[ He holds back a self-deprecating snort — friends that'd appreciate seeing him? He's honestly not sure he's got all that many left what with all the leaving and him retreating into the apartment for days on end. This isn't the time to feel sorry for himself when he's only getting what he deserves and so he doesn't pursue it. There's a much, much bigger issue at hand. ]
It's not... it's not what you think. Probably. I mean, it's not that I don't- [ Want to. He wants a lot of things, in the brief moments of selfishness, of forgetting. If he wasn't so tangled up in his own brain he'd reach for it too, steal away a moment of being okay and hold on to it for as long as he could. ]