Agent Fox Mulder (i_want_2) wrote in multi_fiction, @ 2008-03-22 07:52:00 |
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Entry tags: | au, firefly, rated: adult, slash |
Fic: Tail of the Sly Wolf. 1/1 Firefly.
Title: Tail of the Sly Wolf.
Author: Lopaka Tanu
Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of Firefly.
Characters: Simon, Malcolm, Jayne, Zoe, Kaylee, River, Book, Badger, Wash, Inara, Mom, and Grand ma.
Wordcount: 8534
Prompt: 11) Fantasy AU (traditional)
Fandom: Firefly
Pairing: Malcolm/Simon.
Rating: Adult
Warnings: Language, Violence
Summary: After running afoul of Patience, Mal needs to score some honey; enter Little Red Riding Honey inc.
Author's Note: Fairy tails on Crack.
Book Narrative
______________________________________
A long time ago in a land far away, several unsightly creatures with bad accents and atrocious manners lived... Okay, you probably guessed it, they are in the American South. To be blunt, if it wasn't for the redeeming qualities of some of these characters, I would be hard to put to tell you anything about it. In fact, I might just skip this tale all together in the future. But, since you are interested, I will tell it just this once.
Now, back to the story.
The date was indeterminate, but the time was noon. The location, Persephone's Bar and Grill. Before we go on, I must feel I should warn you. Animals in this story can think and talk like humans. Some even look human with the exception of ears, tail, and a few other things that don't bare mentioning. Most notably of these that appear human are the wolves.
It was a seasonably hot day, therefore most of the town's residents were indoors to avoid the heat. Resting at the corner of the bar were four wolves of questionable reputation. The big light brown one of questionable intelligence and bad smell was called Jayne, he was the muscle of the pack. Beside him stood a shorter blond one who always wore a smirk beneath his whiskers, Wash was his name. Next to him was his black wolf wife Zoe, the fur on her ears and tail so dark many believed she had panther ancestry. Her attitude in a fight did little to discourage this belief.
Then finally, central to our tell, was the dark brown furred Malcolm Reynolds, Mal to his friends. His appearance was that of a suspicious wolf, always keeping an eye out for danger. Unlike most wolves, Malcolm Reynolds contained a kind of keen intelligence and trickery that was almost fox like in his slyness.
"Hey, now, watch who you callin sly, Preacher. Don't want no one to be rippin out some of your pages, now do we?"
Quite right, what was I thinking? No, Malcolm Reynolds wasn't sly, he wasn't very keen at all.
"That's a bit more like it... Hey, that was a jab at me!"
I am surprised you caught that.
"You are really cruisin for a brusin, paper back! Just get on with your infernal tell."
Then perhaps you had better shut up and let a Book tell a story, that is, after all, what I do.
As I stated before I was so rudely interrupted, our foursome were sitting at the bar resting in the heat of the day. After a string of bad luck on their part, money was running low and they had had to resort to stealing lately. Now, they were smart enough to steal from people who could afford it and from far enough away from their territory so not as to arouse suspicions. But, some people were large enough in the world that no where was out of their reach. Unfortunately, they had robbed just one such person last night.
Patience was a bear so old, she could recall the wars between humans of different colored skin. To her credit, she could claim the heads of fifty hunters who had come for her personally. In fact, the humans had declared her territory a wild life preserve, not because of nature, but to protect those foolish enough to hunt her. She had her claws in every animal's pie for several hundred miles.
Thus, when Badger, a loathsome, most despicable, vile creature of the scummiest sewer, drifted in to Persephone's Bar and Grill, people knew Patience was angry. Other wise, her edict on keeping the trash off the streets would have kept him hidden in his burroughs. Only when she permitted him, did he set foot in town, always to do her bidding.
Beady eyes blinking in the dim light of the bar, the two foot creature with bald patches among his fur sneered. "Well, ain't this a most cozy of sights?" Having caught sight of his prey, Badger wandered over to the wolves at the bar. "Hello, Capin Reynolds. I hear you've been busy lately."
Not bothering to physically acknowledge the little creature, Mal finished his whiskey. "What can I do for you, Badger?"
"Patience wants her honey back." Rubbing his paws together, he tried to slide his nose along Zoe's tail. When it swung back at him and hit him in the face, Badger was bowled over backwards. Upon opening his eyes again, he found a foot with black painted nails pressed against his chest. "Just being friendly."
"Less friendly, more talk, now!" Pushing on the little animal, Zoe held off her husband with a hand gripping the front of his pants. "Heel, Wash."
Whimpering his ascent, Wash lowered his head and rubbed against her shoulder. "Yes, my black Amazonian goddess." When she squeezed him again, his eyes rolled up in his head and he groaned. "Don't let go, ever, please."
"Not now, you two!" Finally drawn away from his drink, Mal glared down upon Badger. "What is you are here to do, threaten me? You who looks like a skunk, what can you possibly do?"
"And you look like a furry from some bad porn fantasy, but that doesn't mean a thing." Snapping his fingers, Badger grinned. At his summons, six large golden maned men came in, claws ready to tear flesh. "That, Malcolm, is my threat. Patience likes you, so she's given you twelve hours to get her that honey back or these fellas get to eat you."
