Author Savage Heats Up in an X-Rated Love Triangle It's always been difficult for celebrities to hold onto their significant others, but these days, even those hardly in the limelight can hardly be bothered to stick to their virtues -- or their men. Just a month ago, Delilah Savage, better known as the author Lola Brandybuck, and wildly popular WWN DJ Xavier "Sexy X" Jordan, seemed to be head-over-heels for each other. Despite Jordan's repeated claims on his show, Talk Sex With X, that he had sworn off relationships following a nasty divorce from his first wife, he seemed to have no problem snatching up Savage and whisking her away on a whirlwind tropical holiday. Reports from witnesses who spotted them on their romantic getaway said they seemed to be attached at the hip and completely in love, some even saying they could swear there were wedding bells in their near future, but soon, it all began to sour. A little over a week into their holiday, Jordan had a serious altercation with a photographer he believed to be taking pictures of the two of them. Jordan, a fifth-degree blackbelt in Tae Kwon Do karate, beat the man into unconsciousness, then left with Savage, and the man's camera. Despite his attempt at valour, Jordan's explosive temper sucked all the heat from the trip, and things between the two nearly immediately cooled down. Maybe that was why, at the mysterious party held in England just weeks ago, Savage showed up with a new man in tow. This stranger didn't seem to last long, though, as moments after arriving, he was forgotten and Savage was found in the arms of none other than former aristocrat and currently accused Death Eater and traitor to Grindelwald, Rabastan Lestrange. Curious that Lestrange should let himself be seen when he's still on the run from the government (sorry lads up top, we haven't a clue where he's off to now), but his indiscretions with the law were not the first things to come to Jordan's mind when he spotted the two at the party. Jealously, Jordan publicly called Savage out, declaring that there was proof of her infidelity. When Savage didn't deny the proof, Jordan appeared to back down, broken. With Jordan no longer in the light, Lestrange made another move on Savage, but either his attentions seem to be straying, or Lestrange needs to get his eyes checked, as he and another leggy blonde woman were spotted discreetly strolling the streets. "He's just trying on beards," Lestrange's elder brother, Rodolphus, stated in an owl to the Nevermore offices. "Hasn't found one he likes too much yet, because we all know he'd rather his beard have a beard, if you know what I mean. Eh?" Rumour has it that a growing dislike of Lestrange, combined with his latest blow to Savage's honour, has led to a heartbroken Jordan challenging Lestrange to a duel. No word yet from Lestrange, but if the past few weeks are any indication, all the winner will get is the sight of Savage walking out the door, possibly towards her handsome new flatmate, a Mr. Antonin Dolohov.
Derrick's Deathly Sins Haunt Her Past The orphanage of Aberlour, Wales, has been a source of interest for local Welshmen ever since Sioned Derrick, former German Ambassador and Assistant Minister of Magic, has appeared in government, and began donating time and money to it. Lately, however, the orphanage has been placed under investigation by the Improper Use of Magic department. Starting at a young age, Derrick, along with childhood friends Lucy O'Connell, Damien O'Hare, Molly Finbar, Iain Padraick, Micheail and Diarmuid O'Donovan, and Fergus Fitzpatrick (none of which are known for anything notable) appear to have created a ring of necromancers. Though their intentions weren't clear from their very young beginnings, the eight children, residents of the orphanage, were fascinated with daemons and dark magic. This fascination grew into an obsession for some -- specifically Derrick. While the others regarded these interests as merely a hobby, Derrick's fascination with dark magic continued long after her adoption at the age of six. Recently, though, Derrick was able to acquire the Egyptian Book of the Dead, as well as a number of other dark books, around the same time she reunited with her childhood friends. Bringing the others into her home, Derrick reintroduced them to their former fascinations, and the eight began to hone their dark magic talents. "It would explain a lot about [Derrick], if this really started to take hold in the past few years," said a former friend of Derrick's, who chose to remain anonymous. "She was nice and sweet before then, but lately she's just been a downright bitch. But we all just blamed her husband." Neighbours of the orphanage claim to have been hearing voices coming from an empty building on the back end of the property. Most of these times, "really strange things start happening," said one resident. "Things I can't really even describe." These reports have led the Ministry to investigate, and to attempt to take action against them. After suspending O'Connell from the Ministry following an outburst, the Ministry focused their attentions on on Derrick. Their attempts to get to her, however, were stopped by her husband, Assistant Minister of Magic Julian Derrick, who refused to comment on the situation. Questions were raised as to whether the group is responsible for the recent attacks on Muggles and Wizards alike in London, but the Ministry refused to confirm or deny these rumours.
