♥kj (nobetterreason) wrote in mcdermott_game, @ 2009-11-29 12:18:00 |
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Current mood: | okay |
Entry tags: | bex, bex/kj, kj |
who: Bex and KJ
what: Hanging out, and talking about personal stuff
when: Sunday, November 22 (backdated)
where: KJ's room in Keaton
rating:PG
status: Complete
It had been awhile since Bex had seen KJ. Excluding her party the previous week, they hadn't spent much time together lately. KJ had been busy with the play, and Bex had been busy with her music and with Jeremy. On Sunday night, however, she wasn't doing anything. She didn't feel like working on her song, the duet she was still practicing with Matt. It had to be done soon, and Bex had gotten better at her part, though she still didn't feel confident with it. She didn't want to think about it, though. She didn't feel like being alone; on a whim, she'd texted KJ to see if the other girl was up for hanging out. Upon KJ's response, Bex had headed over to Keaton, and now she found herself knocking on KJ's door, still pulling her jacket close to her body from the chill of the late November evening. "Hey," she greeted, when KJ answered.
KJ hadn't been doing anything of consequence on Sunday night; she was debating on painting her nails, watching a movie (or both), or eating - typical dorm stuff on a day where there was nothing to do - when Bex had texted her. She always was a little surprised when Bex wanted to do something with her; even though they were friends, part of KJ still couldn't quite grasp that they were friends in the first place, because KJ knew for sure that a few years ago, they wouldn't have been. When she heard the knock on the door, she bounded over to open it and grinned as Bex stood there. "Hey yourself," she replied, opening the door wide to let Bex in. "How've things been lately?" she asked, as she cleared a spot on the bed for Bex to sit on. "Want some pita chips?" she asked, gesturing to the bag that was on her dresser.
"Um." Bex hesitated at the question, and then shook her head, after eyeing the bag of chips for a moment. Pita certainly sounded healthy enough, but as it drew closer and closer to Thanksgiving break, Bex got more and more restrictive with her calories." Nah. Thanks anyway, though." She sat down on the bed where KJ had cleared a spot, drawing her knees up and making herself comfortable. She liked KJ's room, because it was all bright colors, different from Bex's room but the kind of contrast that was refreshing. Especially since Bex had spent too much time staring at her own walls that day. "Things are good," she went on, in response to KJ's first question. "I'm freezing, but other than that, you know." She grinned a little wryly; she still had not taken off her jacket. Even though Bex was from New York, the temperatures were colder up in Massachusetts, and Bex wasn't used to it. She'd be glad to go back to the city for a few days, if for no other reason than it would be a few degrees warmer. "How about you?"
"Definitely freezing," KJ agreed. She was from Santa Fe, and they had their share of cold weather (it was up in the mountains), but there was something about Massachusetts that made the cold just that much more unbearable. She wrapped the blanket she already had around her shoulders a little tighter, and tossed her spare one to Bex. "Other than that, though, I'm... alright." She nodded, a smile spreading on her face - not an ecstatic smile, or a sad one, but one that showed that she was content with her life at the moment - and sat down next to Bex. "I mean, there's no play to stress over, and we get some time off... what's there not to like?" She glanced over at the other girl. "You going home for Thanksgiving?" It was kind of a dumb question, but KJ was genuinely curious.
Bex liked the contentedness in KJ's smile - she knew how down the other girl had been lately, and now that the play was over, she'd worried a little that KJ would start to feel sad again, without anything to distract her. That didn't seem to be the case, and that made Bex happy. "Yeah, I'm going home," she said, making a slight face. Holidays at home were never very much fun. "I'm going down on Tuesday to spend a little extra time with my brother. I haven't seen him since Parents' Weekend." God, that seemed like so long ago. She felt another light stab of guilt over the fact that she hadn't gone home for Halloween, but she pushed that back - she didn't want to focus on it right now. "I guess you're going back to Santa Fe, hmm?"
"Actually, I'm going down to Baton Rouge," KJ admitted, shrugging. "My dad's family lives there, and my parents are on this 'we need to visit our family more often' kick. So we're spending Thanksgiving down where I used to live. It'll be cool, I haven't been there in a while and my sister's never been there at all, so it'll be an interesting experience." She nodded, and then smiled. "Tell Hayden I said hi. Even though he probably has no idea who I am. One of these days, he needs to meet my sister," she insisted.
