InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "it is what it is"

Mandy Jennings (feisty_) wrote in mercycovelogs,
@ 2021-08-15 18:20:00

Entry tags:

✘: Mandy Jennings, ✘: cade wilson

MANDY & CADE

AUGUST 14 | CAMPING| TBD

FAMILY CAMPING TRIP.

WARNINGS: TBD

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feisty_
2021-08-15 05:27 pm UTC (link)

Sat in her chair by the fire, Ben fast asleep and curled into her small frame, it was so easy for Mandy to feel truly at peace with the world. Yes, since his arrival, her life had been anything but straight forward, and yes, this might not have been the existence she had once pictured for herself, but she did not regret it all, not for one moment. Ben, since the day that he had arrived, had been a bright shining beacon in her life, the person that helped her get out of bed in the morning, the thing that drove her to try and constantly be a better person, to try and do better by him.

It was part of the reason that she had agreed to the camping trip with Cade in the first place, a chance to show Ben that they could all be a united front. That, while his parents might not have been together anymore, it did not stop them from both loving him very dearly, and wanting to do the very best they both could for him. Ducking down her head a little, she pressed a soft kiss to the top of his forehead, before her eyes caught sight of Cade across the bonfire.

Her cheeks turning slightly red, she found herself somewhat grateful for the fact that the sky was darkened, at least she stood a chance of him not making out the colour in her cheeks from his seat. “Well, I think we have officially done it, I think we have well and truly worn him out after today” she smiled across at him, a hand slowly moving up and down Ben’s back. “I cannot tell you the last time he looked quite as happy as he did as when you were teaching him some of the wilderness things down by the trail. I think if you are not careful, you might have competition for your job before long”

-----

Caden was swatting at mosquitoes when Mandy spoke up across the fire. The smoke filtered out any tinge of pink in the young woman’s cheeks. Ben usually conked out about this time after a full day of hiking and climbing trees, Cade would put him to bed and go lay out under the stars. He didn’t usually have company this late.

“That’s the way my pops raised me. No phones, no cartoons. He sent me out of the house with nothing but a pocket knife and the fear of something bigger than me,” Cade’s lips curved into a semblance of a smile. His father wasn’t a terrible man. A little rough around the edges. “Told me to find some grouse or we weren’t eating. I got my hands dirty, blood under my nails.”

He reached for the kettle of coffee sitting on a stone near the fire, pouring another half cup. He paused as he brought the tin cup to his lips, his eyes fixed on Mandy across the way. “I’m not saying ‘let’s give him a knife and have him hunt our dinner’-“ Cade took a sip of his coffee, “I’m happy he’s getting out.”

And actually enjoying it. Maybe it was just laying in his mother’s arms. It was the first time Cade had really noticed just how tall he was getting. “He was all about TikTok earlier. Now he’s asking why moss only grows on the north side of trees.”

And why his parents weren’t together like other parents.

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feisty_
2021-08-15 05:28 pm UTC (link)

Listening to the way that he spoke about his childhood, even after all this time, it still brought a smile to Mandy’s lips to see the way that his face lit up. Despite everything that had passed between the two of them, Mandy still cared deeply for the man sitting opposite her, and always would. Had it not been for him, she would not have been gifted with one of the most precious things she had in her life. So, for that one reason, she would always owe the man opposite her a debt of gratitude.

The smile still playing on the corner of her lips, she shook her head as she thought of the pair of them back then, young and innocent to so much. “And that is why you were so much cooler than me at school. While your Pa was encouraging you to get out there and learn about the great outdoors, my parents had me bent over piles of old books, memorising things” she responded.

It really was a miracle that the pair of them even got together at school, all things considered. Then again, in a lot of ways, it was that that had attracted her to him in the first place. Whereas everything about her life was so structured and rigid, he seemed so content and free in comparison.

Adjusting the blanket draped loosely over Ben a little to cover his shoulders a little, she settled back in her seat, raising an eyebrow at Cade’s suggestion of a knife. “Not that you need much persuading, I’m sure, but I was thinking that perhaps it is time to enrol him in something like Boy Scouts. Being your son, I figure that sooner or later he is going to get a taste for this sort of thing, and I would like him to respect his surroundings when he does. Also, it might drag him away from his iPad for a bit”
----

Cade didn’t expect her to agree with him. Part of him wanted Ben to grow up with some worldly knowledge, part of him wanted him to be a normal kid. Boy… cub? scouts were always trekking through this neck of the woods, a bit younger than Ben. What better troop leader to have than your own dad? “Nah, I would’ve started him young if I thought the scouts were the way to go.” With Mandy’s permission, of course. “I can teach him real survival skills. He’s got the instincts already.”

