InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Captain, My Captain!"

Rebecca Crane (needmymp3) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2017-01-25 18:03:00

Entry tags:

aidan reilly, rebecca crane, spencer reid

[412]

[Private to Aidan Reilly]

[The fallout of yesterday hasn't skipped over Rebecca's by any means. It clouds over her from the moment she wakes up and it's like waking up from a dream. A complex and guilt inspiring dream. She sits up in the bed for almost a half hour, leg draped over the side as she tries to get her bearings and catch up on the network. She still feels confused, like today's the falsehood but she knows what she wants to believe. She just hopes it's the right thing.

Still shirtless when she pulls up a feed to Aidan, she just needs to see him. She had been meaning to talk to him about the pregnancy hack idea but that's on the back burner now, she just needs to check in with him. Yesterday they felt like they had drifted so far apart. She has to know what that means for them. Now and in the future. What they want it to mean instead.

She's never felt so strangely alone since she got here as she does in this moment. Never felt this defeated either.]

Aidan? Can you... come over?

[Private to Spencer Reid]

Hey. I - don't know where to start about yesterday but I wanted to check in. We should talk about it, right? I'm sorry, if you want time to yourself that's cool too. I know it must've been... [hard] I just, I think you and I need to reevaluate our strategies. Map alternatives. Do something... something different.

(Post a new comment)

	thisiscalm 2017-01-27 05:14 am UTC (link)
	[ And here he was doing his best not thinking about any of that at all. Her call puts him on the defensive, tension creeping into his voice. ] What alternatives do we have, Rebecca? Because I haven't heard a single other theory that's even worth testing. (Reply to this) (Thread)

needmymp3
2017-01-27 01:51 pm UTC (link)

I know logically I can tell my brain that what we just experienced yesterday wasn't real, but it still feels like it. Like we missed our mark and got nothing for it. [Attempt at discouraging partially successful.] But there has to be something in there that could still help us, maybe... Something we did or didn't do.

[...] I don't want to fuck you up with the Animus, okay?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thisiscalm
2017-01-28 04:34 pm UTC (link)

There's no evidence that's what caused it. [ Short and overly defensive. He knows this isn't her fault at all but he also doesn't want her to shut down the experiment when they just got started. ]

Schizophrenia is hereditary. There's a good chance I have that coming either way and if being in a virtual simulation is the problem, then just being here is bad enough.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

needmymp3
2017-01-29 03:45 am UTC (link)

[He reminds her of the sim in the background and okay, that stalls her point a little but the worry and concern still simmer on the surface. Yesterday still has her rubbed raw in some respects and if there's just something she can do to prevent that from being close to a real future... she wants to do that.]

Okay, but... the Animus can't be helping. You saw Clay - you met Clay. The Bleeding Effect took its toll on him, like it could've with Desmond and definitely did with Daniel Cross. I've-- seen it. And when I saw you yesterday... and remembered that history? I felt... I feel responsible. I feel irresponsible for participating.

[She sighs.] I'm sorry. I'm just... messed up from yesterday.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

thisiscalm
2017-01-30 02:50 pm UTC (link)

Rebecca, the Animus here isn't real. What we have is a system that tricks my brain into thinking there's a second layer of simulations when in reality it's all within the same one. I doubt that's going to be the thing to break me considering all the things we have to cope with on a near daily basis.

[ He pinches the bridge of his nose, partially to focus and partially to conceal how absolutely terrified he is right now of being wrong. ]

Why do you think they programmed that future for us? They know what we're trying to do. They're trying to deter us - don't you think that means we're on the right path?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

needmymp3
2017-01-31 09:32 pm UTC (link)

A simulation that will go on indefinitely, until we can break it - the results of which carry through. [If she breaks you, if she turns you into Clay, you're stuck that way until they get out. And if she loses you, how's she supposed to keep going at it? But alright, alright, she sucks in a breath through her teeth and tries to focus on his words.

Stop freaking out.] They're trying to deter us...

