♥kj (nobetterreason) wrote in mcdermott_game, @ 2010-02-17 14:00:00 |
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Current mood: | calm |
Entry tags: | bex, bex/kj, kj |
Who: Bex and KJ
What: Catching up and hanging out
Where: The coffee shop in Sprague Hall
When: Thursday, February 11 (backdated)
Rating: G
Status: Complete
Bex was possibly the only person in the world who was dumb enough to drink an iced mocha latte when it was freezing outside. The forecast of snow had been, unfortunately, very correct, and all day the flurries had been coming down in persistent swirls, while the temperatures dipped achingly low. Bex wasn't fond of the cold weather, or of the snow for that matter, but after her morning classes on Thursday, she'd been exhausted - she was taking a particularly challenging course load this semester, and while it normally didn't bother her, today she'd felt out of sorts. She was tired. She didn't feel like putting up with her homework, or the afternoon classes that she was supposed to sit through. She didn't want to do anything but go to the cafe in Sprague for an iced latte, and then go back to her room and maybe take a long nap.
She stepped away from the register after paying for her latte, and then went over to the condiment bar for a straw, while contemplating whether or not she wanted to add sugar to her latte. The mocha was sweet enough on its own, and God knew it was enough calories, but for once, she didn't care. She picked up a couple of bright yellow packets of Splenda, and carefully added them to her coffee. By the time she was done with that, she was already feeling a little better. She glanced outside, at the snow that still rapidly fell, and contemplated sitting down instead of going right back to Delschaft. As she glanced around the cafe, which was small and not too crowded at this time of day, she recognized KJ sitting on one of the sofas. She didn't know how sociable she was feeling, but after contemplating it for a moment, she decided that it couldn't hurt to go over and say hi. Bex crossed the cafe, stopping in front of the sofa and greeting KJ with a smile. "Hey, KJ. Mind if I sit for a minute?" she greeted the other girl.
KJ was ambivalent to snow, really. She was used to it, being from a mountain town, but she didn't necessarily like the inconveniences it brought - wet pants, extra clothes, having to muddle through it to get from one place to another. She didn't have class for another few hours or so, and as much as a nap sounded wonderful right now, she wasn't going to be able to make it to Keaton in one piece without getting wet, so she settled for getting some chai tea and giving herself a caffeine rush to tough it out. She was sitting on the good sofa in the small coffee shop in Sprague, thinking about the weekend and, randomly, how much she missed Riley at that general moment, when she heard Bex's voice, looked up, and grinned. "No, I'm trying to keep the sofa all to myself so I can nap," she teased Bex, as she moved over, giving the girl more than enough room to sit. "How are you? I've been meaning to track you down but life gets in the way, you know."
"Sure," Bex agreed, carefully sitting down on the sofa, drawing her knees up and wrapping her hands around her plastic cup. "Everyone's been busy," she went on, resting her head against the back of the sofa. "I don't know about you, but it feels like this semester's been way too long already." It was hard to believe that it was only February.
"Seriously," KJ agreed, sighing as she drummed her fingers against the ceramic cup that she'd gotten since she'd been planning to stay here for a while. "It's hard to believe that we've only been here three weeks." She rolled her eyes. Then she glanced over at Bex. "So what's new with you? I haven't talked to you in forever." She smiled in the other girl's general direction - it looked like she could use one.
"Nothing too exciting," Bex answered, lifting a shoulder slightly. "Just getting used to being back here again, more or less. What about you? How'd the rest of your break go?" She tilted her head at KJ, giving her a mild look; they hadn't talked much after KJ had told her about her new boyfriend, and she was curious as to how it had turned out.
"Same," KJ answered. "It's a lot harder for me to adjust being here after break, for some reason." She shrugged, took a sip of her tea, and then glanced at Bex again. "The rest of my break was pretty much the same. Just... hanging out with Riley, I guess." KJ smiled mildly at the thought. "I mean, that really was all I did on my break. So it was cool. I'm boring, I know." Laughing slightly, she asked, "How's class treating you?" Not really the most exciting question but hey, it was something.
