mate."
Daniel let his head fall back against the wall with a groan. This was going to turn in to a repeat performance of earlier if he didn't stop Martouf. The first thing he had to do was extract his ass from the other man's grip and push him away slightly. "Not here, Martouf."
"Is there something I am interupting?" Standing in the doorway, John glanced around the metal door to smirk at Martouf and Daniel.
Martouf's eyes glowed before he could control his responce. "I was just coming to see Dr. Jackson. He and I have some... things to discuss. If you will excuse us."
"Sure, don't mind me." But Sheppard didn't move. So this was a Tok'ra. He had learned what one was after being told what a goa'uld was and that they were now extinct.
"Not here, Martouf." Shaking his right hand free, Daniel left Martouf's grip on his left hand remain and guided him away. "See you tomorrow morning, Captain."
"Yeah, tomorrow." Watching the two men leave, John had a feeling he had just witnessed something important. Something that could get him in a lotta trouble if anybody found out just how interested he was. Grunting, he adjusted the front of his uniform. "Yeah, this is going to be a fun assignment."
"You have no idea." Sitting in his control room, Harry watched John's body temperature rise, his electrical levels spike and his hands reach for his warming crotch area. He loved these new cameras, they picked up every detail. Petting his console, he tapped in a new command. The view on his monitor changed so that he was seeing the nurse's showers and all higher brain functions fled Harry Maybourne for a while.
Glancing down at the world beneath him, Teal'c felt the resignation fill him yet again. This had been the last stop on their tour of the border worlds in the former territory of Lord Yu. Far from being the busy port it had been, there was nothing left in this place. The palace at the center of the city was all that had been left standing and even that was dilapidated. Had he not known better, he would say this world had been abandoned centuries ago.
Turning away from the view port, he pressed the control orb to engage the hyper drive. A short time later, the vessel was thrown in to hyperspace. Glancing out the view port again, he watched the passing lines of the slip stream. It was a familiar sight he had forgotten how much he missed until this mission.
"That makes twelve worlds in this sector alone." Adjusting the sensor data to a storage crystal, Aldwin turned in his seat to face Teal'c. "Shall we continue on to the next world or move on towards Heru'ur's territory?"
Teal'c was about to reply when a flashing crystal on the central console caught his attention. Pressing it, he glanced to the main screen. Several goa'uld characters scrolled across. "It seems that the Jaffa of Enke have heard about the massacre of Ankar Waht and decided to press our promise for more prim'ta."
"We told them it would be another six months before Egeria was spawning, they should have waited as they agreed." Pulling up the data to his own screen, Aldwin frowned at the ultimatum. "They are going to attack others and us if we don't respond in the next five days." He grabbed the console in front of him as he was nearly thrown from his seat. "What are you doing?"
"I have grown weary of the treachery that has infected my fellow Jaffa. It is high time we did something about it aside from searching out more Jaffa." Imputting the new coordinates to the hyper drive, he brought them back in to hyper space. Accelerating the drives to full, he set them to automatic. "We shall reach the Tau'ri in two days. Then we shall see how they feel about breaking their word."
"You plan on using the Tau'ri as a threat to those Jaffa who disagree with you?" It was a plan that held merrit, but not one he would have agreed to.
"No." Standing, Teal'c moved towards the door. "I became aware of Egeria's reluctance to produce new prim'ta quite some time ago. Until now, I was willing to sit idly by and let others more qualified handle this, I can no longer do this. If your entreaties have failed, it is time for someone more pursuesive to act."
Aldwin could only silently agree with the leaving Jaffa. Pulling up the network signal to his fellow Tok'ra, he warned them of the possible Jaffa rebellion. If Teal'c failed, then they would be needed to send a clear message to all Jaffa.
"Actually, Captain, I am on loan to your government from the Canadian military, my posting here was conditional on their involvement in the Stargate project." Rodney smiled cheekily as he took a sip from his gingerale. The vodka his other companion was drinking did look tempting, but it was the night before a mission and he wasn't exactly the most sturdy drunk. "So, tell me, Sheppard, just what did you do to impress someone so that you earned such a prestigeous posting?"
"I'm a nark." Grimacing at his own cander, he smiled towards Daniel's vodka too. "Honesty above all else is my motto. Seems, I got myself a reputation for exposing scandals. That's the reason I am still just a captain and not a major."