"You know I can't do that. We done sold it!" It angered him that Badger had come in here knowing that. The little rodent had brokered the deal himself. Which is how he knew who to deal with. Badger wouldn't have bothered to give him time if he didn't get something out of it. "Just tell me where I'm supposed to get this honey and what exactly you get for it?"
"You know, these meetings used to be more fun when you let me act it out as I planned." He sighed when Zoe's foot crushed him more. "Fine. Humans have been recently encroaching on Patience's honey fields. They are taking what is by right hers. She wants you to steal this honey back for her, and put the humans responsible out of business permanently, if you catch my drift."
On this, one of the rare occasions in his life, something made sense to Jayne. "You little piece of shit, you set us up."
"What are you yackin about, Jayne?" In no mood for the big lugs hair brained ideas, Mal's tail twitched in anger.
"He set us up. He knowed where the honey was yesterday, knew an awful lot about it, who to bribe, where to get it and who would want it. All too convenient." Scratching at the cap his mother had knitted for him, Jayne began to think may be he was on to something. "But that's way too smart for him. Someone's gotta be pullin his ropes."
"Strings, Jayne, but I think you're on to something." Digging her toe nails in to Badger's chest, Zoe leaned forward on the leg she used to pin him down. "Let me guess, Patience is behind all this?"
Wiggling his eyebrows, Badger grinned. "Smart and beautiful, I like that." His fur frizzed at Wash's growl. "Fine. It don't matter either way. You got paid for a job, now you gotta do it."
Zoe thought about crushing him again, but let up off him. Instead, she kicked him back towards his lion body guards as Mal cursed. "He's got a point, Captain. Had it just been him, I'd be the first to ram the skewer up his ass so we could roast him over a fire, but this has Patience written all over it. She won't let this slide."
And that is how this started. What followed ended with much violence and many words that are inappropriate for my readers. Basically, what they found out was that the humans worked for a group called the Alliance of Corporations. This branch of the corporation was run by the Tam family. Their 'Little Red Riding Honey' company was the largest harvester and supplier in the area. The Tams were a moderately wealthy family, owing this to the fact they bought an Alliance franchise.
Before I continue, there is something you should know about the Alliance of Corporations. Five years ago, the Alliance of Corporations tried to become the world's largest megaconglomerate, supplying everything from shoes to car parts, and now, honey. Several small mom and pop companies were lost in the sales war. While this is good for prices, this is bad for those people who depended upon the revenue from the shops to make a living. Many cities now have an Alliance franchise where once thriving downtowns existed.
One of the side effects of this megaconglomerate was a sense of invincibility. This made them arrogant, believe they could do whatever they wanted without any consequences. This emotion spread to many people as their influence spread. The Tams were soon to be no different, it seemed, as the elder Tams had already started to succumb. Evidence of this was violating the terms of the nature preserve by harvesting the honey that was not, by right, theirs.
Of those who yet remained untouched by the arrogance, Simon Tam and his sister River, were the most notable. Simon Tam was a young genius, he had studied medicine and become a Veterinarian by the time most people were just deciding their college major. He would have been one of the top doctors in his field had his sister not taken ill. Since then, all his life has been focused on taking care of her and ensuring her happiness.
River, on the other hand, was dumb as a post and twice as thick. Her illness was self inflicted, but only as an unintentional side effect of an experiment. Once, she had been a genius to rival that of her brother, but her family's wealth and business provided her with access to dangerous chemicals. In an effort to make herself invisible, she had lost her mind, though it can be argued she lost it the moment she even considered attempting that cockamamie experiment.
And so, with this she became a burden, one Simon took upon himself. You see, Simon's knowledge may have been in the wrong field of medicine, but he still understood enough to try and reverse what she had done. He knew no one else in his family would bother to even try. With most of his life now dedicated to taking care of River, Simon had no source of income to support either himself or her, thus, he had to return to his family.
When not taking care of his drooling idiot of a sister, Simon was running errands for his mother. As forewoman, one of her duties was to oversee deliveries. Nothing as simple as a jar here, a jar there. No, that would be too easy. Mother Tam didn't just run a small canning factory, she ran the largest honey producers in the western hemisphere. This is a megacorporation I am talking about, small business just doesn't exist to these people.
However, this tale isn't about Simon driving an eighteen wheeler across the country. Today, his delivery would be a small one, but of extreme significance. His mission, deliver a batch of the new honey to Grand Ma Tam, owner of Tam's Country Kitchen, home of the Southern Fried Catfish. As anyone who has had southern fried catfish knows, honey is the primary accentuate. Yes, Grand Ma Tam's southern fried catfish, mashed potatoes, corn, and buttermilk biscuits is what started the Tam family fortune, and through a shell company, Little Red Riding Honey inc.
"Mother, I do not understand why I have to wear this hooded cloak." Pulling at the red cloth draped around his shoulders, Simon tugged the little bee pendant that held it closed. It was the standard uniform of all LRRH's employees when making public deliveries. "It is uncomfortable, the hood is too big, and I feel ridiculous. Why are you letting Grand Mother force this hideous outfit on me?"