Bex nodded in response to KJ's answer, and then fiddled with her latte, taking a careful sip. "It's not boring," she said after a moment. "I mean, at least you enjoyed yourself, you know? Mine wasn't all that exciting, either." She lifted her shoulders a bit, a swift motion. "Anyway. Classes are all right, I guess. I mean, it's class, you know?" She wrinkled her nose slightly. She was taking a couple more core courses, in addition to her music and writing classes, and even though she could handle the course load, it wasn't exactly the stuff of great conversations. "Show up, do the work, pass. Same old."
KJ nodded, both in agreement and for something to do. Idly, she wondered - had the time away from school impacted how she interacted with her friends? Not for the first time, KJ realized that if it had been a few years ago - or even a few months ago, really - she and Bex weren't the kind of people that would be friends. Maybe that was something that was showing itself now.
Or maybe it was just that there hadn't been anything interesting to talk about, until now. KJ sat up straighter as she said, "So, guess what." Without waiting for a response, she said, in a quick breath, "I talked to Auden."
Bex had been fiddling with her straw, absently swirling it in the latte to stir in the mocha that had settled at the bottom of the cup, but at KJ's words Bex looked at her, lifting one eyebrow. "You did?" she said, studying KJ's expression for a moment to try and read if this was a good thing or not. "What did you guys say?"
"Well... well." KJ exhaled; it was a complicated story that had led to her even having the desire to track down her ex-boyfriend and have it out. KJ decided to cut out the part that had to do with Riley because that was more of a personal thing and she didn't necessarily feel comfortable sharing it, even with a friend. "When I got back to school, I'd decided that enough was enough, you know? I was finally starting to get past all the crappy feelings I was having, and he and I... well... there's always been some tension between us, ever since we broke up. So I decided I'd track him down, and I did, and I basically told him that enough was enough and we should deal with the freakin' elephant in the room, so to speak." KJ shrugged. "I basically told him in no uncertain terms how much he'd messed me up, and he got kind of irritated at first but... I don't know. I think I had to do it more for me than anything else, you know?"
"Makes sense," Bex agreed. "I mean, you're right, he didn't treat you fairly at all, and you have the right to call him on it, so that you can … I don't know, put it behind you, I guess." She didn't disagree that it was the right thing to do, especially after so much time. Bex didn't necessarily understand wanting to be friends with an ex-boyfriend - she didn't think she'd be able to do that, were it her and Jeremy - but KJ seemed to be handling it right, and that was what it came down to. "So you cleared the air, then?"
"Something like that," KJ admitted. "I mean, I just... it wasn't like we sat there and forgave each other, you know? It sucked having to bring it all up and having it hurt, but it just... it was one of those things that needed to be done and over with. It's been almost half a year since we've broken up and we weren't even dating that long." She took another sip of her chai and then nodded. "It was good to be past that. I mean, I'm not even going to go looking for him and, you know, try to hang out with him. I just... at this point, I don't think I can. But at least there isn't any of that animosity anymore. That's something I've been needing for a long time." She glanced at Bex and then shrugged. "So that was cool. Sort of. If you look at it a certain way."
Bex nodded slowly, understanding that; or at least, as much as she could. "That's good, then," she said, after pausing to sip at her latte. "I can see how it would give you peace of mind to just settle it, once and for all. And I guess ... it's understandable if you don't want to hang out with him and all, but at least you don't hate each other, right?" It was strange to hear the words coming from her own lips; after all, Bex had not been Auden's biggest fan since he'd broken up with KJ, and here she was, advocating peace between them. Bex still thought that he'd been entirely shitty to KJ, and even though she didn't actively go out of her way to antagonize him, she couldn't deny that she more or less just gave him the cold shoulder whenever she saw him, whether it was around campus or when she was hanging out with Jeremy. But Bex also cared about what KJ wanted; she wanted to support her friend, because ultimately that was where her loyalty came down to. So she just mirrored KJ's shrug, Bex's a more imperceptible motion beneath the folds of her worn McDermott hoodie. "So it's better that way."
"It is," KJ agreed. She sat in thought for a moment, pondering on how far she'd come in such a short time. "I thought he was going to be my one and only forever, you know? I mean... isn't that what every girl thinks when she finds that first person who makes you feel like that?" Her question was more rhetorical than anything. "But I'm glad I can see things this way now. It's easier this way, too. I don't like hating people." She took another long sip of her chai and then added, "Riley helped with that." She smiled slightly.
