Charlie Weber. (ladderman) wrote in mnhttnprjct, @ 2010-07-18 18:17:00 |
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Though Charlie knew he needed to sit his daughter down and have a serious chat with her about Nolan, he’d been putting it off. Every time he thought about bringing it up, he couldn’t find the right words to say what he wanted to say, and even though he knew it wasn’t about the right words and being perfect, it was just enough to make him feel shaky. He didn’t want to go into it sounding like he had no idea what he was talking about, because then she might not take him seriously. Nolan wasn’t much younger than he and Rachel had been when Alexa was born, and no matter how nice a young man might seem, Charlie knew better. He’d been one. That wasn’t to say he thought Nolan was going to take advantage of his little girl, but... he worried. He worried a lot, and his daughter was already so mature. “Alexa?” he called out, stepping from the kitchen into the living room that doubled as a second bedroom until they could find a place he could afford with two separate bedrooms. That seemed unlikely, considering how much his rent was already and how he was likely facing college tuition payments in their near future. He shook his head. That was something he could worry about later: he had to try to collect his thoughts to talk her about Nolan first beyond asking her what they did that day. “I... Can we talk?” Alexa looked up from where she was laying on the couch, playing with her I-holo and thinking about if she should put on a movie or go to bed early, her mouth curving up in a smile as she saw her dad. “Sure,” she said, sitting up and making room for him. She was wearing the pajamas she’d gotten when she’d gone shopping with Charity, shorts with cats eating sushi and a tank top that helped stave off some of the overwhelming July heat. “What’s up?” She said the words lightly, but her eyes were a little wary. Ever since she’d moved in she’d been a little nervous that she’d do or say the wrong thing and maybe he’d have second thoughts about having her around. "It's nothing bad or anything," he answered quickly, just in case she was worried, but the second the words were out of his mouth, Charlie knew that now she would worry about it. "I mean --" He wrinkled his nose. He wished Charity was there to walk him through it, or at least in his ear. Even though he'd talked to he about it over lunch, having her in the same room would have made a world of difference. She was a woman; she'd know how he should phrase things to not offend Alexa. He shuffled over to the couch and sat down beside her, one hand reaching up to ruffle his hair -- a nervous habit. "I don't really know how to start this. Years ago, I thought... me and your mom would get to figure things out together, or at least as together as possible given the circumstances, but then the bomb happened and I didn't think I'd have to, and talking to a seventeen year old is so much different. You're all... grown-up." His expression contorted briefly, flickers of heartbreak for the years he'd lost and disbelief that it had all passed so quickly. "I'll just get right to it. You've been spending a lot of time with Nolan, and it's not that I don't like him, but... it's more that I'm worried." He wanted to talk to her about Nolan? She wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or worried, but relieved won out and she laughed nervously before relaxing beside him. “Yeah,” she said. “I mean if you want to talk to me about boy girl stuff it’s a little late. And Mom talked to me about it a little even before everything so...” She hadn’t missed the look that flickered across his face, and she moved a little closer, cuddling against him with her chin on his shoulder and her arm around him in a way she had just started to get comfortable doing again. “And we’re... Nolan and I are friends. I mean, I think I’d like to be more? But just now it’s not. He’s a good guy. Not out to take advantage or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.” She said it with utter frankness, not really knowing how else to say it but not wanting him to feel he had to worry either. At least, Charlie thought, he didn't have to explain things to her. Rachel had probably covered the very basics, and Alexa would have figured out a lot on her own. Even if they hadn't been separated for some of her formative years, she would have picked up a lot from movies, books, music, television. He wasn't the sort of parent who would have wanted her to be completely sheltered. He'd rather she knew enough to make informed decisions. His daughter was wise beyond her years -- and that was a catch-22. "Well, yeah," he admitted, but whether or not Nolan would take advantage of her was more of a conversation he needed to have with Nolan. "I just... it's more that, you know, your mom and I weren't much older when we had you, and even though I don't regret it for a second, it was so hard on the both of us, and you're both so young. I don't want you getting in over your head." He didn't want what happened with him and Rachel to repeat in their daughter. Alex stared at her Dad, her cheeks warming considerably at what he was saying, and she ducked her head for a moment as the blush spread. All right she hadn’t expected this much of a conversation. “Um. Yeah,” she said. “I mean as glad as I am you did, I don’t want that either. I’ve got things I want to do first, you know. And.. well I know how to be careful.” The last came out a bit garbled and she had to clear her throat before looking back up at him. “I mean at least protection wise.” "Yeah, like... graduate from college, for starters," he suggested, one side of his mouth quirking upwards into a small smile. Charlie didn't really know how he felt about Alexa knowing how to be careful -- who would have taught her? School? Her friends? Not to mention, if she knew, she might have experience, and God, she was still so young. It would be hypocritical of him to tell her to not have sex because of her age, but a large part of Charlie wanted to lock her up and keep her away from boys and young men and old men and anyone who might hurt her. Charlie sighed. "I have no idea what I'm trying to say," he admitted, his shoulders slumping a little. "I'm not going to tell you what not to do or anything like that. 'Cause if I know anything about teenagers, you'll just go out and do the opposite." The look on her father’s face hurt a little. Part of her wished she was still little enough to crawl up into his lap and wrap her arms around his neck and just hold on. She settled though, for hugging him tight. “Nolan... he’s different Dad. I really like him. It’s weird, but I do. And I don’t know what’s going to happen with him, but I promise you I’ll try not to do anything stupid. Okay?” It was so hard trying to trust her judgment and trust that she would use the level head that he knew was on her shoulders, but as she wrapped his arms around his neck, Charlie realized he wasn't really that worried about what she might do. He was worried about what Nolan might do, or what some other boy might. Part of him worried about Nolan’s age, but at least he was going to school. At least the boy his daughter liked wasn’t some homeless teenaged hooligan with no future and no plans. "Okay," he echoed, nodding his head as he hugged he back. When he pulled back, he looked at her with a serious expression. "Don't let him, or anyone else for that matter, talk you into anything. If you're uncomfortable for just a second, don't worry about bruising his ego or anything. And I want you to know you can always always talk to me about this stuff. I know I'm not your mom, but... me or Charity. I know she wouldn't mind." Alexa wasn’t sure she’d be able to talk to Charity, but she nodded anyway as she looked up at her dad. “I won’t let anyone do anything I don’t want to do, all right?” She felt bad in a way that he was worried about her but she supposed that’s what dads did. “If I..If I do anything like that it will because I want to, all right? And I’ll be careful too. With stuff.” It was really strange talking about these things with him. She didn’t want to be specific but she hoped he understood what she was trying to say. Charlie wrinkled his nose, clearly uncomfortable with the thought of his daughter ever being that involved with a boy. In his mind, she was still twelve years old and more interested in spending time with him than with a boy. She was twelve years old and boys were barely a blip on her radar as far as he knew. It was hard to come to terms with all of the changes. He hoped it would become easier sooner rather than later. "I trust you," he said, even though it wasn't quite true. He was still worried, but he had to try to trust her. She had yet to give him a reason not to. Charlie smiled and gave her shoulder a squeeze. She was a good kid, despite everything that had happened to her. "So, uh," Charlie cleared his throat and ruffled her hair a little before pulling away, ready to put the entire conversation behind them for the meantime, "want to watch a movie?" Alexa breathed a sigh of relief and nodded, before settling back on the sofa, content to have him beside her and know he wasn’t going anywhere. “Yeah,” she said. “I think that would be great.” Her lips twitched up in a grin as she reached for the remote and gently poked him in the side with it. “I’ll even let you pick it.” |