"A well earned one, if I read your file right." Unlike the others, Daniel had no problem with vodka or any other drink for that matter. Once you had the daily brew of bread beer produced by the Abydoseans for over a year, everything else just seemed like water. Tossing back his third glass of the night, Daniel grimaced. "Jack, are you sure they haven't done anything to this, I can barely taste it?"
"What?" John just stared at him. "Are you telling me you've downed three of those so far and all you can do is complain about the taste?"
"Oh, it gets better, trust me." Jack signaled for the waitress. Turning to Daniel, he shook his head in disgust. "Don't embarrass me again, hunh?"
"Oh, one time, Jack, one time. It is hardly my fault that guy couldn't handle a simple drinking contest." Seeing Rodney and John's curious expressions, Daniel gave them his undivided attention. Using hand gestures, he pointed all over the bar. "Jack had them lined up one by one, they thought it was a trick of some kind. One man even dragged me off to the bathroom to check for a funnel or some place where I could store the drink."
"He cleared out the entire stock of vodka, wouldn't touch anything else, said it smelled bad," Jack finished with a pinched face. "The bottles weren't the only things he cleaned out."
"Again, not my fault. A fool and his money is soon parted. Or a drunk in this case." Chuckling, Daniel handed the waitress his cup and accepted the replacement drink. He was getting wildly animated now, sloshing some of his drink on the table as he gestured. "Like I said, one guy dragged me to the bathroom to check. I had to pee, so it wasn't like it was a real hardship being man handled towards that way. Well, I was standing there recycling cheap vodka..."
"And the man is lighting a cigarette to stick to Daniel skin for interrogation and I bust in about then. He jerks Daniel about and Daniel pisses all over this guy's cigarette." Snorting at the memory, Jack smacked Daniel on the shoulder. "He pisses on this guy's cigarette and instead of dowsing it, the entire thing catches on fire and the man burns his hand in the liquid flame."
"I told you it was cheap, Jack." Finishing off the forth drink, Daniel gasped. "Well, I get rushed back to the base, Jack thinks something is wrong with me. They run a complete battery of tests on me and find out it was all for nothing." Holding up the glass, Daniel shook it towards the other two men. "It seems my body can't process liquor anymore. It just runs right through me. Speaking of right through me, excuse me!"
Sheppard watched Daniel race to the bathroom with a half grin on his face. "Are you guys leading me on?"
"No, not at all." Taking a sip of his own drink, Jack smirked towards John and Rodney. It was all in the timing. He glanced down at his watch as he mentally calculated the count down. 'Three, two....'
"Ahhhhhh," was followed by the fire alarms going off.
"Not again." Sighing, Jack stood up. Now to the fun part. He only glimpsed at the other two men as they stared in alarm towards the bathroom. Moving away from the table, he quickly walked to the bathroom. "Hold on, Daniel, I'm on my way!" On the way, he heard the other two men's chairs scraping the floor followed by their footsteps.
By the time he reached the bathroom door, Jack was already losing the battle to his chuckles. He pushed open the door and was nearly bowled over by the smell of scorched hair. "Daniel! Are you all right?"
"I think so, Jack, but this guy is going to be bald for a while." As the door was pushed open by Rodney and John, Daniel held up the little doll with the scorched hair. Tossing it to John, he pushed passed the two men. "It was Jack's idea."
Jack couldn't respond to the accusation because he fell from the side of the stalls to the tile floor laughing.
Rodney's eyes narrowed. Stalking back to the table, he picked up Daniel's glass and sniffed it, much to the amusement of the bar's patrons and staff. "This is water!"
"Actually, it was five parts water, one part vodka." Taking the glass from Rodney, Daniel laid an arm around his shoulders. "Very poor drinking, you have no idea how hard it was to swallow it." Leaning in close, he whispered in Rodney's ear, "welcome to the team."
For that moment, Rodney found it very hard to concentrate on anything else. Coughing, he brushed off Daniel's arm. "Yes, well, I hardly call this a welcome."
"Like I said, this wasn't my idea." Glaring over his shoulder at the wheezing Jack and the grinning John, Daniel shook his head. "Personally, I would have gone for the alien bursting from my chest, but Jack couldn't get ahold of enough fake blood in time."
Rodney could only stare as Daniel walked over to relieve the captain of his burden and escorted Jack from the bar.