[As heard on various news sources]

"...with it being Patriot Day, it is a shock to hear of a breaking story on one of our military bases. Lieutenant Andreas Karalis and University of Washington sophomore Amanda Keefe were victimized in a brutal attack at the Fort Lewis complex in Washington. Reports state that five masked men broke into military quarters around three a.m. this morning, and surprised the victims, tying them both up. Lieutenant Karalis was severely beaten with various weapons, and Miss Keefe was beaten, stripped nude and had numerous Bible verses carved into her skin with a knife. She also suffered some stab wounds. Medical experts say that the injuries of both victims, while severe, are not life-threatening. The female victim is pregnant, but mother and baby are both listed as being in stable condition. The military has chosen to release the report due to allegations that both victims are known reincarnations of figures in Greek mythology: the hero Achilles, and the Muse Erato, on the suspicion that other so-called 'godlings' may be targeted next..."

"...reports are just coming in that the local branch of pastry-shop franchise Frosted Fancies has been attacked. Canisters of tear gas were thrown into the shop, forcing customers and employees outdoors where an unknown gunman opened fire on the crowd. Two customers were killed at the scene, and seven have been injured, including owner Amber Wheatley-Shin and her assistant...."

"...seven people have been injured, one critically, in downtown Seattle today, as an impromptu zombie-themed flash mob at Carl Anderson Park was rocked by the explosions of at least three pipe bombs. Eyewitnesses report that the gathering had been under way for only a few minutes when a group of three men, disguised in bloody face masks and camouflage clothing, threw the bombs into the crowd, where they exploded. The suspects then fled on foot in the direction of Howell Street. The man closest to the explosions has been identified as Chase Woods, 29, a possibly-homeless man known to frequent the area. Woods was transported to Harbor View Medical Center where he remains in critical condition; six others sustained minor injuries and were treated at the scene. Police are continuing their investigation tonight, but at this time they have no motive for the attack. However, some witnesses claim that the bombs seemed to be deliberately aimed at Woods himself. Anyone who has any possible information on the suspects is urged to contact..."