Chloe (chloejames) wrote in mcdermott_game, @ 2009-12-20 19:15:00 |
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Entry tags: | bex, bex/chloe, chloe |
Chloe and Bex
Who: Chloe and Bex
What: present exchanging
When: Friday December 12 (backdated)
Where: Bex's room, Delschaft
Rating: Pg
Friday afternoon and Chloe was still procrastinating her packing. She'd gotten as far as getting a suitcase open and the list Julie had emailed her out but she hadn't gotten much farther. She was far too easily distracted Chloe decided as she found herself resorting through Christmas presents. She had some to take home to her family, She'd give Callas hers that night, she'd already delivered Carys and Kj's, and Tim and Charlotte could of course wait till Christmas itself. She'd deliver Jeremy and Auden's on her trip to San Fransisco. That left Bex's wrapped box and card. (Chloe always wrapped boxes she hated using gift bags.)
This seemed infinitely more enjoyable than packing so she gathered the things up, reached for her coat and a scarf and headed out to Delschaft. There was something about the simple act of delivering a gift that put Chloe in a more Christmassy mood and she was singing Christmas songs to herself as she made her way there. She could hear Bex's music before she got to the door and Chloe knocked loudly for an answer. "Bexy, Bexy. Bexy, It's your very own Christmas elf, open up!"
Bex was busy in the midst of her own packing. She had organized her things into three piles: stuff to stay at school over the break, stuff she'd need at home for the next month, and stuff that she'd need overnight with Jeremy. The Joan Jett concert had sneaked up on her practically without her noticing, and now she had mixed feelings about it as it was only one day away. She wanted to relax and have fun with Jeremy - and she adored Joan Jett, that went without saying - but at the same time, she felt oddly apprehensive about sharing a hotel room with Jeremy afterward. A month ago, she'd been fine with it, especially since they'd stayed the night together after Jeremy's concert back in early November.
The difference was that now, Bex was harboring a very real fear that love did not exist, and if that was the case, it was only a matter of time before Jeremy decided to leave her. It made her start thinking about what she should be doing to make sure that he didn't.
Needless to say, she was a bit of a wreck. When she heard Chloe's voice, she drew in a breath, making sure that she looked completely cool and composed before she crossed over to the door and opened it. "Hey, Chloe," she said, her tone not exactly friendly, but not unfriendly, either. She was being polite. She knew that Chloe and Jeremy had fought - and as such, naturally she'd chosen Jeremy's side and avoided Chloe - but now that they'd made up, she didn't know if she was still supposed to side with Jeremy, or if it was fine for her to be friends with Chloe again. Truthfully, she was half-tempted to simply keep on avoiding Chloe, because friends were a luxury Bex wasn't sure she wanted anymore. However, she stepped aside, holding the door open so that Chloe could come inside.
Chloe had never even stopped to consider that Bex might not be happy to see her or could be holding out on their friendship through some sort of sense of loyalty to Jeremy. She hadn't actively sought her out because she was sure it'd be uncomfortable for her friend (and besides Chloe had been avoiding most people unless she had see them anyway) . The last thing Chloe wanted was to somehow put someone in the middle of her misunderstanding with Jeremy. (she refused to call it a fight anymore...not when it really had just boiled down to both of them being unreasonable and not listening to the other.)
Thus, she bounced into Bex's room in her usual manner, Bex's gifts in hand. She didn't pause to hug her though, choosing to simply greet her with a grin. "Hey Bexy, so my first Christmas present to you is that i'm not going to fling myself at you and hug you for the next three times I see you." She announced. "So enjoy that while it lasts."
"Joy," Bex said, a little dryly, as she went back over to her bed and began working on her packing again. She picked up one of her Joan Jett t-shirts, folding it neatly before sliding it into her overnight back. "Maybe we can make that a permanent thing, yeah?"
"Probably not, i have issues with not hugging people." Chloe shrugged as she settled in Bex's desk chair. "But you know, enjoy your reprieve." Chloe watched her fold her shirts carefully. "So excited for the concert?" She asked easily. "I know Jeremy's looking forward to it."
"Totally," Bex said, folding a pair of jeans and sliding those into the overnight bag, too. She couldn't decide what to wear, so she was bringing extra options. "I love Joan Jett, you have no idea. Like, if I could run off and marry her, I would. Not that I don't love Jeremy." She smiled at Chloe, but it was a slightly hesitant smile, maked behind a layer of distance.
"But you know, you love Joan Jett more." Chloe grinned. "I get it." She noticed the slight hesitance in Bex's smile and Chloe really couldn't tell if it was a distance or just Bex being Bex. she wasn't the warmest person in the world and Chloe usually just ignored that. She wasn't completley oblivious though and since they were talking about Jeremy, Chloe found herself wondering if there was something about that subject... She knew Auden had been put in a tough spot and she realized that Bex could be having the same problem. Chloe also figured she'd never know if she didn't ask. "So about Jeremy... we're good, but are you and I?"
