[Nodding a little, something like relief washing over his face that Keith understands now, if only belatedly.]
Yes. Yes, exactly. I couldn't... [He brushes his thumb over Keith's knuckles, his other hand reaching out helplessly to touch his hip, to draw him closer-- just wanting to touch him, to reassure himself that he's here, that he's allowed to do this.] I couldn't handle the thought that I might lose you because of my own stupid decisions.