Stone Hawthorne (stones_throw) wrote in morningstar_mnr, @ 2009-09-05 03:10:00 |
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Entry tags: | lara, stone |
Pandas Apt, Stone, Lara, Twins, Neil & Layla, Late morning Saturday
Lara came out of Stone's apartment just in time to see Bridget boarding one of the elevators. She watched her enter it, but didn't say anything since she didn't want to hold her up. The elevator was gone by the time Lara reached the Panda apartment. She considered knocking but then decided to just walk in.
"Hello?" she called out quietly, looking around. She hadn't been in this apartment before. It was nice and big, like Stone's. Lara's apartment was truly small and crappy.
Lara's apartment wasn't small and crappy. It was cozy. There was a difference. Anyway, Stone was in the living room, sitting on the couch and scratching Slate behind the ears to keep him asleep and a purring machine. "Living room," He called out just loud enough for Lara to hear. He had the TV on but the volume was low and it was turned to the news, which was at the construction site currently.
Lara turned in the direction of Stone's voice. She shut the door behind her and walked over to the living room. "Hey..." She was about to comment about him bringing Slate, but the TV caught her eye and she blinked at it. "Wait, is this what happened?" She kept her eyes on the screen as she moved to sit down next to Stone.
Stone nodded as Lara moved to sit down. "Looks like it." He answered. "They can't really get close enough to show much," he said as they panned toward the damaged parts of the building from the second floor destruction to all the sparks flying around a pile that crews were digging it. It reminded Stone of the multiple news shots of crews digging around in ground zero after 9/11, only on a super miniature scale. "They're saying he was on the second floor when there was a collapse and they're trying to dig the dude out." And that was kind of crazy.
Lara's eyes widened. "Holy shit. And he's still alive right now?"
Stone shrugged. "I dunno. They haven't said. They haven't even said his name. They're referring to him as 'the victim' and 'the construction foreman' and stuff like that still." He answered. "I'm gonna assume he's alive though - look at all those fire engines and listen to all those machines." He nodded. "You don't spend all that effort to dig someone out as quick as possible if he's D-O-A."
"That's true." Lara hoped he was alive. Phin was a nice guy. And on top of that, he had two little kids. She wondered what Bridget was thinking on her way to the site. Lara had no idea what she would do if she heard that Stone was in an accident like that (buried under...piles of CDs?), and she wasn't at all eager to find out.
She took a quick glance around the room and noticed a picture frame on the coffee table. It was turned down flat on its face. Lara furrowed her brow a bit and leaned over to pick it up. It was a family picture of all four Pandas, being all smiley and posey out at some park. Lara's forehead wrinkled a little more as she looked at it. "This sucks."
Stone nodded. "Yeah. Their kids are little," He knew this from running into them and from various pictures around. He set Slate in his lap and looked over at the picture Lara picked up. "This is probably even worse for her too, I think they're totally getting a divorce." He said as he put his head back and looked at the TV again.
"Yeah?" Lara asked, looking at Stone for a moment before she turned back to the picture. "I haven't seen them all together in a while. This just keeps getting worse." She leaned forward and put the picture back down on the table, but made sure to prop it up instead of leaving it face down again. "How was she when she left?"
Stone nodded as he watched Lara put the picture back down in its upright position. "She was pretty frazzled. The upside is she said she was gonna call her brother to come over and relieve of us or duties." He shrugged. "Whether or not that actually happens remains to be seen." And considering she was frazzled he figured chances were slim.
Lara nodded and looked over her shoulder to the hall that led to the bedrooms. "I hope those kids stay asleep," she said. For so many reasons. "They'll probably be freaked out to see us instead of their parents." That was just one of the reasons.
Stone's eyes widened. "Shhhhhh...don't jinx us!" he whispered, bringing his finger up to his lips like a kid. "Besides," he pointed to Slate in his lap. "Anyway we have backup." he smirked.
Lara looked down at the cat and smirked a little herself. "I was wondering why you brought him." She moved closer to Stone to lean against his side (she had to huddle for warmth) and reached into his lap to pick up Slate. Deformed cats were warm too.
Stone smirked a little. "I thought ahead I guess," he shrugged. He looked back at the TV and then some of the pictures around the room. Then he mentally prayed for those kids to stay asleep.
Lara set Slate down in her lap and started petting him as she brought her attention back to the television. She was also hoping the kids wouldn't wake up, which was a weird feeling overall. Her and Stone, sitting there, hoping 'the kids' wouldn't wake up. Something that once almost became reality.
Yeah it was a mindfuck of epic proportions. Stone couldn't think too much about it because he heard a groggy voice in the hall asking for 'mama'. He quickly hopped up. He headed for the hall cautiously and then plastered a fake grin on his face. "Hey ...Jeth." he smiled and waved at the toddler who whirled around, Duck the alligator in hand and looked at Stone warily.
"Hey dude, remember me?" Stone asked, having found a wandering Jeth in the hall multiple times and let him play with Slate a few times. Slowly Jeth nodded and Stone let out a relieved sigh as he crouched down. "Your mom had to go out for awhile, she asked me to stay with you." he smiled as waved Jeth down to him. "What's wrong, dude?" he arched his eyebrows. Jeth approached Stone slowly and murmured something about a dream.
