snarky_panda (snarky_panda) wrote in mulanficspace, @ 2007-06-06 23:36:00 |
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Fandom: Mulan
Title: Secrets and Lies
Author: snarky panda
Theme: #28, Secret
Pairing/Characters: Fa Mulan/Li Shang
Rating/Warning: NC-17
Disclaimer: Anything from the Disney movie belongs to Disney. Anything from Raise the Red Lantern belongs to Su Tong.
Summary: 4th part of a crossover fic (sort of) inspired by Raise the Red Lantern and alternate storyline based on another outcome that could have occurred because Mulan failed the matchmaker’s test. (Link to beginning of story)
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Chapter 9
Pitch dark slumber was punctuated with harsh, feverish nightmares filled with images of blood and snow and burning villages. Mulan woke with a cry each time, shivering even though she was drenched in sweat. Muddled thoughts and toiling emotions kept her awake then until she drifted off again, finally exhausted from the pain of her wound and anguish from mulling on her precarious predicament.
The cycle continued through the night. In her waking moments chaotic thoughts filled her head, keeping sleep at bay. Unanswerable questions nagged at her and she found herself thinking of every moment of her time in the army, wondering when exactly Li Shang knew who she was. Was it when she arrived at camp? After discovering that she was a woman and then recognizing her? Or was it some time in between? And if the former was the case, why had he continued on as if nothing had changed?
And what about Chi Fu? Did he know? If so, why hadn’t he said anything? She pondered his habitual leering, the expression on his face as he watched her all the time. Maybe he hadn’t said anything because he was planning to do something else? There was that time by the lake at camp; she’d stood before him half-dressed praying that he would stop staring at her and pass her by. What would he have done if the other men in the lake hadn’t happened to move to that side of the rock and view them? She shuddered at the next thought.
The bandages wound around her body and the soreness of her wound made it impossible for her to toss and turn, no matter how uncomfortable and restless she felt. So she lay still during this last bout of wakefulness, feeling as if she would go mad, tears leaking from her eyes.
“It was all for nothing,” she muttered to herself.
Shifting material rustled to her right and she turned toward the sound, blinking in bewilderment as she beheld the outline of a large frame. She squinted in the darkness, trying to make out the features of the man sitting there. Was it the captain?
“Are you alright, Mulan?” he asked. She imagined that she almost heard concern in his voice and the use of her given name took her aback somewhat. With the utterance of her name their interaction had taken a sudden turn to a more personal level, no longer captain and subordinate.
“Yes.”
“I can wake the medic if you wish. He’ll give you some more medicine for the pain.”
“It’s okay.”
He sat silently, watching her as she lay there, making her feel transparent and vulnerable. After what seemed an uncomfortable eternity he finally spoke again.
“You were foolish to use your own surname. I thought you seemed familiar that first day at camp, and I recognized the Fa surname of course. I believed that you were his son, as you said, which to me explained the resemblance to his daughter Mulan, who as far as I knew was in my father’s home. It never occurred to me that you could possibly be that girl.”
She closed her eyes momentarily as remorse pervaded her. “I’m sorry, Shang,” she answered softly, now using his given name for the first time too. “I never meant for it to go this far.”
“You mean you never meant to get caught,” he retorted.
Silence stretched between them again. Without even seeing his face clearly in the dark she could sense the sneer on his face, feel the anger and disgust exuding from him. Shame threatened to overwhelm her once more and she brought a hand up to swipe at her eyes where tears were beginning to pool again.
“Your father was a great general, even more renowned than my father. I suppose he taught you those martial arts moves that you were practicing outside all of the time.”
“He taught me to defend myself.”
“And you took his lessons to heart apparently,” he remarked, his voice positively venomous.
Mulan hesitated. “Are you going to question me about Shan-Yu?”
“What?” he snapped.
“I heard…”
He cut her off brusquely. “Don’t worry about what you heard.”
A soft whimper escaped her as she shifted, weary of remaining in one position and trying to get a little more comfortable.
“You’re in pain. I’ll wake Doctor Yang.”
“No, it’s alright,” she protested.
“I’m already awake.”
Another figure stood behind the captain, holding a lit lantern. Shang stood up and moved aside so the doctor could tend to her.
Doctor Yang was a matured gentleman with grey hair and a creased face. He’d been at Wu Zhong, though Mulan only visited him once when she had caught a throat infection that was going around. He sat by her side now sprinkling herbs from a sack into a small bowl and pouring hot water over it.