She paused, then said, in reply to Bex's face, "At least it'll only be a few days, huh?" Truth be told, KJ wished it would be just a little longer, but soon winter break would come up and then there would be more time to be away from school. KJ couldn't really imagine being away from school, but she thought it would help keep all the sad stuff away, and the thought made her sad for just a moment. School was her haven, her sanctuary... she didn't want to feel the need to run away from it because of bad memories.
"It's only a few days," Bex agreed, fiddling with the blanket KJ had given her, fingers playing with the edges. She glanced back up at KJ again and gave the other girl a smile, adding, "And I'll tell Hayden you said hi. He likes hearing about my friends up here. He gets a kick out of it." She shook her head, a small smile crossing her face at the thought of her little brother. He was the one good thing about going back to New York, and were it not for Hayden, Bex probably wouldn't have even bothered. It wasn't like her parents would notice, or anything. Like KJ, school was Bex's sanctuary, though she didn't have bad memories here, not the way KJ did. Not at all, actually. Her life had changed since coming here, and she liked it that way.
"Baton Rouge," she went on, in response to KJ's statement about where she was going over break. Bex had never been to the South, and she had no idea what Baton Rouge was like. "That might be fun. At least it's a lot warmer down there, right?"
"Something like that," KJ agreed, smiling wryly. "Though it's so much more humid. That part is pretty gross." She made a face, and leaned back against her pillows. After a pause, she looked up at the ceiling, pondering for a moment whether or not to breach the small talk and get to the information she'd been dying to talk to someone about. She wasn't quite sure if Bex was the best person to tell, but at least Bex wouldn't necessarily judge her the way other people might have. So KJ exhaled, looked over at her friend, and said, "Did you see Auden at my birthday party?" She was almost sure the other girl had, but then again, KJ had a tendency to overestimate the attention that people gave to her.
Bex was quiet for a moment, her attention focused on playing with the blanket. She had seen Auden at the party; she hadn't really known what he was doing there - and she had to admit that she'd felt a little irritated by it, if only because KJ seemed so happy with the play and her birthday that Bex hadn't wanted to see Auden bring her down again. Between the thing with Callas, and the history with KJ, Bex felt protective over both of her friends - she didn't particularly want Auden around either of them. Auden was Jeremy's best friend, and Bex hadn't wanted anything bad to happen to him - it wasn't like she hated him. She just didn't want him hurting her friends. "I did," she finally responded, looking back up at KJ with wary curiosity written in her gaze. "Was he bothering you? Or - I mean, did you want him there, is the better question, I suppose."
"Well, I didn't know he was going to be there," KJ said, honestly, exhaling. Did she want Auden there? Of course she did. But why she wanted him there was a whole different story. "He wasn't bothering me. It... it wasn't as bad as it could have been, really." KJ shrugged, pulling her blanket a little tighter; there was still a part of her that wished, after everything had happened, that things were different. But she'd come to accept the fact that it probably wouldn't happen. "He brought me a present. Not too lame of him, huh?" KJ glanced over at Bex. "And then he told me he wanted to talk to me, that he missed talking to me and wanted me in his life. Whatever that means. I still don't know what that means." Even though she tried not to, a little bit of exasperation came through in KJ's voice. "I'm glad we had that talk. I just kind of wish it wasn't... then. But... it's better than being awkward around him, right?" KJ shrugged again, glancing over at Bex with almost a pleading look, like what she was saying was okay, like she needed approval to think what she was thinking.
"I suppose so," said Bex, looking back at KJ a little carefully. She didn't have a lot of experience, personally, with breaking up - she'd never even had a boyfriend before Jeremy, and she couldn't imagine breaking up with him. If they did break up, though, Bex would handle it differently. She'd withdraw completely into herself, as if she never wanted to admit that she'd let someone get so close. She wouldn't be friends with Jeremy. She'd cut off all contact as if he'd never been there at all. It seemed easier that way, to her.
