mercwitamouth (mercwitamouth) wrote in marvel_united, @ 2009-09-23 23:19:00 |
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Entry tags: | deadpool, outlaw |
Who: Deadpool and Outlaw
NPCs: Taxi drivers, ice rink patrons, and various NYC street folk
When: Sunday, August 30th. 1 pm (HELLA backdated)
Where: Rockefeller Center, The Skating Rink
What: Deadpool and Outlaw meet up after a long time. Wade sees an old friend and tries to get some cause he's a horn dog. Outlaw shoots him down. and general merriment is had.
Rated: PG-13
Notes: In the words of Rachel "All ye who click the cut shall never return"
Rockefeller Center. It was a little cheesy. Okay it was A LOT cheesy. When Outlaw had called Wade to catch up on "old times" he thought they could do something merc-like. Like going to the gun range. Beating up derelict hobos for shits and giggles. Disarming bombs a-la Lethal Weapon 3. But no, she had insisted on doing some typical touristy crap and he felt obliged to fufill her request. She was hot. And talked with a southern accent. And wore a cow boy hat. The list went on and on and on and dealt with some fetishes that Wade wasn't prepared to deal with himself just yet. So he flipped trough the channels till an idea hit him in the form of a news report. Said piece was talking about a recent string of e-coli being traced to a hot dog vendor hocking franks in front of the picturesque ice rink. Wade had found the place. All he had to do now was meet up with her at the frozen body of water. It was time for the waiting game...
"You're chargin' me HOW much?" Inez cast a glare that was only hidden by the shadow her cowboy hat. The taxi driver simply stared back, defending the ridiculous fee. "Hell, I coulda found this place with a map." In truth, Inez had tried to buy a map to find her way around the city but it turned out to be a difficult read. With a resigned sigh, she handed the man his cab fare and slipped out of the vehicle.
She clearly had no idea what to expect for the day; a short cut tank top and a jean skirt were accompanied by her worn cowboy boots and while she may have looked out of place, she never once caught the stares in her direction. The only problem was, the center was a huge place, and now that she had actually arrived she wondered just where Wade was suppose to meet her, if he was actually going to show at all. It wasn't that she didn't trust Wade, she just didn't trust Wade. "If I were Wade, where would I be hidin'?" She took a glance around in hopes of finding some sort of food stand or strip club.
And there Wade was, standing about ten feet from the hot dog stand, a mound of wrappers piled around his feet as he leaned against the railing overlooking the pond. There had been one tiny, itty-bitty snag in his brilliant plan. The rink wasn't open. Not even a little bit. In fact he was looking down at a discolored puddle where the ice skaters should have been. "Bah. Again Mother Nature has to kick me in the stones. That bitch has had it out for me ever since I had to whack Cap'n Planet." He ate the last bit of the disease infested hotdog before balling up the wrapper and dropping it at his feet. He let forth a loud belch minutes before backing away from the railing. Where was she?
He put a hand over his eyes (despite the fact it wasn't that bright) and scanned the horizon. "Come out come out where ever you are..." After about a minute of searching he spotted them her. Now that was a rack face he recognized. He took a round-a-bout way of walking over to Outlaw and he approached her in total silence. It had been awhile since the last time they worked together. So the lack of fugliness would be new to her. His mission, should he choose to accept it (and he was looking forward to it) was to let her know it was him with his greeting.
"Outlaw," He nodded to her. "Hannity. Colmes." He nodded again. This time it was to her breasts. Hopefully she wouldn't mind or notice.
Inez was just about to throw a curse to the sky when the familiar voice tickled her ears. She spun around quickly, ready to knock him against the head for hiding on her, but her hand stopped in mid-air and she gaped. He sounded like Wade Wilson and his attention to her chest certainly matched that of the assassin, but the last time she had seen him, the face he was wearing was definitely not as clean-cut and handsome. "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!" The hand that had previously been aimed to slap him instead went to rest on his cheek, giving it a little pat. "You sure are handsome."
With a bright smile and one last pat to his cheek she pulled back her hand and just shook her head with a low whistle. "What happened to ya?" It was not the most common way to say 'I like the new look' but Outlaw had never really been interested in his face.
Wade was a very charming man. Why he could charm the pants off a hooker simply by wearing boxer shorts made of twenties. Her reaction was exactly as he expected. Well to be fair, his bent and twisted mind came up with a scenario closely resembling an erotic flick with a peppy little musical number lead by Sister Margaret from that catholic orphanage he stayed at for a time. Or was that from the Sister Act marathon he watched last night? No matter. There were friends to focus on and Outlaw to boot.
"I have some butter in my car, if you're being serious about that. Grrrrrrrrowl." He flashed her a view of those pearly whites. "This old mug? Bah! Just something I had lying around." He made a gesture with his hand as if batting the subject away. "Look at you miss cow girl. Rocking the shit out of that tank top." He looked around, wondering what to do with their day if that whole butter butt idea didn't pan out. It'd be just his luck too.