Lara stayed on the couch, but turned around to see what was going on. She watched Stone talk to Jeth with a funny look on her face. This was bizarre. She didn't like it. And she hoped Jeth wasn't going to ask too many questions about his parents. Which reminded her that she should change the channel, lest any information about Phin came up. She turned back around and grabbed the remote to turn the TV off.
Stone glanced back at Lara but turned his attention back to Jeth as the little dude walked an unsteady toddle toward him and mumbled something about a bad dream. Stone hesitated as Jeth got closer, but the kid looked fairly terrified and his little bottom lip was sticking out. "Ahhh...I see," he hesitated and then picked Jeth up when he was close enough. "Well...I brought Lara and Slate with me," He arched his eyebrows. "Do you want to sit with Slate until you get sleepy again?" He pointed to the couch and then looked at Jeth.
Lara put the remote down and turned back around just in time to see Stone pick Jeth up. Bizarre. She lifted her hand and gave Jeth a stiff wave when Stone pointed to her. "Hi." She lifted up Slate so the kid could see him. "Here's Slate."
Jeth hugged Duck tightly as he looked at Lara. When he saw Slate, he looked at Stone and then pointed to Slate. Stone smirked a little. "A man of few words upon waking up," he nodded. "Good deal." He smirked and hoisted Jeth a little higher before he started walking toward the couch. "Slate's a good guard kitty," he decided to ramble since kids liked that kind of thing right? Being talked to, especially when they were scared or something? Poe liked being talked too when she woke up groggy or from a bad dream and Stone was going from memory here. "He'll keep you company and keep your lap warm too," He nodded as he sat down on the couch and set Jeth up in his lap sideways, facing Lara and Slate. Jeth looked up at Lara and Slate, unsure and still all pouty-like. He was sleepy and confused and he wanted his mommy and daddy.
Lara watched as Stone carried Jeth over. Once the two of them were settled, Lara held Slate out to let the kid pet him. Hopefully the cat would be a good enough distraction for him. She glanced up at Stone briefly and then said Jeth, "He's a real attention wh--" She cleared her throat and corrected, "He likes attention."
Stone's eyebrows arched and then he smirked a little when Lara fixed her comment. Jeth looked from Lara to Stone, unsure. Stone nodded. "Trust her dude, she knows what she's talking about," He assured. Jeth looked at Slate again, who had woken up and was sniffing the air in Jeth's direction curiously. Jeth reached a hand free from Duck and moved it out to pet Slate's head, except he lacked the ability to make sure it wasn't too rough of a pat. Stone was actually preparing to pull Jeth away if Slate reacted badly since if Stone had done that, Slate would've hauled off and bit him at the least. However, when Jeth did it, Slate just started purring and leaning his head into Jeth's little hand, which just made Jeth let out a sleepy little chuckle before he went and gave Slate another pat or two.
Well, that was easy. Lara arched her eyebrows and looked up at Stone, wondering how long they should entertain the kid before they should try and bring him back to bed. Bridget would want them to go back to sleep again, surely.
Hey, if the kid was going to sob for his mom otherwise, then he could stay up and pet Slate however long Slate would allow it in Stone's opinion. Hopefully Jeth's sister wouldn't wake up in this time frame though. Who knew how she'd react. Stone looked down at Jeth and Slate, afraid to look away in case Slate got all temperamental. He might have also been thinking about the abortion stuff too, and the dreamlandnon-bortion stuff. This was not good for Stone's psyche y'know.
It wasn't so great for Lara's either, but she probably wasn't as bad as Stone. She set Slate down in Jeth's lap instead of just holding him out. She kept her hands at the ready just in case Slate decided to take off, though.
Stone grimaced a little when Lara put Slate down, mostly because he thought Slate would bolt and then they'd probably have a crying kid and an angry kitty. But Slate had to keep on being weird and acting like a nice kitty. He seemed like he'd bolt for a moment but Jeth was letting out little toddler giggles and even offered Duck as a rubbery green pillow before he went back to trying to nicely pet Slate even though he was actually the toddler kind of rough on him. Slate just curled up into a little tiny Slate ball and kept on purring, which was apparently endlessly entertaining to Jeth. "He's got friggin' hypnotic powers..." Stone shook his head right before Jeth stopped laughing so that he could let out a big yawn. Then he leaned back against Stone, which caused Stone's eyes to widen and he wound up just staring down at Jeth and mentally freaking out about it. Hopefully Bridget's brother would be here any moment. She had called him right? Stone hoped so.
Lara grinned a little at Stone's comment, but her face changed to a look of quasi-horror when Jeth leaned against Stone. So this was what it would have looked like. Lara waited to see if her mind would conjure up any pangs of longing at the sight, but none of that came up. Just relief for the most part, which was a relief in itself. Another relief -- maybe Jeth was heading back toward sleepland. Lara turned her head up stiffly and looked at Stone, a little worried about what she might see there. She was relieved, yeah, but she didn't know how he was feeling.
