Oh god. He takes a deep breath. "Okay, I'm really going to find you a leaflet with pictures as soon as possible but in the meantime... There are lots of different ways of getting off, okay? But the most common, if you're a het couple, is for the guy to stick his dick inside the girl's vagina, right? Feels good for both of you and, just in case you didn't know, it's how you make babies." You know, if you're not stuck in a virtual underwater dome.
"If you're both guys, you have to change things up a bit because no-one has a vagina. So one of you fucks the other's ass." He holds up a hand. "I know it can sound a bit icky or painful but believe me, if you do it right, it can be the most amazing thing ever."
Once upon a time, he'd be offering to show Kanji the ropes but right now, with the way things are with Ianto? Nah-uh.