Can anyone recommend a gym or someplace with good self-defense classes?

As I conclude this summer's endless book tour, I returned to my apartment in Montréal this weekend to find that my one lonely houseplant is still alive despite many weeks of neglect. This is what true victory feels like. Be proud of me, Ororo.

I'll be in Montréal through Thursday, then up to my first home in Fermont for a day. Fermont is a mining town in northeastern Québec: cold, isolated, lonely, provincial. They tend not to care for mutants or gays there, but I am the town's most famous son, so this should be exciting in myriad ways. Then back to New York in time for the beach trip and a hot date.

Oh yes, and my agent would like me to remind you all to go and buy my book, Born Normal. It's an inspirational, daring instant classic of a memoir with a buoyant message of hope and resilience for anyone who's ever felt less than normal. This is from the back cover blurb, so you know it must be true. Also, proceeds go to charities in support of children and mutants. Think of the mutant children and pick up a copy at any discerning purveyor of literature near you.

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That irritated feeling you get when someone attempts at doing a job placed before you. I can't say I'm not amused at all. It was humorous.

It also seems like people favor the color red. I prefer my red to be a shade of dark crimson.