Stone was conflicted. Part of him was sad, a much larger part was extremely guilty, and then another part was entirely freaked out by this whole situation. He kept calm though so that Jeth would fall the hell back asleep so he could bring the kid to bed and not have to worry about it any further past that. He knew Lara was looking at him but he kept his eyes down on Jeth and Slate, Slate so he could make sure the cat didn't attack and Jeth to keep him from falling out of his lap and to see when he conked out, so he didn't have to worry about what kind of looks Lara was giving him.
Lara dropped her eyes back down to Jeth once she realized that Stone wasn't going to look at her. Her shoulders slumped a little as well. He was probably getting upset about last August all over again; she knew it. She just stayed quiet and stared at Jeth as she waited for him to fall asleep, dreading the inevitable awkwardness and distance that was going to come once they put the kid away.
Jeth seemed to try and wake up again a couple of times. He even looked up at Stone once or twice. Stone wasn't sure exactly what to do, but he knew that Poe used to like movement and humming. So he started swaying a little once he was sure Jeth wouldn't fall and then started humming some old song that was stuck in his head at the moment. The quicker they put Jeth back in his room, the less he'd have to worry about Lara staring at him all funny.
Lara stayed quiet and continued staring at Jeth while mentally yelling at him to fall asleep already. When Stone started humming, she blinked and turned her eyes up to him, definitely staring at him all funny. After a few moments she looked back at Jeth, a little relieved and a little weirded out that it seemed to be working.
It took awhile and another song but Jeth seemed to finally fall asleep. Stone didn't stop swaying or humming just yet. He waited another few minutes just to make sure that Jeth was totally out and asleep. Then he reached out to scoop up Slate and held him toward Lara. He didn't want to chance talking and waking Jeth back up. He motioned for the hallway and then tried not to move Jeth much as he picked him and the rubber alligator up and stood up. He stayed still for a moment while Jeth shifted around and then started an agonizingly slow walk back to the kid's room.
Finally! Lara took Slate and watched as Stone picked up Jeth. Once they were standing, she moved to her feet as well, in case she was needed. She trailed behind them on their way to Jeth's room, and took another look around the apartment as she went.
Stone made sure not to trip on anything in Jeth's room and then carefully set the kid down in his bed. Jeth wiggled around a bit but didn't wake up, just got comfortable, so Stone grabbed the covers and tucked him in, not sure how the kid liked his blankets around him. When he was done tucking Jeth in with the alligator, he made his way back to the doorway with the light from the hall to guide him. He felt all kinds of uneasy about all of this.
Lara had been watching from the doorway, but when Stone moved to turn in her direction, she turned as well and started down the hall with Slate. She lifted the cat up and brushed his fur against her cheek as she walked back to the living room.
Stone frowned as he watched Lara's back while following her to the living room. He turned his eyes down to the floor and made his way to the couch to sit down. Then he searched around for the remote to turn the TV back on as he slouched down in his spot uncomfortably.
Lara had already found it. She switched the news back on and turned the volume down a little so it wouldn't disturb the kids. She glanced at Stone before turning her eyes down to Slate in her lap.
Stone turned his eyes to the TV to see if there were any good updates but it still looked like the same information and cut scenes. This royally sucked. Stone just wanted to go back to sleep. He let out a sigh and leaned his head back, rolling his eyes up to look at the ceiling. He sure as hell wasn't going to say anything if she wasn't.
He couldn't even look at her, it was that bad. Lara felt awful. It was bad enough that her dream-counterpart kept the baby, but now this. Every time she thought they might be able to get past what happened, they couldn't. She blinked down at Slate, petting him a bit as she felt increasingly dejected.
Stone shifted a little. He was uncomfortable with the silence. He turned his head to look back down at his lap and then hazarded a glance at Slate, who was comfortably back to sleep in Lara's lap. Lucky friggin' cat. He frowned. He had been comfortably asleep with Lara less than an hour ago and now he was back to feeling like shit. He didn't even want to think about the dream version of them at all. He was kind of jealous of the dream version of them - even with the communication issues dream-them were all lovey dovey and they fixed things easily. And most of his and Lara's real life issues boiled down to how much of an asshole Stone had been to her for years before he stopped being stupid. He lifted his eyes to look at Lara and then looked down at his lap with a sad frown. Why couldn't they just have a nice, long, good stretch of...whatever without having some stupid drama every other minute?
Lara scratched behind Slate's ears a little before lifting her head to look at the television. Whatever weird stuff that was going on between them right now, at least it wasn't even close to being as bad as having a building fall on top of Stone. She felt a little bad for feeling so down and worried when Bridget Panda must be going out of her mind at the same moment.
Stone wasn't sure what to say, so he watched the TV and frowned some more. He was thinking about last August's abortion stuff and the toddlers asleep up the hall had no idea that they probably wouldn't get to see their dad again. He frowned a little more. He let out a sigh. "This sucks."
Lara wasn't sure what he meant specifically, but she agreed regardless. "Yeah." She turned and looked at him, glad he finally said something. Anything to know he wasn't too angry to talk to her at the moment.
