Tornadoes Ravage Flatlands of the Midwest, Satellites Indicate
A New Pumping Device Brings Hope For Cheney: “WASHINGTON, D.C.: Almost thirty years after his inaugural heart pump was implanted, Former Vice President Dick Cheney is enjoying the newest break-throughs in robotic hearts...”
Dozens Killed In Train Crash In India Following World Cup Departures
REGIONAL:
New York Auto Show to Feature Antique Cars in District 4
Council Member Herbert Tyler Proves Incumbents Can Finish First In District 4 Primaries
“Staying Hip And Healthy In The Park” Program Proves That Senior Citizen-Oriented Programming More Popular Than Ever
SCIENCE AND HEALTH:
Plastic Surgery Statistics Show Decrease in Popularity as Cosmetic Genetic Therapy Hits Market
Antidepressant Abuse Soars
Protein Regulator Shows Promise Against Addiction
TECHNOLOGY:
Portable Watermelon Cooler Looks More Like Stroller Than Icechest
Skype Announces “Possibility” For Downtime In Upcoming Weeks
Mad Engineer In Detroit Attempts To Emulate Tesla Experiments, Fails
ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT:
‘Benedict: a Biography’: “NEW YORK, NY. A new biography defends the reputation of Benedict Arnold...”
Site-Specific and Guerrilla Theater Revolutionize Broadway: “NEW YORK, NY. Less and less theater is being done within the confines of a building, as more and more directors take their productions onto the Great White Way itself...”
Guggenheim Nets Major Nouveau Fluxus Exhibition
SPORTS AND LEISURE:
Holo Fences Keep Animals Out of Flowerbeds, May be Damaging to Vegetation
Former Childhood Star, Justin Bieber Announces Engagement to Soon-to-Be Second Wife, Former Biebian Society President, Janet Blithe
Trouble Arises As US-Netherlands Friendly Match Negotiations Grind To A Halt
CLASSIFIEDS:
Rare 1st ed. copy of One Hundred Years of Solitude, original Spanish - $300
Knife Collector Wants Knives-Folding, Unique, Buttons, Levers, Springs,Etc: “Top dollar paid by collector for folding knives. Looking for older vintage and unique knives with buttons, levers, springs, etc. Top dollar paid. Let me know what you have and I'll make an offer. Call.”
Lonely Lover Lad Looking For Live Advice: “What can I do to stop being such a loser? I don’t know, but maybe you do. Call 555-2222.”