InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "...Then you mean it."

Dr. Spencer Reid (thisiscalm) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2017-04-05 19:10:00

Entry tags:

aigis, spencer reid

422 - action
[ Reid has been here long enough by now to suspect that something isn't right. For one, he hasn't worn a flak vest in months but this morning there's one securely strapped to his chest. There's an eerie stillness over the dome, a darkened gloom that makes his heart race. There's also a singular purpose, the marrow-deep knowledge that there's something out there, someone out there and he's been cut off from his team, needs to handle this on his own. It's such an undeniable truth that no rationality in the world can keep him from believing in it.

He retrieves the revolver from the locked drawer where he's left it untouched for the last few months, straps the holster on, hand resting on the familiar weight before he decides to pull it out. Better be prepared. Adrenaline pumping and instincts half-rusted over coming to life, Reid carefully moves out of his apartment and down the corridor. Step by step, revolver raised, eyes watching for any unexpected movements. Through this method he'll comb through the apartment building in Sector 3 and then continue outside until he's absolutely 100% sure the UnSub has been taken care of — or he's killed. Whichever comes first. ]

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orgia_mode
2017-04-05 01:54 pm UTC (link)

[She has had this dream so many times that she knows exactly what to expect even if she doesn't know it's a dream. She never did any of the other times she had it. But there is that unnerving feeling of familiarity, that she's done this before even if she can't put her finger on it. And of course she recognized the figure of the brunette girl in the Gekko high uniform the moment she caught a glimpse of her walking through Sector 0 this morning. She's been desperately following her ever since but she always seems just out of reach. The shadows make it impossible to every get a good look at her face but she could swear that every now and then an electric blue butterfly flutters past the corner of her eye.

She tries breaking into a run as the girl passes the apartment in Sector 3 but still can't seem to reach her.]

Wait! Please wait!

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	thisiscalm 2017-04-06 12:49 pm UTC (link)
	[ Aigis crosses his path roughly at the same time as Reid steps out of the building, appearing to him like a flash of darkness, a shadow moving past and you can't be too careful — he raises his revolver, safety off. ] Stop! FBI! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	orgia_mode 2017-04-06 02:20 pm UTC (link)
	[She hears him distantly, unimprotantly, still trying to reach the girl vanishing into the shadows. Catching up to her has always been the most important thing to her. Nothing else matters.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-04-09 06:31 am UTC (link)
	I said stop! [ He breaks into a run, trying to catch up with her or at least get close enough to have a clear shot. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	orgia_mode 2017-04-09 12:48 pm UTC (link)
	[She's a hard target to miss since she isn't swerving or dodging. The girl she's following has slowed down to examine the view of the dome and it just feels like if she could only reach her she'll be able to say all the things she wants to. She'll have something to protect again. She won't have broken that promise to keep her safe.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-04-11 02:31 pm UTC (link)
	[ Good thing too because Reid is not a great shot. Continuing to be ignored gives him the right to fire and so he does, squeezing off a bullet and expecting... well, something other than it ricochetting off the girl and hitting him in the arm. It grazes rather than pierces but it still hurts, still makes him stumble with a muffled curse. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

orgia_mode
2017-04-11 05:17 pm UTC (link)

[That impact finally gets her attention even if it doesn't damage her and she gasps, whirling around to see what caused it. For a moment she's torn, glancing back and forth between her hurt friend and the out of reach girl, unsure what to do. It feels like her heart is breaking all over again, and she lets out a muffled sob as she makes her choice and turns back to help him. Why would she ever have wanted emotions when they can hurt this much? And it does hurt waking away from her dream, from the one thing she wants so badly.]

Spencer-san! Are you alright? What happened?