Slate stirred a little. He lifted his head and looked around with a few little kitty blinks. Then he rolled around on his back and stretched his legs out as much as he could. When he settled back in, he moved to nuzzle his head in against the closest part of Lara that he could.
Stone looked over when he spotted the movement and watched the cat, glad that his toes and fingers weren't currently being used as chew toys. He turned his eyes back to the TV since he didn't know what else to say without plunging them into some awkward conversation that he was sure they could do without while in the Pandas' apartment.
Lara frowned, highly unnerved that he still wasn't looking at her. "Are you okay?" she asked quietly after a few moments of silence. She knew the answer was no, and that he was still angry with and disappointed in her, but she needed to say something instead of just sitting there wondering how disgusted he probably was.
Stone looked over at her when he heard to tone of her voice and he frowned a little more as his forehead creased a bit. "...Yeah," He nodded. "Just..." He shrugged his shoulders up. "Feel awkward." And he'd rather still be asleep and not feeling shitty. The angry disappointment stuff he mostly felt for and at himself and not directed at her but the two of them sucked are realizing these things for each other.
Lara nodded a little bit. She wanted to ask Stone if he was upset with her, but that seemed like a childish question, so she didn't. She turned back to the television with a slight frown on her face.
Stone glanced back over at Lara and wondered what, exactly she was thinking. "Are you?" He asked, hazarding to sit up straighter and moved over enough so he could move his arms around her shoulders, unsure how she was going to react.
"I'm..." She paused when he moved his arm around her, and her shoulders slumped a little again, but this time as she relaxed a bit. Maybe she was just getting paranoid and over-worried. "I don't know," she said, lifting her head and looking at him. "I..." She took a deep breath and decided to just come out with it. "I'm worried you're upset with me. 'Cause of what happened. And now with that kid..."
Stone watched her as she spoke. He frowned. This stuff was never going to end for them was it? He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I'm not upset with you." He told her. "I'm upset I guess, but not specifically with you. Just in general." He shrugged. "I still feel guilty."
Lara leaned into him a little bit, now that she knew it was okay. "What about?"
Stone shrugged a little bit as he leaned back against the couch. "I don't know," He glanced at the tv and then looked at his lap. "Maybe if I hadn't been such an asshole to you, you wouldn't have waited to tell me."
Lara frowned. That was maybe true, but then again if he hadn't been an asshole, they may have been married at this point and they'd have that kid. And that didn't sound so great. Most of it, anyway. After a moment, she sat up some more so she could turn and look at him better. "And maybe I still would have. We don't know." Well, no, they sort of did, in a way. "What happened is way more my fault than it is yours. Let me take responsibility for my own stupid actions."
Stone arched his eyebrows a little at everything Lara said. "...I'm not trying to take responsibility for the stuff you did. I'm trying to take responsibility for the stuff I did. And we do too know. Kinda," He added because they did and to be delusional about it was kind of dumb, in his opinion. "I don't mean that your decision would be different," He added. "I just mean that maybe you wouldn't have been so afraid to tell me and then maybe some of the fallout wouldn't have happened," In which he acted like a total asshole and they were still repeatedly dealing with it.
"Oh." Lara looked at him for a few seconds as she thought about that and then how she should attempt to communicate how she felt about it. "Well. It happened," she said as she reached her hand across him to put on his free arm, "and there's really nothing we can do about it at this point except for, y'know, dealing with it. We...both made mistakes, but...I don't want you to feel guilty -- I don't want us to feel guilty whenever either one of us ends up, like, coming in contact with a kid."
Stone frowned a little and shrugged. He didn't really know what to say to that. There wasn't a switch or something he could turn once she gave him the go ahead to stop the guilt. "I can't really control it," He said. "I'm sorry if it makes you feel bad but knowing we made mistakes and dealing with it doesn't mean I won't feel guilty." What? He was being honest. He couldn't help how he felt and he spent most of his life being or feeling guilty about something or other. It came rather naturally to him at this point.
Lara nodded, her forehead scrunched up. "I don't really know what I can do to help you with that, then. Maybe...y'know, when it happens, we should just do what we're doing now." She cleared her throat and straightened up some more. "Talk about it. Instead of...not."
Stone smirked a little. "You hate talking about it," Or he assumed so since she was always so cagey about it. He did lean forward to kiss her forehead again though. "And you don't have to help me with it. I'll deal with it," Eventually. "It just happens." Especially with the Panda kids living on the same floor and running into them all the damn time, and not to mention the dreamland stuff.
Lara frowned. She rolled her eyes up to watch him kiss her forehead, but she didn't smooth it out any, even after he pulled back. "That's not a solution. We're, like, in a relationship. We should be working together to figure things out or some shit like that. Yeah, I hate talking about it, but maybe I'm not supposed to, and maybe I'd be willing to make a sacrifice in that respect because, y'know. That's what people do when they...care about about each other." Lara let out a long breath of air. Talking about stuff like this was exhausting, especially after being woken up in the middle of night.
