It would seem this email is the basis of an advanced network designed solely to entice gods of varying myths and legends. I can never recall any time when I would be considered a god, though I hesitate to assume the system is mistaken. Am I meant to be Hades? Satan? Thanatos? I have heard a dozen names for similar figures, yet none seem to fit. Still, I cannot discount my own abilities. I am clearly not an ordinary man.

Tell me, then: who am I meant to be?

I am not paying exorbitant rates to get internet out here in the middle of nowhere just so I can get spam email. If replying to it is the only way to get them to stop, fine. If whoever is sending them is reading this, then kindly unsubscribe me and go fuck yourself.