“Maybe next time we make our own shelter. Camp further out. We’ll wear him out trying to start a friction fire,” Cade took up the stick next to his chair and began moving the fire around in the pit, still lamenting the fact that he’d only brought one bundle of sage to keep the mosquitoes away. It burned up too fast.

He looked up at Mandy, blowing out the fire on the end of the stick he used to stoke the flames. He missed her something awful sometimes, and letting go wasn’t the easiest thing he’d ever done. He wasn’t good enough for her, she deserved better than his short attention span.

He was just about easing back into his chair when he heard the crunch of twigs somewhere behind him. The hair raised on his arms, his senses heightened to be on watch. It smelled like a deer. It was carefully walking along the edges of camp where Ben left pieces of apple for them. “He waited all day to see them,” Cade frowned as he turned to observe the group that was making their way down.

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feisty_
2021-08-15 05:28 pm UTC (link)

Raising an eyebrow at the mention of shelter, her smile grew somewhat, quietly finding herself quite excited at the prospect of doing something so different. Her family had always been the type to book a nice resort, or B&B when they went on vacation. She had always quite liked the idea of camping but had never been given the opportunity.

Lost to the thought of outdoor activities, and with reflexes somewhat slower than Cade when it came to her responsiveness, it was not until he shifted, that she turned her head in the direction that he was looking for. Spotting the faint outline of the deer heading towards them, she looked down at Ben asleep in her arms, momentarily tempted to wake him from his slumber. “Well between the shelter and the deer, it just gives us all another excuse to come down here again, to try this all again sometime, if you boys think you could put up with me crashing your guy time”

Not that she would have minded if Cade had wanted it to be a boys-only type event. Still, it was nice for her to be able to do things with both, to be able to share something as a family unit, no matter how that might have looked at that moment in time.

Carefully shifting slightly in her seat, she carefully reached for her cup with one hand, finding it disappointingly empty when she did. “Would you mind topping me up, I would, but well…..I don’t risk waking him up at this point” she smiled at him shyly. Besides, she knew it was a little selfish, but it was not often that she and Cade got to spend any time together nowadays. Not that they would have a real reason to, outside of Ben, but still…she selfishly found herself quite enjoying being the center of his attention for a short while.

-----

“You want to come along?”

Cade’s attention may have been short, but anything she asked, he jumped right on it. Like her voice was ingrained in his psyche. He might look at her funny if she asked him to dive over a cliff. She was only asking for coffee now and he could oblige.

He snatched up the kettle and brought it over to her. He tipped the coffee into the awaiting cup, still unbelievably tired after caffeine. It settled his nerves. The last of it was hers and he’d brew another pot in the morning. Ben always asked for a cup and never finished it. He didn’t understand why adults punished themselves with the stuff.

“Let me take him,” Cade was crouched in front of the two of them, his hand on Ben’s shoulder as he shook him out of his dream. He smiled as their son growled at him. So unbelievably like himself. “Well, I could carry you, but I think you’d prefer to walk. Get to bed, we’ll be there in a little while.”

Ben nodded and stumbled back to the tent, half asleep when he fell into his sleeping bag. Cade dragged his chair next to Mandy’s and sat down with his legs outstretched toward the fire. “I’ll let him make breakfast tomorrow. Has he been grumpy like that lately?”

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feisty_
2021-08-15 05:29 pm UTC (link)

Biting down on her bottom lip, Mandy felt somewhat apprehensive when he asked her question. It was difficult really, because while she wanted to join them, the last thing she wanted was for Cade to think that she didn’t trust him with his own son. It was just…she enjoyed spending time with both, spending time as a family. Whether she would admit it aloud or to anyone else, Cade was still very much one of her favourite people. “I would quite like to come, it would be nice to share a camp out with him, before he thinks he’s too cool to have his mom come with him”

Giving a small nod of thanks when he topped up her mug, she was just about to bring it to her lips when Cade offered to take Ben from her. Laughing as their son grumbled and moaned about being disturbed, she shook her head and brought the mug to her lips, enjoying the warmth of the cup between her hands.