Stone's eyebrows hiked up as Lara went on. It was totally bizarre still to have a serious conversation about relationships with her. He maybe kind of smiled at that part where she stumbled over saying she cared about him. "I'm not trying to take away from our relationship. I know you want to help me not feel guilty. I just...don't," he shrugged a little and the tops of his ears turned a little pink. "Really know how to not feel guilty." It was kind of a embarrassing admission in his opinion even though it was obvious. Around people he didn't act like an asshole to anyway.
"That's why we should talk about it. So it can maybe start to help," Lara said slowly, working this out in her head as she went along. "Instead of you keeping it inside, 'cause...that's just keeping things the way they are and that's not going to change anything." Stone's parents made him feel guilty about things he had no control over since he was pretty much born, so it was probably a good idea that Lara remind him that certain things weren't his fault. Or that he could be forgiven for things that were. That was a healthy road to recovery, Lara thought.
This was all still weird. He wasn't sure what she really wanted him to tell her. "I know we can't change what happened, but that doesn't mean I can help feeling guilty when I run into the pandakids sometimes or....have those dreams."
He was quiet for a moment. "It's easier to forgive someone else than it is to forgive myself and get over the guilt..." He shrugged sheepishly and the tops of his ears turned a little pink. It was dumb but that kind of admission was embarrassing to him. "It's gonna take time for me to deal with it and get over the guilt." It did take him twenty five years to finally have an official meltdown after all, so...
Lara's forehead wrinkled up again and she wondered if he was even listening to her. Maybe he was too wrapped up with the embarrassment. She took a breath to give her a moment to focus on what she should say. She nodded her head once slowly as she began. "I realize that it's going to take time. Of course it's going to take time. I'm not saying that I'll snap my fingers and you should change tomorrow. What I'm saying is that we should make an effort to help you so that eventually, down the road, maybe a long way down the road, you won't have to feel this way all the time anymore. I'm not even talking about what happened last year. I'm talking about the guilt stuff in general. I mean, do you like feeling guilty all the time? Or do you want to try and...not feel guilty?"
And now it was time for Stone's forehead to wrinkle up. He nodded after a moment. "...I've been going to a shrink for over a year." So of course he didn't want to feel so guilty all the time. "I know what you're saying and I agreed..." he looked up from his lap. "And I like the idea of y'know being all couple-y and talking it..." He hesitated a moment and shifted to sit up straighter. "I don't want my guilt issues to turn into some big burden on you." More so than they already were anyway.
"I don't know really what else to say. I think we've been okay with talking about things for the most part..." Except tonight but overall hadn't they?
"No, we haven't," Lara shook her head. "We've been getting better, but I mean, like tonight with us not saying what we're thinking, and I still haven't even..." She shook her head and stopped there. Sometimes she felt like a colossal idiot for still not actually telling Stone out loud that she loved him, and other times she thought it was stupid to put so much importance on three little words. It had to already be evident through her actions and other things she said that she loved him, so saying it wasn't entirely necessary. But then again, if it wasn't that important, why hadn't she just gone ahead and said it yet? It was always a confusing swirl in her head when she tried to think about it, so she usually didn't.
Lara reached down and picked up Stone's hand with both of hers. "Your guilt issues aren't a burden for me." Well, they were highly frustrating, but she wanted to help him move on from them, which ultimately helped everybody. "I don't want them to be a burden for you. All I'm saying is that we talk about things whenever situations arise. I know you're going to a shrink and all, but talking to me is important too, right?" And maybe a little more helpful? She didn't want to ask that out loud, since she had no idea. Dr. Dohanic was a professional problem listener, after all, while Lara was an amateur problem evader.
Stone looked down at his hand when Lara picked it up. How, exactly, did he manage to wind up feeling like the cagey one right now when he was normally the one initiating the serious talk-y moments?
He wasn't really sitting around lamenting that she hadn't said she loved him. It really was pretty obvious, and also mind boggling...on account of all the tormenting things he'd done to pick on her. This was a major guilt point issue for him but he thought he was mostly past that one. Not only was he not worried about her saying it, he figured she would when she was ready or whatever, but he didn't say it every five seconds like dreamlandstone. Just at random, not even on a daily basis.
"I just thought it was awkward enough being here with the little kids y'know, and saying something about it might make it worse." he told her.
"Also I don't want our...relationship and our conversations to revolve all around my crappy past either," he added. "And that's not to say I don't want to share information or that I think all of our conversations are about me, I just don't want it to turn our that way." Because then they'd wind up relying solely on their libidos and while that would certainly be physically satisfying, it would kind of suck because Stone was a total sap and kinds of dug their cheesy/sappy/emotionally investedness factors. So he wanted those random conversations about Star Wars and music squabbles and other silly crazy things too like the faked moonlanding.
Lara gave Stone a look. Did he honestly think that would happen? She wondered if she should just start resigning herself to the fact that he maybe didn't want to do anything about his issues. "Talking out your guilt problems in important moments like these does not translate to us constantly talking about your past," Lara shook her head. "I realize you're trying to find excuses to keep us from trying to work this out, but all I'm suggesting we do is talk about it. If something's making you feel shitty and guilty, then just talk it out with me. That's all."