Bex lifted her shoulders slightly as she turned toward her dresser, rifling through it for a moment before she found her jean miniskirt. "Were we ever not good?" she asked, turning back toward Chloe as she put the miniskirt into her overnight bag. With black tights, she could make it work - she wouldn't even care that she'd freeze.
"That's kind of what i"m asking." Chloe pointed out, wishing right then that Bex would look at her rather than concentrating on her packing. Chloe hated when people didn't look in her direction when they talked. It never ceased to unnerve her. "I haven't seen you much latley and I just want to make sure that's... i don't know because final suck and we're all busy. And nothing else."
"Well, I've been around," Bex said, a little pointedly, fiddling with the strap of her bag. If she wanted to be completely honest, Bex might have admitted that she was alienating Chloe a little - Chloe's fight with Jeremy provided Bex a clean and easy way out of the friendship. At least, it would have, if they had not made up. It wasn't that Bex didn't like Chloe, because she did. Sometimes she resented the way that Jeremy always turned to Chloe first, or the fact that they were extremely physical with one another, but in general, Bex genuinely enjoyed Chloe's company.
It was just that now, especially with Christmas break coming up, Bex didn't know if she wanted friends anymore. She didn't claim that it made sense. It was simply that she was trying to build a wall around herself again - only it seemed that her walls were invisible to people at McDermott, because they kept getting past them anyway. "I mean, you know. If you were worried about the Jeremy thing interfering with our friendship, you could have said something before now." She was just putting that out there. Bex didn't look up at Chloe. She adjusted the strap of her overnight bag, shortening it and then lengthening it again.
Okay seriously?" Chloe let out a slightly frustrated sigh. "Could you at least look at me? You're not even packing anymore, you're just playing with that strap." She could deal with the fact that Bex wasn't looking at her when she was ctually busy but at that moment she wasn't and Chloe needed her to look at her as they talked. Could Chloe had said something? Yes she could have. Truth be told she just hadn't wanted to really know the answer before then. Bex was fully within her rights to alienate her as long as she was fighting with Jeremy, or so Chloe supposed although in her mind she was friends with Bex before Bex and Jeremy had even happened.
"I didn't say anthing before now because I figured things were fine. And I also wasn't doing much of saying anything to anyone while I wasn't talking to Jeremy. " She shrugged. "I'm asking now though, because I kind of thought we were friends with or without the Jeremy factor."
Bex let out her breath, letting go of the strap and facing Chloe directly, arms folded over her chest. "We're friends," she acknowledged. "Jeremy's my boyfriend, however, and if it comes right down to it, I'm going to pick him. I mean, you understand. And I know you guys made up, and that's fine - whatever happened is between you two, and I don't know all of the details. I do know, however, that Jeremy was really upset. I mean, you really hurt him, whether or not you realize it. But it's not even really about that. What I have a problem with is that you 'figured things were fine' between you and I during all this. I mean, you can't just avoid me - or let me avoid you - for three weeks and then, once it's fine between you and Jeremy, bounce back in here like nothing was ever wrong in the first place. So really ... if we're friends, then we need to actually work on being friends, but if we aren't, then we should stop pretending. I don't have a lot of tolerance for games, Chloe. I don't want to be your friend when it's fine and good and convenient for you. That's all I'm saying."
A brief silence fell around her as she finished her speech, but for as much as Bex wanted to look away, she didn't. She watched Chloe's expression, met the other girl's gaze directly. No, she didn't exactly relish being a bitch to Chloe when Chloe had come over all cheerful and Christmasy, but ... there it was. Her motivations - whether she wanted no friends at all, or if she simply wanted to make a point - were irrelevent, at least compared to the fact that she meant what she said, and couldn't take it back. She didn't want to be Chloe's friend if their friendship was simply a surface thing that couldn't stand up to actual issues. If there was no foundation, then Bex didn't want it. It was as simple as that.
Chloe met Bex's gaze straight on, her green eyes taking in her posture, the look on her face and the even gaze that matched hers as she thought over Bex's words. The nature of them didn't surprise Chloe. In fact in a way she respected the fact that Bex didn't mince words. It was one of the things Chloe liked about the other girl. She never really had to guess where she stood with things because even if she had to say the hard and mean things, Bex would do it. Chloe had enough people in her life who praised her at all times and for all Bex's prickles and walls Chloe appreciated her.