"Well then cowgirl, ready for your day on the town with the big scary merc by the name of Deadpool?" He asked with his best attempt at a sinister grin. "I'm pretty wild and crazy. At least that's what my therapists tell me." Therapists... plural.
"If I like the day, maybe I'll let ya butter me up later." A shameless flirt, she ended her statement with a wink and it was only after his comment about her tank top that she turned away so she could ease into his side, forcing his arm around her shoulder. Whatever unease the new face had brought was gone now that she had heard a few more of Wade's cheeky comments. He had a way with words that only a girl like Outlaw could appreciate.
"Well what are ya waitin' for, Mr. Big-Bad-and-Crazy? I'm gettin' all antsy just standin' around. Where we goin'?"
The merc clutched at his chest as if his heart might give out at that prospect. "Martha! I'm comin' to you! It's the big one!" He seemed to stagger about until he found her shoulders for support under one of his arms. Guh.. He thought to himself. Women. So fuckin' wiley.
Hey Don Juan! Don't mess this up! She digs you!
Yeah man. It's like you're Tom Selleck and she's every fan girl from the nineties.
How dated are these references? Wade responded to the voices in his head.
You're the one who huffs paint. It kills brain cells which effects us. You want better pop culture references, throw away the Sherwin Williams buckets.
"Uh.. well.." Wade shut his eyes. Grow a pair! He mentally chided himself. "Surprise, hot stuff. It's a surprise!" He shook his head and started walking in one certain direction. His free hand pulled out a cell phone and discreetly sent a text. "So how's the merc game treating you?"
Inez rarely batted an eye at any of Wade's actions. They may have been surprising, sometimes uncalled for, but it was part of the allure. Unpredictability was something she had always craved, or maybe it was the trouble that followed? She quirked her mouth to the side and thought about the prospects for a moment and decided it all came down to entertainment and if there was one thing Wade always was, it was entertaining.
A surprise? She was starting to regret not bringing her guns now. "Business if rougher than a cob, I tell ya what. Everyone's actin' like they got a fire in their pants. I don't think they get the concept of a discrete killin'." Then again, neither did Wade. "Take the guy I'm after now. Lousy son of a gun is harder than a snipe t' find, I swear. Doesn't help that the guy who hired me is itchin' for a specific kill."
Now that she got that off her chest, she was back to a smile. Outlaw had few confidants who would lend an ear to her mercenary annoyances. "I hear you've been pretty fortunate."
Speaking of getting things off her chest... Mind on the task at hand!
"Rougher than a cob?" Wade cocked her an amused look. Southern girls and their drawl. Howdy Par-d-ner! Let's go swim-men in that them there see-ment pond! The merc thought to himself because he knew for 1: She wouldn't like that and 2: She had a wicked right and he didn't feel like waiting for his jaw to heal after being crushed. "Well that's just.. adorable. Ahem!" He cleared his throat to cover the pause he had . "Sorry. Those adorable contacts and their specific deaths. Oh man! I had this one who asked me to make it look like a suicide.. I had fun with that one. The Medical Examiner went bonkers when he saw what I did."
"Me? Naw! I mean.. yeah.. I'm rolling in the dough right now and my jobs all rock. So I guess in a way I am fortunate. People need killin' and I'm bored during the week. It works out good for me and the clientele." He lead Outlaw away from Rockefeller Center. His phone buzzed in hand and he read the message quickly before turning left. "So it's just business that brought you to this hell on earth?"
Inez stopped her mind from wandering into the ways that Wade could set up a suicide. She might have had a strong stomach, but there were just some places you never wanted your thoughts to go. She was thankful no explanation followed and intently focused on his answer to her question. For all the ways that Wade knew how to kill, the money never changed him, not internally at least. She let her eyes slide to look up at unmarred face again and wondered if that's where all his money went to. Hardly seemed like it, he was never ashamed of the way he was before.
"Yep, nothin' more to it. Though I gotta say, I shoulda come up sooner. I didn't realize how much I missed you and them tight buns o' yours." Her hand very briefly went to pinch said buns. She loved messing with him and she could only imagine the places his mind went to from such a brief display of physical interest.
Deadpool gave a little jump when she pinched his butt. For all of his bluster he wasn't use to women being so forward with him.. unless he was paying them. Hold here, pinch there, rotate that, cough now. Yep. He was a degenerate. So sue him. It was kind of refreshing to not have to break out his wallet every time he wanted some attention. The mouthy merc had deftly dodged the question about his face for now. He didn't like talking about Weapon X unless he had too. He'd keep it to himself for now.
He rubbed his chin as he navigated the maze that was New York City. It took them about 10 minutes to reach their destination. They stood in front of a large sign designating it an ice skating rink. Sure, it was no Rockefeller Center but it was the next best thing.. Maybe he could simulate honking car horns and force some little kids to pose as that giant gold statute of two people doing it. "Whatcha think hot stuff?"
Ice skating was the last thing she had expected Wade to set up for them. Weren't romantic couples and show offs the only people who came to rinks like this? Not that she was against romance, but with Wade? The idea made her chuckle, and when she did, her head turned down and she got a good look at just what she was wearing. That explained it.