"Okay..." Stone frowned. If he'd been trying to get out of it, he wouldn't have told her in the first place why he felt guilty or that he felt guilty at all. "I'm not," He shook his head. "I told you I felt guilty and why I felt guilty, I'm not sure what else there is that you want me to say to talk it out..." He was confused now, almost enough to scratch his head. "The only reason I didn't before was because we're in a near stranger's apartment with her sleeping toddlers up the hall, waiting" Praying, even, "for one of her relatives to show up so we can go back to my apartment and that's nerve-wracking enough..." He shrugged. "I'm not trying to get out of telling you something, I tell you stuff all the time," Maybe not all the time, but fairly often, and it caused all kinds of awkwardness and always made him feel even guiltier.
Lara let out a sigh and moved to rest her head against the back of couch. Jesus Christ. Were they really this bad at communicating? No wonder they hardly ever talked about anything serious. Lara shook her head a little bit and reached up to lightly rub her eyes. "Stone. I am not saying that you need to sit here right now and elaborate on your current issue with hanging out with the kids." She dropped her hand down and looked at him. "You've done that already. You don't have to say any more about it. What I'm saying -- and let me just get this all out -- is that in general, in the future, we should make more of an effort to talk out your guilt issues so one, they don't build up, and two, I can remind you that most things aren't your fault. So that hopefully you can realize that too, and get better in general. And you say that you're okay with the idea, but every time I say something about it -- right now -- you say something that basically sounds like an excuse to not do it." She arched her eyebrows and pointed a finger at him to let him know that she still needed to finish.
"Like that you don't want it to be a burden on me or you don't want all our conversations to be just about your problems. I'm saying that those things are not going to be a problem, and all I want you to say right now is either, 'Okay, we can do that because I think it can be helpful' or 'No, I don't think it will be helpful at all and I'd rather talk to my shrink instead of you anyway'. That's all. I was never asking you to elaborate on what happened tonight. I'm only trying to ensure stuff like that doesn't happen in the future." She let out a breath. "Does that make any sense?"
Stone opened his mouth to speak a couple of times but was unable to since she kept going on. Why, he usually wondered, was it necessary for her to tell him that she wanted him to tell her how he felt but when he did she labeled them it as 'excuses'.
He thought this little weird squabble-was it a squabble?- had gone on longer than it needed to. "Okay," He didn't really have to repeat the rest of that verbatim did he? Because his ears were feeling kinda warm as it was. He leaned his own head back against the couch and wondered if they were going to ever get back to his apartment and therefore bed tonight.
"Okay," Lara echoed with a nod. "Okay. Good." It didn't really feel all that good, though. Having squabbles as a couple was a lot harder than having angry fights as enemies. Lara sat back against the couch as well and looked back at the television. A moment later she reached over to pick up Stone's hand again.
"Right," Stone frowned at first. He looked over at her and leaned over at the same time that she picked up his hand so that he could kiss her temple.
Lara smiled a bit as she gave his hand a squeeze. And then there may have been a little nuzzling involved before she leaned her head against his shoulder.
Stone smiled, the dopey kinda smile, and moved his arm around her a little more. He looked at the tv as he leaned his head down against hers once she put it on his shoulder. he moved his fingers to lace them with hers. There were no real updates on the TV.
And that wasn't exactly inspiring. Lara frowned a little bit as the fact that there was something bigger than a squabble going on sunk back in. "He's probably going to die, huh?"
Stone frowned at the tv and Lara's statement. He looked at the picture Lara had fixed earlier and felt bad for all the Pandas. "A building did fall on him..." he said in a non-sarcastic matter of fact tone. "Even if he does live...he's bound to be all fucked up I suppose from the trauma?" logically anyway.
"Yeah. That's terrible." Lara looked at the picture too, thinking again about what Bridget must be going through, not knowing if she was ever going to speak to her husband again. Lara bit into her bottom lip and turned to Stone.
Stone looked over at Lara and squeezed her hand. "I guess we'll see what happens." he said before he leaned over to kiss her forehead. He didn't want to think about what it would feel like to only ever see your significant other as a mangled mess ever again.
Lara turned her eyes up to watch him and nodded a little bit. When he pulled back, she was still looking at him. "Hey..."
Stone arched his eyebrows as he put his head back and looked over at her. "Yeah?"
Lara moved back a little so she could sit up higher. She took in a breath before asking, "You do know I...love you, right?" She really needed to make sure. Something horrible happened to Phin out of nowhere; what if something horrible ended up happening to Stone and she never made sure he knew? So she needed to just come right out and tell him.
Stone was caught off guard by that, honestly not expecting it. He blinked a time or two and attempted not to let the corners of his mouth turn up too much so he didn't look too dopey. He sat up and leaned forward so he could lean his forehead against hers, and gave her a little smile too. "Yeah...I do," he nodded a little awkwardly since their foreheads were together and all. Then he kissed her, because the moment deserved such things.