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	thisiscalm 2017-04-15 10:38 am UTC (link)
	[ The pain is what finally wakes him up, brings him back to reality with a pump of adrenaline and cold shock. He shot her. He actually shot at her and now that he can tell that it's Aigis the knowledge makes him sick to his stomach. For now the wound in his arm is easy to ignore, all attention on the robot girl. ] I'm okay, I'm fine - how are you? Are you okay? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	orgia_mode 2017-04-15 11:16 am UTC (link)
	I am not damaged. [It takes more than bullets to hurt her and even torn into pieces she can still be repaired. Humans though are much more fragile.] What should I do? My Persona does not have any healing skills. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-04-15 12:28 pm UTC (link)
	It's- fine. It's just a flesh wound. I can bandage it myself. [ Just need to find some bandages. Karev can take a better look at it later. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	orgia_mode 2017-04-15 05:13 pm UTC (link)
	I believe we should see to it immediately. Your heart rate is very elevated. Can you stand with my assistance? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-04-17 05:04 am UTC (link)
	Yes- of course. [ And to prove it, he pushes himself back on his feet with a groan. Holstering the gun, he turns his attention to the wound. Really does seem like the bullet just grazed him — it's bleeding but doesn't seem too deep. ] I'm sorry. I thought- you looked like someone else. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	orgia_mode 2017-04-17 11:27 am UTC (link)
	[She helps support him as he gets to his feet. The clinic is in the opposite direction of the girl she was following and she can't resist one final look over her shoulder as she starts to walk away from her.] I was looking for someone else as well. I should have paid more attention to my surroundings. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-04-20 08:20 am UTC (link)
	Who were you looking for? [ Now that he has his wits about him he can actually attempt to analyse the situation, rather than blindly rush in. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	orgia_mode 2017-04-20 10:17 am UTC (link)
	My precious friend, the one I have spoke about before. I thought that I saw her, but I could not catch up. [She frowns slightly because it all feels so familiar.] Who were you attempting to apprehend? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-04-22 02:00 pm UTC (link)
	I'm not sure. [ He frowns. ] Someone... bad. A killer. It felt just like being at work, except... I was all alone. [ Which he's been with some frequency and it never ever ends well. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	orgia_mode 2017-04-23 08:42 am UTC (link)
	I do not understand why this is happening! Why would we be seeing these things? [Her last word chokes off into a sob and she presses her free hand to her face as tears begin streaming down it. Has he ever seen her this emotional about anything? Probably not. She's usually so calm and happy and now she looks utterly destroyed.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-04-23 09:39 am UTC (link)
	Aigis... [ Okay, screw that he's hurt and bleeding and freaked the fuck out because wow he just shot one of his closest friends here, she's never been this upset and she needs a hug. He didn't even know she could be this upset. Hug incoming. Please let him hug you. ] It's going to be okay. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

orgia_mode
2017-04-23 11:11 am UTC (link)

[She feels terrible, with this fresh reminder of the loss of the only person who ever really mattered and of course she accepts the hug even if it floods her with guilt that he's hurt and bleeding and she should be protecting him because she can, because she's strong enough but here she is faced with the memory of the last person she failed to protect.] I hate this! I hate feeling this way! Emotions are not worth having if they make everything hurt this much!

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	thisiscalm 2017-04-25 07:41 am UTC (link)
	[ Oooh boy does that kind of resonate with him even if he's not actually a robot. He swallows sharply, tightens the hold around her. ] I know. I know it feels that way. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

orgia_mode
2017-04-25 01:05 pm UTC (link)

[Maybe the fact that he's a little bit like a robot is why she likes him so much. She sniffs, already starting to calm down but still unhappy. Last time she had this dream she shut down, tried so hard to get rid of the ability to feel.]

I just wanted to tell my friend I was sorry. I was supposed to protect her. A machine is designed to fulfill a task. If it fails at that task, what is its purpose? Should it even exist anymore?

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	thisiscalm 2017-04-26 07:50 am UTC (link)
	Hey, hey... Aigis. You're so much more than that. [ Ugh, is he helping? Is he making this worse. ] To err is human. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

orgia_mode
2017-04-26 01:22 pm UTC (link)

[A tiny final sniff followed by a faint smile as she wipes her eyes and reluctantly pulls back and starts walking towards the clinic again. She hasn't forgotten his injury and she needs to feel like she's doing something, anything, proactive right now. Something to help someone.] I hope so. Sometimes it is very hard not to think about my failures. I could not even bring myself to attend her funeral. It hurt too much, but I wish I had now.

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thisiscalm
2017-04-28 07:36 am UTC (link)

[ He follows her along, silent for a moment, mulling this over. ]

....Remember a couple of months ago, when I disappeared for a few days? [ Were they friends then? He doesn't remember. ] I came back with more memories from home. Of... of my girlfriend, Maeve. She died right before I was brought back here. I couldn't save her, I couldn't go to her funeral or... or anything.

I've planted something for her in the memorial garden. It helped, a little.

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orgia_mode
2017-04-29 06:26 pm UTC (link)

I am so sorry, Spencer-san. [How can she not be, when she knows exactly how it feels? There's also an unmistakable tone of guilt in her voice, like she feels terrible for being so upset when he's gone through something just as horrible. It's the same way she felt so guilty and avoided all her friends afterwards; at least she had a chance to say goodbye that the rest of them never did.]

