BOBBA AND JIMMA IN THE MORNING: #1. WHO: Your hosts, Bobba Fettrell & Jimma Kerket! WHAT: The most recent edition of their eagerly-anticipated spherecast, this time reporting on the tournament and upcoming spring break. Their shambolic videos disseminate widely and quickly throughout the school, as always, and public comments are enabled on the post. WHEN: NOW. WHERE: on ur screenz
“Hellloooooo, Balamb Garden! My name is Bobba Fettrell–”
“And I am Jimma Kerket–”
“And this is Bobba and Jimma in the morning! Today, we’ll be talking about the Class Zero tournament that happened just this week.”
“The opening CZ match of the year is always a nail-biting affair, in large part due to the long-standing rivalry between the Luca and Balamb Gardens. Check out this captain – doesn’t he look positively murderous?”
“Why, yes, yes, he does, Jimma! He looks like a tiny airship equipped with gatling guns. I am especially loving that competitive snarl – very nice touch!”
“He was matched up against our very own Ace Ryusaki in the duels, and what a stellar exhibition of tactical mastermindery and evasion it was! Hardly a single hit landed, as each boy seemed to predict, anticipate, and then forestall the other’s move. Be sure to tune into my tumblrsphere later for a slow-motion play-by-play and dissection of the duel, if anyone’s interested. Fascinating stuff for the tacticians among us, though not very action-filled.”
“Personally, I preferred his second duel with that fistfighter from Luca. Not only was that guy massive, but Ryusaki really made quick work of him, considering his weapon of choice is atypical. I believe the only other person in Balamb to make use of materia-supplemented card decks Setzer Gabbiani, correct? Cards versus brute strength – it was definitely his more exciting, if shorter, match.”
“And speaking of short work, how about Eight Irino’s FANTASTIC contributions in this tournament? There was that worrying moment when he was reprimanded for excessive force – always a rarity for Class Zero – but he more than made up for it with his miraculous comeback, taking out two Lucans and– ouch. I love this replay. It almost looked like we had a Glomeo & Djullia situation on our hands between our Cater and Luca’s gunman, but, well... We all saw how that ended.”
“Definitely not a surprise from Lee though, considering her track record. The woman works hard and plays even harder, folks. And, as we you can see from this clip from yesterday, she has quite the large fanbase as well. Definitely a crowd favorite here at Balamb, and she always delivers consistently. I have to admit, I am a fan.”
“Oh, me too, Bobba. Me too. She made me milkshakes the other day!”
“Wait, did she? And you didn’t give me any?”
“It was baneberry. You’re allergic to baneberry.”
“Well, you’re not allergic to baneberry. I can drink a smoothie if you can drink a smoothie.”
“It would literally kill you, Bobba.”
“Kill me alive... or kill me dead? See, if it does the second, then maybe it’ll undo the first dead so technically, I’ll still be alive. It’s like adding negatives.”
“I’m not entirely sure metaphysics behave the way you think they behave, or if they obey double negatives. That, and I’m all out of Phoenix Downs this week. Those supplies are very expensive.”
“Which reminds me, you know what else is very expensive? Airbus tickets. Thank goodness that Balamb is generous enough to provide us with transportation to these matches, free-of-cost!”
“Oh, which also reminds me – ahem: Today’s broadcast of Bobba and Jimma in the Morning is brought to you by your proud and glorious sponsors, Bangaa King! ‘Have it your way!’ Be sure to try their new signature dessert, the Miniflan!”
“Mm-mm-mm, I do love Bangaa King. I wish I had some on hand during the duels. I was getting a bit peckish about halfway through Firion’s first duel.”
“...Should we head to Bangaa King after this?”
“... Yes. But maybe we should finish first. Five minutes?”
“Gotcha. Okay, uh – what do we have left? Lemme check the– Spring break! In just two days, classes at Balamb Garden let out and we’re all off to our respective vacations and hometowns. Your humble hosts will be embarking on a long-awaited vacation to sunny Costa del Sol, and if we’re not mistaken, so are a couple others. All I can say is: see you there!”
“And nothing really beats Costa del Sol this time of year. Warm water, hot sand, good-looking ladies. If there is paradise on Gaia, it has got to be Costa del Sol.”
“I’m partially considering it an anthropological study.”
“... You are?”
“Student-types on leave from academic settings, in a foreign environment, fuelled with liberal amounts of Gold Saucer beer, allcompletelyoflegalageofcourse! How similar or dissimilar is it from how we behave back home, et cetera–”
“Dude, you know like, most people just wanna sit on the beach and chill, not analyze the other tourists, right?”
“Well, most people aren’t me.”
“... This is true. And if they are, then... woah.”
“The delicate existential balance of this school is maintained by there only being one of me. And only one of you. And only one of Queen Garnet. And–”
“But what about twins? How do you explain those?”
“Noted. Requires more research. I’ll get back to you once I’ve looked into that pair of Alexandrian and Lindblum transfers.”
“They’ve got to be like, clones from the future or something... Like that one episode of Doctor Time Compression.”
“............. we should investigate this further. Which one is the real one, I wonder?”
“Dude. Dude. It’s just like the episode, I’m telling you.”
“WHAT IF ONE OF THEM IS AN ESTHARIAN SUPERWEAPON AND–”
[And at this point, Jimma’s arms start flailing and the stream of words from his mouth speed up into the supersonic, completely unintelligible to most people watching the spherecast. Bobba counters with another rapid-fire slew of questions, both of them wholly immersed in unraveling this mystery, until Jimma suddenly shuts down from the possibilities of Nefarious Twins and seems to enter a catatonic state. Bobba flips up a homemade ‘TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES’ sign, starts levering Jimma away from the camera, and turns off the recording.]