Chloe (chloejames) wrote in mcdermott_game, @ 2010-06-08 15:24:00 |
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Entry tags: | bex, bex/chloe, chloe |
Who: Chloe and Bex
What: an argument of sorts
Where: Somewhere on campus
When: Tuesday June 8th, afternoon
Rating: Pg
Status: Complete
It wasn't that it was any easier getting up and doing things. It was just that Chloe had no choice. She'd been putting off going to go see the guidance counselor who had been calling incessantly the last week as long as she could . She knew what the visit would be about, she knew already that she was failing her classes and while she really didn't want to face that Chloe knew she had no choice, besides that was at least something she Could do. She couldn't talk to Tim, she couldn't make things right, she still couldn't talk about or begin to face what happened and half the time she couldn't get out of bed. This one meeting though? even if it had taken hours to psych herself up for it was something she could do.
She got through it. The twenty minute conversation hadn't been as terrible as Chloe had thought it would be but it hadn't been easy either and she left the office feeling exhausted, all she wanted to do was go back to her room, hole up in her bedroom and sleep the pain and grief away. She supposed she could now since she'd filled out the paperwork to withdraw from the session. There was really no point in getting up now.
Her mind was singularly set on the goal of her room as she crossed the campus. he contemplated stopping by the dining hall but declined, she wasn't that hungry, she rarely was anymore and the thought of facing that many people was overwhelming. So wrapped up in her thoughts was Chloe that she didn't even see the girl in front of her before she practically ran over her and even then just barley muttered a sorry as she stopped to make sure she hadn't done more than brush against her, knocking the book from her hand.
Bex hadn't been paying attention to where she was going; she was heading to the PAC, hoping to get some practice time in on the piano. At this time of day, there wouldn't be many people there, and she should have the music room to herself. She'd been going every day at this time and staying at least two hours; it was part of her new routine. She liked the nice, solid orderliness of it. It helped her to relax.
She'd had her head down as she walked, flipping through songs on her iPod. She couldn't quite decide on a song - she'd worn out Joan Jett over the past few weeks, was tired of Iggy Pop, wasn't in the mood for Buffalo Springfield. She needed something new, but for now, she was simply shuffling through songs, hoping that she'd land on one that satisfied her. She wasn't looking ahead of her, but when someone knocked into her, she was still caught off-guard, although she shouldn't have been surprised. "Hey, watch it," she snapped as she ducked to scoop up the book she'd dropped.
"I said I was sorry." Chloe spoke up a little louder that time, the words actually enunciated as she glanced at Bex quickly. It figured it'd be Bex she ran into. It was doubtful a simple sorry would be enough for the girl who Chloe hadn't seen or heard from since their fight. Not that she minded to be honest she'd had more than enough to deal with than to add a moody girl who she'd realized hadn't been much of a friend to the list.
Bex dusted off her book and then looked back at Chloe, arching a single eyebrow. "Obviously I didn't hear you," she responded, gesturing to her earbuds, though she paused the latest song she'd shuffled to on her iPod so that she could respond. She hadn't seen Chloe since they'd had it out ... what, two weeks ago? Three? Bex couldn't remember. "But, hey, man, no worries," she added, sticking her book into her bag and adjusting it over her shoulder.
"Maybe if you weren't lost in Ipod land you could avoid people not paying attention." Chloe responded dryly. was it childish? yes. There was no reason to be mean to Bex except Chloe was filled with so much angst and annoyance and grief at everything that she couldn't help but let some of it pour out onto perhaps the only person who knew how to deal with words like that and who she was sure wouldn't care anyway since Bex had already written her off.
Bex rolled her eyes. That didn't even make sense - Chloe admitted she wasn't paying attention but somehow Bex was the one at fault? "Maybe if you weren't lost in la la land, period, you'd have been able to avoid me," she replied as she stuck her iPod into her rear pocket. She probably shouldn't have bothered, but it was a natural reaction - Chloe had sniped, and so Bex immediately sniped back.
"Maybe.' Chloe couldn't argue with that, nor did she want to and coming up with something catty to say would expend more energy than she thought she had right then. "either way, you're okay? and I said sorry so we're good." They weren't they were no where near good but she didn't want to dwell on that, the last thing Chloe wanted to do was talk to bex right then, she didn't see the point.
"It's all good," Bex said, shrugging slightly. It wasn't, really, but there wasn't anything she could do about it - she didn't really see much point in talking to Chloe, either, not when it wouldn't get her anywhere. They had issues, and she was sorry for that, but their last conversation had made it abundantly clear that they simply weren't able to see eye to eye. And so there it was. "Peace out," she added as she moved around Chloe so that she could continue on her way.
"Sure it's all good." Chloe couldn't help it her voice was dry and sarcastic because really Nothing was good latley, especially not things with Bex. "Whatever, later."
Bex had started to go on her way, but at Chloe's response, she found herself pausing slightly, and then turning back, lifting an eyebrow again. "I'm sorry, is there a reason you're giving me attitude?" she asked. She probably shouldn't have; it would have been better to leave well enough alone. And yet, the sarcasm in Chloe's voice grated on Bex's nerves, and she couldn't have said why.