"I think you're a damn smart pervert. I ain't never been ice skatin' before, I bet ya were planning on that, huh?" She took his arm fearlessly and headed inside. It was a new challenge, and Inez refused to back down. "This sure is fancy, Wade, I'll give ya that. Enough to make a proper gal blush."
"A pervert? Moi?" He asked with what appeared to be genuine shock. No. Wade was just. that. good. Humble to boot, too. "Why my Dear Outlaw. I'm shocked and hurt. If I were a pervert.. why.. I'd have a pair of high powered binoculars for peeping at people." He fell silent for a moment and cursed himself mentally. Oh man.. don't tell me I have them around my neck..
Negative, good buddy. You loaned them to Weasel when the NFL cheerleader moved in across the street from him.
Note to us: Burn those binoculars.
Agreed.
"Please. Fancy is my middle name. The second middle name is Feast. Hence my high school nick name." He gestured to the building before them. "I thought you might like this though! Honest! And don't let my prior experience with your typical day wear play into account." The merc tried to look as harmless as possible. "And you and I both know that you ain't a right proper lady." He gave her a teasing little wink, expecting that right hook or a swift kick to the danglies.
It was true, of course, and she took his statement as more of a compliment than an insult. She had caught him in the little game and he could deny it all he wanted, but as long as the truth was floating somewhere above their heads, that's all that mattered to her. "No proper gal would have called you up jus' to have a good time. Now where are we headed?" Her hands fell to her hips and she took a glance around. The place was decent sized but was quite empty. Apparently ice skating was not a popular thing to do mid-afternoon.
The woman at the counter was absorbed in a magazine. Behind her was a small room filled with various sized skates for rent, which explained the musty smell. Inez gave Wade a small push in the direction of the attendee before her hands slipped into a pocket on her skirt. She was waiting for him to push the bill off on her.
When the woman noticed a shadow was cast over her, she glanced up and closed the magazine. "What can I do for you?" she asked, smacking a piece of gum loudly. The lanyard around her neck read 'Stacy.'
"Hiya Stacy." He said, leaning against the counter, invading the poor girl's personal space. Wade knew women found him attractive now-a-days and he used it to his advantage at times like this. However... the illusion was ruined by the smell of about 50 hot dogs with relish oozing from his mouth.
"Ugh!" Was all she managed to get out before stepping back with a hand over her nose.
"Like, gag me with a spoon, Bennifer!" He mocked her in his best Valley girl voice which sounded an awful lot like Stephanie Tanner. "I can take a hint that my breath is grodie." He pulled out a little plastic case of orange tic tacs and downed the whole case. Talking became difficult but he managed to get out "Two sets of skates please. I'm a size 13. My lady friend here is a size 8."
The girl grumbled something under her breath before handing the skates to Wade and Outlaw and he dropped a stack of money on the counter. "Play any songs you got by the Spice Girls, any honky tonk cowboy jingles for the lady and any of the rapping granny stuff." He turned back to Outlaw and held the skates up by the laces. "Ready to go for a spin?"
The scene left Outlaw snickering in the background but that came to an abrupt halt when it was his money on the counter and not hers. That new face of his must have taught Wade to treat a girl right. Her hand came out of her pocket to reach for the skates, "How'd ya know my shoe size?"
The bladed shoes were intimidating and she took a moment to examine them. He was correct in assuming they would only get a spin around the rink; one, singular spin. All she could see was her falling on her rear, flashing the entire rink in her skirt. Well played, Wade, well played.
"A'right, Wade, let's do this. But I swear if ya just leave me out in the pasture while you have a good ol' ride then I'll use this rusty skate for more than cuttin' ice." She followed him to the small alcove where a couple of benches and lockers were set up for personal effects. Inez just pulled her hat on tighter and took a seat to slip off the boots in favor of the skates. She never thought she'd see the day she'd be taking to the ice. "It's colder than a witch's' tit in here."
If anything changed him it was the money. Business had indeed been good. He wasn't lying when he told Outlaw that but the money had gone to his head a little. He was prone to frivolous spending like a solid marble replica of the statue of David complete with Deadpool's head instead of the original design. So what if he dropped a ton of money on them for the skates and their private selection of music. He went big or went home. Besides, knowing them both.. the place would wind up with a lot of structural damage, putting poor, pregnant, teenage Stacy out of a job and forced to sell her baby for crack.
Wait. Wasn't that the plot for that hooker's movie Juno?
Who cares?
"Uh.. well I'm a good judge of size and all." Wade plopped down on a bench behind her, his back facing hers. "Like if I had to the guess the size of your.." He air fondled some breasts before switching the subject. "Pants. I could guess those." He suited up the skates rather quickly. Must have been his Canadian heritage.. Depending on the writer, man Touche. "It's not like I stole a pair of your shoes or anything. Ahem.." Wade stood up as some twangy bass and a jug band came on over the loud speakers. "And how in the hell do you know how cold a witch's tit is?" He asked. "Now that's a hot and steamy mental image..."
