TBC (onshakyground) wrote in marvel_prep, @ 2013-09-15 21:45:00 |
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Current mood: | calm |
Entry tags: | avalanche |
Narrative: Reflection
Characters: Dominik Petrakis [Narrative]
NPCs: n/a
Location: MDC
Timeline: 15th September 2013
Description: Domink does what he does best, reflects and comes to a few conclusions about things
Rating: PG
In prison you have a lot of opportunities to think and reflect on things. Things like the choices you've made, the words you haven't said, the regrets you carry and most of all, all the things you should have done but you didn't. Dominikos Petrakis has and will always be the type of person to stew, to take things in and let them turn over in his head until he's pulled them apart and inspected every conceivable angle or flaw. None moreso than his own thoughts and intentions.
He's intense, always has been, always will be. It's his default setting, a character base if you will. He doesn't take many things lightly and sure he knows how to have fun, but then having fun indicates a right to enjoy life. Something he hadn't thought himself entitled to since the death of his father and the loss of his mother. And he hasn't really let himself take anything he wants or needs for that matter, focusing on those of the people around him, but if he ever gets out of jail he's made a promise: he's going to start being more selfish.
If they get out that is, but something in that conversation with Remy the other day makes him think that maybe there's a plan in the works. A plan that means that they stand a good chance of getting out of this hellhole, back into the real world where things are less controlled, more unpredictable and Avalanche is starting to think he needs more of that in his life, unpredictable elements. Things that surprise him. But maybe that's a little too much to hope for?
Granted he could have done without the end to the conversation, especially as some secrets were meant to stay that way: secret. His feelings or whatever were exactly that kind of secret, held close to his chest and guarded with the same sort of tenacity Dominik looks out for the people he considers friend or otherwise. But maybe he should just say it, get the truth out there instead of having it be all... hinted at and sitting there like your fifth cousin twice removed that nobody likes but you have to invite to every family gathering because it's the polite thing to do. It's an elephant, large and impossible to ignore, especially as there's definitely more to life than holding onto things like that.
Least then it won't be sitting on his chest and he can take those first tentative steps towards being more honest and open, even if that's always been something he struggles with, most especially about his feelings. Petra's called him out on it, time after time, each and every time they talk about her problems and Dominik brushes off his own. It's a habit, but he's starting to think that this is one habit that he needs to master and break wide open the same way he can the earth beneath his feet.
It's only by speaking truth that you can be set free or least that's what they say.
Avalanche leans forward and pushes a slow breath out of his large chest, fingers escaping into his dark hair where they comb through it, head soon tipping back and long neck beneath the collar being exposed. Prison really does give you all the time in the world to think, reflect and wonder. The cut on his lip is scarring, that much Dominik knows for a certain, but it doesn't stop him from picking at it with his teeth. Some bad habits are impossible to break.
Fortune favours the brave or something like that, Dominik can be brave for a lot of other reasons, but then he can be as cowardly as the next person when it comes to letting people see past the steady surface and the solid foundation. He's flawed, markedly so, but he prides on himself on maintaining. Sometimes he does that so very well that even he begins to believe that everything is just fine and nothing needs fixing. Truth is that he's broken same way a lot of people are, but his jagged edges have yet to be smoothed, it'll take a delicate touch or a sledgehammer to get them into shape. Dominik's going to require somebody more than stubborn and who isn't afraid to rattle his cage, draw out the impassioned soul and crack open the reserve holding his emotions in check.
Petra's right, he needs to start letting people in more, start letting them help him, but for Dominik it's a pride thing. Always has been. As if by admitting he needs somebody that it makes him weak and lessens him in the eyes of the people around him. It's the one misconception he needs to shift sooner rather than later or he's just going to live in the shadow of his regrets and misgivings.
Dominik's learning, it's just regrettable that it took being locked up for him to finally realise the lesson.
Heh, better late than never.