Instead of answering, Mother Tam foisted the large Longenberger basket in to Simon's arms. Turning him for the door, she frog marched him to it. "You are already late, Simon, don't make your grand mother angry. If I have to hear it from her, then you will hear it from both of us!"
Having been on the receiving end of those lectures, Simon shuddered. Grand Ma Tam had a colorful vocabulary she enjoyed parading out every time someone upset her. Tightening his grip on the basket, Simon started to walk on his own. But, by the time he did, he was already out of her office and she was slamming shut the door behind him.
Closing his eyes at the slam, Simon endured the ringing in his ears until it had passed. When he could again hear, Simon sighed and went on about his business. His first stop before leaving would normally be to see his sister and her nurse, but since this was to Grand Ma Tam, there was no time. The walk down the hall of LRRH's main entrance was completed in silence as no one was here this time of day.
Outside parked next to the curb was his scooter. Simon abhorred motorcycles, but enjoyed the feel of having something large between his legs. His preferred method of travel was a horse. Nothing quite like the gallop of the large beast beneath him, the wind blowing through his hair. It took Simon a minute to realize he was standing next to his scooter day dreaming yet again.
Feeling foolish, he secured the Longenberger basket in his delivery basket on the front of his scooter. Usually he kept his medical bag there, while he didn't have his own practice, Simon still made house calls for pets. After he strapped his helmet on, he pulled up the hood, climbed on the scooter, and started it. With an unsatisfying lawn mower sound, the engine kicked on and he was off.
Not quite the auspicious beginnings and introductions you had hoped for, hmmm? Well, I told you this story was hardly worth repeating. Alas, I still have far to go and much to cover before I can get on with recording my own existence. As a book, it is my job to record everything I encounter. I repeat what I find of interest to anyone who will listen. I know, it isn't quite the glamorous existence that some people have, but it's who and what I am.
Speaking of being what you are, our friends the wolf pack were on their way to getting Patience's honey back. They had learned something Simon didn't know, that what had been taken was a test sample. If the ring leader, this Grand Ma Tam, approved of the flavor, she would authorize her family's company, LRRH inc. to go in and harvest it all. That would spell disaster as Patience wasn't the only animal on the preserve who would be effected. No, it was by far better that Grand Ma Tam was put out of everyone's misery.
Our wolf pack was given the following mission. Find Grand Ma Tam, get the location of the honey from her. When they obtained the honey, eat Grand Ma Tam and anyone who helped her. Return the honey to Patience. Finally, live happily ever after. All of this had to be done within twelve hours.
Well, eleven hours and thirty-minutes. Horse whipping Badger had taken some of their time.
To get to Grand Ma's house, they needed a guide. Now, very few creatures would make a suitable guide. Either they are too stupid, too annoying (read squirrels), or too crotchety, either way, they all end up as lunch in the end for it. The wolf pack had encountered these problems before and knew how to over come it.
Enter Kaylee Bandit, a Raccoon. Now, Raccoons look human too, except for the black patch of fur over the eyes, the tail, teeth, and ears. Kaylee is known for her down home personality and rates. Usually taking a human tool or machine as payment, she has been known to be blind sided by worthless shiny things like silver dollars and the occasional hair broach.
"Sorry, captain, no can do." Holding up a wrench in her deft hand, Kaylee wiped the sweat off her brow. Her coveralls streaked in grease, she had been working on a new engine she had found. It promised to be most interesting. The fact she had never had one so complete was even better.
"What do you mean, no can do?" Tail twitching in agitation, Mal followed her around to the other side of the motor. He had come here with an arm load of shinies in hope of enticing her. She hadn't even batted an eye at them, which meant this new project was serious. "You have to, my life is on the line here."
"Really, I feel for you, I'm just, interested!" Bouncing on the balls of her feet, she removed a new part off the engine. This one leaked fluid when it was removed. Excitedly, she placed a pan under it to catch the fluid for future examination. "Wow! You should really see inside here, Captain, it's like something I found about a year ago, but more... complete!"
"Nah, I'll just take your word for it." Frowning, he walked out of her work shop. He knew in this mood, she would be completely worthless to him. As he stepped out in to the woods that surrounded Kaylee's place, he saw his wolf pack standing under a large oak.
Jayne was standing, but Zoe had Wash penned against the tree.
Mal sighed. "Looks like Kaylee's out. She got herself some new human toy and decided it was more interesting than our offerings."
"That means we got only one other option, sir." Nipping at Wash's ear, Zoe pushed herself between his legs. "Honey, if you don't quit teasing me with your tail, I'm going to have to bite it off."
Rubbing his nose in to her soft hair, he sighed with contentment. "Of course, Zoey, I've been a very bad puppy, you are going to have to punish me. I insist that you be the ma..."
"Hey, hey, hey! No need to be sayin stuff like that. There's sensitive ears about." Mal pointed at Jayne. "Don't want to be given him any ideas."