Parasites Take Things Over the Edge on Tour Stephen "Fry" McEntire, best known as the drummer for Parasiiti, seems to be using the upcoming tour for more than just album promotion. Originally, the Parasiiti-Weird Sisters American tour was scheduled to begin at the end of June, but McEntire, a well known member of the Irish Republican Army (IRA), was a little too anxious they begin, and demanded the tour start immediately. Why is that? Well, for the past few months, McEntire has been spotted stocking up a veritable arsenal of weapons in Finland, and much of Eastern Europe. With the tour set to briefly run through Europe before joining the Weird Sisters in America, McEntire has been making plans to use each stop of the tour to pass along weapons to fellow brothers-in-arms in the IRA. McEntire has already been pictured passing arms to IRA members temporarily in France, shortly before assaulting the photographer with a skateboard. The IRA has been known to act in terroristic ways against the Ministry, and the British government in general, and the Ministry has been working with the Muggle Parliament to crack down on the number of active IRA members congregating within the borders of London. McEntire, known for being outspoken against the Ministry, along with his bandmates, has been avoiding entering London for several months, choosing to stay in Finland, or various other unnamed, and presumed Unplottable, locations. However, it seems this is about the come to an end. When asked about the rumours, a source close to the band said, "Did he break another car? Is that what this is about?" revealing the metaphorical dark McEntire appears to be keeping his bandmates in. Because of rumours that McEntire might act up outside of Finland and Belgium, where the Ministry still doesn't have a presence, and because of various issues in the past, the Ministry is already claiming to be keeping a close eye on the tour. With Regulus Black and Burton Jones, the band's two vocalists and two of the Ministry's least liked men, it seems Parasiiti will be followed by more than a few hardcore fans.
Duke Gets High with a Little Help from a Friend Over the past several years, the public has watched Kirley Duke struggle with a strong addiction to heroin; a drug he claims he's been addicted to since the age of sixteen. After several attempts to kick the habit, Duke recently claimed he was 80 days clean, and that he had found a way to never return to heroin -- by replacing the addiction with adrenaline rushes. Teaming up with his sister, famous Keeper Meghan McCormack, and her on-again-off-again lover, Chaser Alasdair "Mad Maddy" Maddock, Duke had said they had helped him discover that "jumping off buildings's a f--k of a lot healthier'n heroin, yeah." Unfortunately, it was all a lie. As Duke, McCormack and Maddock all headed back to the hotel rooms set up for the Scottish National Quidditch Team players in France, following a night at the pub, an argument broke out in the lift. The exact catalyst for the argument is unclear, as none of the witnesses in the lift were either sober, or able to understand what they were saying, but Maddock immediately hit the button that sent the group straight back down to the lobby, where a handful of photographers and journalists were already congregated. Leaving the lift, Maddock pulled a bag of powder out of his coat pocket and threw it to the ground. "Wanna know the truth about Mr. Clean and Sober over there? He kicked heroin for that s--t, he did," Maddock shouted to the journalists. "That's coke, it is, the f--ker's just always so messed you all thought it was 'adrenaline'. Who gets high on adrenaline anyways?" Duke immediately tackled Maddock, which led to a brawl that somehow included McCormack, as well, though her side in the argument was unclear. Several of Maddock and McCormack's teammates, including Catriona McCormack, Duke and Meghan's mother, were brought in to break up the violent affair, ending in broken noses and black eyes all around. "Oh f--k this," Duke snarled as he broke away from his mother's arms and headed for the door. "If anyone needs me, I'll be burning down churches with Wags and Luteface." None of the three involved were able to be reached for comment. Catriona, however, said, "Oh what'd you expect from my kids? One's snorting powdered sugar and one thinks concussions are the dog's bollocks. At least they're not Catholics."
Parasiiti's Frontman Starts a Political Side Project Side projects are all the rage these days, especially for the Parasiiti frontmen, Burton Jones and Regulus Black. While Jones has a couple projects scattered around, Black seems to have gathered a most interesting group: politicians. Just last week, Black was seen ushering the Assistant Minister of Magic, Julian Derrick, and his assistant, Nathaniel Avery, into the recording studio. It's well known that Black has long been friends with Derrick and Avery, but it appears that this friendship is growing into something else -- and for once, this isn't romantic. No, rumour has it that both Derrick and Avery have proven themselves somewhat able to handle themselves in a recording studio, and have even recorded a few tracks, which, for the most part, remain unheard. With Parasiiti heading out on tour this week, is it possible that he's hoping to test the waters of his new band at the top of the act? It isn't completely unheard of. But the real question is, why are politicians branching into music? It's simple. Derrick's wife, Sioned, has had a long love affair with musicians. Long before her marriage to Derrick, Ms. Doyle was romantically linked to Weird Sisters Heathcote Barbary and Donaghan Tremlett, both of whome she knew through her brother, the infinitely more famous, Myron Wagtail. With their marriage perpetually on the rocks, this seems to be a preemptive move on Derrick's part to keep his marriage together. But Derrick's isn't the only pairing that needs watching. The relationship between Nathaniel Avery and socialite Giselle Yaxley is also on its way out. Since the announcement of her pregnancy, Yaxley has been seen with two of her ex-husbands, Antonin Dolohov and Augustin Wilkes. Perhaps her eyes are already beginning to wander, and Avery hopes a new role as a rock star could bring her crawling back. Or maybe, they've all just found the music.