With Wade's rambling about his ability to guess size, she had waited for the opportunity to give him a good smack but the comment about her chest never came. She was a little disappointed. When one spends so much money on such a perfect job, you expect it to be noticed. Oh well, he would crack eventually, and by then she would more than likely be out of reach to playfully scold him.
Lacing the skates was easy enough, standing in them was the challenge. The highest heels she ever got were her boots, and they barely raised her off the ground. "C'mon, Wade, I can't always be out makin' money by killin' shady folk. Sometimes ya just gotta buckle down and take your clothes off for some quick cash." She hoped the image would distract him long enough so she could hobble around the bench closer to the door to the ice.
Had Outlaw been facing the other direction she would have caught Wade fondling air boobies and going the old sailor route with a quick motor boat. Fortunately for him the boat was running silent this voyage and didn't attract her attention. That might have been interesting. The merc mindlessly began to do some stretches while waiting for the hotter of the duo to actually get ready. He could only wait for so long. Clunking his way over to the gate Wilson flung it outwards and then glided onto the ice. "Holy Boitano! I can skate!?"
Yeah, remember? You took lessons after seeing Batman and Robin. Something about only real men skate and kick ass at the same time.
That was also around the time that you glued fake nipples to your costume.
"Oh yeah.. I remember that. Man, I'm nuts if I liked that movie." He drifted lazily along the ice, keeping very close to the door in case Outlaw decided to slip and flash everybody her business. At the mention of taking her clothes off his mind began to wander. It got so bad that he crashed into the waist high wall that surrounded the rink and it sent him careening head first over it. "Ow.. my balls!"
There came a moment when Inez reached the entrance to the ice that she nearly backed out. This was a mistake and it would only end with certain pain and suffering, and it did. For Wade. She watched as the man collided with the wall after such a graceful display of skill and all her worry vanished. "You ain't no yeller belly, Inez. Get out there." She grabbed the door frame and stepped onto the ice.
It was far from perfect. Her body was stiff and she put no effort behind moving in any particular direction but the ice must have been on her side as she was slowly heading towards Wade. Her hands were stuck out to the side to keep herself steady but when it came to slowing to a stop, her body hit the wall in the same fashion as Wade's had, just with less force. She had enough time to grab the wall and balance herself out..
"Ya gonna be alright, handsome?" Her smile was a nervous one and she did her best to extend her hand out to help him. The reach was enough to get her body to start to slide once more and she quickly retracted the hand to go back to the wall.
It was like a moment straight out of Jack Ass when one of the Never-going-to-be-ready-for-prime-time players gets racked in the nuts and all of his friends stand around and laugh at him like a group of adolescents... Ah Who was Wade to take the high road. He actually went on that show one time, undercover. The now infamous episode where Johnny Knoxville loses a hand to a rabid baboon (Who was played by Wade of course). The hand was still mounted on his mantle.
"Y tu, Inez?" Wade managed to groan as he suffered one of the worst injuries a man can endure. "Forsaking me for a hold on a wall?" Slowly but surely the manly merc climbed to his feet and hopped the side of the rink to stand next to Outlaw on the ice. "As you can see. I'm a pro on the ice." He replied coolly as if that never happened.
"Don't gimme that look, I gotta reserve some of my dignity. If I go fallin' over, I'll be showin' off somethin' I reserve for a good time only." She really should have thought out this date with Wade, instead she threw on her clothes like it was just another Wade-free day.
Once he was balanced, she did her best to turn around and face the large, sparsely populated rink. "Let's get this over with. Gimme your hand." This time she kept her own arm out to offer her hand to him. She had a good enough balance now that she felt it would be safe. Well, as safe as one could feel with Deadpool at your side.
Which anyone in the merc business would tell you wasn't that safe. That man attracted unwanted attention and bullets like a hooker does bald out of shape weirdos. He had his balance already so once more he glided around her in circles until finally he grasped her hand. "There there my little chinchilla. Unkie-Wade's here and he'll take good care of you. Or throw you down for his own amusement. One or the other though for sure.
"Something tells me you've never done this before." He was a detective like that. Move over Batman... "Come on, pick up the speed lady.." He tugged her arm only slightly to get her pace moving just a bit faster.
It was hard enough to loosen her grasp on the wall in the first place, but with the mercs chiding insults and finally the tug, she was as tense as she could be. "Wade, I know I can't kill ya but I'll sure as hell try!" She had a death grip on his hand, which, thanks to her mutant strength, was enough to threaten the breaking of a few bones. She took a glance over at his posture and did her best to mimic it, which certainly helped as he dragged her around the ice.
They may not have had any accidents as they got around the ice for the first time, but Inez was well aware of the two pre-teens snickering in the corner. The little brats whispered, pointed, and continued to giggle even when they got on the ice and started to do laps around the couple. "This must be what a cat feels like with bags tied to it's feet."