Shifting slightly in her seat, now that she had the ability too, she angled her body in his direction to listen to him when he spoke. “Yes, awfully grumpy, when he hasn’t been trying to eat everything, I have in the apartment, in one sitting” she nodded, “I think….I mean, I could be wrong, but I think he might be ready to shift for the first time. I mean, the grumpiness, the animal-like noises, the hunger, the books say that is what happens before they shift for the first time, right?”

Not that she knew, she had of course tried to read books on the matter, but it was hardly as though books would compare to Cade’s real-world experience. “Whether he is or not, it might be worth sitting down with him soon and giving him the shifter talk, if you wouldn’t mind? I’m hardly qualified and I reckon it is pretty imminent”

—-

Cade felt awful about it. Mandy wasn’t equipped to deal with a growing shifter. He ate his parents out of house and home. The only thing they had going for them was their own experience as bears. “I reckon so,” he put on an easy smile for her, “I’ll start dropping off the Hot Pockets. I lived on those things.”

Talking to Ben wasn’t going to be easy. He suspected his son already had some idea that his parents were different. “I think it’d help if you were there. I can only do so much to reassure him. It isn’t going to be a walk in the park. It hurts, Mandy. The first time, it feels like everything inside of you is breaking. The animal doesn’t know it. I think your scent would be comforting to him.”

Because it was grounding for Cade. He grabbed the jacket off of his chair and laid it over Mandy’s shoulders to shield her from the mosquitoes. “So if you’re coming with us this next time? I think it’d be perfect if we could both sit down with him. Team effort.”

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feisty_
2021-08-15 05:29 pm UTC (link)

Of course, she had read in the books that it was painful, to hear it described in such graphic terms made her stomach twist uncomfortably, not only for the thought of Ben, but Cade too. Swallowing thickly, she nodded her head slowly to show that she understood, despite being momentarily lost in her thoughts.

That was until he placed his jacket around her shoulders. Resisting the urge to inhale his scent a little, she shuffled a little, pulling it around her a little more. “Team effort it is” she nodded in agreement. “Perhaps, you could even allow him to watch you shift at some point? So he could see it is not as scary as he might think it is?”

Then, doing something that even caught her off guard, she moved her hand out to rest over his and gave it a small squeeze. “Thank you…..for all of this. There are days where I just don’t know how I would be doing all of this without you, I really do appreciate you”

----

Cade shook his head. He didn’t raise a baby. Ben came over to his house twice a week at the most. It was Mandy that did all the work, he was just one gear in the works that nudged her along. “Amanda, Ben is a good kid because of you. You raised him,” Cade couldn’t even imagine the stress she had. He did what he could to alleviate that.

He loved Ben. He worked, he went home, he sent UberEats when he remembered. Just so she didn’t have to worry about cooking some nights. “I made you a promise, and I’m keeping it. No matter what happens, I won’t be a stranger to Ben. It helps that his mom is my best friend.”

Best friend. The words just stuck like a lump in his throat. She was one constant person in his life. Someone he talked to, counted on. Wasn’t that a best friend? Caden’s heart had broken a long time ago, the pieces were still slowly coming together.

“Next trip, I’ll spill the beans. Shift into a bear and let him ask all the questions he wants.”

Cade turned when he heard a shuffling of feet behind him. Ben was standing there. Confused, half asleep and staring at the both of them. Cade wondered how much of the conversation he’d heard.

---

Had it have been anyone else in the world calling her Amanda, then it would have been quite certain that she would have been tearing them a new one about now. As it was though, coming from Cade and with the level of emotion and sentiment, she found it hard to not get choked up, to not feel emotional. A feeling that only intensified as he referred to her as his best friend.

She knew it was wrong, and she knew it was stupid, but even after these years, after everything that had happened, she had a frustratingly large soft spot for Cade. A man who had simultaneously been responsible for some of the best and worst moments in her entire life.

“Yes….best friends” she trailed off, before it became quite apparent that they were not quite as alone as maybe they had hoped they were.

Quickly jumping from her seat, she moved over to stand in front of Ben, who was sleepily rubbing his eyes. “Come on, you know the rules. Once you go to bed, you cannot get back up until daylight” she softly reminded him, secretly praying that he had not witnessed much at all. “Go to bed and I promise that we will both be along in a bit”

After a handful of grumbles and complaints, Mandy quickly had him turned around and tucked back into his sleeping bag in the tent. Fetching a small hip flask from her bag inside, she returned, gently waving it in the air. “I wasn’t sure if perhaps you felt like something a little stronger in your coffee”

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feisty_
2021-08-15 05:29 pm UTC (link)

Cade busied himself with the fire, acting as if the conversation hadn’t just occurred and Ben was still in dream land. He was staring into the flames as if they’d jump out at him when Mandy arrived back on the spot. She was waving a flask about like she was signaling Batman.

