Agent Fox Mulder (i_want_2) wrote in multi_fiction, @ 2008-09-01 21:52:00 |
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Entry tags: | due south, het, rated: adult, slash |
Fic: I, Gollum 4/8 Due South
Title: I, Gollum
By Lopaka Tanu
Disclaimer: I do not own Due South.
Summary: A battle of the wits over Benton Fraser.
Notes at the end.
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We's sits here staring at the spiky haired elf. He thinks he can fools us with his word games and flaky accents. Little does he know my precious is also good with games. "It is agreed, I will play this game with you. Who ever can not answer the other's riddle, will relinquish all claims to him."
"Ray, I really think this is...
"Silence my pretty. You are not to speak until this is over." I smile at him which causes the elf to glare at us. Good. "I will go first." We must think of something clever and not known to this spiky one. Ah my precious we have it. Yes it will do. "What is long, but can not be measured? Serves little purpose, yet has proven useful. The effects are similar to a narcotic, minus the pleasant side effects. What am I?"
He smiles at us. I think he knows my precious.
"One of Fraser's Inuit stories."
Curses! Now is his turn. We must be careful he is a tricky one. Silence my precious, he speaks.
"It is round, yet not a circle. Once a year. Each can only be traveled once. What am I?"
We knows this one my precious, yes it is a favorite. He smirks as we delay our answer. "A revolution." His face falls, we got him! Now is our turn once more. Think carefully my precious. "Can not hear, yet knows every word you say. Speaks with out saying a word. An idea means more than action because your mind holds more attraction. What am I?"
He appears to be stumped. Looking around he sees my pretty looking at his half breed. A smile appears on his lips. Damn our pretty's half breed.
"You are a telepath."
Damn, damn, damn! Nows is his turns once more.
He shows his teeth in a one of those ignorant smiles. My precious I think he is up to something.
"I am the world, yet can be held in the palm of your hand. To all I am sacred, but in the end, turn out to be shit. To the half-breed, glazed or powered, it matters not. What am I?"
I smiles. "You are a donut hole."
My pretty looks at the elf in shock. "Ray, have you been feeding Diefenbaker donuts again?"
"You will remain silent!" My pretty nods his head. My pretty is smart. Now our turn my precious. "Let us think. What would you not know? I have it." My precious pauses as we gather our thoughts. "A contradiction in terms, yet in flavors as well. We come in silver for silver, yet are many colors. Many in one, all together for some. What are we?"
The golden elf smirks while our pretty pales.
"SweetTarts."
Our pretty has gone paler, what could be the matter? Before we can inquire, the elf speaks his riddle while rubbing his wrist.
"Two inches that bind, for passion entwined. Not of official use, pleasure divined from abuse. Leather and metal sting like a nettle. With the new day's dawn, marks from, still not gone. What am I?"
He settles back with a smug grin. No! We do not know, my precious. Whatever could it be? Check the time, almost out! Think my precious! Think!
The elf is still smirking, time has ran out, and now we must guess. "A biker jacket?"
He is laughing at us. We got it wrong! No, damnation and hell fires we got it wrong! Must give him death glare, may be intimidation will stop him from taking our pretty. He laughs harder as he stands.
"Come on Frase, looks like you get the day off."
My pretty smiles as he thanks us. We remain cool, my precious. Wait until he is gone. He will be back tomorrow and then we will have our fun.
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Ray closes the door to the office chuckling. "Come on, she will never get that one."
"Really Ray, must you taunt Inspector Thatcher that way?" Constable Fraser follows him as they walk down the hall.
"Don't even start. She does this every time you ask for time off. This way you get it fair and square and she can't do a thing about it." He laughs as they head out of the front of the Consulate. "You should have seen the look on your face over the SweetTart one. Pure goldeEEEEEnnn! Turnbull what the hell?" He turns to glare at the statuesque Mountie.
"Now Ray, please watch your language in front of the Consulate."
"Watch my language? What the hell about your stuffed Mountie and his hands?" Ray squawked in outrage drawing attention to himself and the two Mounties.
Benton sighed as he tried to placate the irate cop. "Language Ray. What is it you are accusing Constable Turnbull of actually?"
"Accuse nothing, Mr. Hands here grabbed my ass!" He emphasized his point by poking the still stoic and unresponsive Renfield in the chest.
"What is going on here?"
"Oh great, the Ice Queen herself. Listen lady, I don't know what kind of show you run here, but tell your Mountie hands off the merchandise."
The Inspector smiled wickedly at him. "Do you wish to come in my office and lodge a formal complaint?"
Ray froze mid motion. Back in the dragon's lair? May be there all day? "Nah, forget it. It was probably my imagination anyways."
"Are you sure?" She seemed to wilt severely.
"S'okay. C'mon Frase, lets get out of here. I still gotta finish packing the rest of my stuff." He turned back to head to the car and felt something grab his butt. Stopping and glaring over his shoulder, there stood a glaring Inspector, an innocent Fraser, and a stone faced Turnbull. "Aint worth it." Then continued on to the car.
As he and Fraser left in the car, they heard screaming follow after them. "Hey Frase, you hear that?"
"Yes Ray, it sounded like the words 'no my precious, come back, my pretty'. I wonder what that could mean?"
"I have no idea, Frase."
"Ray, may I ask you a question?"
"I don't see why not."
"What was the answer to your last riddle?"
"Remember last night?"
"Yes."
"Remember what you and Turnbull did to me?"
"Ah."
"Ah's right. Pay back's a bitch and you have yet to receive just compensation."
"I see. So he didn't really grab your bottom?"
"Not the first time."
"Very good."
A moment of silence.
"Ray?"
"Yes Fraser?"
"What did you mean, 'not the first time'?"
The End.
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Author's Notes: Yes Inspector Thatcher is based on the character of Gollum from the Novel 'The Hobbit'.
A revolution is the journey of a planet around a star, thus one is a year.
The answer to the riddle is the Sam Brown which was used to bind Ray to the bed the night before. If you wanna know what happened, just ask, and I will right it down for you. Another thing for you readers, Ben has yet to receive payment for it. *BEG*
SweetTarts played a major role in To Kowalski, Thank you kindly, Benton Fraser.
SweetTarts are tiny round candies that are both sweet and tart. They come in five flavors and colors, but their candy wrapper is silver foil wrapped around a stick/stack of the candies.
Series/Sequel: Pucker up Baby!
Warning: Extreme Character assassination of an Inspector. Foul Language.
Category: Part of my AU series. Slash overtones.