"Sounds kind of kinky." Wade quipped as he skated backwards before the woman, dragging her along for the ride. Sure he could have been making things easier like giving her pointers on how to improve her posture, in what manner to move her legs, rattling off death tolls of people killed while ice skating. But this was Wade we're talking about. Helping wasn't in his vocabulary. He was raised to believe the phrase went "Do unto others, nothing. Unless someone pays you to do it to them."
Forgoing the obvious cowboy related kink jokes here, any one else curious to see what a super strong chick would be like?
Nope. Uma Thurman killed my interest in that question after that horrendous movie came out.
My Super Ex-Girlfriend?
No, The Producers
"Shocked gasp!" He blurted out looking a bit disgusted by what she just said. "You would do that to poor poor Toonces? How could you?! Now that poor kitty will never be able to drive himself home from the dance!" he wrenched his hand from his grasp (a few bones snapping on the way out) and folded his arms across his chest. Unfortunately he didn't take into account her forward momentum..
It would have been easy to ignore the cat comment, or remind him of the time she had spotted him chasing an alley cat down the street with his katana, but there was no time. With all his dragging and need for speed, the sudden release of her hand kept her plowing forward until BAM her body collided hard into his back. Her left leg had gotten jammed between both of his and the sudden force tripped them both up until they went toppling to the cold ice. Lucky for Inez, she had a nice chest and a comfortable body to fall on. Unfortunately the fall had caused both hat and wig to slide across the top of the ice towards the far side of the rink.
As she did her best to sit up using Wade's back for assistance, she watched her things travel freely along the slick surface. "Look what ya did, Wade." The woman tussled her short, blonde hair and moved her knees onto the cold ice to finally allow the man room to move.
And suddenly there was something sliding up between his legs while some insanely strong force (It's called gravity, Wade) hurled him to the ground. Only one mental image flashed through his mind. It was an image that chilled him to his very core as the two words "Japan" and "Tentacles" seared themselves into his mind. The deadly merc was suddenly eating ice and flailing around as a soft and supple body held him to the ground. His arms thrashed and he cried out, "Help! I need an adult! I NEED AN ADULT!"
And then suddenly the pressure was gone and a sense of relief washed through him. He had been spared. Praise be to Ernest Borgnine! "Oh man.. My whole life flashed before my eyes all of a sudden. Countless and countless of hours spent in front of the television.." There was a nostalgic pause before he added, "Time well spent."
Climbing to his knees as well he observed Outlaw sans wig. It was a refreshing change of pace. "Don't put it on. I'm digging the short hair. Reminds me of this chick Deah I use to know. But I digress." He looked around before adding "Word of the day toilet paper." That was the big secret to his impressive vocabulary.
"Jus' what I wanted t' hear. Ya like me better now that I remind ya of someone else." Another tug through the cropped locks and she shuddered. Now she was freezing, and bare knees on the ice were not helping any. She put her hands down and attempted to lift herself up, but when one blade was implanted in the ice, her leg slid right out from under her, and now she was halfway to flashing the rest of the rink.
"Here's the deal. Get me to my feet and I'll keep the wig off for the rest of the day." Her hands were held up over her head and she wiggled her fingers to try and lure him into picking her sorry ass off the ice.
Wade looked down to the ice and cursed his luck.
Dammit! Why couldn't the ice be reflective like a mirror?!
Stupid Zamboni drivers..
Heaving a sigh he reached out and grasped her hands. With a quick tug he yanked her body up off the ice in one fluid motion, his right arm wrapping around her to steady her. "So then it's a deal. You go sans wig and we entertain ourselves by getting hot and sweaty..." He let those words hang in the air before letting go of her and making a bee-line for the wig. "And theres the drop. The game kicks off with Wade in the lead." He reached down with a hand and batted the wig away. "Come on! Hair hockey!"
Inez had learned a long time ago that when Wade left a sentence hanging, it was never going to end how you anticipated. Sometimes it was a relief and other times a disappointment. Like now. 'Hair hockey' was not a game she had anticipated and as he left her on the ice to chase the abandoned wig, she did her best to follow. She was still shaky, but at least she had a better grasp on how to move.
"Don't ruin my hair! Those damn wigs are expensive!" Even as she scolded him, she had managed to reach the fake hair wandering along the icy surface. She bent down and grabbed the wig, sliding it back in his direction between her legs. By now, the entire populace of the ice rink had parted to the side to watch the crazy pair on the ice. The mood was set as Spice Girls came onto the speakers and the girls began to hypnotically lull their listeners with the la la la's of 'Spice Up You Life.'
"Hey! You're getting better on your feet!" The music started to play and he chanted along with them. Oh Spice Girls. It was a taste he acquired from Taskmaster. That crazy pirate themed killer for hire. He had the most colorful friends. "There is a joke in there about asking if you're better off your feet but I'm feeling generous. Here is me taking the high road." Wade did his best to attempt one of those wicked cool sweep stops and spraying ice flecks into the face of a nearby teen. The kid started sputtering and was about to say something until he caught a glimpse of the look on Wade's face.
"Ass hole..." The kid muttered under his breath as he skated off the ice.