"What?" Disappointed that Zoe and Wash had been interrupted, Jayne flattened his ears. "Why you always gotta stop them when they are getting to the good parts?"
"He's right, baby, Jayne is getting ideas." Suddenly stepping back from Wash, Zoe let him drop to the ground. "We must set an example."
"Whatever you say, my beautiful wife!" Crawling forward, Wash wrapped his arms around Zoe's leg and started to kiss her toes. Each one got a loving peck followed by a follow up peck.
"Captain, we have to do it. There isn't another option in the time we have left." She made quite a sight with her arms crossed and Wash kissing her feet. "We have to see Inara."
Too disgusted with seeing Wash abase himself so shamelessly, Mal only nodded his agreement. It was the worst he had seen from them two in a long time. He was about to say something about it when he heard the whir of a small motor followed a cry of shock and pain. Ears perking up, he turned towards the sound. "Sounds like someone's in trouble. Let's see if we can offer a helping hand."
Pulling out her gun, Zoe grinned. At Mal's nod, she stepped out Wash's grip and followed him.
On the ground, Wash followed behind her like a lost puppy, tail wagging.
In the same forest, our weary Simon was having a worse time of it.
Pushing up his hood again, Simon groaned in pain. He had been going along like normal when the top of the hood had fallen over his face. When he had tried to put it back up, he must have hit something because the next thing he knew, Simon was thrown over his handle bars and the scooter was running over him.
It hadn't been too painful, the benefit of having a scooter was that he probably weighed more than it. The bad thing was, his honey was now scattered across the dirt road. Once again, he was grateful to his penny pinching grand mother for instituting plastic bottles. Standing up, Simon rubbed his skinned knee. The pants were a lost cause.
With a sigh, he gently tore the last remaining seams from around his waist and tossed them in to the basket of his scooter. Standing in his boxers, he was glad that it was summer. The wind picked up and blew his cape closer to his body, reminding him he still had a job to do. Scanning the road, he looked for the basket. He found it in several pieces scattered across the road.
"Damn it, Mother is going to charge me for that." Sighing, he bent over and started to collect the bottles of honey and placing them in his scooter's delivery basket. He was bent over at the waist picking up the last bottle when something poked him from behind. "What?" He shot up, bottle clutched to his chest and spun around to see what it was.
Standing up again, tail wagging and ears perked up, Malcolm grinned at Simon. "Howdy! What brings you to these parts?"
Jaw quivering, Simon shook his head. His eyes were wide as saucers and he was getting paler by the second. He had heard about wolves, studied their anatomy, but never in all his life encountered one. Backing up slowly, he tried to get away from the wolf, but hit something behind him. Spinning, he tried to see what it was, but the damned thing was too tall. He finally saw what it was, and let out a high pitched shriek. "Wolf!"
"Didn't yer momma teach you it ain't nice to stare?" Poking Simon in the chest, Jayne flattened his ears and bared his teeth.
Simon shook his head in denial as he backed away from the big wolf. This couldn't be real. Wolves didn't live this far south, it was a mistake of some kind. He was probably still laying on the road back there dreaming. When he hit something, he jumped again, but Mal's arms went around his waist and held him firm.
Nose pressed to the skin of Simon's neck, Mal inhaled deeply. "I'll be damned if you ain't the sweetest piece I've ever smelled." Taking another sniff, he moaned. "Like peaches and honey."
Sniffing the air, Jayne frowned. "I don't smell nothin."
"Not with your honker up in the clouds you won't." Holding out Simon, Mal ran a hand through his hair. "Smell that!"
Finally coming to his senses, Simon stamped on Mal's foot. When he was released, he ducked under Jayne's out stretched arms and ran back to his scooter. It wasn't very far, and he made it rather quickly. Not bothering to put the honey jar back in the basket, he jumped on the scooter, started it up and kicked it in gear.
Mal held Jayne off from giving chase, laughing at the frantic actions of the human. "Leave him be, Jayne. We scared that one good."
"You sure did, sir." Frowning, Zoe put her gun away. "Any idea what it was he was carrying?"
"Nope." Grinning, Mal tugged on his suspenders. It was good moment. Wasn't every day one got to scare the thunder out of a human.
"Well, I do. Wash." Sticking out her hand, she wasn't disappointed. She held what he had placed in her hand up for Mal to see it. "That's one of the humans that stole Patience's honey, sir."
"What?" All good humor gone, Mal took the bottle from her. It's label wasn't anything he'd seen before. "How you know it's Patience's?"
Licking his hand, Wash leaned against Zoe. "Tastes the same."
"Oh, perfect." Now angry, Mal took the lead and headed down the dirt road towards where Simon had gone. "Come on, we got ourselves a whore cat to see!"
"Sir! You know Inara don't like you calling her that." Zoe was surprised when Mal threw the bottle at her.
"Just for that, you get to haul the cargo." Tail swishing in agitation, he stomped down the road.
Now, here is where things start to go from bad to worse for our friend Simon. Normally a shy, sweet young man, he has no idea what is in store for him or how to handle it. Perhaps things might have turned out a little differently if he had. Then again, we will never know.
