[A very drunk Jake] Happy Fucking birthday, old friend... I've come to hate the Spring and all the months within it. It only serves as a reminder to everything that is wrong in my life.
Ha, a group of percussionists stopped me from destroying a piano I was playing on. The campus police were surprisingly less concerned about arresting me and more that I can pay off any damage that I may have done. Thirty pence, thirty pounds, thirty dollars, three hundred, who the fuck cares. Those Steinways are really fucking hardy, I'm sure it's just out of tune. Sorry Aria.
My bottle of Jack is almost empty, I need to find the other one. Anyone on campus looking to drink? I have my own personal store here.