His cup was woefully empty, but he held it out anyway. He didn’t normally touch the hard stuff. His grandfather on his mom’s side has a real issue with not being able to put a bottle down. He’d always been very careful about how much he had in one sitting. Beer was a different story. Like water with a little extra if you wanted to call it bread. It took a lot for him to just get ‘drunk’.

“You ain’t gotta ask,” he grinned, putting that anxiety behind him. He wondered if Ben had heard any of what they were discussing. It wasn’t as if being a shifter was a bad thing. Cade thought it was badass when he was a kid. He sprawled out in his chair cup rested on his chest as he stared up at the stars.

He’d picked this spot for that very reason. This was nothing like Alaska. It came pretty damn close to beautiful. “Have you thought about school? Registration is coming to a close pretty soon..”

—

Opening the top of her hip flask, she poured a healthy measure into his cup, before pouring the rest into hers. Moving her chair a little closer to his, she relaxed back in the seat as she took a few small sips of the warming liquid in the leftovers of her coffee.

“I know it’s more traditional in Shifter communities to home school, but I think……” she trailed off before she realised that he was in fact referring to her. Looking at him for a few long moments, a look of realisation began to cross her features. “It was you, wasn’t it? I mean, you’re the one who has been stuffing the flyers in my mailbox, aren’t you?” she asked, already knowing before the words had left her mouth it was him.

Taking a large sip from her mug, she looked down at her hands for a few long moments, her mind rapidly moved as she thought about what he said. “I….I want too, I really want to, I mean there are just so many things to think about” she rambled slightly. “I mean, I don’t even know if I can afford the fees, then there is the money I’ll lose when I’m at school and not working, and that’s before we even get into Ben being collected from school”

—

“I figured a little push wouldn’t hurt,” Cade’s lips were still curved into a smile, growing by the minute. Mandy was one of the best, brightest people he knew. She couldn’t see her own potential. He felt like a large part of it was his fault, but he’d learned a long time ago to stop blaming himself. “I’m offering to help, Mandy. Me, your friends. We’re all willing to jump in and give you a hand.”

He downed the contents of his cup in one swoop. It took a lot of alcohol to get him buzzed. It was enough to settle into his bones and kill the caffeine. “I’ll pick Ben up and we’ll hang out until you get settled at home,” he crossed his arms over his chest and spread out in his chair.

“If money is an issue, Mandy, you don’t have to worry about a thing. I’ve been saving up for Ben’s education for a while. It’s the least I could do,” Cade blinked up at the sky, finding… no, choosing his next words very carefully. “I wasn’t there for the birth of our son.”

----

Looking at Cade in complete shock, Mandy’s brain felt almost as though it was overloading at the things that he was saying to her. There were so many things in those two sentences that she barely didn’t know where to start with it all. Reaching across to Cade, she wrapped her hand around his wrist to ensure that she had his attention.

“Cade, I told you, I will never hold that against you, not ever” she told him, moving a little so she was closer to him. After everything they had been through together, she bore him no ill will, and still cared for him far more deeply than she cared to admit to even herself. It hurt her to think that he might have thought bad for not making it to one even in Ben’s life. “You have never missed a birthday or special holiday. You’ve always been generous with the maintenance payments. Ben and I are lucky to have you in our lives”

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feisty_
2021-08-15 05:29 pm UTC (link)

Cade managed something of a smile. He couldn’t help feeling that he’d messed up somewhere along the line. Fought harder to keep them. Something. In hindsight, it wasn’t entirely fair to either of them were supposed to end up with one another. You couldn’t force two people together, but you could force them apart.

He turned his head to look at her. “Being a stranger wasn’t an option,” he rested his hand over hers, trying to ignore that spark. Cade shook his head. “This wasn’t about me. You graduated top of the class, Amanda. You deserve more than anyone to get your ass in gear and sign up for school. I have Ben taken care of. You do what you gotta do, alright?”

He moved his hand from her’s and stood up, stretching to the sky to announce that he was thoroughly exhausted. He had nothing left to give the world until the morning. “We can talk about it over breakfast.”

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