Inara Feline was a Panther, her trade was secrets and she wasn't above using her feline whiles to obtain them. Everything was sold with a hidden price with her, which was why Mal disliked her dealings. Another reason was that they held feelings for each other. Deep, intense feelings neither would accept. This lead to some interesting encounters.
"Grand Ma Tam is the sole owner of Little Red Riding Honey incorporated. It is her goons that have stolen Patience's honey." Tail held high in the air, Inara bent forward until she was forced to do a tumble. Coming up to her feet, she threw up her arms. "If you want to get back the honey and shut down her operations in to Patience's territory, all you need do is eat her and wait. Her grand son, Simon, is bringing the entire shipment of honey to her house this after noon."
Pointing to the bottle in Zoe's hands, Mal smirked. "We knew all that, except the fact that sweet smelling, sunny boy was her grand son." He enjoyed the flare of Inara's nostrils and showing of teeth. Nothing gave him more pleasure than seeing her angry at something. "What we need to know is where is Grand Ma's house?"
Giving him a sly look, she cocked her head to the side. One rounded ear twitched. "What have you got for me?"
Sighing, Mal reached in to his back pocket. Pulling out a shiny rock, he tossed it to her.
Inara snatched it out of the air before it could sail over her head. Examining it, she tossed it over her shoulder. "I need something better than that."
Coming up beside her, Jayne held is hand palm down, fingers closed. As he opened them, a chain dropped down. On the end of the chain dangled something covered in black fur.
"What's that?" Curiosity getting the better of her, Inara moved towards it.
"Badger tail." Jayne handed it to her, snickering as she eyed it with distaste.
"Take the path out back til you come to an old well. The well is on the corner of her property. The old lady takes tea in twenty minutes in the back yard. Eat her and take her place before the 'sweet' boy comes. If he doesn't see her in the back yard, he will take off and you will never get the honey back." Pocketing the tail, Inara headed for her perch above the cave's water fall. The sun light came through above the waterfall, causing it to reflect and shimmer over her perch. "I suggest you hurry. Her grand son should arrive very soon."
"You heard the lady." Leading the way, Mal made tracks for the back entrance to the cave. He didn't have time to ask why Badger's tail made her happy when nothing else ever did.
Badger had earned his name, Inara above most knew this well.
The path had been exactly as Inara had said. The old lady was resting in her chair across the yard as Inara had said. She was sipping tea, just like Inara had said. Mal was beginning to feel new respect for Inara's information circuit. Standing behind a group of bushes with his pack, Mal's tail twitched and his ears were twitching, listening for any sounds. "Okay, I've got it figured out. We go in, eat the old lady, and Zoe, you put on her clothes."
"Sorry, sir, but I think I might be a little conspicuous." Demonstrating her less than light colored skin, she smiled. "Besides, she's not my size."
"That leaves me out." Wiping at his mouth, Jayne licked his lips. "Though, I wouldn't mind a bite of that little old lady about now."
Mal turned to Wash, who lovingly wrapped his body around Zoe. "Oh, no, I'm not going to..."
But he did.
"I just want you to know, I hate you all." Adjusting his sun hat, Mal tried to get comfortable in the sun dress. The straps kept sliding down his shoulders and he would have to chase them back up.
"Understood, sir." Zoe had to put a hand over her face to cover the smile. When that didn't help, she coughed to cover up a laugh. "We should probably go find a place to hide while we wait for your sweet boy, sir."
"Is it just me, or does anyone else find it disturbing that the captain has less chest hair than Grand Ma Tam?" Wash kept his cockeyed expression on Mal even as Zoe dragged him away by his tail.
No sooner than his pack disappeared in the foliage then the sound of Simon's scooter could be heard. "Oh, damn!" Pulling down his hat, he tightened Grand Ma Tam's shawl about his shoulders. After a moment, he heard the motor kick off. "It's show time."
Loading up his cape with the honey, Simon tied it off. It had been a long, dirty ride through the woods. All he wanted to do was deliver the honey and get on with his day. Looking up, he saw what he thought was his grand mother in the back yard. The sight of her hat turned down was never good.
Swallowing his fear, he threw the cape full of honey bottles over his shoulder. Carrying his burden, he moved towards her with all the determination of a man marching to his execution. Much to his happiness, the sun was in his eyes as he approached her. At least he wouldn't have to see her angered expression. "Hello, Grand mother, how are you today? I hope you are well."
Realizing that he hadn't been made, Mal took the chance and peaked up at Simon. Upon noting the young man was squinting as the sun blocked his view, he smiled. "I'm fine."
"What was that?" Raising a hand, Simon tried to see his grand mother, only to be disappointed when Mal lowered his head. "I know I no longer have the Longenberger basket, but I had an accident."
Mal snorted.
Sighing in frustration, Simon lowered his head. His grand mother was a real bitch when mad. "It's true, grand mother. Don't worry, I am fine, but I lost my pants."
Now interested, Mal lifted his hat to peek. Sure enough, the boy stood there clad in only his shirt and boxers. "What of the honey?" He tried to disguise his voice as best he thought an old woman should sound. They hadn't exactly gotten a chance to talk with Grand Ma Tam before Jayne was gnawing on her bones. To help cover it up, he started to cough.
