Headlines for the Week of 15 August 2029: The Super-Duper Evening Edition.
NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL:
UN President Alonso Laschinger Claims International Communication Interferences “Caused” By United States
Heat Wave Across Midwest, Seaboard Taxing Electrical Grid With Major Energy Demands
River State Residents Claim End-of-Month Deadline Too Soon To Evacuate
REGIONAL:
Annual Assumption Day Parade Ends In Violence: “WEST SAYVILLE, NY - For generations, the St. Mary Malankara Indian Orthodox Church’s annual Assumption Day Parade was peacefully attended by faithful fans of the congregation’s colorful tribute to the Virgin and the devout alike. But this past Sunday, the church’s usual reverential parade was halted by violence brought on by anti-foreigner protestors -- despite the fact that many performers are US citizens...”
Brushes With Scandal May Inform Governor’s Reform Effort
In Burst Of Nostalgia, Free Stores Take The Districts By Storm: “DISTRICT 3 - Formerly a fad from the 2010s, the end of the 2020s is seeing the resurgence of the ‘free store’: impromptu co-ops and storefronts that peddle wares that are entirely free for the taking, all in the name of reusing resources...”
SCIENCE AND HEALTH:
To Enjoy Champagne, Treat It Like Beer, Study Says
National Zoo To Submit The Northern Bicranial Moose To Be Recognized As A New, Post-Nuclear Species Of Mammal
Pertussis Fears Rising As Kids Head Back To School
TECHNOLOGY:
After Denied A Pay Raise, Workers In Holo-Sex Industry Go On Strike
Ice Cream Robots: Helping Or Hurting The Ice Cream Truck Industry?
DARPA Space Junk Net, 15 Years Later: “It’s Working Great!”
ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT:
Funerary Masks of Six Maya Rulers on View at the National Museum of Anthropology
“Work Of Art” Reality Show Finally Shelved By Bravo
33rd Annual FringeNYC Festival Kicks Off This Week
SPORTS AND LEISURE:
NFL Preseason Games Beat Out Rollerball In TV Ratings, No Contest
Riot Outside Of Philadelphia Union Stadium Highlights Sudden Rise In American Hooligan Culture
News Of Impending Barry Manilow Nuptials Terrifies Former German Professor To Point Of Heart Attack
CLASSIFIEDS:
Anyone have a house?: “We can afford up to 1000.00 a month but are struggling getting money up front. Anyone have a home in a good area for children that is willing to work on money down? Not asking for freebies. Just break up the payments or if it needs work we can do that as well. Or if you have any other ideas we are open to them :o) would prefer district 3 but district 1 works thanks for reading.”
Card Collection MUST GO! - $25: “Hello everyone, I'm in a bind and I have a card collection I've had since I was younger...around 2-3000 cards..give or take..I have MLB/NFL/NBA/NCAA... A lot of rookie cards..Shaq's Rookie Card..Steve McNair, Ken Griffy Jr..and many more..Cards are in good condition..2 Binders Full and a Shoebox Full..Comes with cases for the good cards..I MUST sell these today, it's real important that I do..I'm only asking for 25..Shaq's card alone is 20 dollar value in Beckett..not to mention all the other cards..MLB set is from the 80's..NBA is mostly 80's/90's...Please someone help me out..I don't have a ride but will be home for the evening...Thanks again for your time.”
Neon Camel Light For Sale Or Trade - $100: “Neon Camel bar sign. In perfect working order. Rare item. $100 or trade for guitar equipment.”