"I have no doubt that you'd chose him." Chloe admitted, her tone even, her words serious although not all that heavy. She didn't want to fight with Bex, just to discuss and she had a feeling that Bex would understand that. "That's how it should be. I didn't hurt him though Bex, we hurt each other." Although at first Chloe would have gladly taken all the blame just to make up with Jeremy she'd figured out over the last few weeks that that wasn't right, they both needed to recognize what they'd done wrong also. "And we've started to talk that out and work on it. I also wasn't avoiding you, Not really, I did comment on a few journals I just didn't actively seek you out because I couldn't do it right then without trying to put you in the middle of something. The feelings were too fresh and there was too much hurt, it wouldn't have been fair to you. If Jeremy and I hadn't worked it out? I would have come to see you once I'd gotten over the worst of the emotional stuff though. I do consider you a real friend. There are no games, and it wasn't a convenience thing it just would have made things stickier if I'd tried to come to you with that stuff when I really had no control over how I felt over any of it, I really hope that makes sense to you."
It made sense to her, and Bex simply nodded, letting out a breath she hadn't realized that she had been holding. "Journal commenting doesn't really count," Bex said, because while she liked technology as much as the next person, she didn't think friendships or relationships could be sustained over journals or facebook or anything like that. "But ... I see where you're coming from, I guess. I don't know if I necessarily agree with it, but I see your point."
"I couldn't call or go see you." Chloe shrugged. "So journaling was all I had right then. I don't expect you to agree with it...I'm glad you understand though." She added as she let out a sigh of relief when Bex admitted to understanding her point. "Soo.... can we get to the fun part of my visit? Not that I don't adore having serious conversations with you...because let's face it, i do you're good for stuff like that but... It is almost Christmas and I so want to see what you think of your gifts!"
A smile crossed Bex's face, more reminiscent of the one she usually wore around Chloe - that was, wry amusement with a touch of genuine friendliness. She and Chloe wouldn't quite see eye-to-eye on each other's points, but if they understood where the other was coming from, then that was enough for Bex. The fact that Chloe had been willing to listen to her at least proved that she cared about the friendship, and maybe that was all Bex really wanted to know.
It was funny to her, she thought, that she kept telling herself that she didn't want friends, that they made her weak - and yet she couldn't quite bring herself to push them away, either. Case in point, as she knelt down underneath her bed for the box of brightly wrapped Christmas presents she'd bought over Thanksgiving break, when she'd had nothing better to do but shop in New York. She selected Chloe's from the box and then straightened again. "Well, as long as you mention it."
"Oh You got me something?" Chloe asked as a look of slight surprise flashed across her face. She throughly enjoyed spoiling her friends with Christmas gifts and yet was surprised every time they reciprocated the gesture. Chloe grinned as she accepted the box from Bex and then shook it, inspected it carefully and even smelled it before taking off the wrapping paper. She was acting like a little kid , something Chloe always did when she was faced with packages to unwrap. She finally began to tear at the paper and then grinned when she found the bracelet. "Oh My God Bex, this is beautiful!" She exclaimed, and then wanted to bounce to her feet and hug her but Chloe quelled the urge. After all, she'd promised that she wouldn't as part of her Christmas gift. "Thank you!" She chose to say instead.
"Okay your turn." She reached into the bag she had and handed Bex the two wrapped packages she had for her. The first was a small square shaped one that contained A book that Chloe thought would be amusing for Bex to open adn a little useful considering Jeremy's tastes. A gift card to Barnes and noble was also included with it . The second package Chloe was a little unsure of but when she'd gone shopping at Neiman's over Thanksgiving break to get things for her family she'd gone clothing nuts and she figured that everyone could use scarves and the soft blue cashmere of the one she picked for Bex she thought would look amazing on her and be warm for the cold winter months.
Bex laughed when she opened the Star Trek book, shaking her head at Chloe. "Thank you," she said, amused. "I'm sure Jeremy will thank you, too, once I start throwing around Star Trek references." Amused, Bex went on to the second gift, opening it carefully; her parents always got her lots of presents, and at home Bex tended to open them without much thought or care, but gifts from friends were different. She took care with them because actual thought had gone into it, and she appreciated the gesture more than anyone understood, more than whatever was in the boxes themselves.
When she pulled out the scarf, she gave Chloe a warm, genuinely thankful smile. "This is beautiful," she said sincerely, smoothing her fingers over the soft scarf as she pulled it out of the box, and then wrapped it around her neck. "Thanks so much, Chloe. Really. I'll wear this all winter." She would, too; it meant a lot to Bex.
Chloe was relieved when Bex smiled that warm smile. While she knew the Star Trek gift would get a laugh she'd been worried that the scarf wasn't really Bex's type of thing. Yes, it was beautiful and yes Chloe had fallen in love with it but she'd worried that the fabric was too rich, too much like something Bex's own mother would pick out for Bex's taste.