I just have to think on it a little more- our current strategy. But I'm not giving up on it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-02-01 04:55 pm UTC (link)
	[ He breathes an audible sigh of relief when she finally gives in. ] I can live with that.. we should re-evaluate, regardless, but... I can't do this without you and if we don't do it... who will? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	needmymp3 2017-02-02 06:38 am UTC (link)
	I know... [They have to do something to fight back.] I'm just so sick of this place and the curve balls it keeps throwing at me. I don't know what to believe anymore. And I get that that's their point. If yesterday wasn't real, do you think... Nevermind. Maybe I can drop by your place in a few days with dinner and we can map this out? Our new tactics. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-02-03 12:16 am UTC (link)
	I know... believe me, I know. I don't think we can really trust anything that happens here, but that's not really helpful. [ He sighs. ] That sounds good. I, uh. I could use some time to think. Process it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	needmymp3 2017-02-03 07:38 am UTC (link)
	It'd be nice to find something to trust here... It feels like everything's shifting, changing, and becoming more and more messed up. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-02-03 10:08 am UTC (link)
	[ He makes a noise of agreement. ] I guess... the only thing we can rely on is ourselves. Remembering who we really are, even when they try to make us forget. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	needmymp3 2017-02-04 05:20 am UTC (link)
	[Weakly, she has to smile.] You and Kitty've both said that today. But yeah, yeah. Once the snow in my snowglobe of a head settles, I'll be good to go again. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	thisiscalm 2017-02-05 12:38 pm UTC (link)
	Funny, seeing as she didn't seem to change all that much. [ Physically or mentally. Really hit the jackpot there, Kitty. ] We could probably both use some time to recuperate. Take care, okay? This is a marathon, not a sprint. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	needmymp3 2017-02-05 06:45 pm UTC (link)
	You too. Catch you later, Reid. (Reply to this) (Parent)

redclayheroics
2017-01-27 05:25 am UTC (link)

[ On his end, Aidan wakes with a feeling of dread that he can't quite place at first and then it all comes rushing in and he wishes Rebecca was next to him right now so he could curl up at her back, breathe her in and cling to the moment not long ago when their bed was full of children.

His heart skips a beat and then plummets into the pit of his stomach when her call comes. ]

Yeah... yeah, of course. I'll be right over. [ He pulls on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before heading out, not bothering to stop and tie his boots. He needs to move, needs to get there, right away. ]

(Reply to this) (Thread)

needmymp3
2017-01-27 01:56 pm UTC (link)

[She pulls on a shirt and shorts but that's all she manages, trotting barefoot into her living room and looking around. Everything's where it should be, at least when she distinguishes it from yesterday's dream. She waits by the door, touching the wood frame that still has a fresh white cling of paint.

Peering through the peephole, she pulls open the door the second there's a body on the other side. And she rocks on her heels for a moment before pitching herself forward into Aidan's arms.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2017-01-28 02:03 pm UTC (link)
	[ That reaction fills him with such an immediate sense of relief and he didn't even realise how worried he was that she was going to do anything else until just now. He wraps his arms tightly around her, hugging her close. There's a good chance he's not going to let go again this week. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

needmymp3
2017-01-28 05:14 pm UTC (link)

[She rests her forehead in against the crook of his neck and takes in two steady breaths, reuniting with the feeling of being in his arms after what feels like years. What was years, in the blink of an eye. Shit, she's still got her heart in her throat and it makes her voice unsteady when it finally comes:] I don't want that future.

There were good things but... [she cinches her arms around him tighter] Aidan...