I feel as if I don't understand what I am supposed to do now, and I keep expecting someone who understands emotions to be able to explain it to me but I have started to accept that no one can. Perhaps it is what you mean, and that we can only do small things to help ourselves. We cannot ever really fix it.

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thisiscalm
2017-05-01 12:34 pm UTC (link)

That... seems to be the only solution. [ He sighs and this isn't a competition, several people can be hurt at the same time without having to take turns feeling it. He's not sure how he should explain that though, without stumbling over his own tongue. ]

I, uh... back home, I could usually rely on my team when I was struggling. Not that I always did even when I should've, but I think there's a point to grieving together with someone.

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orgia_mode
2017-05-03 06:20 pm UTC (link)

[She pushes open the clinic door as she considers that. It's empty inside, almost as if everyone else is off dealing with their own nightmares today. She may not be human but she's patched up plenty of injuries after all their nights spend in Tartarus. She can handle basic first aid.]

My friends and I have been through so much together, but I feel as though I cannot turn to them with this. After all, I had a chance to say goodbye. They never did. I feel as though that creates a distance between us. I should be grateful to have had that opportunity that they never did. Perhaps that is why it feels easier to speak to you about it.

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thisiscalm
2017-05-06 06:30 pm UTC (link)

[ It's not a deep wound and although it's still wet it's not really bleeding much anymore. Wrapping it up will do just fine for now and if he's worried he'll hit up Alex later in the day. ]

That's kind of what I'm getting at. As long as you have someone you can talk to, you should. [ He considers talking about NA meetings but thinks better of it. They've already covered so much. ]

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orgia_mode
2017-05-07 12:58 pm UTC (link)

[She can handle something that simple. It's always surprising how dexterous her fingers are, considering they can fire bullets.]

You let me talk to you. I appreciate that very much. [She's stopped crying by now but she still looks vulnerable even if she's focused on her task instead of making eye contact. It's unusual for her since she always seems so calm.] I do not have very many friends here. The ones I made at home were all drawn together by our task we wished to accomplish. I do not know how to connect with people outside of such a situation.

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	thisiscalm 2017-05-07 01:32 pm UTC (link)
	[ He finds himself trusting that she knows what she's doing, perhaps more so than he expected to. ] It's... kind of funny, in a way. How much we have in common. [ A small, self-deprecating smile. ] I don't know how to connect with people either. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

orgia_mode
2017-05-07 03:29 pm UTC (link)

[She was part of a group of teens and children (and a dog) who fought monsters every night for a year. She has more experience at this than she'd like.]

It makes me glad to hear that, even if it also makes me feel sad. There are so many experiences I look at and assume I do not understand because I am not human. It is strangely comforting to find that humans have some of the same problems. I look at you all sometimes and think how lucky you are to be able to understand your emotions and bonds. It is something I always assumed everyone could do so much better than me. I did not imagine humans would feel as though they do not fit in, either.

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thisiscalm
2017-05-07 05:26 pm UTC (link)

It's more common than you think. [ So much more common. ] Feeling like we don't belong is perhaps the one thing most humans have in common. Being an outsider, being different... not functioning the way others do.

[ Actual genius with Aspergers here. Graduating high school at age twelve. ]

But... at the same time, trying to make sense of that is the way we make new families.

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	orgia_mode 2017-05-07 05:39 pm UTC (link)
	[She blinks her big blue eyes up at him in surprise at that description then smiles and looks back down to put the finishing touches on the bandage.] In that case I am glad the two of us feel different. I am glad to have been able to form a bond with you, Spencer-san. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-05-07 05:59 pm UTC (link)
	Me too... and I'm sorry for shooting you. Really. [ He's so frickin' lucky to have her. These days he can count his friends on one hand. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	orgia_mode 2017-05-07 08:15 pm UTC (link)
	It is alright. I have sustained much worse damage I assure you. [They're on the same page there. She's discovering having fewer friends makes you value them all the more.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-05-09 08:40 pm UTC (link)
	Still. I'll, uh... try not to do that again. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	orgia_mode 2017-05-10 12:47 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you, Spencer. [Did she just drop the san without really realizing it? Even at home the list of people she does that with is incredibly short.] Is there anything more I can do for your injury? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-05-11 07:48 am UTC (link)
	[ Something very special happened today. He can feel it. ] I think I'll be fine. I've definitely had worse. [ He gives her a lopsided smile. ] Take care today, okay? (Reply to this) (Parent)