Bex thought of Jeremy, then; he was the first relationship she'd ever had, the first person she'd said she loved where it truly meant something. She didn't know if he would be her one and only forever, though, because forever was a long time, and nothing was certain. She knew that as well as she knew anything; she would not be surprised if and when she and Jeremy were over. Heartbroken, yes; surprised, no. But she was different than KJ; she was not innocent enough to believe in things like forever. Maybe they were more the same now, though, that KJ had seen firsthand how love could hurt. For some reason, that made Bex sad.
She didn't say any of that aloud; they were her own thoughts, ones she didn't necessarily want to dwell on. "I'm glad you got that closure, then," was what she said instead. Then she smiled, curiosity in the tilt of her lips. "So ... Riley, then? Are you guys long-distance now, or ...?" She trailed off, questioningly.
KJ bit her lip, shrugging. "I don't know what we are. We've never known what we are. He's never been my boyfriend, really. But he was everything I needed - a good listener, patient, caring..." KJ smiled. "I haven't talked to him in a while. I don't know if I'm ever going to see him again. It sucks, but I mean, I don't think I'd be in this place without him, so I don't really regret being with him, no matter how short our time together was." It was kind of hard to explain to other people, especially people that might not understand it.
"I guess that makes sense," Bex said after a pause, during which she sipped at her latte while she tried to figure out if she did, in fact, understand. "It's better to not regret anything. But ... if he meant - means - that much to you, why not try to, you know, pursue it?" She understood that Riley was across the country, but there were phone calls and emails and visits; she could see how it could work. And then again, maybe it was different; she didn't know if she'd be able to do a long-distance relationship with Jeremy. Breaks were hard enough, and those were only temporary. "I don't know," she answered herself, before KJ could. "I guess it's not that simple, though, huh?"
"I don't know," KJ admitted. "I mean, I just... we weren't really serious to begin with, and to try and be not serious but long distance? I think there needs to be some sort of agreement to that. I don't even know if we're in the right place for that. Some of those things need to happen face to face, and I don't even know when the next time that would be." She leaned back against the sofa. "I mean, maybe, I might try it, but he'd be all the way across the country, and, I don't know..." She smiled sheepishly. "You and I both know how easily distracted I get sometimes." KJ shrugged. "It might have been worth a shot, maybe, if we had thought about it beforehand." KJ glanced at Bex. "I mean, if it were you... do you think you'd be able to sustain something like that with Jeremy?" she asked, mirroring Bex's thoughts. She wasn't quite sure of the dynamic of their relationship; usually when they talked about stuff like this, it seemed to always be KJ talking about things.
Bex frowned slightly. "I don't know," she had to admit. "Probably not. I mean, it's different, though. Jeremy and I have been together a long time. I've sort of gotten used to, you know, having him around." She looked down at her latte, the cup only half full by now. She should have gotten a mug. "I don't like to be so apart from him. I know how that sounds, but ..." She trailed off, and then shook her head, looking back up at KJ. "I think if you went into it knowing that it'd be harder, it'd be a different story. I guess you just have to decide if it's really worth it or not."
KJ mulled over those thoughts for a moment. "Yeah, I suppose you're right," she finally said. Her one stipulation that she had had with Riley was that there was no box; they could be as open-ended as they wanted to be. If she wanted to pursue something, it would keep her confined, something she wasn't exactly comfortable with. But she was extremely comfortable with Riley, and like she had told so many people before, he was everything she had never known she had wanted. Part of her was still afraid to fall in love with him, because that part of her was afraid he would turn on her when she trusted him the most, like what Auden had done. KJ knew she had to be open to falling in love with Riley in order to even think about pursuing a long-distance relationship.
All that planning made her nervous, though. Besides, like she had said, KJ's future encounters with Riley were uncertain, at best. So she shrugged. "It's definitely something to think about, though. But who knows. Maybe he'll find some other girl at his school or something." She shrugged sadly.