"My, grand mother, that's a bad cold you have." Frowning, he started to reach for her. He jumped back when Mal growled at him. "I'm sorry, grand mother, I know I'm not a human doctor, but I do have basic medical training."
"The honey?" Clearing his throat, he grew tired of the charade. Looking up at Simon, Mal started to undo his shawl. "Where is the honey?"
Simon caught sight of Mal's eyes and froze. "My, grand mother, what big eyes you have! Have you been to a doctor, that might be a problem. And your nose, grand mother, your nose, it isn't at all like yours. Have you been in a fight?"
"Listen, sunny, where's the damned honey?" Growling, Mal was already starting to show his teeth.
"All right, all right." Taking the cape off his shoulder, Simon breathed a sigh of relief. "I see your temperament hasn't changed. Were you a dog, I would ask if you have had your distemper shots." Laughing, Simon bent forward. "Get it, grand mother, temper, distemper. I'm a Veterinarian, a little animal...humor." He trailed off at Mal's snarl. "My, grand ma, what big teeth you have."
"All the better to eat you with if you don't give me the damned honey right now, you little shit!" Starting to rise out of his chair, Mal's ears knocked his hat off his head.
Staring in shocked horror, Simon's jaw flapped a bit before he spoke. "You're not my grand mother, you're that wolf!"
"Got it in one, sunny boy. Now, I'm going to eat you and then take that there honey back to who it really belongs to!" Climbing out of his chair, Mal was hampered by the sun dress and fell over the table.
"What have you done with my grand mother?" In horror, Simon hefted up the cloak of honey, intending to swing it as a weapon at the wretched wolf.
"I ate her, that's what!" Grabbing the cleavage line of the dress, Mal tore it in two, freeing himself. "Your grand mother's a thief, boy, and she stole from the wrong people. She had to pay for that." After shoving the table out of his way, nothing separated him from Simon. "Now, I'm going to eat your sweet smelling ass and then abscond with the honey. If you would be so kind, stand still and I promise to make this quick."
Glancing down at the sack, a crazy idea came to Simon. "You want the honey, you want it so much you are willing to kill for it." Grinning like a loon, he swung it over his head and then released it with a cry of joy. "Go get it, boy!"
"Oh, you're going to pay for that crack, sweet meat!" Much to his amusement, the bag had soared right to the waiting Zoe and Wash. Knowing it was in the plastic bottles, Mal hadn't a care in the world. All he had to do was take care of this boy and all would be well again.
Realizing his ploy hadn't worked, Simon's joy turned to fear again and he turned to run for his scooter. He had out run the wolf once, may be he could do it again. That was for not.
In one long leap, Mal was on him. Tearing at the boy's shirt, Mal started to nip at the Simon's skin. Inhaling the scent of the struggling boy beneath him, Mal suddenly groaned. "Oh my, sunny boy, you got somethin sweet goin on in you. You smell so good." Sniffing down Simon's back in one long breath, he moaned in pleasure. "I think I changed my mind about eating you."
Tugging at Simon's boxer shorts, Mal started to remove them, much to the embarrassment of their owner. Just as he had them down to Simon's thighs, he grunted. "Hunh, well if that ain't the damnedest."
Simon wiggled as the wolf's fingers traced a line down his spine to the crack of his ass. "Let me go, you perverted wolf!" This was worse than the threat of being eaten. He would die of humiliation if this went any further.
All the wiggling and sweating caused Simon's smell to increase until it was overwhelming. His already excited body became completely unruly and he lost the battle. With a shuddering groan, Mal descended upon Simon's body.
What followed was a scene full of beseeching of the all mighty, panting, groaning, moaning, and 'bad wolf, don't stop'. Needless to say, that scene would not be accepted in any fairy tale that children might come acrossed it. While not one for censorship, as a book I am deathly afraid of any of my brethren being burned, that was a private scene and should be kept as such. But, to be fair, I shall summarize it for you.
Mal proved that while wolves may be slightly anatomically different, than humans, they have the same wants and needs to Simon. Simon, after some trepidation accepted this lesson and encouraged him further. It was then that Mal completed the cycle of reproduction on his part. But, being a male wolf, a 'guy', if you will, he left Simon sadly unfulfilled in that respect. Shortly afterwards, he rolled over, zipped up his pants and went about his business.
We now continue your story.
Patting Simon on the ass, Mal grinned. "Thanks." He left the glaring young man behind him with a sigh. Tugging on his suspenders, he walked over to where Zoe and Wash were guarding the honey with Jayne. "Y'all ready?"
"I can't believe you did that, sir." Angry, Zoe picked up the cape full of honey bottles.
"I can't believe he got it all the way in. That knot, it was huge!" Wash grunted when Zoe slammed the cape in to his gut. Knowing better than to protest, he accepted the burden.
In anticipation, Mal looked to Jayne, eyebrow raised. "Well, you got a comment too?"
