Thursday, May 20th, 2010

RSS FEED: From The New York Times Online (Afternoon Edition, 20 May 2029)

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NYU Loses Longtime Support of The Weymouth Foundation, Faces Severe Budget Constraints
By PHILLIP G. COLTER
Published: 20 May 2029


NEW YORK, NEW YORK. – In a press conference this afternoon, President of New York University Eve Grauer announced the sudden withdraw of all funding by The Weymouth Foundation, widely regarded as one of the largest benefactors of the University to date. With the loss of The Weymouth Foundation’s support, New York University’s budget has decreased from $4.3 billion from the 2027-2028 academic year to $3.4 billion allotted for 2029-2030.

“Even in ideal fiscal circumstances, the loss of the support of The Weymouth Foundation would place strain on the University infrastructure. That being said, with the loss of revenue from student housing due to zoning on our Washington Square campus, a decrease of performance in our various endowments, and funding for higher education from the federal government at an all-time low, New York University is being forced to refinance for the upcoming semester as soon as possible if we are to avoid dropping services for our students,” Dr. Grauer said.

Dr. Grauer went onto say, “Providing the exemplary education expected from our student body is the University’s top priority as we walk into special sessions with the Provost and Executive Vice President to adjust the budget as we see fit. Although other services, such as dining and on-campus activities, may have to go to the wayside, New York University’s mission to serve the nation’s finest scholars will maintain constant.”

When asked about The Weymouth Foundation’s relationship with New York University prior to the severance of their fiscal relationship, Dr. Grauer declined comment, only saying, “I wish the very best for the Weymouth family in all future endeavors.” And as for the decision to wait until the dust had settled from yesterday’s commencement activities? “The Class of 2029 deserved to have a celebration for its collective accomplishments that would not be scarred by the shadow of fiscal turmoil.”


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Monday, May 10th, 2010

RSS FEED: From The New York Times Online (Evening Edition, 10 May 2029)

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Infographic Included With Article, 'Robots and Thermal Readers: Police Departments and the 21st Century' )
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Monday, April 5th, 2010

RSS FEED: From The New York Times Online (Evening Edition)

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Department of Interior Panel Declares US Habitation Border To Be Officially East of Mississippi River
By MALLORY C. REISING
Published: 5 April 2029


WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a morning press conference, Chief Information Officer Jamie Corbett confirmed the Department of the Interior’s decision to finalize the habitation border of the United States of America on the eastern side of the Mississippi River, thereby indirectly issuing an edict to thousands of Americans in Iowa, Missouri, Arkansas, western Louisiana, and western Minnesota to evacuate. The decision was reached after the findings of last week’s National Fallout Congress were released over the weekend.

Reasons cited as a major cause for the ruling included elevated levels of uranium in multiple soil test points along major port cities along the Mississippi, as well as air quality and water purity readings taken from September 2027 until January 2029. It is expected that citizens Saint Paul, Minnesota and Baton Rouge, Louisiana will be allowed to maintain their residency despite being on either side of the river due to their status as the seat of government in what remains of the states after the new boundaries are drawn. It is also rumored that New Orleans will also be granted reprieve, although finalized sources on this point have been difficult to obtain as of deadline.

By the noon hour, pundits and the everyman alike had something to say on the decision, calling the ruling everything from “a grand move for public safety” to a reckless bid to sacrificing the rights of the common landowner at the expense of an increasingly Koetke-esque agenda. As of 7:03 PM Eastern Daylight Time, Secretary of the Interior Tabatha Schlottmann was unavailable for comment.


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Monday, March 15th, 2010

RSS FEED: From The New York Times Online

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Crichton Expresses Solidarity As Housing and Redistricting Act Passes Into Law
By ROBERT A. ORTEGA
Published: 15 March 2029


NEW YORK, NEW YORK. Today, Mayor Crichton held a press conference to announce his support--though some might call it acquiescence--for the new Housing and Redistricting Act recently passed in Washington. The Act signs into law the new districting procedures that have been in effect since the beginning of the influx of displaced Westerners to the East Coast.

"As Washington has passed it, this act presents no significant change to your current daily lives," the Mayor said. "The Districts will remain categorized as they've been throughout the assimilation process, keeping in mind the maximization of housing efficiency necessary in these difficult times."

"Our most basic goal, as always, remains making certain everyone in the city has a place to live, combating the scourge of homelessness at the root through social work programs and a utilization of the act to its fullest potential."

When asked...


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Saturday, March 13th, 2010

RSS FEED: From The New York Times Online

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In Shocking Decision, Schlottmann Chosen to Reprise Role as Secretary of the Interior
By MAX T. STRIPLAND
Published: 13 March 2024


WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a noontime press conference, President Janet Edwards announced today her decision to conclude her latest round of Cabinet nominations by proposing that Tabatha Schlottmann, Former Secretary of the Interior for the Koetke administration, should reprise her leadership role within the agency. This announcement, made in light of Edwards’ campaign promises to “renovate Washington and the nation from the ground-up” even as late as November 2028, has sent pundits in a frenzy as both supporters and detractors attempt to decipher what this means for Edwards’ environmental policy in the coming term.

“When it comes to the problems that plague our Western lands, we can’t use partisan tactics to heal our wounds. Tabatha is the only woman presently equipped with the knowledge and experience to lead and advise on matters affecting our abandoned territories. Our administration has faith in Ms. Schlottmann’s abilities to lead us through these difficult times and help America emerge triumphant, regardless of ideology,” Edwards was reported as saying.

Supporters and detractors alike have been reported as expressing great ambivalence for the reprisal of Schlottmann to her role within the Department of the Interior, citing her actions within the Koetke administration concerning her involvement in […]


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