"Or, maybe you'll meet someone here," Bex countered. "You never really know how things will turn out." She wanted KJ to be happy, whether it was with Riley, or someone else, or even just by herself. Sometimes a person just had to go with the flow, Bex was beginning to realize.
"Exactly," KJ echoed, agreeing with Bex's sentiment. "You never really know. So we'll see. It's just hard when you leave someone behind." She shrugged again; there wasn't much more to it than that. She smiled at Bex and said, "You know, we need to really hang out and do something exciting sometime soon. Maybe once all this snow is gone." She made a face at the snow outside.
Bex looked toward the window, and then back at KJ with a resigned smile. "If we wait until then, it'll be May before we hang out," she pointed out. "But yeah, we should do something fun."
"Oh yeah." KJ shook her head, took another sip of her chai, and said, "I guess movie marathons it is. Or something like that." She paused, thoughtfully, then asked, "You doing anything exciting for Valentine's Day at all?" KJ was not really looking forward to it, though she wasn't exactly dreading it, either. She was choosing more to ignore the fact that the holiday even existed. It wasn't one that really held any meaning for her anyway.
"Not really," Bex said, shifting her position on the sofa to get more comfortable. "I don't think so, anyway. I'll probably see Jeremy, but ... I don't know. It's not really a big deal, right?" She didn't know what couples were supposed to do on Valentine's Day, and she partly wanted to celebrate, but at the same time, she didn't really want to bother with all of the fuss.
"It never has been for me, not really," KJ admitted, but she glanced at Bex again. "Do you want it to be a big deal, though? I mean, that makes a difference, I guess."
"I guess so," Bex agreed, and then shook her head. "I don't know if I want it to be a big deal or not. It's my first Valentine's Day with a boyfriend, but ..." She trailed off, and then looked back at KJ with a slightly wry smile. "Lame, I know. Anyway, it isn't really important. It's just one more day." She didn't really want to talk about it anymore, and so she changed the subject. "You should call Riley," she suggested, easily shifting the attention from herself back onto KJ. "Surprise him or something." She flashed a grin.
"It's not really lame," KJ pointed out. If she had had a boyfriend during Valentine's Day, KJ felt she might have thought the same thing. She could tell that Bex didn't really want to elaborate more though, so she leaned back and thought over her friend's words. "Maybe," she said, finally. She'd been trying to not talk to Riley too much, trying not to lead him on, but maybe it'd be nice to hear his voice on Sunday. Even if it wasn't anything romantic, it'd be nice to talk to him for a while. "But not 'cause it's Valentine's Day. I don't know." She sighed.
"Yeah." Bex didn't want to press the issue if KJ wasn't sure, so she let it drop. She looked toward the window; there seemed to finally be a break in the snow that had been steadily falling, and Bex wanted to take the opportunity to head back to Delschaft. "I'm going to head out," she told KJ, after she finished off the rest of her latte and then tossed the empty cup into a nearby garbage can. "I think I'm going to ditch classes this afternoon and watch movies. You're welcome to join, if you want." She smiled at KJ as she got to her feet, hoisting her bag over her shoulder.
Smiling back, KJ shook her head slightly. "I have a class I actually like," she admitted. "History of Musical Theatre. I get to talk about musicals all day in class and get credit for it." She grinned and then offered, "But maybe afterward, if you're still watching movies, I'll come bug you. Better than sitting around doing homework while it's snowing." After a moment, KJ set her cup down and got up too, so she could see Bex off properly. She wasn't quite sure if they were good enough friends for it yet, but KJ loved hugs and knew everyone could use one. She also knew Bex wasn't the touchy feely type of friend either, but the worst she could do was shrug KJ off, right? So it didn't hurt to try.
She reached out and tested it out, offering a gentle hug to her friend. "Take care," KJ told her. "Hope you can get out of the cold quickly."
The hug took Bex by surprise, and she blinked, but didn't pull away. "Oh. Okay," she said, gingerly returning the hug before she drew back and gave KJ a somewhat sheepish smile. "Well, I'll probably be watching movies for awhile, so after your class, if you want. Text me," she suggested, her smile growing a bit more relaxed. "It'll be fun."
"I will, I promise," KJ returned, plopping back down on the couch as she waved to Bex, watching the other girl disappear into the crowd.