As Wade turned away he spotted Outlaw grasping the wig and sliding back toward him. And then an idea occurred to him. A wonderful, awful and wickedly evil idea. Skating back and forth in a figure eight he started to build up momentum. He took off as fast as he could, heading straight for Outlaw. The merc dropped to his ass and made the attempt to slide feet first through Outlaw's legs.
Not a good idea, Wade. Outaw's inability to do more than hold her balance kept her legs barely shoulder width apart and as Wade attempted to execute the dive through her legs, she was none the wiser. Her mind was still on hair hockey, and that was where it stayed until a set of broad shoulders knocked into either side of her thighs and sent her flailing back onto the hard ice. Her elbows hit first and a loud crack followed as both arms broke through the first few layers of ice. It was enough to make her cringe, but did little damage to the skin or strong bones beneath. Despite the lack of visible injury, this still meant war.
"That's it, Wilson!" She plucked her arms out of the ice and sat up, even managing to get to her feet now that she had two holes to grasp for additional leverage. "Yer gonna pay for that one!" Despite the smirk, it was difficult to tell in the gunslinger was joking, and there was little time left to wander. She was already charging in Wade's direction, which was less menacing than she hoped to appear. One could only go so fast across the ice when you still had a struggle staying upright.
Wade's complete lack of control and his forward momentum helped propel him out of reach of Outlaw and her bony elbows of ice-shattering-DOOM. A string of maniacal laughter escaped from the rugged face as he turned as best he could from his position on the ice. "Hah! Oh really cow girl?!" The merc with a mouth climbed back up to his ice skates. "What are you gonna do about it, Crazy Inez?" He was purposely pushing her buttons now. He knew she hated to be called that.
"Aw come on Shania. What're you gonna do to little old me?" He tried skating around her to keep just out of arms reach. Of course if someone were to play their cards right, they'd get their hands on him.
Rough housing was not allowed on the ice rink, and while their earlier behavior had been reported, no one thought to come and check up on them. They were going to regret that in a few minutes. Inez had been on pretty good behavior, even after she was thrown around and made a fool of, but no one, not even Wade Wilson, got away with calling her 'Crazy Inez.' Her eyes narrowed dangerously as he circled around her and, although she knew the move was likely to send her to the ice, she grabbed onto his arm with one hand and jerked him back all to get his face to meet her fist.
While not all of her strength went into the hit, it was more than enough to send him flying back and even through the barricade that separated ice from bleachers. How she managed to keep on her feet was a shocking, but when she noticed the missing chunk of barrier, she went over to investigate. She felt vindicated now that she had done some damage.
"Gulp!" Wade verbalized out of some compulsive need to be a smart-ass. He knew she could easily take him in a close quarters fight but nothing felt better than pushing someone's buttons sometimes. Especially when they were such big buttons.
Fist! Fist heading our way!
"Huh?" Apparently the big bad mercenary missed the wind up and the pitch. However he didn't miss the line drive that sent him tumbling through a very hard and very vertical barrier that fractured a few items and punctured a few others. Of course that was just a typical work out for Wade anyway. The punch and subsequent injuries didn't bother him. The fact it was Outlaw that hit him hurt deeper than he expected. A groan escaped the pile of limbs and wood where Wade lay dazed. His rattled brain pulled together quicker than most and once again the merc was on his feet, plank of wood in hand. "Sounds like someone's hankerin' for a spankerin'!"
"Wilson, ya better stay down," she growled. The nickname had put her in a foul mood and while she knew a couple of hits would do some damage, she never expected to truly defeat him. He needed to just give up, throw in an apology, and then move on. Instead, he got back up and she refused to back down from the new challenge. "How long ya reckon it'll take for that tongue of yours to grow back?"
By now she had come to the edge of the ice, holding the cracked barrier with one hand. She doubted she would get very far with the skates on her feet, but if Wade backed off enough, she knew there was a high possibility that she could break the skates off on solid ground. Wade was going to be paying the rink quite a bit of money once their tussle ended. Or so she hoped. She would hate to have to break in to get her hat and wig back.
"I just don't know when to do what's best for me. My dentist keeps saying the same thing about me and flossing." He whipped the wood through the air like he would a sword. A little drag but otherwise good to go. "I don't know. The last time I lost my tongue it turned out I was stuck in that horrible movie Teeth. I'm a giver, what can I say? Still no reason for that bitch to bite it off." Wade wavered on his feet. Walking over rubble while wearing a pair of ice skates was a lot harder than it looked.
You just had to piss the hot lady off didn't you?
Now how will we seduce her?
"I'm working on it guys.." Wade muttered to himself as he stumbled and fumbled his way forward.
Inez was making her way forward the same as Wade, but for different reasons. She was done trying to keep her balance on the ice and she wanted the skates off. Let him brandish his chunk of wood, it would give her enough time break the damn blades and knock his ass down. She stomped hard, chips of pain on the concrete floor flicking here and there. Another stomp and a larger chunk came off, followed by the sharp snap as the metal broke. One skate down, one to go.
