Well it's official. I've done my best to stay the hell away from all this. When my internet turned on me, I jury-rigged my type-writer to get my files typed up so I wouldn't have to deal with this crap. Alas my coworkers didn't accept my makeshift papers, so I had to cave and finally access this thing.

My name's Henry Phillips, formerly Hephaestus.

Let's get this over with.