Lara smiled a little too, relieved that it went over well. And that it actually didn't feel weird to say it. It actually felt nice. She lifted her hand up to run through the hair at the side of his head once he leaned his forehead against hers. Her smiled widened a bit after they kissed and she didn't bother moving back. "Good," she said quietly. "Just thought I'd check."
Stone smiled. "Well I'm glad we've got that cleared up then." he nodded. He leaned back and used his arm to pull her closer before he picked up the remote to change the channel. After uselessly channel surfing he left it on one of the music channels and put the remote down then looked over at Lara. "Since we're on the topic, I love you." And now they had that out of the way should a disaster arise.
It probably was a good idea to stop watching for news. It was only going to be depressing and not very helpful at this point. Lara leaned against Stone and put her arm across him. She glanced at the TV a few times as he changed the channel, but didn't really pay attention. When he spoke, she smiled and moved her arm around him tighter. "Awesome," she said, freely looking dopey since no one could see her.
Stone rested his chin down on the top of her head and put his feet up on the coffee table even though he had his shoes on. He grinned his own dopey little grin as well and nodded a little as he adjusted his arms around her. "It is actually," He agreed as he settled in. Hopefully a Panda relative would get here soon, and hopefully both pandakids would stay asleep until a Panda relative did indeed arrive.
That only made Lara smile more. She moved a little bit to get more comfortable before commenting, "Pretty crazy."
Stone nodded again and was quiet for a moment. "Does this count as ironic?" He wondered out loud even though he was fairly certain that it did.
"Yeah, it might," Lara nodded. "And not just in an Alanis Morissette kind of way."
Stone grinned a little. "Oh you mean not in the 'This isn't really ironic but I'm going to claim it is in song form anyway' kind of way?"
Lara nodded with a chuckle. "Yup, that's the way."
"Yeah. I'm okay with being the legitimate kind of ironic," He decided before he yawned. Too bad they weren't back in bed already.
No kidding. A shitty song was playing on the television so Lara closed her eyes and attempted to tune it out. She must have succeeded because at one point she started falling asleep. And it was right about that time that someone knocked on the door to the apartment.
Stone had leaned his head down on top of hers and was starting to doze off as well when he heard the door. He jumped slightly, which startled Slate who was now awake and looking around in Lara's lap. Stone let out a yawn. He had no idea what time it was. He nudged Lara a little before he started untangling himself from her so that he could get up from his spot and head for the door.
"Hm?" Lara picked her head up and looked toward the door. They were being relieved at last? Thank God. She picked Slate up and moved over on the couch before she stood.
Neil tried not to knock too loud but when the door wasn't answered right away, he knocked again. They'd had a long ride, especially after he'd been in the ring for nearly thirteen rounds earlier in the night. More importantly, he wanted to get in and make sure the kids were okay since he couldn't, obviously, check on Bridget.
Stone opened the door after unlocking it and stepped back to let Neil and Layla in. "Morning," He said because he could think of nothing else to say.
Neil looked at Stone for a moment before he glanced at Layla and walked through the doors. "Thanks for staying with the twins while my sister went to the hospital." He said, actually sounding grateful. "I'm Neil, this is is Layla." He introduced quickly as he held his hand out.
Stone shook his head. "I'm Stone," He said as they headed up the hall toward the living room. "And that's Lara," He introduced as well. "The kids are asleep in their rooms." He assured. "Jeth woke up once but we got him back to sleep." He said a little awkwardly. He really wanted to go back to his apartment with Lara and go the hell to sleep.
Neil nodded. "Thank you, both," He said as he looked from Stone to Lara...who was holding a kitten? Odd.
"It's Stone's," she explained. "We brought it in case we needed to keep the kids entertained..." She furrowed her brow and stopped herself from rambling. "Any word on, uh, how he's doing?" she asked, looking from Neil to Layla and back again.
Neil's brow furrowed a little at her explanation. He glanced at Layla and then shook his head. "Not yet." He said. "Just what Bridget said when she called me. They transported him to the hospital in critical condition." He disliked Phin, after what Phin had done to Bridget, but he didn't want his niece and nephew to be fatherless. He frowned.
Stone nodded solemnly. "I hope everything works out for your family," He said, awkwardly again. He tried not to make it too obvious that he really wanted to get out of there. Also, he meant what he said. Having such a dramatic trauma in your family tended to make things...well traumatic.
"Yeah," Lara agreed with a nod.
"Thank you," Layla said even though she wasn't technically a part of the Smith or Panda families. "And thanks for coming over. We'll let you guys go now." They looked almost as exhausted as she felt.
Stone tried to quickly cover up the relief he felt when Layla said they could jet. He nodded. "Good luck." He said. "We're down the hall in sixty-one-eleven if you need anything." He said as he held a hand out for Lara.
Neil nodded. "Thanks again," He said as they headed for the door. He turned to look at Layla. "Make yourself comfortable. I'll check on the kids and then grab some sheets and pillows and we'll pull the sofa bed out?" he suggested.
Lara gave them a wave before taking Stone's hand and getting the hell out of there. She took one last glance back at the apartment's door before they made their way down the hall.