“The tea needs to cool and then you can drink it,” he told her. “It will dull the pain and help you sleep.”
oooOooo
“It’s going to snow soon,” the doctor remarked as he cut away the old dressing.
Mulan didn’t know how many days had passed and she hadn’t seen the outside of the tent since before she was wounded.
“How can you tell?” she asked, wincing though she felt no pain yet. She was anticipating it.
“Am I hurting you?”
“No. I’m just waiting for it…”
He chuckled warmly. “Anyway, I have aches and pains, which get worse when there’s moisture in the air. It’s too cold for rain. No, it will be snow, or worse, ice.”
Doctor Yang set the old cut up bandage aside and applied a concoction of herbs that he’d mixed in a bowl to the wound. “This will continue to help fend off infection.”
A new bandage was wound around her then and she lay back down. With an expert hand he felt her forehead.
“Your fever has broken and you’re healing very nicely.”
After gathering his supplies together he grabbed the lantern and stood up. “I’ll check on you in a little while. Try to get some rest. You may have to be on the move soon.”
The tent flap rustled and the captain swept it aside, ducking inside. Doctor Yang nodded to him and left.
“We’ve been stuck here for several days now and it’s going to snow. We need to move out very soon so we’re not caught up here during a blizzard. If we have to be stranded anywhere, I’d rather it be in the nearby village toward Chang’an, rather than in the middle of a mountain wilderness. Will you be able to move on your own, or do we need to have you carried down the mountain?”
Though his voice was quiet his tone was biting and disdainful, cutting her deeply. Deciding it was best not to play into his provocative remarks however and to let his attitude roll off of her, her reply was calm and impassive.
“I’m sure I’ll manage.”
oooOooo
The wound on her abdomen was still tender but she found that she was able to move the next morning. Slowly she kicked off the blankets wrapped around her and stood up, looking for her things. Donning her uniform she frowned as she noted that the front of it was covered with blood.
Her coat would cover it. She reached for it and put it on, then sat down near the tent entrance and pulled on her boots. Standing once more and pushing the flap aside, she found that it wasn’t as cold as she expected. The air was cool and crisp but the wind was still. It was actually fairly mild considering that the sun hadn’t quite risen yet.
Khan stood outside, near the edge of the mountain. He neighed when he saw her and her mouth turned up into a broad smile. She slowly picked her way over to him through the snow, finding that the effort was more tiring than she’d expected it to be.
Other than the clothes she wore, her belongings were still saddled on him. She reached into her bag and withdrew a brush, beginning to groom him. As she moved to brush his other side she caught a glimpse of the ravine below, memories of their battle flooding her.
After the avalanche started she’d run as fast as she could to stay ahead of it, coming up to the captain, who had been standing there frozen, staring at the chest of the mountain where she’d aimed the cannon. Her intention had been to cause that snow to cover the enemy army; she didn’t expect it to come roaring toward them as well. But then, she never did consider the consequences of her actions.
She’d grabbed Li Shang’s hand and dragged him into a run with her. They probably would have both been swallowed by the mountain of snow had it not been for Khan. He’d broken free from one of the soldiers that was gripping his reins and galloped through the roaring waves of tumbling snow to get her. Once she was mounted on him she was more easily able to search the sea of white, finding Captain Li and pulling him to safety.
Khan really was a remarkable horse, she reflected.
“Maybe when we get to that town I’ll be able to get a treat for you,” she murmured to him as she ran the brush through his mane. “You earned it.”
Wrapping her arms around his neck she gave him a quick hug.
“Unfortunately it will have to wait until then, though. Here you’ll have to eat what the other horses eat.”
Mulan slipped the brush back into her bag and gazed once more down into the blanketed ravine.
“I really am lucky though,” she mused. “I’ve had so many close calls. Maybe someone’s watching over me.”
Images of the destroyed family estate came unbidden and she suddenly remembered that the ancestral temple had oddly remained standing.
“The temple wasn’t destroyed. Perhaps the ancestors are still looking out for me.”
So many close calls, she recollected. Running into Doctor Liang after she left the Li household, and he didn’t report her. Her near-death experience in the ravine below. And now her revealing, which miraculously hadn’t ended with her execution as it should have. What was the captain doing? He’d told Chi Fu she might have been a spy, yet he hadn’t asked her one question about Shan-Yu, nor did he seem to have any intention of doing so.
Don’t worry about what you heard. That’s what he’d said.