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2017-01-28 05:50 pm UTC (link)
	I know... I know. [ He tightens his grip in turn, wanting to scoop her up and go inside and not leave for a long time, not until they feel like that's a future that will never happen. ] You really think... all that, you really think that could happen? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	needmymp3 2017-01-28 08:53 pm UTC (link)
	I don't know, do you? [She peels back a little, enough to look up at him with her hand on his chest. She slowly splays her fingers, moving her palm closer to where his heart is.] It felt like it could be. It might just be another fucked up experiment but... even still. I don't want to feel that way again. Never. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2017-01-31 04:08 pm UTC (link)
	I don't want to be here forever. [ His voice comes out smaller than he intended and he has to take a moment to clear his throat. ] We gotta get out of here. We gotta. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	needmymp3 2017-01-31 09:38 pm UTC (link)
	Come... come in. [She'll peel back only to lead him back into the apartment, where doors can be closed and they can be sealed back into safeness of the small room together.] I wanted... to talk to you about that, even before yesterday. Can we sit in the living room? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2017-02-01 03:37 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah... yeah, of course. [ He felt safer with the door closed but now he's all nervous again. Does she have a plan on how to get out of here? Is she about to break up with him? Oh God. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

needmymp3
2017-02-02 06:41 am UTC (link)

[She leads him right over to the couch, folding her legs under her as she curls up in the nook of one arm rest and beckons him to sit too. She'd sit even closer to him but she's not sure how he's going to take what she's going to say and might just as well be as nervous as he is in confiding it.]

Right now I'm already working on two plans to try and get out of here. One with someone else and one just on my own. Which is the one I should probably tell you about.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2017-02-03 10:36 am UTC (link)
	[ He takes a seat, finding himself more on edge than he anticipated. Really wants to hug her right now but they're supposed to be talking and maybe he won't want that hug when they're done. This feels scary. ] What, uhm... what kind of plan? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

needmymp3
2017-02-04 05:07 am UTC (link)

It'd take a while to find its feet but it'd be kind of working to force this simulation to error, by exploiting the nature of it. Some things can't happen here because it's a simulation, and to force those things to occur in a system like this can crash programs and require restarts, fixes, that kind of thing. And hopefully provide a small window of opportunity in that space to do something. Learn something. Y'know?

[So here's the doozy...] I wouldn't feel comfortable compromising anyone else's data. So I'm gonna do it on myself, when I feel confident - whenever that is.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2017-02-05 12:17 pm UTC (link)
	[ He understood about half of that, enough to put two and two together. It seems dangerous and although he trusts her, he wonders if it's really worth doing whatever it is she's trying to do. ] Are, uhm. Are you sure? I mean, what happens if you're right, if you can uh... force a crash? Doesn't that just mean more weird stuff will happen to us? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	needmymp3 2017-02-05 06:41 pm UTC (link)
	Potentially. If anything really bad happened it should be contained [to her] but there's... yeah, the possibility. But chances are things will happen anyway. This is the only big-shot opportunity I can think of, and it's not something I'd rush. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2017-02-06 02:45 pm UTC (link)
	So... [ He's trying to wrap his head around this. He really is trying. ] So you'd do something to yourself. Something that can't... happen here? What's even left that can't happen here? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	needmymp3 2017-02-07 07:30 am UTC (link)
	[And here's the complicated, touchy part.] Well. I sort of got the idea when Jamie and Alex were here. [She pauses, eyes drifting off to the side.] And after they left. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2017-02-07 12:12 pm UTC (link)
	[ Wait. Wait wait wait, is she suggesting what he thinks she's suggesting? She couldn't, right? No way. ] Rebecca... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	needmymp3 2017-02-07 06:28 pm UTC (link)
	I know that's not the way to make it happen and I'm not expecting it to really happen. [Before any assumptions are made about her being hung up on the kids.] But. We- We agreed, didn't we? That we needed to find a way out of here for us or for them. And after seeing what might happen to us here if we don't? Aidan, there's no contest. We need out. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2017-02-08 11:24 am UTC (link)
	I know. I know, but- [ He swallows sharply, turns fully towards her, hands clasped in his lap because he wants nothing more than to hug her so tightly that she can't do anything stupid. ] What if somethin' happens to you? [ Then, no kids, no escape, just him here alone forever. That's worse. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

needmymp3
2017-02-08 07:45 pm UTC (link)

What if nothing happens? [And they're here forever. And things cool off because it's hard to let go of two - no, six beautiful lives that will never happen and they lose their spark with their futures both.]