"Sure," Layla nodded at Neil. She went into the living room and instead of comfortizing herself, started pulling the cushions off the couch. As she set them down on the floor next to the coffee table, the picture of all four Pandas caught her eye. She picked it up with a frown as she looked over all their smiling faces. She had taken this picture not too long before Bridget threw Phin out of the apartment. It was a wonder it was still around at this point.
Neil checked on both toddlers, fixing their blankets to tuck them in properly and making sure they were soundly asleep. It was probably the last time they'd sleep without worry for a long while after all. Then he quietly went to the closet in the hall to get the sheets, pillows and blankets that Bridget usually used for the sofa couch. He headed back to the living room tiredly, arms full."What's that?" He asked as he stopped to put the sheets, blankets and pillows down on the closest recliner. Obviously he knew it was photo but not which one it was in te the frame.
"When we went to Central Park last year." Layla turned the frame to show him the picture. The Pandas were standing by one of the bridges, fall leaves all around them. Bridget was holding Penny at her side and Jeth was clinging to Phin's leg. Their smiles were pretty natural, not forced at all. Bridget had told Layla on the train ride back to the City that it had been a good day, something that happened rarely for them. They seemed to have been having a lot of good days late last year though. And then the new year rolled around and everything went to shit.
"I'm surprised the picture is even still sitting out here."
Everything went to shit because of Phin Pandigaeshik and no other reason. Now the guy was likely going to die or was already dead. No, if he was already dead, Bridget, or someone, would have called them already. Neil frowned at the photo. How were the twins going to feel when they had to look back at photos of a guy they would barely remember, if Phin died? This, this was exactly why Neil didn't want to have kids. Something horrible like this could happen to him any time he stepped into a boxing ring and then Bridget would be the one sitting home while his and Layla's kid slept and Layla sat in the hospital, waiting to hear if he was dead because of some blow to the head that hit him just in the right spot. He shuddered to think about it.
"Well...she can't just get rid of all the pictures of him, I guess. The kids would be confused...or something, right?" He reasoned with a frown as he went to go and pull the sofa bed out, as quietly as he could.
"Yeah. Yeah, probably." Layla looked at Phin before dragging her eyes over to each of the kids. Regardless of what Phin did to Bridget, the fact that he was somewhere out there dying was unspeakably terrible. She set the picture back down on the table, facing out but away from where she and Neil would be sleeping. Neither of them wanted that reminder right now.
Neil set up the sheet on the mattress before he spotted Layla putting the photo down. He was trying to focus on the no news is good news aspect of this since they would have gotten word already if Phin was dead. He reached out and ran his hand along her arm. "Are you okay?" He couldn't think of a better way to phrase the question.
Layla shrugged. She was doing better than Bridget, that was for sure. "This kind of thing isn't supposed to happen to people we know."
Neil nodded before he stepped closer so he could hug her. He kissed the side of her head and let out a small sigh. "We're just gonna have to wait and see what happens." A fact he was not happy about. "We can see if we can find anything out by channel surfing?" or checking online. Newspapers posted online now right?
Layla walked over to where she'd dropped her bag down and picked it up to fish out her iPhone. "Yeah, you can try. I'm checking Twitter."
"Right. Twitter. Good thinking." Neil nodded. She was much better with twitter and those...types of things, than Neil. He watched her a moment before he went and sat on the end of the bed. He turned the TV on but kept the volume low. A building collapsing at all in a city was a big deal after 2001, so he figured there'd be news briefs somewhere on TV. The morning news would be coming on soon anyhow.
Layla sat crosslegged on the bed and looked over at the television as she waited for the pages to load. After a moment, she furrowed her brow. "I'm going to call Channel Six," she announced. She used to work for them and still had some connections there. Hopefully someone had heard something to ease their minds one way or another. She closed out of the browser and went for her address book instead.
Neil muted the TV and nodded. "Okay. Think they'll have some information that hasn't made ot to air yet?" he wondered as he scooted a little closer to her. He leaned his hand down on the bed behind her which left his arm stretching across her back. What time in the morning did the kids usually wake up?Neil muted the TV and nodded. "Okay. Think they'll have some information that hasn't made ot to air yet?" he wondered as he scooted a little closer to her. He leaned his hand down on the bed behind her which left his arm stretching across her back. What time in the morning did the kids usually wake up?
"In this case, probably not," Layla shrugged. "But it's worth a try." She leaned against him as the phone rang. It didn't take long for someone to answer and Layla was redirected.
After a short conversation, Layla hung up and looked at Neil. "He's still being worked on. They think he's in surgery. They'll call back if they hear more, but as far as they know, he's still alive."
Neil let out just a tiny sigh of relief. It was good to confirm that Phin was alive. That was promising, maybe, right? He really wanted to call Bridget, but wasn't sure he should or that she'd be able to answer. He leaned over and kissed the side of her shoulder. "Thanks."
Layla nodded. She looked back up at the television. Both she and Neil were tired (Neil especially after that fight), but she knew neither of them was going to sleep anytime soon. At least not until they got the update from Bridget, which came about an hour later.