By this time, Wade had gotten closer and the piece of wood was even less menacing even if he was in reach of hitting her. She expected him to fight back, sure, but she never anticipated for him to actually strike her. Her head turned down to inspect the skate still intact and the hunk of wood came down. It snapped as he struck her neck and shoulders and for a brief moment, Inez was too calm, which meant only one thing. Wade's health was on the line.
One, firm step down and the second blade broke. While she was still a little off balance, the skates were much easier to walk in and it showed when she moved in with a right hook that sent Wade into the shoddy bleachers.
Like something out of one of those hastily done anime movies that Weasel seemed to be a fan of, Wade was struck. There was about half a second of delay before his body was hurled through the air, tumbling end over end. With a loud crunch his shoulders slammed into the bottom row. Momentum carried him up the stands until it found the weak link it needed. An ear splitting snap pierced the sound of shitty 90's pop as the wood snapped and was embedded with pieces of rugged mercenary.
Dude. If you get your ass kicked by a girl, I'm never letting you live this down.
He's a lover not a fighter. Besides, you're forgetting that time with Siryn.
Oh yeah..
From the dark crater formed half way up the stands came a shaky and disoriented voice. "Of course... y'know.. this means war.."
"It was war the moment ya called me that damn name!" One solid punch was usually enough to break the anger that boiled inside of Inez at the taunting nickname, but not today. As usual, Wade went too far and until one of them was willing to stay down or give up, she was going to fight. "Get your lily ass up. I can barely see ya bleedin'."
In most relationships, a fight of this calibur would lead to never seeing that person again. This was just another day between messed up friends for Inez and Wade. They had gotten into it plenty of times and the blame, according to Inez, was always on Wilson. Once she confessed a part of herself, the nickname that drove her into a frenzy, he had abused it. At least she got the thrill of knocking down the smart ass merc. Bragging rights were all she needed to forgive him, even if she believed that each fight would be the last she had with Wade Wilson.
"Get up!" she goaded but did not move from her spot. There was no telling what he would do in this 'war' that had been established. She refused to get close enough to have a splinter of wood shoved into her. Unlike some people, her body parts would not regenerate.
Boards shifted and banged against each other as the wounded mercenary set about the task of removing himself from his own private crater. "So that is like the A bomb to you, right? Cause if so, this'll be fun.." Finally he emerged from the hole and trotted down the steps, completely oblivious to the bits of wood sticking out of his torso and limbs. "You need thicker skin." He flashed her through pretty whites outlined with sharp lines of red where blood had seeped in between his teeth. "Lemme test that for you."
Wade ripped a nice chunk of wood from the patch of soft skin between his shoulder and clavicle. It came out with a sickening squelch, covered in his blood. The nice improvised weapon spun easily in his hand before he threw it at Outlaw. Bullseye, he was not and it wouldn't have been hard to dodge that attack. That was why he charged forward hoping to take the fight right to her.
It was easy enough to move out of the way of the blood-soaked hunk of wood, and Inez should have known there would be a backup move to follow it. She only noticed he was following up the toss with a charge and all that managed to escape was, "Aw, fu-"
His body collided with hers and it sent them both out onto the ice. The force of Wade's hit sent Inez back to the ground and she made sure he joined her. Her fingers had curled into the front of his shirt, and while she knew the fall would hurt, at least it would afford her with the opportunity she needed to get him off her. Her shoulders hit the ice first and the chill went unnoticed as his weight, for one brief moment, crushed her before she flung him off of her.
She hastily pulled herself to her knees and glared at his body as it slid across the ice. "That's it, cowboy, you're finished." She sat up enough to move to her knees and slid across the ice towards him. The cold meant nothing now that she had a chance to truly pummel his smarmy little face into the ice.
Of course, with all the fighting, someone was to notice. Lovely Stacey from the front desk had alerted the other three staff members on duty of the disturbance, and the three men had just gotten their skates on to come and put an end to the destructive fighting.
"Look at me! I'm a real cow boy! I get to ride a cowgirl and everything!" He crowed as they tumbled to the ground. Just as quickly as his ride began, it was over and he was thrown clear of his mount. It was one hell of a throw and the babbling mercenary got some real air before colliding with the ice once more. It was cool though... his thick skull cushioned his landing. Now laying prone on his back he slid a few more feet before sort of just drifting listlessly. It was like he was on an air hockey table. "Ugh.. my head.."
Quick! Make a saving throw!
He doesn't need too. He's actually gotten laid.
Touche
"Way to go, lady. You cracked my skull! Now I got juices and what not leaking out.." He grumbled.
"Ah, quit whinin'," she scolded and socked his arm once for good measure. If there were brain juices on the ice, then she would be satisfied with the damage. For now. She looked down at him with a grin and pinched his cheek. "Am I gonna need to drag ya outta here?"
"Hey, stay right there!" one of the worker's booming voices growled.
Outlaw cast a glance over to the men coming their way and turned to Wade. "Now look what ya did. Ya brought out the rink police." Her hat and wig were close enough, but it was her boots in the changing area she was worried about. They may have been replaceable but they had just gotten comfortable.