I don't know what I want anymore, Aidan. To go home or to go home. It doesn't matter unless there's a way to do it and I can't not try. Not when-- they're in danger of coming here too, if they've already been sucked in for incomplete processing. And as much as I want to see them again, and really fucking assuming they're real, we have to burn this place off the map so that never happens.

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	redclayheroics 2017-02-09 09:00 am UTC (link)
	[ He gets it and maybe he's selfish, maybe he's too cautious and scared and fucking heartbroken at the idea of not going home or her not coming with him. He fidgets, eyes in his lap. ] If somethin' happens to you then they're never going to exist. You get that, right? Doesn't matter if you find a way home if you can't go there. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	needmymp3 2017-02-09 03:32 pm UTC (link)
	I'll be careful? [As careful as she can be. It feels like a one-shot deal.] I know the risks. But I feel it's worth trying. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

redclayheroics
2017-02-10 09:32 am UTC (link)

[ He can't argue with that. He really wants to, wants to shout at her that she's being stupid and he doesn't want her to do it because she'll get hurt or dead or just plain gone but he can't argue with it. There's a moment where he's just quiet, chest tight and jaw set and then he throws himself at her, wraps his arms so hard around her that he should maybe be worried about bruising. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

needmymp3
2017-02-10 05:30 pm UTC (link)

[She's worried for a beat that he'll stay angry with her, or do what he wants and yell. Part of her wants him to show some sort of emotion so she knows how to respond back. But he's quiet and still and she can feel her heart race in her chest up until he finally moves, catching her briefly by surprise until she melts into his tight embrace. Her arms slide around him in return, snaking just as tight as her voice cracks even in a whisper:]

I promise I'll be careful. [She presses her face in against his neck, her body leaning back against his.] Promise.

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	redclayheroics 2017-02-11 05:36 pm UTC (link)
	You better be. [ He sniffles, tries not to cry on her neck but it's increasingly difficult. He hates everything about this but most of all he hates that he can't say no. ] I love you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

needmymp3
2017-02-11 07:38 pm UTC (link)

[She slowly tugs him so they lay back against the couch, her arms pulling him close in a way that's intimate but in a sensitive, connected way. She just holds on to him with her own chest a bit tight, her fingers kneading his back. They should lay like this forever and ignore everything because it's working for this moment, when all she wants to see and feel is him.]

I love you too. [Every time she says it she means it deeper and deeper from the core of her.]

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	redclayheroics 2017-02-12 09:47 am UTC (link)
	[ Hngh, this is better. He makes himself comfortable, breathing her in for a moment in an attempt to calm himself down. How can this place be so heartbreaking? It never seems to let up. ] We should do somethin' tonight. Somethin' nice. [ While they still can. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	needmymp3 2017-02-12 10:11 pm UTC (link)
	[Her arms stay tightly wound around him and it's not long before their breathing seems to sync up.] I'd like that. I'd like that a lot. Just us. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2017-02-13 10:18 am UTC (link)
	Wanna... wanna cook dinner together or somethin'? We could make lasagna. I got my mom's recipe. [ Y'know, the recipe book the Wardens were so kind to gift him with and he's been too chicken shit to actually use? ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	needmymp3 2017-02-14 12:43 am UTC (link)
	Yeah? That sounds nice. An' I bet your mom makes good lasagna. [She takes another deep breath, pressing her cheek to his. She kisses it after that.] ... Sounds beautiful. I'm in. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2017-02-14 10:48 am UTC (link)
	It's the best. [ He wraps his arms around her in an affectionate squeeze. ] It can heal anythin'. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	needmymp3 2017-02-15 05:03 am UTC (link)
	[They can lay here a bit first, right? Just soaking in all that skin to skin contact. Then maybe later they can get to that lasagna. She kisses his neck soundly and breathes a deep, peaceful sigh.] (Reply to this) (Parent)