Chloe too had started walking back towards Ralston and she paused when Bex spoke. She could just ignore it, ignore it and walk on and dismiss it because she knew she was feeling enough off her game to not mince words. Then again it had been a long day and didn't Bex deserve what she wanted to say anyway? It was all truth. "Attitude?" Chloe shook her head incredulously as she turned back to Bex. "I'm sorry, was I giving you attitude? Would you rather I chased you down to beg you to talk to me so you could blow me off? or stopped by to see how you were doing because I was worried and made you talk to me? becuase we both know you sure as hell would never do something like that for me."
"Because you were totally knocking down my door to see how I was doing when I had problems, right?" Wasn't this the issue they'd had before? Chloe had ignored Bex for weeks because she didn't want to get involved in Bex and Jeremy's problems, which had made Bex feel like Chloe wasn't really her friend. Now Chloe was the one who had been slighted? Sorry, but no, Bex thought, and didn't say so aloud. "No, Chloe. I know you think the world revolves around you, but all I meant was that the least you could do, after running me down on the sidewalk, was not get sarcastic on me when I tried to let it go."
"I wasn't this last time but I have plenty of times in the past." Chloe pointed out evenly. "Not that, that matters to you becuase while you like to tell me the world doesn't revolve around me, let's face it the only reason you care to point that out is because you think it revolves around you. One time I don't go looking for you to see how you are and I'm the bad friend. You've never done it for me. It's the same damn mentality you had with Jeremy. Oh he's not talking to me so he must be ready to let things go and then be over. Let's not think about the fact that you TOLD him to leave you alone and that he was hurting to. Face it Bex, you want people to come crawling to you, always. It's the way you are." She shook her head, this was pointless and she knew and yet she couldn't stop the words now that they'd started. "As for me getting sarcastic I figured it was a reaction you'd be familiar with, after all isn't it your default setting?"
"That really proves how little you know me," Bex said simply. She knew she should have just turned and left - she really hadn't asked for an entire diatribe about things Chloe knew nothing about. Chloe wasn't telling her anything that she didn't know. "You don't know about the mentality I have with Jeremy or how I feel about my part in it - because, oh yeah, you never asked me. I don't know what Jeremy told you about it, but talking about me with him is not the same as talking to me, so your assumptions are invalid. Furthermore, when were all these times that you've been such a great friend to me? Yeah, we hung out and talked a lot - on both sides, in case you've forgotten. I haven't. Who was there when you started dating Tim, who listened to you agonize about dating a professor even though you're a student, who kept your secret because you were my friend, even though I didn't agree with it?"
Bex didn't know why she was bothering to outline everything - the odds of Chloe actually listening were slim to none, and she knew that. But she did anyway, because she was so sick of being painted as something that she wasn't. Chloe wanted to feel justified in feeling like a victim, and so she'd make it out like Bex had never been her friend, and that wasn't the case. It wasn't fair, and while Bex would be the first to say that life simply wasn't fair, that didn't mean she had to stand there and be verbally abused about what a bad person she was. "I wasn't looking for a repeat of our last conversation," she went on, letting out her breath. "But I know that you'll believe what you want to believe, that you'll rewrite history to make yourself feel better. Just for the record, though, I've always tried to be there for everyone I bother to call a friend, including you. And at least I can admit I could have done better. All you can do is stand there and cry about how badly I've treated you. And I'm sorry, but I just don't have the patience for that."
"You were there for me during that." Chloe admitted. "During that one problem, but hen was the last time you sought me out for anything Bex? When? And you know what? it's not even about that. You're not the best friend in the world sometimes. No one is, we all fall short but This thing with Jeremy? You're right I don't know much about it but I know him and so do you. You should know him well enough to know that sometimes he needs someone to ask him how he's doing. You can tell Callas how you haven't been talking to him and how you had this horrible fight but you can't go to him and tell him you're ready to talk after you told him to leave because you needed space? We don't have to be friends Bex. Which yea, kind of sucks because you're kind of fun sometimes but to paint me out to be the damn bad guy because Jeremy spends time with me? becuase you feel you're not a priority? Do you make him a priority in your life? Sure, you love him but do you ever ask him how he's doing or what he's dealing with or is it quite frankly all about how poor Bex feels about things? " Chloe wasn't being particularly fair about any of this and a part of her knew it. Bex wasnt the horrible person she was painting her to be in her mind. She'd offered support and advice through everything with Tim.She just hadn't been there for the pregnancy becuase she felt so strongly about it that thought opened a whole new can of worms for Chloe though an she chose to ignore the part inside of her that was saying that ti wasn't true. That was saying that she wasn't being even remotley fair to Bex and yet, she couldn't help herself. The words were spewing out and she couldn't stop them.
Bex scowled as she shook her head; Chloe would believe what she wanted to believe, regardless of what Bex tried to say or what actually happened. And for Chloe to stand there and start throwing things at her about her relationship with Jeremy - things she wasn't guilty of, their fight aside - made her furious. She had no right to make it seem like Bex treated Jeremy horribly, too; it caused her stomach to clench up and anger to seep through her, but she could see that there was nothing she could do about it. To Chloe, it didn't matter. "Okay, Chloe. You win, I give up," she responded. "You can think what you want, piece together whatever you want, call me whatever you want. I'm done trying to make you see otherwise. Have an awesome life." With that, she turned away, picking up her pace to ensure that Chloe wouldn't follow her. She was done.