No, there's at least one more: 4) I'm sorry I was doing something that makes you uncomfortable. Is there some aspect of this that could be better expressed to make you able to participate in this discussion?
I'd actually lump that in with Option #1. Because it's still a matter of stopping what the acafan is *presently* doing. And even framed this way, I don't think it's a reasonable demand to make. Acafen are a subset of fandom with a specialized interest and the jargon that goes with that specialization. So are vidders, for example. I am a non-vidder, and I don't understand vidding-oriented discussions in the slightest. But vidders have absolutely no obligation to change the way they talk about things just to enable *me* to participate. Not everyone is going to be able to participate in every discussion, and, frankly, I don't see why that's a problem. (Especially since some of the people complaining about acafen don’t seem to *want* to engage in that sort of analysis in the first place! What they seem to want is for acafen activity to *go away* somehow.)
What is common in the aca discussions but not many of the others, is that only one side is claiming discomfort and exclusion... I don't see acafen saying "I feel hurt and intimidated by the squeefen/cosplay/gamer/whatever discussions."
But you have to ask whether the acafen are actually doing anyone any harm within fandom. If you're feeling discomfort and exclusion because of a bad experience you had in school, that's not the acafan oppressing you. If you're feeling discomfort and exclusion because an acafan was rude to you in some sort of fannish encounter, that's not necessarily *acafandom* oppressing you. In fact, if you start attacking acafandom for these reasons, it actually *disproves* several of the so-called "acafan privilege" points you made above (specifically, #s 3 and 6: "I will not be assumed to represent the beliefs of everyone who agrees with me on this one point" and "I can be bitchy at someone without it being assumed that all aca-fen are bitchy"). And believe me, as someone who is not an acafan, I'm still seeing a *lot* of this sort of generalized demonization of acafen, whereas I'm not seeing the reverse.
I sometimes feel alienated and excluded in fandom because I'm not as interested as the (vast) majority seems to be in shipping/pairings/romance/erotica. I see so much potential for people to use fandom to explore *other interesting topics*, and sometimes my inability to fit in in that regard leaves me wondering if there's something wrong with me and/or my brain. But I don't go around telling people that they should stop being fannish in the way they want to be fannish just because it makes me feel disconnected, uncomfortable and out of touch. It's *my* issue, not theirs. I see people's discomfort with acafandom as being much the same thing.