"I'm glad you like it." Chloe admitted, the relief evident in her eyes even a she smiled at her friend. "I was hoping you would, I was sure it'd look fantastic on you and I figured...we all need scarves around here, right?" Chloe had a collection that was really only rivaled by her shoe collection.
"Tell me about it," Bex agreed, rolling her eyes slightly. "At least it's a little warmer in the city." By five degrees maybe, but still, five degrees was five degrees. The city always seemed warmer, anyway, insulated by traffic and people every which way. "At least you're going to California soon, right?"
"I don't know... last time I was in the city for winter I about froze to death." Chloe teased. "Mom grew up there and she still says she remembers the damn cold winters." She added with a laugh and then a nod of her head. "And yea, I fly out tomorrow so i can get a day to adjust before work starts."
Bex nodded, sitting down on her bed and drawing her knees up. "You'll probably get to see Jeremy, huh," she said, and it was not quite envy that was in her tone, but perhaps a touch of wistfulness, because it would be easier for Chloe to visit Jeremy - or vice versa - during the break than it would be for Bex to visit. A month seemed like an awfully long time to Bex; the most she and Jeremy had been apart was during August break, and that was only a few weeks. A month seemed longer, a stretch of time that she couldn't fill. With everything going on at home, Bex did not want to be there, and even more, she did not want to be there alone.
"I have an appearance in San Francisco The Monday before Chrismas." Chloe admitted as she looked over at Bex, she noted the tone of her voice but she didn't comment on it. It was probably hard enough for Bex to show any sort of vulnerability, Chloe wasn't going to point out to her that she was showing it. "So I'm going to stay with them while i do that and I'm looking forward to it. " She added. "Otherwise it will be a very long break. Speaking of...are you doing winter session?"
Bex shook her head, playing with the ends of the scarf, which she was still wearing. "My mother said it wasn't necessary since I did the summer sessions," she replied, with a roll of her eyes. "I don't know why she really cares, but who am I to complain, right? I get to do nothing for a month. Woo." Her tone was dry, which she tried to force away as she added, "What about you?"
"I am." Chloe had contemplated picking up a guest apperance or two over the winter session instead of classes but she'd decided against it. "I thought about not but... I ort of want to make sure that my credits are good so I can be done come next winter and if I take a winter session class it frees me up a bit for spring." She explained. "And given the fact I'd actually like to get cast in the spring show I could use a lighter schedule in spring...besides," She shrugged. 'And I may never admit this again but Tim's teaching that session and I'd like to take advantage of the time with him." She was lareayd starting to think about the fact that once she graduated the next winter they were going to be in very different places location wise.
"That makes sense," Bex agreed, though she was mostly thinking about the credits and the spring show. It made sense that she'd want to see Tim too, but it seemed less important than the other aspects, especially considering that Chloe would probably see Tim over break anyway, if they were both in California. It made Bex feel that thing again, that emotion that was not quite envy but something close to it. Chloe would get to see both Jeremy and Tim - it was like she wouldn't have to be apart from anyone at all. And Bex wouldn't get to see anyone, especially Jeremy, and all she could do about it was suck it up and deal.
"I also think it'll be easier that way." Chloe added with a shrug. "Not to get out of the habit of classes you know? A month off and I may never want to come back." She joked. Chloe loved Mcdermott for the friends she had there more than anything else. "At least you'll get a lot of time with Hayden? I bet you miss him right? Oh-" She paused as she reached for a wrapped box and handed it to Bex. "It's just a couple of board games, not a big deal but I wanted to get him something."
"Thanks," Bex said sincerely, accepting the boxes; she didn't like the idea of her friends spoiling Hayden, but she couldn't deny that it was a nice gesture. "He'll appreciate these. And to answer your question, yeah - it'll be good to spend time with Hayden. I've missed him a lot." He was the one bright spot at home, but even that had dulled a little, in the face of the way she'd let him down, the way he was disappointed in her.
"I bet you did." Chloe mused. "I know I would if he were my little brother." She'd enjoyed meeting Hayden the day she had and had really liked him. Then again Chloe like most people she met and especially little kids. She tended to identify well with their sense of fun still. "So....I should probably let you get back to the packing." she noted as she nodded towards Bex's suitcase. "I really do hope you guys have a blast at the concert. I think you both need the fun these days."
Bex nodded, rising to her feet. "Thanks," she replied, giving Chloe a small but genuine smile. "For everything, really." She was glad that Chloe had stopped by, and she'd miss her over the break.
"You're welcome." Chloe returned the smile, once again resisting the urge to hug Bex. "I'll see you after Christmas? Who knows maybe I'll find myself in new York for a day or two during winter session.' She mused. It wasn't that far and she could take a day trip to see Bex. In fact that would probably be fun.
"Sure," Bex agreed. "That would be fun."