Bethany Douglas || Hel (colddarkhel) wrote in monte_logs, @ 2012-08-30 17:37:00 |
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Entry tags: | hel, ~complete |
Characters: Bethany/Hel (colddarkhel), mentions Max/Legion (legionnaire_) and others
Date/Time: August 29, 2012 (and August 16th, 2012)
Location: Bethany's Dorm Room
Rating: G
Warnings: None.
Summary: The L word. It's scary. But she kinda likes it.
"I think I love you."
Whether it was having to tell the truth or just the right time, she said it. She said she loved someone.
They were standing in her room, Max having come up because he heard her banging things around through the computer. They said a few words, and then she practically blurted it out:
"I think I love you."
Being surrounded by the dead made her feel as if she was making a scene. There weren't many at the time, but enough to make her feel suffocated. After saying those words, she was embarrassed and wanted to run to the bathroom with her iPod so she could tune out the world before she did something stupid, like throw her fairly new laptop. But her feet didn't move. Other than her fingernails nervously scratching into her jeans, Bethany was still, staring at Max like her world was ending.
And it was. If she really loved him, then this was it. The beginning of the end. Because no one she loved ever stayed with her.
As Hel, she was the half dead goddess living in a cold, inhospitable world, cut off from the others. There were no dinners with the gods. No one visited unless they wanted something or someone. Her mother was dead. Fenrir was chained. Jörmungandr was in the ocean. She stood by her father, but he never stood by her. Hades had Persephone. All Hel had was extremely slow servants. She did get Baldr. But he brought his wife.
As Bethany, she was the strange child who talked to herself. Her father left before getting to know her. Her mother was scared of her. There were no friends in school, and she barely talked to anyone outside of it. There was Archer, a half-sister, but Bethany didn't love her. She couldn't even connect with her.
When Max pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, he echoed her words back. Any other time, she almost instantly relaxed at his touch. Sometimes, if she was feeling more anxious than usual, she reached out for his hands. This time, the gravity of the situation and trying to find something to say back to him kept her from calming down. Only when she gave up thinking and grabbed onto his shirt did the room become less stuffy and the dead fade into the background. She didn't say much after that.
Two weeks ago those words were said and things were still good. Having Max physically there when she said it meant she didn't fly off the handle, she didn't throw something at the wall, the door, the fridge, or at him. She had yet to freak out about it in the way she did when Baldr talked to her about hope. Maybe the mandated counseling was paying off. Maybe she was growing up. Maybe the moment she freaked out was the moment that signified the end, and she was making sure to postpone it for as long as she possibly could.
Sitting in front of the TV playing one of her games, Bethany could feel a warmth in her cheeks. A small smile formed.
Or maybe it was because she liked it.