[Talking. It's what he told Jack he got from Spike when he asked what he gave him that Jack couldn't. He hasn't really been able to talk to him at all about what happened with Tyki. Maybe it was knowing that Jack has seen him die twice now, thinking it was perminant both times. Or maybe it's because of that stupid instinct he has to protect Jack because he knows he's the only one in the whole damn world who bothers to try. Whatever the reason, no, he hasn't talked about it. Chuck tried, and Kitty and Reid and Martha but he doesn't open up to people. When something hurts him this bad he always keeps the pain to himself. Another skill Torchwood taught him. He tried a therapist once, before Lisa died but it was a waste of time when he had to just lie about everything anyway. Or maybe it was easier to say that than to admit he doesn't know how to talk to people about things. If there's anyone he can try it with its probably Spike.]
The dying part really didn't bother me. It's what everyone seems to worry about but I've seen it happen to Jack so many times, and I knew it was going to happen to me. It was just everything else before. That's the part I can't get out of my head. [He pauses, swallows hard.]
We found these cannibals, once. Out in this village in the country. People were going missing and we thought it was aliens but it was humans, in the end. They trapped me and Tosh, and they had us in this basement and there was this fridge... [A long pause, because this is one of those bad things he mentioned, an entry on the list of Torchwood shit.] It was full of body parts. They'd butchered them, and it was so neat and organized, all the shelves and all. I keep thinking about that lately. About how I had to watch it happen to me.