She didn't tell KJ that. Instead, she thought about what the other girl had said, pondering it for a moment before she went on. "It was nice of him to get you a present," she acknowledged, looking back up to meet KJ's gaze. "But I don't think I really know what that means, either. I mean ... maybe he wants to be friends, I guess, but that's a little unfair of him, don't you think?" Bex thought so.
"I don't know what to think," KJ said, honestly, sighing. She understood why Auden had done the things he had done, for the most part; she got that he couldn't handle being there for someone when he could barely handle everything that was happening to him. KJ could accept that and give him space. But that didn't mean it hurt like hell not to have him there. It would be easy to withdraw into herself, to pretend like she'd never met him. But to do that would completely obliterate the fact that they'd loved each other like they'd never loved anyone else before, and who knew if they'd love anyone else like that again? KJ couldn't do that.
"It's just, you know, hard being that close to someone one day, and then being strangers the next day, so I mean... it was nice of him to come, to get me a present, to tell me he still cares about me in a way. It's kind of selfish. But it's not something I wouldn't have done, you know?" KJ sighed. "I mean, it'd be too hard to just cut off all communication. We have too many people in common, anyway, you know?" She shook her head. "Yeah. It was kind of confusing, and I think everything is okay, for now, but... not completely. I don't know."
Bex nodded slowly. She could see where KJ was coming from, but she still had her doubts. She still felt protective of KJ, and she wasn't sure she liked the fact that Auden was still sending her mixed messages. But maybe Bex just didn't understand what it was truly like. She wanted to understand, but maybe it wasn't really any of her business. Auden had said as much, when she'd confronted him, and Bex had told him that it was her business because KJ was her friend. So was Callas, for that matter, and for a moment, Bex wondered if she should tell KJ exactly what Auden had done with Callas as soon as he'd had a little alcohol.
The urge passed, however. She didn't want to make things any worse - not for KJ, and not for Callas, either. It wouldn't really do any good, it would only hurt both of them. Bex let out her breath, looking down at her hands as she spread her palms, studying her fingernails. "I guess it would be hard to pretend like nothing ever happened," she finally said. "If he wants to be friends, and you want to be friends, then maybe it can work. Just ... I don't know, don't let him keep hurting you, you know? If it's too hard, being friends, then you don't have to be, regardless of what he wants. He sort of gave up having any say in the matter when he left, you know?" It was more polite than saying, stay away from him because he's a jerk, at least.
Bex did have a point. KJ nodded slowly, too; she didn't have to force anything if it was too hard. "Yeah, you're right," KJ conceded, sighing. "I want to try, at least. But yeah, if it gets too hard... I don't want him to affect the way I live my life anymore, not like that... that's not fair." She bit her lip, shaking her head. "So yeah, I guess that's what's going on with everything. Kind of sucks, but it could be worse." She glanced over at Bex. "Thanks. For, you know, watching out for me and all." It was more than some of her other friends had done and for that, KJ was incredibly grateful.
Bex gave KJ a smile, one that was not very wide, but it was genuine. "You're my friend," she said simply, in response. Friends were supposed to look out for one another. It was something that it had taken Bex a long time to learn, but she had, and she wanted to be a good friend.
KJ regarded the other girl for a moment, and then a grin spread across her face. "Yeah," KJ agreed. It wasn't very articulate, but like Bex, KJ hadn't necessarily had all the experience in the world with friendships and how those worked. It was one of the reasons she liked college so much; she'd finally gotten a chance to experience that for herself. "But still. I guess some people just have a better way of showing it than others do." She shrugged, but the gaze that lingered was still a thankful one; it was a gaze of a person that was humbled by the experience.
"I guess so," Bex agreed. It was funny - once upon a time, she'd never have been the one who had a better way of showing what friendship meant. She hadn't even known what friendship was - true friendship - before McDermott. It made her feel good, smiling back at KJ now, even though after a moment her smile turned a little wry. "We should go do something fun," she suggested. "Not that I don't love talking about the joys of friendship as much as the next person, but ..." She grinned at KJ, getting to her feet.
Unable to help grinning back, KJ agreed, getting to her feet as well and grabbing a scarf from the many that hung from behind her door. "Yeah, I can only take so many Hallmark moments before it gets too sugary," she said, laughing. "Come on, let's go find something exciting to do."