"Only if you drag me out of her by my hair like a caveman would." Besides, being dragged out here had it's advantages. IE: A good vantage point for up skirt shots. The one day he didn't have his camera phone! Wade rubbed his ears, more than prepared to push his brain back inside if it had in fact leaked out. He started to sit up and when he did there came a loud booming voice.
Oh shit!
OH Shit!
"OH SHIT!" He looked to Outlaw and then to the three men approaching. "Rink security! Every man for himself!" Wade climbed to his feet, his knees wobbly. "Get your wig and hat, I'll get our shoes!"
Fuck the shoes!
"Dammit, Wade!" But she was not about to argue. The men were more skilled on the ice than she was and so she pushed up to her feet and awkwardly hobbled towards the discarded hat and hair. She scooped up them up and threw them on her head and tried to make it off the ice as quickly as possible. Lucky for her, the broken blades on the skates caused each step to gouge the ice, and when one of the rink staff closed in on her, his skate got caught, sending him to the ice.
With a satisfied grin, she stomped off the ice and made her way to the exit. She would strip out of the tight-laced skates once they got to safety. "C'mon, let's go!" she yelled at Wade as she made it to the door. "Thanks for bein' such a kind host, ma'am," Outlaw added to Stacey who could only stare at the short-haired woman.
"Ixnay on the Adeway!" He shot back as he did his best Shaggy impression, legs running wildly in the air before the skates took hold of the ice and he shot off toward the locker area. He made skittered around the remaining two guards and hurled himself over the waist high barrier. He ran awkwardly on his skates and a couple of times he tumbled to the ground in a heap. "Stupid foot eye coordination!" He cursed and using a knife he produced from his back pocket, he cut the laces and kicked the shoes off.
Wade scooped up her boots, his shoes and then darted for the door, leaping clear over another member of rink security. "Too fast for ya!" He laughed and caught up to Outlaw, calling out to Stacey. "Thanks for a lovely time! We'll have to do this again sometime!"
One did not cause trouble without the good grace to escape it, and if there was one thing Outlaw had learned thanks to Wade, it was getting out of a sticky situation. She grabbed his arm and pushed him out the door ahead of her, as if she had to protect him from the big, bad, ice skaters. Call it motherly instincts or a loyal fault, she still managed to keep up behind him even with the shoddy skates grinding against her heels. The blisters would be worth it though.
As she toddled behind, she kept her eyes out for their pursuers. Chances were, they had a few minutes to spare as the men were less likely to come storming out in their skates. It offered them just enough time to find a nice, derelict alley to clamor into. "I gotta say, you sure know how to show a gal a mighty fine time." She grinned and trundled behind an old, green dumpster so she could finally get the skates off. "How's that noggin' of yours holdin' up?"
As they sprinted down the street he let Outlaw pull out a head of him. He picked the last place they went, now it was her turn to decide! As he ran he got the sudden compulsion to run down the street like Kermit The Frog.. which he did much to the amusement of several readers. When she lead them down an alley way he posted up against a wall, his gaze shifting left and right nervously. "This is where Al and his dog died. I'll be damned if I'm going out like that."
"My noggin'? Still operating at 15 percent but that's been going on for about 4 years now. I blame the public school systems or quite possibly the re-emergence of Menudo." He set the girls boots down in front of her before stooping down to put his own shoes on.
Inez caught the tail end of his ramble about Al. She had learned a long time ago that Wade was weird, but did he really think the rink staff were prone to fits of violent outbursts? Even if they were, she knew their skills were nothing compared to the two of them. Ah well, let him rant. At least she had her boots back and she hastily worked on getting the laces off.
"This is the best date I've ever had, Wade," she said jokingly. With the skates gone, she wiggled her toes for a moment and slipped her boots on. The comfort of the old, worn out leather made her sigh contently and she rose back to her feet, dusting the grime of the alley off her skirt. With that done, she opened up the large dumpster and threw in the broken skates.
After an amusing battle with his balance he finally keeled over onto his ass where he had a much easier time lacing up his shoes. "Sarcasm noted." He shot her a grin. "But don't lie. You had a blast. It's a shame you had to go and slug me, otherwise I would have taken you on a zamboni ride." He coupled that with a faux seductive growl. Whose to know what he was really talking about.
Shoes finally tied, the world renown killer for hire pulled himself up off the floor of the alley. "Maybe it's the rotting carcass in that dumpster there but I could really go for some pizza." Wade held his elbow out. "Care to join me for some 'za, my little Annie Oakley from hell." He winked at her, fully prepared for another right hook.
"Ain't that the cutest thing you ever called me." No punch today. She had gotten her fill of fighting, and now that she had dominated him on the rink (at least with a nice hit) there was no reason to throw another hit. Pizza sounded like a good meal, and she was not yet ready to say her goodbyes to Wade. She never knew when she would see him again.
"As long as you're payin', I'll go anywhere with ya, Wade." Her arm made a segue to his rear and she pinched him with a smirk. Satisfied with the little jump he gave, her arm slipped through his and she allowed him to play escort to lunch.