She sighed sadly and shook her head. Why was she here? It was madness. What was it that had driven her to absolute certainty that this was the path she had to take? Was it fury and grief at seeing her home destroyed, her mother and grandmother gone? There had been no thoughts of revenge, nor was she aware of any desire to avenge them. She hadn’t even shed any tears for them so devastated with shock was she. Perhaps it was a need to feel in a moment when she was numb, as cold and dead as her family on the inside; or a desire to keep moving so she couldn’t feel at all.
The large black steed neighed softly rousing her from her musings and she turned to him with a light chuckle, heartened as she realized that she could still smile, still feel some semblance of hope.
“Maybe it’s you who’s looking after me, Khan. Did my ancestors hook me up with you?”
There was no doubt that Khan was an exceptional animal. Not only was he unusually protective of her, he seemed to understand her. It was incredible how he responded to her, how he actually communicated not with words of course, but with sounds and movements, a shake of the head, a stamping of a hoof, a quirky dance in place. Perhaps her ancestors had somehow arranged for her to end up in that town where she would buy him.
She laughed out loud as he answered her with an affectionate butt of his head against her shoulder.
Yes, she could believe that Khan might have been a guardian. Or at the very least a lucky charm.
oooOooo
Flurries were already falling as their small troop moved off down the mountain and toward the nearest village, attempting to stay ahead of the pending inclement weather as much as possible. Severely outnumbered to begin with, they’d lost so many men in the battle. Their dwindling troop survived because of the avalanche that swallowed the enemy army.
Cold and weakened from her wound, Mulan found the trek difficult. But Khan was simpatico with his mistress and acutely attuned to her condition. Sensing when she grew tired he slowed down, giving her time to rest. Unfortunately this caused her to fall behind the others, which caused Captain Li to have to backtrack from the head of the troop.
She stoically tolerated the tormenting that he dished out at those times. Since they’d left the pass he’d been alternating between completely cold-shouldering her and taunting her, every remark meant to remind her of her low status in the world.
Lest I forget that I’m at his mercy, she thought with a snort.
The first village they came to that evening was quite small but they made camp for the night on the outskirts of town. Her comrades hadn’t learned the truth yet of course, due to the captain’s order to Chi Fu and Doctor Yang, and they treated ‘Ping’ as always, glad to see that he was healing and on his feet again. Chi Fu, on the other hand, regarded her with utter disgust when he did grace her with a glance. Gone was the leer, and he no longer ogled her. Relieved as she was, she found the whole thing rather puzzling.
In the morning they moved off again, continuing down the mountain.
“Are you alright?” Doctor Yang asked, riding up beside her. “You’re looking pretty peaked.”
“I’ll be fine,” she lied, though she was struggling to remain sitting up and when they stopped for lunch she nearly fell off Khan as she went to dismount.
She moaned inwardly as she noticed Doctor Yang conversing with the captain while the rest of the troop ate, his face grave. All she could think of was the grinding she was going to get from Li Shang for holding them up.
But as they finished up and prepared to move out, Shang didn’t even throw her a passing glance.
The storm that they’d been expecting began as they traveled, soft flurries morphing into thick heavy snowflakes that stuck to them as they rode on. Visibility became obscured by swirling billows of white and it took every effort for her to keep the captain in sight.
As they reached a plateau further down the mountain an inn loomed up ahead of them and the captain signaled for them to stop.
“We’ll stay here tonight. Pair up, two to a room,” he ordered.
Mulan was put in a room with the doctor. It was made to order; he could look after her wound, and her true gender wouldn’t be revealed to anyone else. Lying awake on her pallet with nothing but a screen separating her from the rest of the room, she could still hear Doctor Yang and the captain speaking in hushed tones.
“She’s not keeping up because she’s still weak from her wound. I recommend at least a full day of rest for her here, Captain. It would only be one extra day. And if this snow doesn’t let up we’ll all be stuck here anyway.”
Shang sighed. “You’re right. Let’s see how the weather is tomorrow. As soon as it’s clear we need to get to the Imperial City. And we’re not taking her there with us.” Bitterness filled that word; her.
“What will you do then? Leave her here?”
“There are worse places. I could have left her on top of that mountain,” he retorted sharply.
A spell of silence followed before the captain spoke again, his tone hard, challenging.
“You were going to say something?”
“No, Captain,” Doctor Yang answered softly.
“Keep me apprised of her condition.”
The door opened and shut, signaling the captain’s leaving.
(Link to Chapter 10)