"You're a tail lifter?" Scratching his head, Jayne tried to figure it out. "I ain't got nothin against you bein sly, I just kinda figured you'd be, I dunno, normal. I mean, you and Inara seemed to be... you know."
"No, I don't!" Finally angry, Mal snapped his teeth at them. "I'm the leader of this here pack, and what I do an don't do ain't up to question! Now, we got our honey, so let's get out of here."
"What about the human, captain?" Deciding to save it until later, Zoe focused on their other problem. She didn't care to leave these things hanging.
"Leave him. He isn't a threat." A sly grin came to Mal's face. "Sides, he won't be walking right for a while, either." He was good and big, he knew it. Wasn't many wolves that could match him for girth or sheer mass. Sure, they'd had measuring contests, he loved out shining the competition as a young wolf. "Well, let's get a move on, time's a wastin. Patience hasn't got any when it comes to what she considers hers."
"Aye, sir." Following Mal as he moved back towards the woods, Zoe cast Simon a final look. He was trying to pull on the remains of his boxer shorts and it tugged at a part of her. It didn't matter, though, he was a human, food as far as she was concerned. Turning, she walked on with the others.
Gingerly, Simon tugged the boxers in place, hoping they would hold. He had to get home and tell his mother she now owned the company. Simon's one hope was that he didn't get fired for this. He couldn't really take another turn of these events.
But Simon's luck had only continued the downward spiral from there. From losing his job to his place in the family, he lost a great deal that day. Without a job, he had to give up his custodial duties to his sister and thus any future help he might have offered. Turned away with only the few clothes he owned and his medical bag, Simon set off on his scooter for parts unknown.
I should discontinue the story at this point. It only gets worse for Simon and the wolves never really learn their lessons about humans. You know the one, never judge a book by it's cover. I like that one the best. Yet, something tells me that you wouldn't be too pleased if I stopped here. Very well, I will continue, but only for a little more.
This next part comes in two weeks later, when our two main characters cross paths again. Malcolm Reynolds is a shrewd man, he knows the consequences of excess can be fatal. However, some times the difference between knowing and doing are too great even for someone like him to handle. Their next meeting was the first signs that Malcolm Reynolds' problems were about to catch up with him in a big way.
"Say what?" Staring at the Panther in front of him with eyes wide in shock, Mal cocked his head so that his perked ear could hear better. "I don't believe I heard you right."
"I said, I have a doctor working for me, a Veterinarian to be exact." Long black tail twitching in amusement, Inara bent over to sniff her roses. It was a beautiful day in the meadows, it had rained before the sun had come up and the dew was still upon the flowers. The way Mal's chest puffed up and his ears flattened, the news was everything she hoped it would be. Now, to put the icing on the cake. "He has very skilled hands."
Mal didn't disappoint. Tail swishing in anger, Mal suddenly froze up with a whimper. Reaching around, he gently pulled his tail free of the rose bushes.
Inara covered up her snicker with a hand. "Oh, he's just so wonderful, my Simon. I didn't realize how much I needed him in my life until he showed up in my cave, soaking wet and needing a place to stay. His shirt hanging open to the waist, muscles rippling under the drenched cloth, ah, he was a sight of sheer beauty."
Staring thunder struck, Mal could hardly believe his ears. She was actually swooning over someone. Inara, the biggest whore cat in over a thousand miles, was falling for someone. And it wasn't him. That probably gauled him the worst.
And with that, she felt the need to roll over and go to sleep. Malcolm Reynolds was officially crushed by her. Heaving a sigh, Inara played with the rose blossom in her hand. "Now, what can I do for you, Mal?"
"Hmmm?" He still couldn't get over the fact that Inara had found someone else. It just didn't seem right. She was supposed to... What the hell was he thinking? Not once had he ever so much as felt the urge to touch Inara, let alone sleep with her. She was filthy, everything about her profession made his skin crawl.
The woman had no standards.
He refused to sleep with certain things, not just out of principle, but because it just plain made his stomach turn. Where Inara would lay with a goat if she got something she wanted out of it, he would simply torture the goat for it. There was a fundamental difference, more mental than fund, but still. To prove he had standards, there was that whole Saffron incident. Not once was he even tempted to put his pecker in that sow. Hell, even Jayne had shuddered in revulsion when she winked her piggy eye at him.
Smiling sweetly, Mal shook his head. "Never mind, I wish you all the happiness in the world. May he be the one you've been looking for and fulfill all your heart's desires." Putting his hands together, he remembered what he came to her for. "Now, what I need is a little help. Word is you know of someone who can get me in to the Tam's honey farms. They got one of their bottles mixed in with Patience's supply two weeks ago, she tasted it, and now she wants a queen bee for her own."
Now it was Inara's turn to be flomoxed. How dare he! "Fine, if that's the way you feel about it, I will! Just don't expect to ever get your filthy paws on my Simon!" Tossing her hair over her shoulder, she trounced away. If he wanted something from her, he could just curl up and die.
"Her Simon, what would I want her doctor?" He thought on a minute. Simon was a doctor who worked for Inara and he had something to do with the Tams. Humans were the only ones who had real doctors, they made sure of that by banning all animals from their schools. Inara would never have an animal that posed as a doctor, she could tell the difference, that meant Simon was human. Simon was a Tam. "Sunny boy?"
Frowning, Mal decided to follow the prissy cat. It wasn't hard, she was too vain to actually pay attention to her instincts. He tagged along behind her until they came upon her cave. At the entrance, Mal saw someone waiting for her there. Ducking down, Mal watched through a couple bushes as Inara walked up to the person.
Coming to a stop in front of Simon, Inara smiled for him. "Simon, how good to see you up and about. I am glad you are feeling better."
Leaning against the cave entrance, Simon laid his pale face against the cool rock. His body still ached in several places, but he was getting better. "Thank you, Inara, I'm not sure how much farther I can go, but I thought it best to get up on my feet as soon as possible." Frowning when something behind him caught on his leg, Simon reached behind him and tugged hard. He sighed when his tail came free, then curled around his arm. "How do you manage this thing?"
"It is mostly involuntary, however you feel at the moment determines how your tail will move. Right now you are in need of comfort and healing, thus your tail signals you are clingy." As she wrapped an arm around his shoulders, her tail encircled his. "Tail curling is a sign of acknowledgement among panthers and most cats."
Nodding, Simon watched their tails break apart. "I heard something like this in school, but nothing in detail. I have a lot to learn."
"Well, if it wasn't for whoever... took you in such a barbaric way, you would never know you were a Panther." Sighing with disgust, she eased him off the rock and back towards the cave. "You are young, yet, and learn easily. I don't think you will have a problem. Though I do wonder, how did your family pull off hiding this fact for so long?"
"I think I am the only one in the family. My mother married Mr. Tam when I was a baby and he adopted me. I never knew my real father, now I guess I know why. When you hide the fact the only son isn't the father's, something like this isn't that hard to cover up as well." With that he trailed off as they entered the cave.
Still sitting in his bushes, Mal was once again at a loss for words. "Well, damn."
Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that. Simon had a vestigial tail that started to grow after his 'encounter' with Malcolm. That was also a contributing factor to his mother disowning him, but Mother Tam was a bad woman, so I left that fact out to make you more biased towards her. I guess this is a case of needing to read between the lines to get the full story. But, really, do you need to be feeling sympathy for a woman who disowns her own child over her own indiscretions?
However you may feel about this, the story continues on. Mal still needed help to get a queen bee for Patience and Simon was his best bet.
Waiting until the panther male was walking alone in the rose garden, Mal cornered him two days later. Showing up among the rows of red blooms, he smirked at the startled panther. "Howdy, sunny boy. Did you miss me?"
"You!" Glaring at the wolf, Simon readied himself to attack. He couldn't do much, but he knew enough to hurt the wolf before he was eaten, or whatever the pervert wanted to do to him. He started to advance upon Mal when the other held up his hands.
"Whoa there, I just want to talk." Mal took a step back, keeping his ears and tail low in order to disarm Simon. No need to spook the boy just yet. "We got some things to talk about."
"No, we don't!" Taking a step forward, Simon was ready to pounce on Mal. "You had your way with me and then left me there, unsatisfied!"
"I can't help that you were insatiable. I'm only one wolf, you're more panther than I can handle." Walking backwards as he continued to talk, Mal counted steps. At fifteen, he grinned at Simon. "Aw, come on, you weren't that bad. You were a little green, but it was your first time with a real wolf, after all." The panther was right were he wanted him.
"What? You're blaming me for the fact that you have a problem with premature ejaculation?" Simon was livid. Tail frizzed, hair standing on end, all he wanted to do was rip out Mal's throat.
Caught in shock, Mal pointed at Simon in warning. In the sudden accusation, he had lost sight of the objective. "Hey, watch who you are calling a premature whatsis!"
"Damn!" Seeing that their plan was about to crumble, Zoe rushed out of the bushes and threw the cloth sack she held over Simon's head. Dragging it down to his thighs, she tightened it. "Jayne, carry him!"
With little effort, Jayne picked up the now hissing Simon over his shoulder. When Simon's tail started to wrap around his neck, he slapped him on the ass hard. "Cut that out!"
"Sir, what the hell were you thinking? We almost had him and then you start to get hostile. What if he had called for Inara and the others?" Pulling out her gun, Zoe checked for any sign of panthers. "You know better than anyone else that panthers protect their young in prides like lions!"
"One time! I wasn't kidnapping him, he was just..." At her glare, he grinned. "Right, we got what we came for, let's go."
As they ran off with their prize, they set in to motion a series of events that would end with animals across the world telling cautionary stories about Little Red Riding Honey to their children. Now, don't get me wrong, this one adventure did not end with the deaths of our main characters. It was just the beginning of the next tale. As far as we are concerned, though, this is the end of the fairy tale.
There are others to be told, so many grand adventures that inspire the imagination. Stories of sadness, stories of happiness. There are stories about almost everything, you see, it never really ends. To know what they are, though, you will have to come back one day and turn the page. For just on the other side is an entirely new world full of endless possibilities.
THE END.....................................